Am I more afraid of rejection than anything else?

[WestEndGirl]

That is if they choose to reconcile. I could not deal with it.

 

Me neither!

 

When I was a BS, I was motivated to do none of those things. Maybe I would have had I wanted to "save" the M. But you know, therapists push that kind of paranoid behavior.

[NewLeaf512]

Me neither!

 

When I was a BS, I was motivated to do none of those things. Maybe I would have had I wanted to "save" the M. But you know, therapists push that kind of paranoid behavior.

 

 

 

There are Waywards that submit to polygraphs. I would love to meet one of those people and ask some questions.

[WestEndGirl]

There are Waywards that submit to polygraphs. I would love to meet one of those people and ask some questions.

 

Yeah, that's one way to make some really happy memories to carry into one's golden years: "Remember that time you made me get hooked up to all those wires, honey?"

[ladydesigner]

And:

 

Keylogging software

Couples' therapy and couples' retreats

"Attachment spousing" (while at home)

Going over the cell phone bill, line by line

Random searches of car and other personal property

The "stink eye"

 

For a very, very, very long time.

 

What hell.

 

Lol at the bold

 

Gawd I did all these things as a BS. It made me absolutely crazy plus my WH put me through False R in the end anyways. None of that even helped me one bit. I wasted 2 years of my life in hypervigilance.

[whichwayisup]

I understand, but the only way she would have been able to find out is if he told her. He only ever emails me from his work email and only when he's at work. No phone calls or texts at all. Plus she has my email, phone number, and plenty of ways to contact me(and she definitly would) if she had found out.

 

Then maybe he came clean. There's always that possibility. Or maybe he took the week off of work for whatever reason.

[Ms. Faust]

That is the price that is paid for reconciliation and the desire to regain trust. I really, strongly believe, that OW and BS parallel each other. In a way I can't blame the BS, those things such as VARs, Dr. Fone, polygraphs, etc are the arsenal that they have to help them regain trust in reconciliation.

 

It does sound like craziness, but I don't think it's any more or less crazy than the bullsh*t stories that many OW are eager to gobble by the tablespoons.

 

The OW and BS believe for the same reason: because they are "in love" with the MM.

 

Reading Just Found Out stories over at SI can be quite depressing. "He cheated, lied, slept around, but I looovvee him!".

 

Very similar to the stories here, it's just the other side of the fence.

[Doublegold]

"Keylogging software

Couples' therapy and couples' retreats

"Attachment spousing" (while at home)

Going over the cell phone bill, line by line

Random searches of car and other personal property

The "stink eye"

 

For a very, very, very long time."

 

What hell.

And polygraphs?!?

Wow this is like the Gulag

[NewLeaf512]

That is the price that is paid for reconciliation and the desire to regain trust. I really, strongly believe, that OW and BS parallel each other. In a way I can't blame the BS, those things such as VARs, Dr. Fone, polygraphs, etc are the arsenal that they have to help them regain trust in reconciliation.

 

It does sound like craziness, but I don't think it's any more or less crazy than the bullsh*t stories that many OW are eager to gobble by the tablespoons.

 

The OW and BS believe for the same reason: because they are "in love" with the MM.

 

Reading Just Found Out stories over at SI can be quite depressing. "He cheated, lied, slept around, but I looovvee him!".

 

Very similar to the stories here, it's just the other side of the fence.

 

Because I'm a bit sleepy MrsF what are vars dr fone and SI ?

[Ms. Faust]

"Keylogging software

Couples' therapy and couples' retreats

"Attachment spousing" (while at home)

Going over the cell phone bill, line by line

Random searches of car and other personal property

The "stink eye"

 

For a very, very, very long time."

 

What hell.

And polygraphs?!?

Wow this is like the Gulag

 

 

Polygraphs are very common and highly suggested for those couples in reconciliation.

 

As to the OP's situation, you have a couple of choices. You can leave it as a it is, and not pursue it, or you can email him and ask what's up. Just be prepared for the response, or lack thereof. It really is as simple as that.

[NewLeaf512]

"Keylogging software

Couples' therapy and couples' retreats

"Attachment spousing" (while at home)

Going over the cell phone bill, line by line

Random searches of car and other personal property

The "stink eye"

 

For a very, very, very long time."

 

What hell.

And polygraphs?!?

Wow this is like the Gulag

 

I have read posters here fitting WS car with trackers, voice activated recorders GPS devices and more. It's shocking

[Ms. Faust]

Because I'm a bit sleepy MrsF what are vars dr fone and SI ?

 

VARS are Voice activated recorder. Those are also commonly used in divorce, but they are also recommended to BS' who worry the affair may have gone underground.

 

Dr. Fone retrieves deleted texts, and from what I have read has a high success rate.

 

SI is survivinginfidelity.com.

[WestEndGirl]

I have read posters here fitting WS car with trackers, voice activated recorders GPS devices and more. It's shocking

 

I agree. Then there were those of us with mad hacking sKiLlz who could DIY.

 

As to the OP's situation, it sure seems to me like the W may suspect or actually know, and that's why she's not hearing from her MM. Ocham's Razor: the most obvious conclusion is almost always the correct one. And I am truly sorry for that. I really am. It's common courtesy to at least let an AP know, "Bye, sorry" or whatever the case may be.

[sandylee1]

I agree. Then there were those of us with mad hacking sKiLlz who could DIY.

 

As to the OP's situation, it sure seems to me like the W may suspect or actually know, and that's why she's not hearing from her MM. Ocham's Razor: the most obvious conclusion is almost always the correct one. And I am truly sorry for that. I really am. It's common courtesy to at least let an AP know, "Bye, sorry" or whatever the case may be.

