soulseek Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 My boyfriend and I met in the summer. He decided to move to my city and has been here since Setpetmber. He made this decision on his own although I was more than happy that he did. Now that summer is nearing, he wants to move back to his city for the summer. I am just graduating university looking to begin my career here in my city. I am not able to move due to licensing. He expects that during the summer, I move and try to apply for jobs from his city, and fly back and forth for interviews. This will show him that I am putting in equal effort. However, I've put in six years of schooling to get to where I am at. He is constantly picking up new contracts for different companies that often allow him to work from home. I feel like this is an unfair situation. I mentioned him moving back home, and that I could fly out to visit, however apparently that is not enough. He said if he moves make in September, he also expects that I move in with him. Am I in the wrong? What is happening? Is he being selfish? Or am I inflexible? Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Yes, he put in a lot of effort to move to you and is likely feeling a bit resentful about it knowing that you won't be able to do the same. However, I do think he is being selfish and inflexible. I don't think you should move given your circumstances. He made the decision to move to you...no one forced him to. In time, you will give him what you're able to give him but moving there now is not in your best interest and isn't fair to you. He needs to accept your limitations right now and be more understanding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 The fact that he 'expects' anything at all is a red flag in my opinion. You're an individual with your own mind. If he doesn't respect that, cut him loose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I would imagine that before embarking on a long distance relationship you would have discussed which one of you would be able to move. What previous conversations and agreements have the two of you made? Link to post Share on other sites
Empire87 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Tell him he's crazy. This guy sounds like a strange character. You say you met him last summer and he moved to your city in September?? So even if you met him in June, this guy picked up his life and moved to a different city for a girl he only met 2 months ago? How is that not a red flag concern for you? Even if we forget about that... Common sense should tell him that you are getting your degree for a reason. You need to explain that in order for you to be in a lasting relationship and make it work, you need to be prideful and independent in what you do for your career otherwise you won't be fully happy and that will affect him as your partner. Explain that at this point in your life he should recognize and support the fact that you're tryin to build yourself and establish a career. All the contacts you've made are in the city you live in and therefore you want to continue with the plan you've had since before you ever met one another. If he expected you to move after graduation then be shouldn't have moved here in the first place. If he doesn't stick with you and let you follow your goals then he's clearly not someone you want to be with long term. If he wants to move back home this summer then tell him you'll do your best to make it work and see him. Mention that establishing your career would build up your savings and you could do more if he stayed in your city but if he wants you to fly back and forth to prove your love then that says a lot in itself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 He sounds flighty . . .too many moves in a short time. Why can't you at least look into getting a license where he is? In the short term you clearly have to search for jobs where you are licensed but do you even know what the requirements for the license by him are? Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulseek Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 One thing he did say from the get go was that he would never move here permanently. He moved because his contract ended and he was looking for another contract and found one in my city for six months. I feel like the expectation never was that he would move here forever. As for finding licensing.. It's not an easy transition. If I had been in this relationship longer, I would consider moving. However it hasn't been a long enough relationship to change my life and career. I'm in Canada and it would take getting recognized equally by another province. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulseek Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 Then If the relationship doesn't work, I'm forced to stay there in that province... Or move back home and get licensed to work here (I need to put in 240 days to be licensed). Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 So chalk it up as one of those things. The geography is working against. It just wasn't meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Moving to be with them is something that nobody should ever expect of a partner - it should be something that the person moving wants of their own accord, or a discussion where each person's situation is considered and a compromise worked out. He can't just expect you to move to him because he moved to you for some time, especially as both of your circumstances are different. Is he equally selfish in other aspects of your R? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Does he move around every time one of these contracts finishes? Would he expect you to move with him Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulseek Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Moving to be with them is something that nobody should ever expect of a partner - it should be something that the person moving wants of their own accord, or a discussion where each person's situation is considered and a compromise worked out. He can't just expect you to move to him because he moved to you for some time, especially as both of your circumstances are different. Is he equally selfish in other aspects of your R? This is what I am trying to get him to understand. He thinks because my "real" job won't start until September that I should move to be with him in the summer. However, I feel like I need to be here. As for selfishness, maybe a bit. He has always kind of counted for equality... For example, he drove over to my house to see me 5 times already and I haven't made the effort to go over to his because of school etc. Also the fact that I haven't met his family or friends and he has met mine seems to be an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulseek Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Does he move around every time one of these contracts finishes? Would he expect you to move with him Generally after the contract is over he picks up a new contract in his city very easily. This would be the first time ever he moved for work.. Link to post Share on other sites
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