Girls Trips, Clubbing, etc [update November 2016]

[aileD]

If you trust your wife then what's the problem?

 

If a guy hits on her, I'm assuming since you trust her "1000%" that she would do the right thing. You can't stop guys from hitting on your wife by denying her the ability to go out and have fun. I've been hit on before and came home and told my husband "this dude kept trying to get my number" and we'd have a good laugh. If you're secure in your relationship then it doesn't matter if men hit on her

 

For example....my daughters school has a rule that girls can't wear tank tops that show their shoulders because it "distracts the boys". They've made this a "girl" problem when it's really a "boy" problem.....

 

You're making this your wife's problem when you really have a problem with other men and your wife is paying the price.

 

Vegas is NOT the same as hedonism. Many people go to vegas and don't end up in a group orgy.

 

If she had a history of letting men grope her and dirty dancing on guys and teasing men and leading them on then...okay. Valid.

 

But she sounds like a normal girl. If you would step outside your box a little more, maybe you could have fun with her. If you can't that's fine....but don't take it out on her.

Edited November 4, 2016 by aileD

[JoeSmith357-1]

Hedonism is a bit much to compare to vegas.

 

It's not too far off...

[aileD]

It's not too far off...

 

Only if you let it be and his wife doesn't sound like she is that kind of person.

 

I've been to vegas and managed not to have sex with strangers

[JoeSmith357-1]

Only if you let it be and his wife doesn't sound like she is that kind of person.

 

I've been to vegas and managed not to have sex with strangers

 

I have been to vegas and not had sex with strippers or hookers or random drunk chicks that are at every corner

 

But I also have been there and banged 3 times a day every day I was there too.

 

I'm saying vegas isn't called "sin city" for nothing, there is opportunity (paid and free) literally at every corner, including dial by phone to your room trim.

 

So don't make it out to be like it's disney world.

 

On the flip side, i'm sure there's people who go to Hedonism and don't get laid too

[VeveCakes]

Whose making it out to be like Disney?

 

One is a destination resort geared toward sex.

 

The other is a place known for Girls and Guys weekends with lots to do OTHER than sex - like gamble, drink, swim, and see the sights.

 

Yeah there are hookers and sex and Vegas...but people don't go to the two places for the same reason.

[ChickiePops]

Only if you let it be and his wife doesn't sound like she is that kind of person.

 

I've been to vegas and managed not to have sex with strangers

 

I go to Vegas a couple of times a year and I have literally never, ever had sex with anyone there (except for boyfriends if they were there with me).

 

Not everyone will cheat if they're presented with the opportunity.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

You ladies are redicuwous. "Oh there's no difference in a guy going golfing and a girl going to Vegas but its different if the guy is going to Hedonism."

 

 

You can get into trouble at both or have fun at both. I would say Vegas has more temptations bc Hedonism is only partly a swingers (couples resort) with limited pda stuff. Its not wall to wall gang banging.

[aileD]

Maybe it's because we are girls and don't see everything in terms of sex?

 

Maybe you should consider your wife's viewpoint instead of what you'd think she'd be doing out there.

 

It seems like she just wants to go have fun with her girlfriends but you seem to think it's going to be the female version of The Hangover.

 

Most girls don't see it that way. Your wife sounds like she doesn't either . You are transferring your feelings into her.

 

Just think of it. You say you trust her, what's the big deal?

[RecentChange]

Wookin....

 

I am having a hard time separating this issue, from other issues in your relationship. I have a feeling that they are all ties together.

 

You seem very worried she will cheat - yet have said you aren't attracted to her, have a low libido, and have considered allowing/ asking her to have sex with others.

 

You have said you have cuckold related fantasies. That you WANTED her to go to a bar and flirt.

 

You have also said that she is conservative, probably wouldn't be so into these fantasies/ sex with others, and that you trust her completely not to cheat.

 

How much chasing your tail can you do?

 

As for cheating in Vegas - personally i have never witnessed it, and I have attended some pretty debaucherous bachelorette parties there.

 

I imagine your conflicting ideas, and controlling behavior, along with your issues of being hung up on your college girlfriend are taking a toll on your marriage.

[Jersey born raised]

It seems some of the biggest issues in your marriage is you. While her drinking and potential bi-polar is on her to address your issues are on you. So what is the your game plan to fix yourself?

