ZHguy Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I don't how how to respond to this, but increasingly, my mother and siblings have been trying to talk me out of what I want to do. I've applied to great universities (Top 30 world) and I've wanted to live out for quite some years now. For some reason, they think I'm trying to run away from them and create distance. So they're saying that I should live at home and go to this college 10 minutes away (the worst top 10 in the country, unheard of). How do I tell them that my reasons of moving out are just like those of any other student. Never mind the fact that my universities are across the country. And of course, then there's the culture at home (religious orthodoxy vs me), but I'm not planning on telling them about this difference between us. They keep starting argument and lately, the environment has become more negative because of it. I can financially afford to live independently, and have done so previously. I think the problem here is attachment and fear of the sinful ways. How do I put an end to this, because I'm sick of the frustration and arguing. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 If they're paying for it, you're kind of in between a rock and a hard place. But I agree you need to get out of there. College should be the first step, a halfway point, to learning to live on your own. Tell them that. You have to realize though that maybe they can't afford the other school and dorms or lodging. It's normal to want to leave the nest at college time. But if they're paying, not sure you have much choice. Don't guess there's any hope you could earn a scholarship to one of the far away places which would force their hand? Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Can you financially afford to live independent and go to the college of your choice? If not, can you attend one of these 10 close to you and work to move to one of the better colleges for your concentrated studies later? Perhaps you could get your core studies out of the way and transfer them?? There are always options, my advice is don't settle for something that is no benefit to the future YOU see for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 When you are an adult sustaining a place to eat, sleep, and pay your way, then absolutely consider higher education. Til then at 17, you still got many miles to grow into your desired being. Establish your commitment to counseling. You have much worth coming to peace about. i like your thread title! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 How do you tell them that your reasons for moving out are just like those of any other student? Just like that. Do it. Go to the best school you can, set your course and work your tail off. It’s essential to living a happy adult life. Grab every brass ring that you can and challenge yourself. Parents have to find happiness on their own, just children do. This is part of growing up, finding your own path. Sure, it can be emotional for everyone. But let your excitement fuel you. Just keep telling them that you love then and will always be their son/brother, but that you have to go and cut your own path and build your own life. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Try logic. Make a list of the pros & cons of going to each school. Re-write them with the weightiest ones up top. Calmly discuss your future & use the points you have written to bolster your case. When they see your decision is sound they should be more supportive. Even if they are not, you still need to do what's best for you. If you really want the other school find a way to make it happen. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 You can also examine what you wish to major in and find something the local school isn't really equipped for that the other school is. Not all colleges have the same curriculum offerings. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I don't how how to respond to this, but increasingly, my mother and siblings have been trying to talk me out of what I want to do. I've applied to great universities (Top 30 world) and I've wanted to live out for quite some years now. For some reason, they think I'm trying to run away from them and create distance. So they're saying that I should live at home and go to this college 10 minutes away (the worst top 10 in the country, unheard of). How do I tell them that my reasons of moving out are just like those of any other student. Never mind the fact that my universities are across the country. And of course, then there's the culture at home (religious orthodoxy vs me), but I'm not planning on telling them about this difference between us. They keep starting argument and lately, the environment has become more negative because of it. I can financially afford to live independently, and have done so previously. I think the problem here is attachment and fear of the sinful ways. How do I put an end to this, because I'm sick of the frustration and arguing. You put an end to this by moving out. Let your parents know that you love them but you are an adult who needs to live by your own rules. Parents need to learn to let go of their adult children at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZHguy Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 They're not paying for a penny. And I've already been accepted by those two universities. Yeah, I kind of agree Betty. It can be an emotional roller coaster for those parents that have lived vicariously through their children, to then let them go, especially if you're a single parent. Link to post Share on other sites
Mirandaaa Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 I don't how how to respond to this, but increasingly, my mother and siblings have been trying to talk me out of what I want to do. I've applied to great universities (Top 30 world) and I've wanted to live out for quite some years now. For some reason, they think I'm trying to run away from them and create distance. So they're saying that I should live at home and go to this college 10 minutes away (the worst top 10 in the country, unheard of). How do I tell them that my reasons of moving out are just like those of any other student. Never mind the fact that my universities are across the country. And of course, then there's the culture at home (religious orthodoxy vs me), but I'm not planning on telling them about this difference between us. They keep starting argument and lately, the environment has become more negative because of it. I can financially afford to live independently, and have done so previously. I think the problem here is attachment and fear of the sinful ways. How do I put an end to this, because I'm sick of the frustration and arguing. Okay so I have been reading up a lot on NARCICISTIC personality disorder. It's basic where the person who has NPD wants to control you and suck your life out of you. Guilt trips are common. They are trying to make you feel like you aren't smart enough and that you won't be able to survive without them. How do you put an end to is? You get away from them and cut off contact. That is the only way as hard as it may seem. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts