I'm falling apart

[Esquire_Seattle]

2 year relationship. Been strict no contact for 6.5 weeks. Thought I was starting to feel better. A mutual friend ran into him today and told me he has a new girlfriend and is really happy. She said she told me because she thought I needed closure. I never, ever asked for this information.

I am falling apart. Hysterically crying in the car - can't even go back in to work. My mind is spinning. I'm having visions on him with someone else. This is horrible, I feel like I'm back to square one - maybe even worse.

I guess maybe I always had some hope that we would end up together. How can he move on so quickly when I am barely starting to just emerge.

[Heatemyheart89]

Hello

I feel your pain /agony. You are not back to square one. He may be happy for now (thanks 'friend) but that doesn't mean you can't be happy. One day the pain will end. Stay strong. Stay no contact. Do you really want him back? Also what is to say his drinking /avoidance won't become a problem in their relationship?

Edited March 22, 2016 by Heatemyheart89

[d0nnivain]

He's rebounding or he was cheating on you.

 

 

Either way you have to pull yourself together & go back to work. If you get fired over this your life will really suck. Don't let that happen.

 

 

My favorite short term healing helper: Write down a list of all his flaws & reasons why you are better off without him. Re-read it periodically. Also make a list of all the things you are going to do not that you have time.

 

 

Assuming your screen name reflects what you do for a living, boost your billables. Just work for a while. At least you will get stuff done. Take out your aggression on your adversaries.

[ribeto]

Just keep reminding yourself of why you left him in the first place.

 

Then again I'm trying to read between the lines and it sounds like you get way too emotionally invested, way too fast and you do the whole needy clingy thing which will send most guys running.

 

That's something you'll need to work on or you may be destined to repeat this pattern going forward.

[burnt]

Esquire_Seattle,

Just read all your recent posts. I'm so sorry for what you have been going through.

 

Since you started NC, you have been struggling for the 6.5 weeks, as you are expected to. That grieving process is normal. You wrote just yesterday that the pain is somewhat subsiding and this thing just happened today. It is very natural for you to feel like spinning out of whatever small amount of stability you have gained in the last 6.5 weeks.

 

Do realize, after your first break there was 3 month gap and then he came back. Of course it's very natural for you (even subconsciously) to want or wish that he came back after this second break-up. So it's no surprise that you're hitting rock-bottom seeing that he really has moved on this time.

 

Whether you realize it or not, though hearing of this news clearly has caused tremendous pain, but in reality your friend is actually right--you needed to hear this to close the door to him finally.

 

It's obvious that you haven't been able to properly let go--neither should you expect yourself to be able to do that only after 6.5 weeks.

 

Healing and letting go are not a linear process--as everyone says.

Initially it IS supposed to be "5 steps forward and then 6 steps backward"; but over time if you can progress into "5 steps forward and then two steps back", then that's a big progress.

 

Be patient with yourself. But more than that, be kind to yourself.

Reading your earlier posts, I thought you are a very courageous and strong person, though you may not feel that way right now.

 

For everything you've gone through in your marriage before this last relationship and the unstable torment in this relationship with this guy--it's a lot. And through it all, the way you have handled it shows a lot more strength than you can recognize right now.

 

Breaking down and crying is normal and in fact healthy. It soothes the heart.

 

When I cry, I try to think of it as rain--and after the rain is gone, it always leaves behind a serene cleansed quiet calmness all around. The rain doesn't wash away everything--it clears out the dust and brings out the buried peace onto the surface.

 

You will ok. Allow Time.

[whichwayisup]

2 year relationship. Been strict no contact for 6.5 weeks. Thought I was starting to feel better. A mutual friend ran into him today and told me he has a new girlfriend and is really happy. She said she told me because she thought I needed closure. I never, ever asked for this information.

I am falling apart. Hysterically crying in the car - can't even go back in to work. My mind is spinning. I'm having visions on him with someone else. This is horrible, I feel like I'm back to square one - maybe even worse.

I guess maybe I always had some hope that we would end up together. How can he move on so quickly when I am barely starting to just emerge.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting, how awful to find out that he's moved on and has a gf. That mutual friend should have waited for you to ask, not just volunteer that info - Though with that said I don't believe that mutual friend has your back so cut him out of your life. To tell you he's got a new gf is one thing but to tell you "is really happy" was crappy on his behalf! You didn't need to know that and I wonder if that so called 'mutual friend' didn't think or if it was intentional to hurt you.

 

All you can do is cry it out, rely on some of your close girl friends to help you and hope soon you feel better. Don't waste tears on someone for too long, who has moved on.

 

Hugs to you.

[bluefeather]

ok you know what, it happened. it's out there and it ain't goin away. C'est la vie, let it eat you for a while, and then LET. IT. Go. Look, as much as you wanted to be with this person, there is someone out there who actually wants to be with you too. Now isn't that a much better person to be with? gosh, can you just imagine a wonderful person who actually wishes to be around you?? the thought of it makes me teary. I'm serious. I was left by someone and trying to prepare myself for the worst, which could potentially by something you experienced just now. but from this perspective, I can't help but ponder on the idea that maybe it's better off this way.. I'm so sorry for the pain you must be going through, but please when you are able to, think of the wonderful idea of someone out there who will love you completely.

 

god.. I am so hurt by my ex.. I'm so tired of feeling like this.. I thought I needed her so much, but sometimes I get that glimmer of insight and possibly some kind of wisdom that comes from who knows where.. and I come to this realization: I don't wish for her. I wish for someone much better than her.. someone who wouldn't discard me and move on like I was nothing.

 

I'm not going to blame you for feeling this way. hell, I would probably be feeling the same kind of crap... it's ok to fall apart, ok? it's normal. it's HUMAN. but when you pick up the pieces, I believe you will build a better You.

[Esquire_Seattle]

Thank you to everyone for responding. And I'm so sorry to those still suffering.

[stemac]

That's not a friend, !! you didn't need to hear that at all, some people are so careless, hope you feel better soon x

[Esquire_Seattle]

That's not a friend, !! you didn't need to hear that at all, some people are so careless, hope you feel better soon x

 

She had good intentions (I think.) maybe this is what I need to move on. Maybe subconsciously I really was hoping we would end up together. All I know is I have not stopped crying all day. This feels worse that the day we broke up.

[bluefeather]

She had good intentions (I think.) maybe this is what I need to move on. Maybe subconsciously I really was hoping we would end up together. All I know is I have not stopped crying all day. This feels worse that the day we broke up.

 

keep going, Esquire. it's going to hurt, no doubt, but there're people out here who are going through the same **** or similar. you're not alone here...

[Kelsy]

Hi

 

 

OP I know this feeling.

Actually it doesnt matter what was her intention. And I know you didnt want to hear this and it hurts too much. The thing is now you can start your heeling. I came to the realization that this is it. I just have to FOCUS on my life now. We have to BELIEVE something good will happen to us and all this crap happened for reason. Try not to dwell in the past too often and dont think about him. I try to think how can I be better in my next relationship (I made some mistakes too). Maybe you can imagine he doesnt exist anymore. Actually the truth is this person is changed anyway right. He is not like the same person anymore when you were together. Just focus on what makes you happy. You need to practice this every day. Some days, moments are still too sad and depressing, trust me I know. This is rollercoaster ride. But this is the only way to get past it. Maybe he will return to you but then you are stronger and wont accept this crap. We have to get back our inner power and find happiness in our lives. We never know what future brings, we can live fully at the moment. It is better if we dont waste our time on sadness (Ok sometimes we just need to cry it all out).

 

Lets be strong together!