JessicaInGeorgia Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I saw him in person on the Sunday before last, so a week and a half ago, and everything was perfectly normal. I emailed him that night to tell him I made it home safely and to tell him that I was confused about our situation and didn't know how to proceed and now have yet to hear a word from him. I know with 100% certainty that there hasn't been a D-day because that already happened and he or his W would have contacted me if that were the case. The silence is speaking volumes and I'm hurt but also confused as to what caused the sudden change. I'm fine with things ending but literally the only one thing I have ever asked of him was to actually tell me if he wanted to end things, for him to never go silent on me, yet that's what it seems like he's done. This is probably a good thing to force me into NC but I want to send him an email with a giant "WTF?!" so badly. I deserve more than this and more respect than this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I saw him in person on the Sunday before last, so a week and a half ago, and everything was perfectly normal. I emailed him that night to tell him I made it home safely and to tell him that I was confused about our situation and didn't know how to proceed and now have yet to hear a word from him. I know with 100% certainty that there hasn't been a D-day because that already happened and he or his W would have contacted me if that were the case. The silence is speaking volumes and I'm hurt but also confused as to what caused the sudden change. I'm fine with things ending but literally the only one thing I have ever asked of him was to actually tell me if he wanted to end things, for him to never go silent on me, yet that's what it seems like he's done. This is probably a good thing to force me into NC but I want to send him an email with a giant "WTF?!" so badly. I deserve more than this and more respect than this. I had this happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 You can always send an email and ask "what's going on?" If it's only been two weeks I wouldn't stress yet. MM tend to dip in and out on a whim, even if you had previously been in constant contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 You can always send an email and ask "what's going on?" If it's only been two weeks I wouldn't stress yet. MM tend to dip in and out on a whim, even if you had previously been in constant contact. True, but a word of caution OP, be prepared to be met with more silence so that you don't incur more pain from lack of humane treatment. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 As tempting as that may be, you will know if he ghosted you, so please don't send it. You will feel worse when he does not respond. You can't know for certain there was no DDay and you may never know. The pain and confusion of this I know well. It's the sinking feeling that I meant so little not to even warrant a 3 second text saying I changed my mind, I'm sorry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I saw him in person on the Sunday before last, so a week and a half ago, and everything was perfectly normal. I emailed him that night to tell him I made it home safely and to tell him that I was confused about our situation and didn't know how to proceed and now have yet to hear a word from him. I know with 100% certainty that there hasn't been a D-day because that already happened and he or his W would have contacted me if that were the case. The silence is speaking volumes and I'm hurt but also confused as to what caused the sudden change. I'm fine with things ending but literally the only one thing I have ever asked of him was to actually tell me if he wanted to end things, for him to never go silent on me, yet that's what it seems like he's done. This is probably a good thing to force me into NC but I want to send him an email with a giant "WTF?!" so badly. I deserve more than this and more respect than this. It means he doesn't want to talk about feelings and where things are going. He's ignoring and avoiding. He may not be looking for a 'serious' affair with lots of discussions, he may feel you're getting too attached to him. If you're unhappy and don't like how he's treating you, then end it. It's obvious that he's not making you a high priority in his life and you're making him your number one. Remember, he has a wife and family so he is busy, especially with Christmas coming up and the holiday season. He will make time for you when he feels like it. GET MAD and say f-it! Don't bother writing him a WTF, he'll ignore that too. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
HRgirl Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I am so sorry you are being treated in such a disrespectful manner. Be strong and just let go. Realize this is how he will always treat you. There is someone better out there for you. Take it from me and my past experience. All men like this care about is sex and their ego. Unfortunately at your emotional expense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessicaInGeorgia Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 It means he doesn't want to talk about feelings and where things are going. He's ignoring and avoiding. He may not be looking for a 'serious' affair with lots of discussions, he may feel you're getting too attached to him. If you're unhappy and don't like how he's treating you, then end it. It's obvious that he's not making you a high priority in his life and you're making him your number one. Remember, he has a wife and family so he is busy, especially with Christmas coming up and the holiday season. He will make time for you when he feels like it. GET MAD and say f-it! Don't bother writing him a WTF, he'll