Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Hey guys I've recently just come out of a very,very long term relationship (7 years) I'm turning 25 this year. I'm still very raw from the breakup and still not sure if things will go back or if it's over... I've always been a very laid back person and I get on well with everyone at my place of work etc, but I've always been more of an introvert than anything else. During my relationship I was getting better, we would go out a lot etc and travel, but I would only do so if it was with her. I've never been one to go to bars or clubs or any real social events by myself as I often find it 'awkward' to be going alone, even though I know many of people will be there by them selves, I can always approach people easily and speak very well etc, I just never really want to unless I'm in the situation.. So i feel I'm putting myself in a vicious circle that if I'm always going to be like this, if my relationship doesn't end up coming back, that I wont meet anyone else or even experience a holiday by myself etc as I won't put myself out there to do it. Any advice on this is greatly appreciated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 You'll find it easier if you build a social circle to be part of first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 The problem is I never really 'want' to if that makes sense. As an example I'll go to work tomorrow and see friends there, but once work finishes that's it. I'll come home, shower, gym, home, dinner etc. My social outlet really just extends to work in terms of people that I see every day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Meetups. I am introverted too but there are always people that like talking loads. I pick activities plus I network for work reasons too. I think I'm out about twice a week with completely random people. Meeting new faces all the time. I have no need for OLD (though I'm not dating ATM) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 I'm not really in the best area for that unfortunately. I live in a small town where the majority of people my age or there abouts are people you would avoid in every day life if you could. Think of anti social and ASBO lol... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 The problem is I never really 'want' to if that makes sense. As an example I'll go to work tomorrow and see friends there, but once work finishes that's it. I'll come home, shower, gym, home, dinner etc. My social outlet really just extends to work in terms of people that I see every day. Going from where you are now to finding a girlfriend, is too big a leap. You're going to have to be more social. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 Yeah I know. As you can probably even guess from this , I'm 'social' online, where I've had the chance to make some pretty good friends, and hopefully a few of us will be meeting this year, which could lead to it being a more regular thing you know? I think the big problem is, or one of them, is that the area I live in at the minute, is not really one I want to be in, I've been to great places where I would happily move to and I often go on weekends, but being by myself I think it's sometimes because nobody has really approached me etc so I keep to myself when I'm out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Why live in a small town in your 20s? That just limits your options anyway. Hard to solve that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 Sadly don't have the financial means to be able to move at the minute. I have a decent job here but as with money that comes in, a lot goes out. Not as easy at it was to be able to relocate, find accommodation and a job all in a short space of time before the funds go dry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Yeah I know. As you can probably even guess from this , I'm 'social' online, where I've had the chance to make some pretty good friends, and hopefully a few of us will be meeting this year, which could lead to it being a more regular thing you know? I think the big problem is, or one of them, is that the area I live in at the minute, is not really one I want to be in, I've been to great places where I would happily move to and I often go on weekends, but being by myself I think it's sometimes because nobody has really approached me etc so I keep to myself when I'm out. It sounds like you need to move. If you look around and don't see opportunities, you could move to somewhere that you actually like. I'm sure that would help. (Just read your previous.) Start saving money for a re-launch of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 Well the plan was with my ex, that in the next year we would be moving in together elsewhere in the UK near her University, and I loved where it was going to be. But obviously that's fallen through so it's as though I'm having to restart and reset. If I was to move now by myself anyway, I would have to save quite a large amount to be able to support myself before finding a new job, even if I was successful in applying for a job elsewhere, I'd need some money behind me until that money was coming in, so it's a plan for the long term anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Where in Britain would you really like to live? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 There's a few places. York is definitely one...but a lot of memories with my ex there...so unsure now. I'd probably prefer a mix of City/Small Town life (not really a go together I know lol) If I had the money, probably London. Right now, York/Cornwall (St Ives, Penzance etc) anywhere like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Well I'm assuming you can't just rely on a decent job in a small town forever. You can obviously houseshare in c***er parts of London. Ideally, you find a job here (or in another large city) have money for rent and food until the first wage comes in. You probably need a couple of grand? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 There's a few places. York is definitely one...but a lot of memories with my ex there...so unsure now. I'd probably prefer a mix of City/Small Town life (not really a go together I know lol) If I had the money, probably London. Right now, York/Cornwall (St Ives, Penzance etc) anywhere like that. I don't know what you do but Cornwall isn't good for prospects in general, I wouldn't have thought. Maybe Plymouth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 Probably. I'd always try to have a job arranged before moving obviously. Say for 1 bedroom flat somewhere and enough to get by for a month comfortable with money to fall back on you'd want maybe £4000 to be safe? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 A one bed flat? Why? Rent depending on area would be like 1,500+ a month 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 There's probably other places that I just haven't gave much of a look to at the minute. As I said, York would definitely be one, but quite expensive even on the outskirts of the town centre. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Have a look at this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 It rains a lot up North. I know it rains SW but the North is cold too. As much as I love Yorkshire and the people 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 Na you can find some reasonable places for less. Even using your example of Plymouth you can rent a 1 bedroom flat for £500/£600 a month. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 Lol very true. I live in Newcastle so I can testify to that. A lot of rain lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Winchester is expensive, very middle class, family oriented. London or Leeds (if rain is ok) are better I think. Employment isn't great in Winchester, would need to commute 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 Thanks for that, I'll have a good look through those places on Friday, off work for Easter lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 It rains a lot up North. I know it rains SW but the North is cold too. As much as I love Yorkshire and the people The further north I go the more I like it I'm happy here in Edinburgh. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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