Girls Trips, Clubbing, etc [update November 2016]

[Poutrew]

If you are on the cel phone plan, there exists the possibility that you can ask the cel company for a print out of all the texts made in the past say, 3 months. Depending on where you live and the rules of each company, you could have a nice fat text package to peruse...

[TX-SC]

You sound perhaps a little too controlling but I understand your concerns. Personally, I would not marry someone who needs clubbing, drinking, and GNO to have fun. Nor do I need any sort of male bonding that requires bars and clubs or guys night out sort of stuff. I'm just not a big fan of those sorts of activities. I might go fishing with a buddy or go to a music jam session, but those don't include alcohol. My wife does 4H and Girl Scout activities, but she doesn't drink.

 

I would trust my wife on a vacation by herself or with friends but she has no desire to do that. Surprisingly, we prefer our vacations to be with each other.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

You sound perhaps a little too controlling but I understand your concerns. Personally, I would not marry someone who needs clubbing, drinking, and GNO to have fun. Nor do I need any sort of male bonding that requires bars and clubs or guys night out sort of stuff. I'm just not a big fan of those sorts of activities. I might go fishing with a buddy or go to a music jam session, but those don't include alcohol. My wife does 4H and Girl Scout activities, but she doesn't drink.

 

I would trust my wife on a vacation by herself or with friends but she has no desire to do that. Surprisingly, we prefer our vacations to be with each other.

 

I am a little controlling but my wife's drinking, very friendly nature and some of my insecurities come into play.

 

 

I have no desire to go to bars w/o wife. I do a guys golf trip but it is in the middle on nowhere.

 

 

I did see on our computer my wife searched for the local dance club so it looks like my suspicions are spot on. She's prob planning a girls night there. Again, I don't worry about her cheating but I just don't like the idea of her being at this meat market dance club without me.

[TX-SC]

I am a little controlling but my wife's drinking, very friendly nature and some of my insecurities come into play.

 

 

I have no desire to go to bars w/o wife. I do a guys golf trip but it is in the middle on nowhere.

 

 

I did see on our computer my wife searched for the local dance club so it looks like my suspicions are spot on. She's prob planning a girls night there. Again, I don't worry about her cheating but I just don't like the idea of her being at this meat market dance club without me.

 

Yeah, I wouldn't be a fan of that either.

[Clockwork]

my wife and I trust each other............a lot. You need that or else what is the point? It will only be misery if you are insecure about things. Now, there are lines we draw in the sand. I haven't been to a strip club since we met. Just not something I think is right anymore. So there is stuff like that which I think is reasonable.

 

 

But how do I feel when we go away separately? Fine..........every year. I do it one weekend and she usually does too. You need it. Maybe it is with her mom. Maybe it is with my mom and sister. But they have a fun time.

 

 

Does she ever go out with her friends to a bar without me? A couple of times a year. I tell her to go have fun. She is not the type of girl that would cheat let alone lead a man on at a club. It is just a fun time and sometimes it makes a girl feel good to know that someone other than her husband desires her. She'll get hit on at the club and to be honest, I am sort of proud of that.

 

 

But like I said we trust each other. 10 years of marriage and I will be perfectly honest about this, there is never a time we have ever had an argument about being jealous of one another. Never. There has never been a time when she told me to stop talking to someone. We are friendly people, we are sociable and that's a good combination. My wife is a pleasure to talk to and that's how I look at it. Not that I need to be worried that she might leave me.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I think you should go out and dance with your wife. Seriously.

[kgcolonel]

Exactly what Trusted said....marriage is an investment....sometimes doing what may not be our preference BECAUSE it is important to our partner.

[ChickiePops]

You're not just a little bit controlling, you are extremely controlling. If my boyfriend tried to give me a curfew I'd laugh in his face. I'm no party girl but I occasionally go to a friends house and stay late, or go to a late movie.

 

Why doesn't your wife deserve your trust? What has she done to earn your spying and curfews?

[RecentChange]

I am going to point out that in many states it's ILLEGAL to record someone without their consent (unless in a public space).

 

Secondly, I see where you want her to compromise because YOU do not like certain activities etc - in what ways are you compromising / expanding your comfort zone to make her happy?

 

My dude enjoys things I find boring / uninteresting / time consuming in my busy schedule, but I buck up, go, and support him.

 

I will agree that clubs are a "danger zone" - but I have also never been one for "girls nights" I go out with my guy, I enjoy his company more than any of my girlfriends.

[ShatteredLady]

Can I ask if you're in the USA or England (you say 'pubs') or a different country. Dance clubs etc are perceived a little differently in different countries. Why are people talking about 'grinding on guys'? I loved dancing before my back went. I never did that!!!! I just danced with my friends...

 

I know that some say recording devices etc are fine if you've got nothing to hide. I strongly disagree. I've never given my H any reason to doubt me. I'd see any of that as a HUGE invasion. It's different if your partner has just had an affair but for a completely trustworthy person it's weird to say the least.

 

Let me be honest. It's more than that! I sing (more like cat screams! I'm tone deaf!! & talk to myself when alone. I'll pass gas with no inhibitions etc) it's just sooooo embarrassing to think I'm being recorded!!!

 

I think you need to have a very long think about why you don't trust your wife! As an innocent wife it would start to really bother me if my H was checking my email, looking at my online searches, if I had to leave ladies gatherings earlier than all my friends...that was bad enough as a teenager when my Dad would pick me up!!

 

It's starting to feel like you're sabotaging your relationship. She's your partner not your ward.

 

Sorry if this offends but the only time my H hasn't trusted me & has been controlling is when he's getting inappropriate feelings for another woman & doesn't trust himself! When he was having an affair he started reading my emails to family & friends etc.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

If you read my other posts you will see my wife is a drinker. Try to disregard that angle and on the surface is it wrong for a married woman go into a bar alone for a drink or two?