ignore that too. We both know it's not going to turn into anything more than this, that has always been established. But we have both stated how attached we both are already so that is nothing new. After his D-day he is the one that came back to me each time. I've asked him before why he keeps in touch with me and his exact words were "Because I love you and I want you in my life in any capacity that I can." Plus it's not physical anymore because we are long distance, so it's not like he's staying in touch for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 We both know it's not going to turn into anything more than this, that has always been established. But we have both stated how attached we both are already so that is nothing new. After his D-day he is the one that came back to me each time. I've asked him before why he keeps in touch with me and his exact words were "Because I love you and I want you in my life in any capacity that I can." Plus it's not physical anymore because we are long distance, so it's not like he's staying in touch for sex. If it is not going to turn into anything more than what it is I would let it go. The nature of the relationship allows for unceremonious parting of ways, unfortunately. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessicaInGeorgia Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 If it is not going to turn into anything more than what it is I would let it go. The nature of the relationship allows for unceremonious parting of ways, unfortunately. I know but it still hurts so incredibly much. We went from a totally normal interaction to nothing. I just don't understand why I guess. I'm tired of crying over it and I'm sure I'll never get an answer but he has absolutely zero track record of acting like a utter ******* to me until now so it's caught me off guard. Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I know but it still hurts so incredibly much. We went from a totally normal interaction to nothing. I just don't understand why I guess. I'm tired of crying over it and I'm sure I'll never get an answer but he has absolutely zero track record of acting like a utter ******* to me until now so it's caught me off guard. How long was the A Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I'm terrible sorry for your pain. This is quite typical.......of all the instances of MM ending affairs that I've read about on LS, I'd say fewer than 5% included a humane ending. The vast majority are either what you're experiencing, or even worse. Again, terribly sorry. The one silver lining might be that once you truly realize deep down how badly he's treated you, it will make it easier for you to move on emotionally, rather than carry the torch for a Mr. Wonderful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessicaInGeorgia Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 How long was the A About a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I know but it still hurts so incredibly much. We went from a totally normal interaction to nothing. I just don't understand why I guess. I'm tired of crying over it and I'm sure I'll never get an answer but he has absolutely zero track record of acting like a utter ******* to me until now so it's caught me off guard. This is the crux of your feelings. You were invested in a meaningful way and he used you as a disposable side item. It does hurt. Contacting him further and receiving no response will feel like a kick to the gut in addition to the pain you already feel. He wasn't ready to discard you until now, hence the reason you suddenly feel blind sided. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Is there a way for you to check if he's ok and nothing happened? (accident or death in the family or such). If he is not responding by choice then that's another story. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Is there a way for you to check if he's ok and nothing happened? (accident or death in the family or such). This was my first thought. So sorry JG, this is a nightmare for you. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I had this happen. NO. But you had a dday. I know you didn't hear from him after that.. but there was a dday where his wife found out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 We both know it's not going to turn into anything more than this, that has always been established. But we have both stated how attached we both are already so that is nothing new. After his D-day he is the one that came back to me each time. I've asked him before why he keeps in touch with me and his exact words were "Because I love you and I want you in my life in any capacity that I can." Plus it's not physical anymore because we are long distance, so it's not like he's staying in touch for sex. So why are you telling him you are confused when you know it's not going anywhere. It is what it is. An affair where he gives you what time he can. You sending the I'm confused and don't know...xyz probably is more stress than he needs. If he has a nagging horrible wife.. you are meant to be the escape..not additional stress. He said he wants you in any capacity and he has you as his mistress.... what else do you want from him? BTW... The keeping in touch is mutual...... There is a chance that she found out you are both still in touch and had said she's going if he contacts you again. Remember after dday ... WS are subject to phone trackers To car GPS passwords given over No access to money Having to take photos of every location they are in They agree to these things because they don't want to loose their spouse. They might as well be electronically tagged.. but they agree to it. If you had just kept being compliant, giving him the ego boost and stop questioning him and being confused... it would have been fine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 NO. But you had a dday. I know you didn't hear from him after that.. but there was a dday where his wife found out. Hi sandylee I believe I mention that somewhere as I accidentally hit post and couldn't edit after because someone else posted too quickly. If I didn't mention in my next post, I did have a DDay Link to post Share on other sites
