Is this something I should be skeptical about?

[expensive_labels]

Earlier today, me and my girl were having some laughs and joking around through texting ! We were joking and talking about funny videos and meme's, and somehow the topic swayed to funny vids on FaceBook. So my girl then proceeds to send me a funny picture of something that a mutual friend of ours has put up ! So I look at, laughed, and we continue to joke through the rest of the night. No problems..

 

As the night progressed, I was laying in bed watching TV, looking through my phone; and I just so happen to come pass the picture that my GF sent to me earlier! The one we were both laughing about....

 

However, as I looked closely, I noticed that the messenger indicator below had shown 11 messages..I thought to myself " wow, that's a lot of messages for her to be receiving at one time" .... It's not like its 1 or 2.... it's 11! Plus it's showing up as a notification, so these messages have to be new, and she has to probably be holding conversations with people, possibly other men.

 

We have been together for about a year now, we're currently in a LDR. She goes away to college @ Penn state, which makes us about 3.5 hours apart until school is done for the summer . We try to see each other most weekends! I admit ,she does text me and contact me a lot. She's also shows lots of affection/interest in me. However sometimes she'll go a day without responding back (she claims she busy with class/work and internships, which is totally fine).

 

I also notice her Facebook and Instagram, and she likes other guys pictures! Sometimes, I'll go to the male(s) page and see that she's liked a couple of that particular male(s) pictures.

 

But back to the primary question at hand....Do you guys think this is a red flag? 11 messages is pretty much ! I'm not going to think much of it, but you never know... It's just something that isn't sitting right with me...That particular number of 11 is just bothering me for some reason ! You never know with these relationships when you're both in college and she goes away to a big party school like Penn State! It's always that "what if" factor.....I don't know man, I just always have a gut feeling...

11 message though ???!!?? SHEESH....Should I be skeptical ?

Edited March 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TaraMaiden2]

No, it's not a red flag.

I had 86 responses to a funny I put up.

My H never even flinched.

I don't know exactly what your problem is, but all I see it an image with every single message redacted, and therefore it's impossible to know what your issue is.

 

11 comments is nothing.

No, it's not a red flag.

Besides, she sent you a pic of a funny her friend had put up.

And so what if some of the messages were from men?

Do you expect her to just interact with women?

Some of those guys are probably college buddies.

 

No, it's not a red flag.

I said that 3 times now.

Hopefully, you're clear on that.

[elaine567]

Its not comments on the photo though, its actually 11 new personal messages sent to his gf.

It all depends really on who sent the messages and their content as to whether it is a red flag or not.

[expensive_labels]

No, it isn't 11 comments!!! It's the screenshot of the picture she sent me, therefore it showed she had 11 messages pending in her inbox...

 

I think you might've looked at the picture incorrectly. The picture is the screenshot of the picture she sent me! And below that is number of messages in her inbox, which is 11! Which has raised my concern...The concern isn't the funny picture she sent... It's about me noticing how many inbox messages my GF has pending...It's a high amount...

 

[expensive_labels]

Its not comments on the photo though, its actually 11 new personal messages sent to his gf.

It all depends really on who sent the messages and their content as to whether it is a red flag or not.

 

Yeah, I think the person above you didnt understand what I was trying to say... But yeah, it isn't like I'm infuriated...But it does look Kind of funny!! Dont you agree?

 

11 messages???? if it's not a red flag!!!! it has to atleast raise some speculation, dont you agree??? It's not like it's 1 or 2, it's 11!

[expensive_labels]

No, it's not a red flag.

I had 86 responses to a funny I put up.

My H never even flinched.

I don't know exactly what your problem is, but all I see it an image with every single message redacted, and therefore it's impossible to know what your issue is.

 

11 comments is nothing.

No, it's not a red flag.

Besides, she sent you a pic of a funny her friend had put up.

And so what if some of the messages were from men?

Do you expect her to just interact with women?

Some of those guys are probably college buddies.

 

No, it's not a red flag.

I said that 3 times now.

Hopefully, you're clear on that.

 

No, it isn't 11 comments!!! It's the screenshot of the picture she sent me, therefore it showed she had 11 messages pending in her inbox...

 

I think you might've looked at the picture incorrectly. The picture is the screenshot of the picture she sent me! And below that is number of messages in her inbox, which is 11! Which has raised my concern...The concern isn't the funny picture she sent... It's about me noticing how many inbox messages my GF has pending...It's a high amount...

 

http://i.imgur.com/s2ALJHw.jpg

[TaraMaiden2]

If there are 11 messages in her inbox - and it's obvious to you that there are - it seems likely she doesn't care what they are or who they're from.

 

If there was something there she didn't want you to see, particularly as you're in a LDR - don't you think she would be more cautious and better at hiding it?