 

 

Yes... if I have to police my husband like this... then it's not my idea of marriage... however many WS will beg and plead to do anything to save the marriage after dday. The person who so boldly had an affair.. now begging you, your parents and your sisters....so so sorry. .... saying what a fool they have been and they will spend the rest of the marriage making it up to you and regaining your trust.....

Edited December 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Doublegold]

I have read posters here fitting WS car with trackers, voice activated recorders GPS devices and more. It's shocking

 

Forgive me please--MM placed a VAR in his wife's car--probably looking for anything to not be the bad guy. In any event--they found it....he came home to--"Somebody is recording us!!".

 

You can't make this stuff up.

[Krashi]

You may never ijow why he has gone silent. But, for whatever reason, it sounds like he is done.

[Charlie Harper]

Our relationship was amazing after 2 years, she went outside the country for 50 days, returned and told me she was miserable, she missed me so much, and I was "in her head so much" that she cried at night and in the morning while bathing, so she told me she had to save her family , I gave her my promise I would never contact her, and wished her the best of luck. Went no contact and had the worst 100 days of my life, but I promised her I would let go, bumped in the street after 5 months, she saved her family and marriage, I don't know if she is happy but I wish her the best.

Edited December 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[gettingstronger]

It seems that you questioning where the relationship was heading turned him off- he was looking for an escape and your relationship no longer fit the bill-you said it was normal for you all to talk about it, that was probably the point- touched on the subject one too many times-

 

Doesn't matter if his wife has him on a leash or not- he has made the choice not to contact you-

 

I am sorry you are hurting-

[JessicaInGeorgia]

Thank you all for your responses. I won't be contacting him at all, I need to move on with my life.

[Doublegold]

Take care Jess.

 

 

Make a place of prayer, no fuss,

just lean into the white brilliance

and say what you needed to say

all along, nothing too much, words

as simple and as yours and as heard

as the bird song above your head

or the river running gently beside you,

let your words join to the world

the way stone nestles on stone

the way the water simply leaves

and goes to the sea,

the way your promise

breathes and belongs

with every other promise

the world has ever made.

Now, leave them to go on,

let your words alone

to carry their own life,

without you, let the promise

go with the river.

Have faith. Walk away.

…

TO MAKE A PROMISE

From ‘Prayer after Prayer’

© David Whyte & Many Rivers Press

May 2015

to be published Dec 2015

[Bittersweetie]

My xOM did this to me as well, just went silent. He was separated at that time so I don't believe a d-day had anything to do with it. TBH I think he started up with someone else. I reached out a few times, which looking back makes me cringe, because I seemed so desperate. But now, over six years later, I'm glad he never spoke to me again and the why of it is of no importance. You're making the best choice for yourself, moving on and not contacting. Good luck.

[Grapesofwrath]

I think you are smart to end it, either way. For whatever reason, he has dropped off the face of the earth and there is nothing you can do. Even if it turns out that he didn't go to work for a while, so he couldn't email you, it still shows that you are only on the fringes of his life. He will "ghost" you for any number of reasons, leaving you no recourse but to wait for him to re-emerge, and that treatment is unacceptable. Whether the A was serious or not, it's just not a way to treat a person.

[waterwoman]

I have read posters here fitting WS car with trackers, voice activated recorders GPS devices and more. It's shocking

 

It's tragic, sad and horrible - but the desperate need to gain some sort of control over a situation not of the BS's own making isn't the the bit that's 'shocking' about a situation like this.

[NewLeaf512]

It's tragic, sad and horrible - but the desperate need to gain some sort of control over a situation not of the BS's own making isn't the the bit that's 'shocking' about a situation like this.

 

You make a good point. All parts of an A are pretty shocking

[privategal]

Im really sorry it ended in such a painful way. As we have learned from these boards they most often do.

If only a breif email he could have sent to say Im sorry, I need to end it.

But then youd be writing here of why and needing more closure.

So you see...the ending is always hard, its a gray area where your left to wonder if it was real, if you were used, does he truly love his wife, did you just meet at the wrong time, does he miss you, will he come back, will you let him back...all these questions the xap is left to answer.

More than ANY moral reason, (and moral us important) but if when the first stages of an affair start..if you had a crystal ball to see how your heart would be left shattered, your self esteem damaged, your emotions in sheer destruct and turmoil...none of us would have chosen the path.

So now you can only take the memory, learn any lessons, pray for peace and strength, formulate STRONG a STRONG plan to not let him come back for another round (or 10) just choose to be done.

One of the cruelest things my xeap did was abruptly disappear and cut ALL contact before the holidays one year.

It wrecked xmas and left me in sheer depression and when I look back Im ashamed I LET it bring me to my knees.

I didn't have to. I should've been relieved and thankful and used the beautiful snow, Christmas lights, sweet carols, acts of kindness and good deeds to heal.

Its what you can do. Go to your city...look at the homeless and lonely and lost...volunteer some blankets and food and be so thankful your worst problem is a cheating ahole walked out of your life and go get excited for a new year and new chapter as he sits home with his selfish demeanor and same old same old life and marriage.

You dont need him. Onward and upward!!

[Popsicle]

The thing about A's is that they are not above board.... they violate all rules, so there are none. Anything could go (potentially) and that puts you in a most vulnerable position. Once that happens the only thing your left to do as a single OM/OW is lick your wounds. The best thing to do IMO is to accept that this is a dead end first and end it before MP does.