Bestfriend issues

[Yuki21]

Hi everyone,

 

So I am sure that my problem is kind of common, and sure that you came across it many times.. Yet it seems different everytime ^_^.

I was not sure where to put it, but this can fit in here I guess.

 

So classics: I am in love with my bestfriend! I realized that when I went abroad for half a month. Actually in normal days, we are always together and talk to each other every hour (typical bestfriends? Lol).. Yet when I left her for 2 weeks, it almost killed me! Well she called me every day, but not having her next to me was hard! We have this kind of game between us, where we play jealous, it's just to fool around, she called in a night when I was going out to party (when I was in the trip) : try fooling around with girls and I am gonna kick your butt.. We always act like this around each other, the problem, is that I didn't fool around that night, and the whole trip, didn't even talk to girls lol it was at that moment that I realized something is wrong with me. When I went back home and she saw me, she gave me the longest hug I ever had! Her mother told me that she was too sad these 2 weeks, barely eating, and only talking about me being away and her feeling all lonely! Well this information squeezed my heart lol.

And then, well, her face changed completely in my eyes, when was she this beautiful? Man, i just wanna eat her up! And as time passed by, and feelings growing wild, and as I am a 100% honest person (i should stop with that lol) I confessed! I told her that I love her! She said me too, but not in that really same way!

So now I will write what she said exactly: i love you too, a lot, but i can't imagine myself being in a romantic relationship with you! We are the bestfriends ever, and you are the best and closest person I ever known! I am a shy person, I hate being with people, but you know every little thing about me, intimate or not! This is how much I love you, and I can't loose this. I will maybe regret that one day, maybe not, but those feelings of yours, I can't answer them right now, and i don't know if I will one day.. And if it happens, hope not too late (when saying this, apparently I had a very sad face so she added) I know how much you are sad, and I am too, but I can't be without you, and this situation is killing me right now, and I know it does to you too, And it's scaring that maybe you won't talk to me anymore..

Well she stopped here, and seeing that sad of hers, I couldn't help it but force smile and calm her down and promising that I won't go away.. But really guys, My brain is refusing to understand what she said, all I get is that she rejected me, and what I am supposed to do right now? How should I really act, cause I am faking being okay right now!

And a last hint, a friend in common talked that out with her, she said: well she does love you, yet something is blocking her.. And I don't wanna give you hope, but this may work but it needs a lot of time.. And maybe not ..

 

So guys what do you think?

[preraph]

I've been in a similar situation and I gave it a try and regret it because I went from having a good friend to only being friendly acquaintances, and then lost that too. We were the same way, flirty, but it was playing. Now I didn't miss him when he was gone and fell in love with two guys while he was around and then he decided we must be together. It didn't feel right and wasn't right. I felt too familial or something toward him by that time, after three years.

 

But here is what I would do to see if this could ignite something in her. It's the best thing to do in two ways. Date another woman as soon as possible. Find a nice woman and really date her. Maybe the friend will realize she wants you more than she thought she did. If not, well, dating other women is the best way to move forward and get over her. Caution: Even if she does get jealous and panic and decide to try being your gf doesn't mean it will work. After all your relationship has developed naturally over the years to be what it is now. Good luck.

[PaperCrane]

Once a fire is lit in this kind of situation, something will be lost.

 

It will never be the 'same' from this point forward.

 

If you can think 5 years from now, and see her with you romantically, would you be happy?

 

Some people think friendships last forever. They don't. In this case you're risking something that may not last forever but is pretty good right now for something that you feel could be the best thing to happen to you.

 

If you feel it's worth it, go for it.

[Nick2009]

It looks like you are in the "friends zone". She has developed feelings towards you that are not sexual or romantic. It is still possible to change this though. If you really want to be more than friends I think you should stop doing what friends normally do. Stop being available all the time and start introducing sexual topics when you are interacting. You have to know that you are risking losing a friend this way, so you have to be sure if that is the price you are willing to pay.

 

I am in a similar situation with a former co-worker, however, we were never best friends. We became really close at work and I at first I didn't think we would ever be more than friends, but I started having feelings. I have decided to go for it, even if it means I lose her as a friend, because I don't want her in my life just as a friend.

 

In a nutshell, if you can handle losing her as a friend, then go for it. Good luck.

[Yuki21]

It's always about loosing her hien?

 

It's hard in both ways, keeping her as my bestie and seeing her with someone else, hurts, and seeing her go away and loosing her, hurts too! Well right now she is acting like always around me, as if nothing happened, well she says that we belong to each other, something like this won't make us part.. And she seems like really belieaving in that, and she is working on lasting this friendship.. Which really kills all my hopes.. I tried to have a gf, the last one said: you talk too much about your bestfriend feels like I am going out with her. So really.. For now, i am just going to take my time maybe.. Cause time is the healer they say?

[preraph]

She's already keeping you from having a girlfriend. You need to just move on and tell her you can't move on and still see her. It's a waste of time that you will regret a few years from now.