[ChickiePops]

You ladies are redicuwous. "Oh there's no difference in a guy going golfing and a girl going to Vegas but its different if the guy is going to Hedonism."

 

 

You can get into trouble at both or have fun at both. I would say Vegas has more temptations bc Hedonism is only partly a swingers (couples resort) with limited pda stuff. Its not wall to wall gang banging.

 

Vegas isn't wall to wall gang banging either. When I go, I like to gamble, eat at nice restaurants, maybe go dancing, catch a show...I don't go to get laid.

 

Look dude, the thing is..you're her husband, not her daddy, so again, while you have every right to express your OPINION about her activities, you can't tell her what to do..it's not up to you to 'allow' her to go to Vegas or to go have a drink at a bar.

 

She's a grown woman and she can do what she wants..and you can either trust her or not. You sound controlling to the point of insanity and I'm warning you right now, if you continue down the road you're on now with this 'I won't allow you to do such and such' talk, you'll be able to stop worrying about what she's doing because you'll be divorced.

 

Also, the word is ridiculous. I don't know if you typed it wrong or if you were trying to make it sound like a baby word, but if it's the latter, you should know that adult men who talk baby talk are absolutely repulsive.

[Popsicle]

Would you ladies be okay if your girls trip was to the "Smith County Fall Festival" to watch the leaves turn while your man's trip was to the Hedonism Resort?

 

No, of course not.

[sandylee1]

It sounds like you're insecure TBH. I agree that not everyone will cheat even if they're being hit on. If my husband was going on a guy's weekend to Vegas I'd be fine with that.

 

What I see though, is despite you not finding her so attractive (I think it was weight gain), you clearly realise that other men will find her attractive.

 

If all my husband wants to do is golfing and chooses not to talk to others, that's his choice. I've been away for the weekend and a group of guys who were there golfing were hitting on us .... so anything can happen anywhere. Me and my friends were just friendly and said we were married.

 

Maybe you feel that the reduced sex will make her tempted. There is more going on as another poster mentioned.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

 

 

you have every right to express your OPINION about her activities, you can't tell her what to do..it's not up to you to 'allow' her to go to Vegas or to go have a drink at a bar.

 

She's a grown woman and she can do what she wants..and you can either trust her or not.

 

Also, the word is ridiculous. I don't know if you typed it wrong or if you were trying to make it sound like a baby word, but if it's the latter, you should know that adult men who talk baby talk are absolutely repulsive.

 

 

 

So what's the difference in having a strong opinion in not "allowing"? So hypothetically if your spouse/partner wanted to go to Bangkok with Jared the Subway dude the rational response would be "you're a grown man you can do want you want I trust you." I would think it would be that is a stupid idea and you should not go.

 

 

Calm down, "Redicuwous" is from a Seinfeld episode btw

[ChickiePops]

So what's the difference in having a strong opinion in not "allowing"? So hypothetically if your spouse/partner wanted to go to Bangkok with Jared the Subway dude the rational response would be "you're a grown man you can do want you want I trust you." I would think it would be that is a stupid idea and you should not go.

 

 

Calm down, "Redicuwous" is from a Seinfeld episode btw

 

If my fiancé wanted to go anywhere with a pedophile who's supposed to be in prison I would call the police.

 

Are many of your wife's friends pedophiles?

 

But yes, I trust my fiancé. Besides, as with your wife, he is a grown man and I can't control him.

 

The difference is that you can tell her what you think but if she still does what she wants, you have no recourse to be upset. She can make her own decisions and you either trust her or you don't.

[sandylee1]

So what's the difference in having a strong opinion in not "allowing"? So hypothetically if your spouse/partner wanted to go to Bangkok with Jared the Subway dude the rational response would be "you're a grown man you can do want you want I trust you." I would think it would be that is a stupid idea and you should not go.

 

 

Calm down, "Redicuwous" is from a Seinfeld episode btw

 

 

There comes a time when you need to examine why you have no trust or fear that your spouse is incapable of saying NO to a random guy or guys who may hit on her.

 

I could be in a room full of handsome semi naked men and wouldn't cheat.

 

Why do you think your wife would cave? Is it the influence of her friends? Are they single? Is it because she might ve tempted to get something you aren't giving her? What's it really all about?

