How do I feel confident around the person who cheated on me?

[Miss Awesome]

I'm in the best shape of my life, and I'm probably more secure and confident in my job than I've ever been in my life. But I don't feel confident or secure when I'm around my husband.

 

I can go to the extreme of not caring what he thinks because I'm mad or upset with him, but if I'm not feeling that way, I'm usually preoccupied with wondering if I'm good enough, pretty enough, fun enough, not annoying him, making him happy. I don't know how to find the balance of caring what he thinks/wanting to make him happy because he's my husband but at the same time not worrying to the extreme, I guess.

 

So how do I gain my confidence back when I'm with him?

 

He does what he can to help, but obviously I don't fully trust it yet because we haven't fully rebuilt a general trust again. Any advice would be amazing.

[Marc878]

He should be owning and carrying this 100%. It's all on him and has nothing to do with you.

 

As with most affairs he probably affaired down. So no reflection on you.

 

You can spend the rest of your life trying to understand it and never will.

 

Confident women are always the more attractive. It's in your aura.

 

Look at it this way he's lucky he has you and even more so that you are giving him another chance. Make sure his azz knows and understands this.

[Marc878]

On another note. Make yourself happy. If he wants let him come along for the tide.

[turnera]

Do you have access to his electronics?

Did he install a GPS on his car so you can tell where he is at all times?

Did he write a No Contact letter to his affair partner telling her to leave him alone, he chooses his wife?

Is he going to MC with you?

Have you two read His Needs Her Needs together and done the questionnaires?

 

These are the kinds of things that should be happening for you to be able to feel good about yourself.

 

Unless, of course, you are going to IC by yourself to learn you deserve better. Are you?

[66Charger]

I am not sure if this is a gender thing, but why in the world would you question yourself. However you think you look, there are a million FAITHFULL men who would think you are Helen of Troy. Please change your thought pattern. The real question is, Is your H, good enough for you.

 

When I had to deal with a EA (probally PA), I never questioned my looks, goals, etc. Did I think I was better than the AP in every way? Yep and still do. She may or may not have thought so at the time, but thats not my problem.

 

Did i think she was good enough for me to stay? Hell No.

 

Your Husband is damn lucky. Stop looking in the mirror and let him know there is only one person who has to do any "proving" and it ain't you.

Edited March 23, 2016 by 66Charger

[ShatteredLady]

My husband is very passive aggressive so I frequently get the silent treatment, leaving me wracking my brains to figure out what I've done wrong to deserve my punishment.

He can get very, very grumpy particularly when he's tired or hungry. He snaps & bangs around making me feel very anxious & stressed. I'm over sensitive. I grew-up in a very 'gentle' home where we constantly talked so I knew where I stood.

 

Before his infidelity it was ok. I had faith that he loved me & wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionally. I knew he didn't mean to hurt me so although I would get upset & hurt it didn't break me or cause panic attacks.

 

Now I'm an insecure mess. If he slams around & snaps at me I no longer know if it's simply his nature or if he's punishing me to make me the bad guy because he's distancing himself because a woman's caught his eye.

 

For the longest time he was being cruel. Telling me that I was a burden that he felt nothing for but if I did the right things he could love me again. I tied myself in knots trying to be the 'perfect wife' to save my precious little family but nothing I did was good enough.

 

Being on trial 24/7 was exhausting. I didn't know why I was such a failure no matter how hard I tried. I crippled myself more by doing things my doctors told me not to do & then felt drowning guilt because I was in so much agony I couldn't be perky all the time.

 

THEN came d-day & I realized that she was the reason. I spied & read emails between them. He said the most terrible things about me, our children & my parents. He compared her & her kids 'life' & vitality to us & we were always lacking.

 

I hated myself, trying to be better, look better, keep my kids quiet & not fighting so we could be as good as her & her kids. He sent her beautiful flowers to "The best mother in the world!". We just couldn't compare to the 'picture perfect' that she offered.