 

 

My wife had an appointment she missed last night. The next appointment wasn't for another 90 mins. She texted me that she was grabbing a drink at Drakes (nicer bar/pub that we go to occasionally) until the next appointment time. Now it is a Monday evening and she let me know what she was doing but I am still uneasy about it. I don't want to be that controlling husband and it is not like she is doing this on a Saturday night but I don't like it.

[Mr. Lucky]

If you read my other posts you will see my wife is a drinker. Try to disregard that angle and on the surface is it wrong for a married woman go into a bar alone for a drink or two?

 

That angle hard to ignore as, at least to me, it's the deciding factor.

 

I'd have absolutely no problem with my wife going to a bar alone to relax for 90 minutes between appointments.

 

But a bar to a "drinker" is like a gateway drug to an addict. Given her history, it would be a "no" for me.

 

Why did she miss the first appointment ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[rester]

I don't see why not. Unless there are other issues I wouldn't have a problem with this whatsoever. Most married men I know occasionally have a few drinks alone at a bar. Not sure why it would be unacceptable for their wives to do the same.

 

In my last relationship, both of us would occasionally stop for a couple drinks alone. We also have bars all around us within walking distance, so it makes it very easy.

 

In your specific example, I do not see a problem.

 

 

edited to add:

That angle hard to ignore as, at least to me, it's the deciding factor.

I don't know this angle, so this would fall under the disclaimer of "Unless there are other issues..."

[dichotomy]

If we ignore the drinking issue - AND - she has never betrayed your trust with another man or acted in disrespectful way with another man - ya ok I don't see a issue.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

 

Why did she miss the first appointment ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I was with her before and it was during evening rush hour. Traffic delays.

 

 

As far as drinking issues to date there have been no super serious issues (no DUIs, cheating, etc) just she usually becomes argumentative, hard to be around and our kids will notice that on occasion.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

I can be controlling at times. She is a very friendly person and the thought of another man approaching her at a bar bothers me even if I am 100% certain she would never cheat.

[Mr. Lucky]

She is a very friendly person and the thought of another man approaching her at a bar bothers me even if I am 100% certain she would never cheat.

 

Are you going to lock her in the basement?

 

What happens when another man approaches her at work, while shopping or at the gym? Either someone has earned your trust or they haven't. It's not location sensitive...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BettyDraper]

I can be controlling at times. She is a very friendly person and the thought of another man approaching her at a bar bothers me even if I am 100% certain she would never cheat.

 

It should bother you that your wife is an alcoholic and still going to bars.

You're focusing on the wrong problem.

[RecentChange]

Hum....

 

I can understand being bothered. I can tell you as a "single" (as in lone) chick going to a beer bar - dudes try to come talk to you. Its just so rare to see single women at these spots (serious sausage fests), you end up getting a lot of attention (for me, I would say even more so then if I stop by a cocktail bar).

 

So I don't know, drinking problem - drinking lowers inhibitions, opens the door for poor decisions - to me its understandable to feel uneasy.

 

Now - I have cheated (and oddly enough, despite drinking often - didn't involve alcohol at all), and I would not go by a bar alone out of respect to my husband.

 

So how is she getting to the appointment? Most of those craft beers pack a punch (even if she is enough of a drinker not to be "drunk" its very easy to blow a 0.09).

[ChickiePops]

It should bother you that your wife is an alcoholic and still going to bars.

You're focusing on the wrong problem.

 

Woah there. All he said was that she drinks..he NEVER said she was an alcoholic.

 

To know whether or not she's an alcoholic we would need the OP to define what he means when he says his wife is a 'drinker'.

 

Though I do agree that she shouldn't be getting drunk around their kids, especially not to the point where they notice..that's pretty inappropriate.

 

Going out to a bar and having a drink or two alone..not inappropriate. I do that occasionally, but my boyfriend trusts me.

[ChickiePops]

Woah there. All he said was that she drinks..he NEVER said she was an alcoholic.

 

To know whether or not she's an alcoholic we would need the OP to define what he means when he says his wife is a 'drinker'.

 

Though I do agree that she shouldn't be getting drunk around their kids, especially not to the point where they notice..that's pretty inappropriate.

 

Going out to a bar and having a drink or two alone..not inappropriate. I do that occasionally, but my boyfriend trusts me.

 

After checking out a few of the OP's previous threads, I take this back. She is indeed an alcoholic. 2-3 or more drinks a day?? Yeah, that's not cool.

[RecentChange]

Woah there. All he said was that she drinks..he NEVER said she was an alcoholic.

 

 

 

The OP has other threads where he describes his wife's alcoholism and continuing drinking problem.

[ChickiePops]

The OP has other threads where he describes his wife's alcoholism and continuing drinking problem.

 

I'm guessing we cross-posted. Please see my post just above yours.

[BettyDraper]

Woah there. All he said was that she drinks..he NEVER said she was an alcoholic.

 

To know whether or not she's an alcoholic we would need the OP to define what he means when he says his wife is a 'drinker'.

 

Though I do agree that she shouldn't be getting drunk around their kids, especially not to the point where they notice..that's pretty inappropriate.

 

Going out to a bar and having a drink or two alone..not inappropriate. I do that occasionally, but my boyfriend trusts me.

 

Oh no...I forgot to add link this to my last post. Sorry about that.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/586119-divorce-not

[aliveagain]

Friend, who drinks when they are going to an appointment specially if it's a business appointment? You will find time and time again on LS that alcohol and infidelity go hand in hand. She's tempting fate, what is she running from that requires her to be in a bar by herself on a Saturday night? Can't she wait until her appointment is done and at home or at least out with you?