[Wookin Pa Nub]

If my fiancé wanted to go anywhere with a pedophile who's supposed to be in prison I would call the police.

 

 

 

The difference is that you can tell her what you think but if she still does what she wants, you have no recourse to be upset. She can make her own decisions and you either trust her or you don't.

 

You're talking from both sides of your mouth. In my extreme example vs everyday example. The principles are the same ie does a spouse have a strong say (semi-control) on what the other person does or does not do?

 

 

I think it comes down to respect. If I feel it is not appropriate to be at a bar by herself then she should respect my feelings.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

 

I could be in a room full of handsome semi naked men and wouldn't cheat.

 

 

Same for my wife. But call me old fashion but a married lady should not put herself in a position to be in a room full of handsome semi naked men.

[Mr. Lucky]

You're talking from both sides of your mouth. In my extreme example vs everyday example. The principles are the same ie does a spouse have a strong say (semi-control) on what the other person does or does not do?

 

 

I think it comes down to respect. If I feel it is not appropriate to be at a bar by herself then she should respect my feelings.

 

Would you be comfortable going to a bar by yourself ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[RecentChange]

How about the bigger issue here...... I don't think you like the idea of her going to a bar alone (or the rest of the stuff you are insecure about).....

 

Because you know you are not fulfilling her needs.

 

We all know that women can and do get attention from men. If you were secure that you were providing her with all of the love, sex and attention she wanted perhaps you wouldn't feel so threatened.

 

But from what you have conveyed - she isn't getting that from you, and yes, often that leads to seeking attention from others.

 

Want to fix this issue? Fix the connection between you and your wife.

 

Are you making each other happy? Make sure that there is more good every day to overshadow all of these negative emotions - because this kind of S*** builds up.

 

I can promise you - if your wife feels emotionally neglected, sexually neglected, and then on top of it pressured to be less social due to your social anxiety - you will be going down a road that you don't want to.

 

You are basically leading her down the path to your worse fears.

[aileD]

You're too controlling.

 

No wonder your wife needs time away. She probably just needs to breathe.

 

This behavior is unattractive

[xxoo]

If you're going to be possessive and controlling, at least give her a good time at home and make her feel wanted.

 

And if you did that, you'd have nothing to worry about in vegas

[ChickiePops]

You're talking from both sides of your mouth. In my extreme example vs everyday example. The principles are the same ie does a spouse have a strong say (semi-control) on what the other person does or does not do?

 

 

I think it comes down to respect. If I feel it is not appropriate to be at a bar by herself then she should respect my feelings.

 

You missed the point.

 

Jared from the Subway commercials is in prison. If my fiance was going ANYWHERE with him, it would mean he escaped from prison..so yeah..I'd call the cops if I knew the location of a prison escapee...your example was dumb.

 

You have NO control over your wife. She is her own person. Unless you're keeping her chained in the basement then you can't tell her what to do.

 

If you don't like it, you know what you have to do. Divorce her.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

You missed the point.

 

Jared from the Subway commercials is in prison. If my fiance was going ANYWHERE with him, it would mean he escaped from prison..so yeah..I'd call the cops if I knew the location of a prison escapee...your example was dumb.

 

You have NO control over your wife. She is her own person. Unless you're keeping her chained in the basement then you can't tell her what to do.

 

If you don't like it, you know what you have to do. Divorce her.

 

Yes I missed that POV.

 

 

Of course I can't chain her but she should be respectful of my wishes and our marriage. She would not like it if my guy friends wanted to go to a gentleman's club and I would respect that it would be inappropriate and not go.

 

 

Like I said it comes down to respect. I provide for her and family so she doesn't have to work. Kids are in school all day. I don't get on her for not keeping fit or keeping a clean house. She can certainly respect my wishes that she doesn't act quasi-single.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

You're too controlling.

 

No wonder your wife needs time away. She probably just needs to breathe.

 

This behavior is unattractive

 

Sorry I may be a little old fashion and not today's male drone that society loves (ie serving the queen bee).

 

 

 

 

Why does a man wear a wedding ring?

MAN: It’s a symbol of my commitment to her.

Why does a woman wear a wedding ring?

WOMAN: It’s a symbol of his commitment to me.