Heeeelp with my problem: Should I pursue romance or keep friendship

[BenKirby1987]

Back around 3 years ago I met a girl at school and was automatically attracted to her. Since then I've become really good friends with her and still had feelings for her. Now I am 18 years old and I feel it stronger than ever. the only problem is that

1. I don't know her feelings

2. She is from a very conserative italian family ( I am English)

3. I don't want to screw our friendship up if it doesn't work out

4. I've never had a girlfriend so I wouldn't know what to do.

 

When I say it has gotten to the point beyond recognition, i mean that I could really be happy in spending the rest of my life with her because she is amazing. So, what do I do? my friends are idiots and a few like her so I know what they would say but I want a way to approach this without hurting either of our feelings whatever the outcome.

[Marshbear]

Originally posted by BenKirby1987

Back around 3 years ago I met a girl at school and was automatically attracted to her. Since then I've become really good friends with her and still had feelings for her. Now I am 18 years old and I feel it stronger than ever. the only problem is that

1. I don't know her feelings

2. She is from a very conservative Italian family ( I am English)

3. I don't want to screw our friendship up if it doesn't work out

4. I've never had a girlfriend so I wouldn't know what to do.

 

When I say it has gotten to the point beyond recognition, i mean that I could really be happy in spending the rest of my life with her because she is amazing. So, what do I do? my friends are idiots and a few like her so I know what they would say but I want a way to approach this without hurting either of our feelings whatever the outcome.

 

Someone is going to get hurt. If you confess you love for her and she doesn't reciprocate then you will be hurt. Can you really be friends if she doesn't want more? You have built her up so much over time that she is like a goddess in your eyes. Can a women really live up to this result?

You could ask her how she feels but if she doesn't give you the answer you want then you will be hurt. Your problem was to get into the friends mode way back when. You should have asked her when you decided that you liked her and wanted to date. Women rarely change their minds after you are a friend. She will give you some song and dance about how she doesn't want to ruin the friendship or I didn't know you liked me like that ( they know. Women aren't stupid. )

The bottom line is that if you ask her how she feels and she doesn't feel the same then the friendship is probably over. You think that you could stay friends but you won't be able to . It will eat you up that all that you feel for her is not shared. She is romantically unavailable to you and only to you. You will have to back away and try to recover some shred of respect. You will avoid each other and be awkward when you are in her presence.

The choice is yours but if you want to heal from this then you will just have to slowly disengage yourself from her friendship and find someone who likes you back.