[Do] guys that are persistent and [don't] take no for an answer have mental problems?

[Bobbi7]

I don't see how guys being persisent amd refuse to take no for an answer when a girl rejects them find it acceptable and cool? But when a woman constantly is pursing and after a man who rejects her she's a stalker and needs to go to the looney bin? I don't get it. There are 2 guys on the dating site that I rejected a few years ago-and clearly I was blunt and told them not interested, yet they somehow find me-hence I have a different user name keep asking me out after I have to get nasty with them! Now, isn't this behavior considered stalkerish?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I don't see how guys being persisent amd refuse to take no for an answer when a girl rejects them find it acceptable and cool? But when a woman constantly is pursing and after a man who rejects her she's a stalker and needs to go to the looney bin? I don't get it. There are 2 guys on the dating site that I rejected a few years ago-and clearly I was blunt and told them not interested, yet they somehow find me-hence I have a different user name keep asking me out after I have to get nasty with them! Now, isn't this behavior considered stalkerish?

 

Not if it's YEARS ago...not at all. If they contacted you, you said no...but they keep, let's say, contacting you during throughout the same week..then obviously yes.

 

But, if it's been years, chances are they didn't even remember contacting you.

[Bobbi7]

Not if it's YEARS ago...not at all. If they contacted you, you said no...but they keep, let's say, contacting you during throughout the same week..then obviously yes.

 

But, if it's been years, chances are they didn't even remember contacting you.

 

Not years ago, more like 2-3 years ago. And yes, they know and remember who I am and tell me that we talked before and why I didn't want to go out with them before.

[HotAndCold]

Not years ago, more like 2-3 years ago. And yes, they know and remember who I am and tell me that we talked before and why I didn't want to go out with them before.

Sorry...but this is exactly what years ago means.

[mikeylo]

Not mental problems.They are hoping that you might change your mind about them and see them in a different light after some time has passed. Some people rely upon developing attraction, feelings slowly and building up on the connection. It does work in some cases.

 

In face to face interactions its difficult to avoid such people and one usually ends up giving a chance.You can block and walk, who cares.

[Bobbi7]

Not mental problems.They are hoping that you might change your mind about them and see them in a different light after some time has passed. Some people rely upon developing attraction, feelings slowly and building up on the connection. It does work in some cases.

 

In face to face interactions its difficult to avoid such people and one usually ends up giving a chance.You can block and walk, who cares.

 

I don't know what part of "leave me alone" don't they understand after I told them that. C'mon, if a guy told me to leave him alone, and I kept on bugging him after every 3 months or message him after 1-2 years on social media, I would be accuse of being a stalker and get sued for harrasment. So it's ok for guys to stalk?

[GunslingerRoland]

If anything I think men take more flack for stalking then women. Some people are just desperate.

[SammySammy]

Persistence works. Not always, but we know it to be true in many aspects of our lives.

 

I guess the question is where do we draw the line between persistence and staking?

[hippychick3]

Can't you just block him? I don't get what the big deal is.

[NYC-BigKat]

Not mental problems.They are hoping that you might change your mind about them and see them in a different light after some time has passed. Some people rely upon developing attraction, feelings slowly and building up on the connection. It does work in some cases.

 

In face to face interactions its difficult to avoid such people and one usually ends up giving a chance.You can block and walk, who cares.

 

Or u can be nice for once & give it a chance.

[SeanP]

I don't see how guys being persisent amd refuse to take no for an answer when a girl rejects them find it acceptable and cool? But when a woman constantly is pursing and after a man who rejects her she's a stalker and needs to go to the looney bin? I don't get it. There are 2 guys on the dating site that I rejected a few years ago-and clearly I was blunt and told them not interested, yet they somehow find me-hence I have a different user name keep asking me out after I have to get nasty with them! Now, isn't this behavior considered stalkerish?

 

I don't see the harm in giving them a chance especially if they come off well to you but of course it looks like you already made up your mind so go on.

[preraph]

Anybody, male or female who won't take a clear "no" for an answer is sick in the head to some extent. Believe it.

[Popsicle]

I always see persistence as a GOOD thing. Some choose to call it desperation. I call it being driven.

[GravityMan]

Persistent guys were either taught or advised to be persistent (presumably from a friend, their dad, or some site on the Internet), or their persistence has worked for them in the past.

 

Persistent guys also tend to approach dating like a numbers game or like gambling. It's a narrow minded strategy that is simple for them to understand and execute.

 

In general, persistence can be a good thing in many aspects of life. Sometimes it's even essential in order to achieve what you want. But if it's combined with being dense (e.g. still pursuing after a firm, final NO) or overstepping boundaries, then that is often rude and can cause trouble.

[SammySammy]

People change their minds.

 

Touching base with someone every three months is hardly intrusive.

[JuanDelToro]

Persistent guys were either taught or advised to be persistent (presumably from a friend, their dad, or some site on the Internet), or their persistence has worked for them in the past.

 

Persistent guys also tend to approach dating like a numbers game or like gambling. It's a narrow minded strategy that is simple for them to understand and execute.

 

In general, persistence can be a good thing in many aspects of life. Sometimes it's even essential in order to achieve what you want. But if it's combined with being dense (e.g. still pursuing after a firm, final NO) or overstepping boundaries, then that is often rude and can cause trouble.

 

Persistent guys are not playing the numbers game, quite the opposite really, they pick one or two and keep on drilling and drilling until they get a result. This might work with some (very few) women but the general rule is that it doesn`t, because women perceive such guys as needy and clingy, which is actually a fair perception.

