HansonGirl Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I am watching this pretty good movie on Netflix called "Before we go" - stop here if you don't want the movie spoiled... ...ok, so in the movie the girl in NYC is trying to get back home in Boston to retrieve a harshly worded letter she left for her husband who she thought was cheating on her, but she realized while in NYC she was mistaken. And she can't make it back home and she is depressed because "there's no going back" from that letter and all the hatred it contained. It was like a goodbye you scumbag type letter Anyways, I've written a letter like that and later regretted it - in years past - is it always OVER after a letter like that? anybody ever experience a situation where you did reconcile after something like that? maybe not a letter - but maybe a verbal argument or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Cirilla Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 My ex wrote and dramatically delivered an 8-page breakup speech about how horrible and ugly I was after coming over to my place under false pretenses of hanging out. He stormed out all triumphant but tried to get me back months later. My answer is: there is no going back. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 "Even the mighty Emperor's swiftest horsemen and fleet-footed warriors cannot retrieve the harsh word once spoken." Chinese Proverb. Nails In The Fence Author Unknown There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, and spoke harshly or in a cruel and spiteful way to others, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy was quite uncontrolled, had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, and are harsh or cruel, spiteful or mean to others, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
duncsvoice Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I am watching this pretty good movie on Netflix called "Before we go" - stop here if you don't want the movie spoiled... ...ok, so in the movie the girl in NYC is trying to get back home in Boston to retrieve a harshly worded letter she left for her husband who she thought was cheating on her, but she realized while in NYC she was mistaken. And she can't make it back home and she is depressed because "there's no going back" from that letter and all the hatred it contained. It was like a goodbye you scumbag type letter Anyways, I've written a letter like that and later regretted it - in years past - is it always OVER after a letter like that? anybody ever experience a situation where you did reconcile after something like that? maybe not a letter - but maybe a verbal argument or something? I would say so. I wrote an ill advised, emotionally charged letter that was too defensive and it destroyed any hope, at least for the time being. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Sometimes those words were cruel, mean, heartfelt and genuine in the moment. You meant them at the time so they were genuine. Some people will want to at least apologize for them. The risk you take is reaching back out reopens a wound for someone who has already greived and healed your moving on or your words. They might have known your words were in anger, maybe felt your words were deserved. In my humble opinion I feel second chances are rarely given and almost never work out. I think you first work on forgiving yourself where you need to, and you extend your apology and wish for forgiveness in the way of thoughts and energy toward them into the universe. If you have faith, extend a prayer for their peace and wellbeing. Perhaps you write a letter and drop into the ocean or lake. But you dont have to spend your days holding onto those mistakes, and I vote we leave those folks we hurt or expressed rage and anger in the heat of the moment alone as they likely will realize it was that. Just do better next time. If your whole heart and conviction tells you an apology is owed, then maybe its best you do that and follow your heart. You dont have peace about it as it was out of character and not the way you wished to leave it. But life, goodbyes, and endings arent always nice and clean. It takes you to forgive yourself and them and to trust in their time and way they will do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
BatManuel Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 My EX said some horrible things to me while I was just accepting all the blame (IE, being lame.) I remember most of them and they constantly go running around my head, but I'm pretty forgiving and never hold any grudges (IE, I'm dumb). So I'd forgive an angry letter as just being in the heat of the moment, but that might just be me. An EXEX cheated on me and we ended up getting back together. It took me FOREVER to get over that pain, but in the end I did it. Link to post Share on other sites
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