 

Often, they're spam 'friend requests' disguised as a 'friendly' message, (I know, I've had them) or messages from work/college (I know, I've had them) and besides, when I get a message, I tend to open it immediately. A woman's curiosity is a hard temptation to fight.

The fact they're still there, unopened, unread and in her inbox, is to me. a clue that they're completely unimportant.

 

And yes, some of them may be from a male.

 

So?

Believe me, if she was messing around, it would show. In her demeanour, attitude, responses and general behaviour towards you.

 

No Red Flags.

[expensive_labels]

Well thanks for making me feel better. I appreciate it. But I don't know , I just don't feel right about this one!

 

She doesn't post much verbally on Facebook, which indicates that you wouldn't see her on the timeline much to even think about i boxing her!! When she does post, it's a picture of some sort.

 

Which led me to believe she can be possibly indulged in convo with someone whose possibly been in boxing her for a while now. And 11 is just a number that doesn't seem like she would have. She rarely post anything.

 

But I guess I'm just over thinking, thanks.

[elaine567]

The big issue here is that you are in a LDR with a girl who has gone to college A bigger world just opened up for her and rightly you are concerned. She may be the most loyal trustworthy person in the world who loves you to bits or she may be excited by the extra attention and is already dipping her toes in the ocean, who can say?

LDRs are hard on everyone.

Can you live with it, only you can answer that.

[TaraMaiden2]

Well thanks for making me feel better. I appreciate it. But I don't know , I just don't feel right about this one!

 

She doesn't post much verbally on Facebook, which indicates that you wouldn't see her on the timeline much to even think about i boxing her!! When she does post, it's a picture of some sort.

 

Which led me to believe she can be possibly indulged in convo with someone whose possibly been in boxing her for a while now. And 11 is just a number that doesn't seem like she would have. She rarely post anything.

 

But I guess I'm just over thinking, thanks.

Well then Fb is not anything you should even worry about. If she doesn't post much, it would probably mean she doesn't even go on Fb much, let alone post a great deal. So those letters have probably built up over time. And she doesn't care enough to be curious to open them.

 

Questions:

Are you over-thinking this because you fear losing her?

Don't you think you're enough for her to keep her?

Do you trust her so little that you believe - in spite of all personal-interaction evidence to the contrary - that she is going behind your back?

 

What's the real issue here?

[expensive_labels]

The big issue here is that you are in a LDR with a girl who has gone to college A bigger world just opened up for her and rightly you are concerned. She may be the most loyal trustworthy person in the world who loves you to bits or she may be excited by the extra attention and is already dipping her toes in the ocean, who can say?

LDRs are hard on everyone.

Can you live with it, only you can answer that.

 

Wow. That's tough. Great way to put it. Never really looked at it that way until you said that. Whoa. Kind of a wake up call.

[expensive_labels]

Well then Fb is not anything you should even worry about. If she doesn't post much, it would probably mean she doesn't even go on Fb much, let alone post a great deal. So those letters have probably built up over time. And she doesn't care enough to be curious to open them.

 

Questions:

Are you over-thinking this because you fear losing her?

Don't you think you're enough for her to keep her?

Do you trust her so little that you believe - in spite of all personal-interaction evidence to the contrary - that she is going behind your back?

 

What's the real issue here?

 

Idk what to feel! Honestly, it might be a combo of all those things you've listed. But the main reason for sure , is that we're in an LDR, so at times, I have no idea what to think or what's going on.

[TaraMaiden2]

I think then, it might be time you had a heart-to-heart chat about this, don't you?

I mean, you know yourself better than we do.

You know HER a lot better than we do.

If this is something playing on your mind, don't you think you should discuss it?

Not in any way that might alienate her, but in a way to show concern, love and companionship.

 

The best way is not really to consult a bunch of strangers (many of whom might be cynical, biased, [due to personal experience] and completely ignorant of everything and anything to do with being your age, and in your situation) but to communicate with her.

 

That's one stalwart supporting quality of three, vital to any relationship.

The others, being Trust and Respect.

Break one, and the other 2 can't support the relationship. No way, no how.

 

Talk to her.

Deal with this, with her, not us.

[todreaminblue]

i also agree with taramaiden....i also feel you should have a heart to heart with her be honest......let her know what concerns you.....and hopefully this will work itself out of your head by talking with her about the messages.....dont let it fester..deal with it.......deb

[LoveRefreshed]

my gf nets a lot of attention from men online. The fact they are red and flagged means she doesn't care to read them... they aren't important to her. Just like the people sending the messages.

 

I saw a thread from my gf and one of her 'guy friends'..

 

Him: Hey

Him: Hey

Him: Hey

Him: Hey sexy

Him: Hi

Him: Hey beautiful

Him: Hey

Him: Hi pretty!

Her: Hi! Just going to have dinner with my bf

Him: Hey

Him: Hey

 

.... A lot of new messages, but I don't feel worried.