 

The problem now is, like tonight, he walks in, slams doors. It my fault! I'd lost track of time playing with my kids & dinner wasn't ready & the children weren't bathed & ready for bed. I messed-up. Before it would of been ok. I would of grovel led, kissed & cuddled & even when he rejected me I knew that he loved me really & didn't mean to hurt me.

 

Now it's the end of the world (in my head) I have panic attacks, can't stop crying...I'm being pathetic over being told off for not being organized. I'm over reacting. But to me it's so much more than what's happened tonight! I'm so insecure. I don't know what's going on in his head. Is he thinking "She's a waste of space! I'd be better off with OW who's so perfect" I don't know.

 

I'm quiet. I'm writing here which is making it even worse! I'm snuggled with my little girl watching stories & kitties on YouTube & hes even more mad!! He's ate his food. The kids are ready for bed but doors are still slamming. I know it's over nothing but is it! Is this the final straw? Is he judging me? Oh it's a bloody nightmare & now the eyes are rolling because I'm crying...

[BetrayedH]

My husband is very passive aggressive so I frequently get the silent treatment, leaving me wracking my brains to figure out what I've done wrong to deserve my punishment.

He can get very, very grumpy particularly when he's tired or hungry. He snaps & bangs around making me feel very anxious & stressed. I'm over sensitive. I grew-up in a very 'gentle' home where we constantly talked so I knew where I stood.

 

Before his infidelity it was ok. I had faith that he loved me & wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionally. I knew he didn't mean to hurt me so although I would get upset & hurt it didn't break me or cause panic attacks.

 

Now I'm an insecure mess. If he slams around & snaps at me I no longer know if it's simply his nature or if he's punishing me to make me the bad guy because he's distancing himself because a woman's caught his eye.

 

For the longest time he was being cruel. Telling me that I was a burden that he felt nothing for but if I did the right things he could love me again. I tied myself in knots trying to be the 'perfect wife' to save my precious little family but nothing I did was good enough.

 

Being on trial 24/7 was exhausting. I didn't know why I was such a failure no matter how hard I tried. I crippled myself more by doing things my doctors told me not to do & then felt drowning guilt because I was in so much agony I couldn't be perky all the time.

 

THEN came d-day & I realized that she was the reason. I spied & read emails between them. He said the most terrible things about me, our children & my parents. He compared her & her kids 'life' & vitality to us & we were always lacking.

 

I hated myself, trying to be better, look better, keep my kids quiet & not fighting so we could be as good as her & her kids. He sent her beautiful flowers to "The best mother in the world!". We just couldn't compare to the 'picture perfect' that she offered.

 

The problem now is, like tonight, he walks in, slams doors. It my fault! I'd lost track of time playing with my kids & dinner wasn't ready & the children weren't bathed & ready for bed. I messed-up. Before it would of been ok. I would of grovel led, kissed & cuddled & even when he rejected me I knew that he loved me really & didn't mean to hurt me.

 

Now it's the end of the world (in my head) I have panic attacks, can't stop crying...I'm being pathetic over being told off for not being organized. I'm over reacting. But to me it's so much more than what's happened tonight! I'm so insecure. I don't know what's going on in his head. Is he thinking "She's a waste of space! I'd be better off with OW who's so perfect" I don't know.

 

I'm quiet. I'm writing here which is making it even worse! I'm snuggled with my little girl watching stories & kitties on YouTube & hes even more mad!! He's ate his food. The kids are ready for bed but doors are still slamming. I know it's over nothing but is it! Is this the final straw? Is he judging me? Oh it's a bloody nightmare & now the eyes are rolling because I'm crying...

 

**** that guy.

[Mrs. John Adams]

so...your husband has done nothing to make you feel this insecurity...this is all about you...

 

 

So lets analyze this from your perspective

 

 

What has changed to make you feel insecure....is it you or is it him

 

I think you are borrowing trouble

[whichwayisup]

I'm in the best shape of my life, and I'm probably more secure and confident in my job than I've ever been in my life. But I don't feel confident or secure when I'm around my husband.

