Majormisstep Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 Pops, glad you took the OLD plunge! You don't need to rush into a commitment with guy 1. Time will manage that for you ;-) How did you find out guy 3 was married? I went out on an OLD last night and was pleasantly surprised. This gentleman ticked all my boxes except, dang it, he is fairly small framed. I am a small build too and prefer a taller partner. Ah well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 3, 2016 Author Share Posted April 3, 2016 Pops, glad you took the OLD plunge! You don't need to rush into a commitment with guy 1. Time will manage that for you ;-) How did you find out guy 3 was married? I went out on an OLD last night and was pleasantly surprised. This gentleman ticked all my boxes except, dang it, he is fairly small framed. I am a small build too and prefer a taller partner. Ah well. Thanks! Guy 3 would only talk to me during work hours and was acting weird about the date on Easter Day and trying to reschedule at the last minute (to a weekday of course). Anyways I don't want to deal with that. As for commitment wth Guy 1, he is definitely trying to rush it but I figure it's because it's still so new, but I suspect that in time he will calm down. I do like him though and we are enjoying each other a lot. <3 I hope you find your perfect guy! I was only on the dating site for 2 days before hiding my profile. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 There you go Pops. These things have a way of working out. Guy 1 does really seem to be rushing though... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 3, 2016 Author Share Posted April 3, 2016 (edited) San Diego guy has been texting me today. I feel like if I keep texting with him, even just to shoot the breeze, he will be under the impression that we are having something going together. He mentioned both last week and yesterday that he plans to come up here near where I live in May for a racing event that his brother will be racing in. He asked me if I would like his brother to take me on a ride around the race track in the racing car. I said "Heck yeah!" because who can resist doing that? Ugh, what do I do? I feel guilty and not sure what to do. Am I overreacting? Am I leading him on? We're mostly just shooting the breeze, but I know he likes me and wants more, even though I did tell him that I didn't want a LDR. What should I do? Edited April 3, 2016 by Popsicle Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 I feel guilty and not sure what to do. Am I overreacting? Am I leading him on? We're mostly just shooting the breeze, but I know he likes me and wants more, even though I did tell him that I didn't want a LDR. What should I do? Before you take him up on his offer, I think it's only fair you make it clear where you stand with him. That said... A lot of people say that the first date really didn't do much for them. It was only once they got past it and started to relax that the real feelings began to flourish. Maybe spending a little more time with this guy wouldn't be a bad idea, unless you're completely adamant that you want nothing more. In which case, see my first point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 3, 2016 Author Share Posted April 3, 2016 Before you take him up on his offer, I think it's only fair you make it clear where you stand with him. That said... A lot of people say that the first date really didn't do much for them. It was only once they got past it and started to relax that the real feelings began to flourish. Maybe spending a little more time with this guy wouldn't be a bad idea, unless you're completely adamant that you want nothing more. In which case, see my first point. Well, it's just that I plan to see Guy 1 more. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 What should I do? Go NC! Now! Total NC! Welcome to the wonderful world of, Popsi. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 3, 2016 Author Share Posted April 3, 2016 Go NC! Now! Total NC! Welcome to the wonderful world of, Popsi. Well, I say that about married people. And I'm still not sure if he's married or not anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 Well, it's just that I plan to see Guy 1 more. Sounds like standard Multi Dating practice to me. If you're not exclusive, you're not exclusive. Enjoy yourself :-D 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 No, I hate all this. It stresses me out. I had told him in the beginning that I had a date with Guy 1. He asked me right afterwards how was the date and I said it was good. Then he asked me again yesterday "So you said your date was good?". I said yes it was and he had a look on his face like he was encouraging me to say more, but I didn't say more. Then he changed the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 No, I hate all this. It stresses me out. I had told him in the beginning that I had a date with Guy 1. He asked me right afterwards how was the date and I said it was good. Then he asked me again yesterday "So you said your date was good?". I said yes it was and he had a look on his face like he was encouraging me to say more, but I didn't say more. Then he changed the subject. Just remember to breath. You don't owe these men anything. A great date can be just that. A date. Not a reason to go picking out curtains and choosing your future childrens names Don't fall into the trap of being swept up in other people's excitement. Sure, he's super keen. That's great for him. That's not where you're at though and you don't have to be. Just take your time and let your feelings go where they may. People forget dating and getting to know one another should be a fun and joyful experience. Not a protracted job interview. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 So hang on, you wait ages for one bus, then two turn up at once, and now you can't decide which one to catch as they both have comfy seats and interesting views...? Yeah, that is annoying. However, this is the dating game and you decided to play it. There's no fixed rules or guaranteed payout at the end, you just go with what you feel at the time. I think you like number 1 more so maybe that's where you want to be but you need him to slow down a bit. I reckon the distance thing may become an issue for number 2 so that may be affecting your judgement here. Just please whatever you decided to do, be honest with these two guys. Tell them exactly what is going on and how you feel, don't expect them to understand or react a certain way if they don't know what is going on. Also remember that as much as you're playing this game, so are they. It's as much their decision to see you as it is yours to see them. I personally think that you are trying to rush this yourself (maybe down to number 1s speedy attitude) rather than just taking your time and seeing how it goes. This isn't a race, so just enjoy the bus journey. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 So hang on, you wait ages for one bus, then two turn up at once, and now you can't decide which one to catch as they both have comfy seats and interesting views...? Yeah, that is annoying. However, this is the dating game and you decided to play it. There's no fixed rules or guaranteed payout at the end, you just go with what you feel at the time. I think you like number 1 more so maybe that's where you want to be but you need him to slow down a bit. I reckon the distance thing may become an issue for number 2 so that may be affecting your judgement here. Just please whatever you decided to do, be honest with these two guys. Tell them exactly what is going on and how you feel, don't expect them to understand or react a certain way if they don't know what is going on. Also remember that as much as you're playing this game, so are they. It's as much their decision to see you as it is yours to see them. I personally think that you are trying to rush this yourself (maybe down to number 1s speedy attitude) rather than just taking your time and seeing how it goes. This isn't a race, so just enjoy the bus journey. The distance is an issue with San Diego guy and I told him that. Honestly, I think if I'm not seeking him out, he will lose steam on his own because of the distance. As for rushing with Guy 1, yes, it has been a whirlwind. I brought that up last night and he acknowledged and laughed about it too. I think I've been doing fair with slowing things down. He does like to repeat himself, but I told him last night that I may be moving in 2 years. He didn't like that at all and he complained. I am still getting to know him but I'm getting the feeling that he just likes to hear himself talk but will slow down if I insist on it. We're supposed to see each other on Wednesday. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 The fact he likes to repeat himself could be handy in the bedroom... but at least he's taking on board what you say. This thing about moving would be an issue, but it's 2 flippin' years away! That's like 24 months, 104 weeks, erm... a lot of days... too many hours to count. It really shouldn't be a concern right now as you're only in the early stages. Just keep that in mind and enjoy the game. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 I think if you like the first guy you need to be careful how you play it.... If I were him and knew you were still fishing, id probably back out...The same rules some of the others are saying about "just have fun" and "try them all out", is great, but bear in mind you will run that risk...Just like you, they don't have much invested....Some guys(and women, if the roles were reversed) wont play that game... Maybe then just give the 1st guy a chance at full attention....If it doesn't work, move on....I think its nuts to act like a kid in a toy store....but Ill freely admit to know nothing about this type of thing.(OLD), other that what people I know have reported to me... .02....and be well.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 I think if you like the first guy you need to be careful how you play it.... If I were him and knew you were still fishing, id probably back out...The same rules some of the others are saying about "just have fun" and "try them all out", is great, but bear in mind you will run that risk...Just like you, they don't have much invested....Some guys(and women, if the roles were reversed) wont play that game... Maybe then just give the 1st guy a chance at full attention....If it doesn't work, move on....I think its nuts to act like a kid in a toy store....but Ill freely admit to know nothing about this type of thing.(OLD), other that what people I know have reported to me... .02....and be well.. TFY I'm still fishing? I don't think I am. I got off the dating site after only 2 days. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 I'm still fishing? I don't think I am. I got off the dating site after only 2 days. Are so still fishing. You got two poles with line in the water. You got a man hooked on each pole. You know that the man on the pole with the less line is the best bet. Just let the LDR man go free. Ethical fishing is called catch and release. If one is not going to consume the fish then set it free so it is not harmed and survives healthy to be caught by another. Another part of ethical fishing is to not torture the the fish by over playing it. So land the 1st man quickly. Or release him quickly as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 I'm still fishing? I don't think I am. I got off the dating site after only 2 days. I guess this quote was probably what prompted my response... "he plans to come up here near where I live in May for a racing event that his brother will be racing in. He asked me if I would like his brother to take me on a ride around the race track in the racing car. I said "Heck yeah!" because who can resist doing that? " But if I am misreading, then my apologies.... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 I guess this quote was probably what prompted my response... "he plans to come up here near where I live in May for a racing event that his brother will be racing in. He asked me if I would like his brother to take me on a ride around the race track in the racing car. I said "Heck yeah!" because who can resist doing that? " But if I am misreading, then my apologies.... TFY Oh that... Lol No, I probably won't go. That's a long way away and if things keep progressing well with Guy 1, I couldn't do that. And even if things go bad with Guy 1, I still don't want a LDR. San Diego guy and I can be friends but that's it for now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Oh that... Lol No, I probably won't go. That's a long way away and if things keep progressing well with Guy 1, I couldn't do that. And even if things go bad with Guy 1, I still don't want a LDR. San Diego guy and I can be friends but that's it for now. Make that clear to him - us guys get confused at every thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 Make that clear to him - us guys get confused at every thing. Okay. Popsicle Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 What do I say to him? I'm so bad at this. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 What do I say to him? I'm so bad at this. You met via a dating app right? So he should be prepared for things sometimes not working out. Plus, he knows you're testing the water at present. Just be honest with him, totally. No maybe or if, none of that stuff. People who like others will ignore 99% of what is said and grasp onto the tiniest bit of hope, so make it clear. Don't do it by text either, a phone call shows maturity and respect. Speak from the heart and if he doesn't get it or starts to be off with you, then step away and don't give it another thought. You're not together, you're not an item, he hasn't found out where your moles are, you owe him nothing really other than the save level of polite response you'd expect from him if the situation was reversed. Besides, keep in mind that he too may have his feet dangling in a few pools. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 You met via a dating app right? So he should be prepared for things sometimes not working out. Plus, he knows you're testing the water at present. Just be honest with him, totally. No maybe or if, none of that stuff. People who like others will ignore 99% of what is said and grasp onto the tiniest bit of hope, so make it clear. Don't do it by text either, a phone call shows maturity and respect. Speak from the heart and if he doesn't get it or starts to be off with you, then step away and don't give it another thought. You're not together, you're not an item, he hasn't found out where your moles are, you owe him nothing really other than the save level of polite response you'd expect from him if the situation was reversed. Besides, keep in mind that he too may have his feet dangling in a few pools. He texted me last night. I did not respond. I'm a coward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 I need more tips in slowing down Guy 1 in a way that I don't lose him. I think he's starting to get frustrated. Link to post Share on other sites
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