Those who do play the numbers game, move on very quickly, they don`t linger with women that show low interest.

 

But in other regards i do agree with you that persistence works and it`s an important factor of succeeding.

[Bobbi7]

As a woman, if some guy tells you to get lost, you can just talk to the next guy sending you messages. Those guys you are talking about, they aren't getting messages. I know I spent some time using OLD feeling like I was invisible; women never responded to me. Even if you are telling these guys to leave you alone, the fact that you are talking to them at all is probably giving them a glimmer of hope. Instead of constantly telling those guys to leave you alone, tell them once and then block them. Problem solved.

 

That's a interesting way of looking at things. I always thought if a guy doesn't respond its a sign of hope, a guy responding and saying "get lost" would be the end of it.

[Empire87]

That's a interesting way of looking at things. I always thought if a guy doesn't respond its a sign of hope, a guy responding and saying "get lost" would be the end of it.

 

Online dating allows the guy the ability to minimize the personal rejection that in person interactions provide. You can tell a guy "get lost" through a dating site message and 3 months later he will think "eh what the heck, what's the worst that happens? She says "get lost leave me alone again"?

 

Now think about if you told that to a guy you met at the coffee shop. I highly doubt that 3 months later he would approach you again and take another chance.

 

If this bothers you about them just block the people that keep doing it. I don't think it is relevant in terms of classifying what kind of guys are persistent or why. Just a individual example of a online brat with nothing to lose.

[SammySammy]

Online dating allows the guy the ability to minimize the personal rejection that in person interactions provide. You can tell a guy "get lost" through a dating site message and 3 months later he will think "eh what the heck, what's the worst that happens? She says "get lost leave me alone again"?

 

Now think about if you told that to a guy you met at the coffee shop. I highly doubt that 3 months later he would approach you again and take another chance.

 

If this bothers you about them just block the people that keep doing it. I don't think it is relevant in terms of classifying what kind of guys are persistent or why. Just a individual example of a online brat with nothing to lose.

 

What if he did though?

 

What if ... three months later ... that guy went up to her and said "hello"? Good morning. Made an attempt to start a simple conversation.

 

Where's the harm in that? What about speaking to someone three months later makes them a "stalker"? Some sort of dangerous, deranged individual.

 

Heck ... three months later ... I don't even consider that being persistent. Much less a rude, dense, desperate stalker and the other things these guys have been called.

[Empire87]

What if he did though?

 

What if ... three months later ... that guy went up to her and said "hello"? Good morning. Made an attempt to start a simple conversation.

 

Where's the harm in that? What about speaking to someone three months later makes them a "stalker"? Some sort of dangerous, deranged individual.

 

Heck ... three months later ... I don't even consider that being persistent. Much less a rude, dense, desperate stalker and the other things these guys have been called.

 

 

Agreed. But would you say that's the norm? Or the exception to the rule? It also matters how the girl says the words in the first place. "Omg get losst!" With a sarcastic tone or half smirk can mean something totally different than a "get lost!" With a disgusted face and stern tone.

 

Which can't be expressed over OlD.

[SammySammy]

Agreed. But would you say that's the norm? Or the exception to the rule? It also matters how the girl says the words in the first place. "Omg get losst!" With a sarcastic tone or half smirk can mean something totally different than a "get lost!" With a disgusted face and stern tone.

 

Which can't be expressed over OlD.

 

Exactly.

 

So, how does he know if she was serious or not?

 

Reaching out to her three months later is harmless. If she's still not interested, just say so again and move on. That doesn't make him a stalker.

[basil67]

And let's not forget some women want a guy to chase her and 'work for it'. I think the fact that some men do this is largely due to those women who play games.

[SammySammy]

And let's not forget some women want a guy to chase her and 'work for it'. I think the fact that some men do this is largely due to those women who play games.

 

Right. I was just thinking that.

 

Many times that woman saying "get lost" with a frown is hoping somebody sees through her charade and has the courage to stick around.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Persistent guys were either taught or advised to be persistent (presumably from a friend, their dad, or some site on the Internet), or their persistence has worked for them in the past.

 

Persistent guys also tend to approach dating like a numbers game or like gambling. It's a narrow minded strategy that is simple for them to understand and execute.

 

In general, persistence can be a good thing in many aspects of life. Sometimes it's even essential in order to achieve what you want. But if it's combined with being dense (e.g. still pursuing after a firm, final NO) or overstepping boundaries, then that is often rude and can cause trouble.

 

Right...I wanted to follow-up on this post, but couldn't find it at first.

 

I've sent follow-up emails to women on dating sites (or persistent as he OP calls it) only to have gotten a response and scored dates.

 

It was only because they get inundated with emails in their inbox that mines got overlooked.

 

The OP gives men flack after 2 or 3 YEARS? Seriously, give them a break. In fact, I recall taking a break from POF for a full year, came back and only to see the SAME women that I didn't get a reply from before... I had no choice to email them again obviously, lol.

 

I live in a rather limited options area, so, I do what I need to do. ;-)

[spouse2016]

I think it is all about your personal perspective at things.

 

Think about it... would you freak out if a person is persistent during job search? People canvass the same people from time to time. Today you get no, tomorrow things might be different, as long as you do not annoy anyone.

 

What is problem here? Where does the anxiety come from? People talk with old acquaintances all the time. Are you really upset that someone likes you? Ignore if you do not want to talk.