WestEndGirl Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Remember after dday ... WS are subject to phone trackers To car GPS passwords given over No access to money Having to take photos of every location they are in And: Keylogging software Couples' therapy and couples' retreats "Attachment spousing" (while at home) Going over the cell phone bill, line by line Random searches of car and other personal property The "stink eye" For a very, very, very long time. What hell. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I saw him in person on the Sunday before last, so a week and a half ago, and everything was perfectly normal. I emailed him that night to tell him I made it home safely and to tell him that I was confused about our situation and didn't know how to proceed and now have yet to hear a word from him. I know with 100% certainty that there hasn't been a D-day because that already happened and he or his W would have contacted me if that were the case. The silence is speaking volumes and I'm hurt but also confused as to what caused the sudden change. I'm fine with things ending but literally the only one thing I have ever asked of him was to actually tell me if he wanted to end things, for him to never go silent on me, yet that's what it seems like he's done. This is probably a good thing to force me into NC but I want to send him an email with a giant "WTF?!" so badly. I deserve more than this and more respect than this. Been there. Gonna go on a limb and think if you were intimate that day hes waiting for the guilt to subside. If not that...an affair is often make believe..fantasy...a forbidden fling...fun...that one comment you texted him of how you were confused and unsure how to proceed can read you were beginning to take it seriously, beginning to analyze, and to ask the tough questions...he wants no reality, no obligation, fun...and sex...and compartmentalized until next time. The rules are...you sneak around and have secret rendevous and try not to get caught...don't fall in love, want more, need more...and do not ask why how what when...they see you when they can, speak to you when they can and for the love of god they have a spouse and likely a family to report to and be accountable to so an APs job is to be everything else...carefree sex, ego strokes, put them on a pedestal and stay in your place until its your window...and that windows gonna be small and usually in the time frame that suits them...you don't get to pick. Hope you enjoy the arrangement. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessicaInGeorgia Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 And: Keylogging software Couples' therapy and couples' retreats "Attachment spousing" (while at home) Going over the cell phone bill, line by line Random searches of car and other personal property The "stink eye" For a very, very, very long time. What hell. I understand, but the only way she would have been able to find out is if he told her. He only ever emails me from his work email and only when he's at work. No phone calls or texts at all. Plus she has my email, phone number, and plenty of ways to contact me(and she definitly would) if she had found out. Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 And: Keylogging software Couples' therapy and couples' retreats "Attachment spousing" (while at home) Going over the cell phone bill, line by line Random searches of car and other personal property The "stink eye" For a very, very, very long time. What hell. Is attachment spousing like attachment parenting? If so ExMM was subject to that for his whole M. He is a leftie and BW sits to his right at meals even at restaurants and asks him to hold her hand while they eat. Hearing her call out in front of all colleagues or anyone at all "give me touch!" And watching ExMM trot over and put his arms around her from behind or hold her hand flabbergasted the whole firm. When he made his emancipation proclaimation after a big client meeting saying they'd separated and were divorcing, the entire office was not shocked and wondered how he'd lived with it so long. Finding out later he never left was staggering for me Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 And: Keylogging software Couples' therapy and couples' retreats "Attachment spousing" (while at home) Going over the cell phone bill, line by line Random searches of car and other personal property The "stink eye" For a very, very, very long time. What hell. That is if they choose to reconcile. I could not deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I know but it still hurts so incredibly much. We went from a totally normal interaction to nothing. I just don't understand why I guess. I'm tired of crying over it and I'm sure I'll never get an answer but he has absolutely zero track record of acting like a utter ******* to me until now so it's caught me off guard. He could have left his phone open when your text popped up..she could have seen...even if it was a close call he might have thought..this isnt worth the risk...it scared him...your question to him screamed of 'validate me' tell me about us..your feelings...but no, no...its not a normal relationship...your a backburner pastime ego boost. Im sorry. No harshness intended. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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