 

I can go to the extreme of not caring what he thinks because I'm mad or upset with him, but if I'm not feeling that way, I'm usually preoccupied with wondering if I'm good enough, pretty enough, fun enough, not annoying him, making him happy. I don't know how to find the balance of caring what he thinks/wanting to make him happy because he's my husband but at the same time not worrying to the extreme, I guess.

 

So how do I gain my confidence back when I'm with him?

 

He does what he can to help, but obviously I don't fully trust it yet because we haven't fully rebuilt a general trust again. Any advice would be amazing.

 

If he's going to cheat (again) he's gonna cheat and there's nothing you can do. Question is, is he worth fighting for? is your marriage a good one? He isn't doing much to make you feel loved, secure and safe so that's on him. You can only do so much and if he's unwilling to do his part it's going to be much harder for you to trust him again.

 

How long have you been married?

 

Shatteredlady, I feel for you and I hope you figure out if your marriage and all that you're putting up with is worth it.

[Mrs. John Adams]

i am still trying to figure out what your husband did

 

I'm in the best shape of my life, and I'm probably more secure and confident in my job than I've ever been in my life. But I don't feel confident or secure when I'm around my husband.

 

I can go to the extreme of not caring what he thinks because I'm mad or upset with him, but if I'm not feeling that way, I'm usually preoccupied with wondering if I'm good enough, pretty enough, fun enough, not annoying him, making him happy. I don't know how to find the balance of caring what he thinks/wanting to make him happy because he's my husband but at the same time not worrying to the extreme, I guess.

 

So how do I gain my confidence back when I'm with him?

 

He does what he can to help, but obviously I don't fully trust it yet because we haven't fully rebuilt a general trust again. Any advice would be amazing.

[ShatteredLady]

It's what I'm trying to say. Infidelity & all the 'stuff' that goes with it completely messes with your brain. It makes you paranoid & insecure.

 

You can either be angry & convince yourself that you don't give 2 hoots what's going on in his head (I'm rarely there yet but find anger better, far better than tippy-toeing around on eggshells, pathetically desperate for any kind of reassurances)

 

Or, I don't know...I feel that every little thing I do. Every little thing that I am is being judged. Am I found to be lacking?

 

What if I was more? If I was more pretty? If I was more thin? If I was more sexy? If I was more interesting?

 

I'm confident (ish). I know I'm not a bad person. I know I have the best of intentions. I know people find me nice to be with. I'm not ugly. I don't do or think mean things...I try to understand others actions. I have deep empathy. I'm NOT a bad person!!

 

Why do I doubt ME around my husband? I'm LESS self conscious around strangers than I am with my love of ALL of my adult life!! He has seen the very best & the very worst of me. I don't 'Emotionally Trust' the way that he sees me.

 

You're supposed to be YOU with your love. Love is supposed to be blind. Love thinks you're pretty with no makeup first thing in the morning!! Love finds all of your little quirks adorable. Love holds you when you cry & tells you that everything is going to be ok, looks into your eyes & makes you feel it.

 

Love doesn't make you feel like you're interviewing for the position & any slight 'anything' could have you REJECTED....because there were more than 1 of you 'applying for the job'....Where did she score higher?? What's better about her? What do I need to do for you to love me the way you've loved me for so very many years? How many of those years, those experiences that I hold are real?

 

Sorry.

[66Charger]

Christ, all mighty, that was some trigger Shattered.

The day all that turns to rage is the day your husband will fear.

 

As to the OP, keep writing and reading. But beware, LS may have you divorcing him by summer.

[dreamingoftigers]

My husband is very passive aggressive so I frequently get the silent treatment, leaving me wracking my brains to figure out what I've done wrong to deserve my punishment.

He can get very, very grumpy particularly when he's tired or hungry. He snaps & bangs around making me feel very anxious & stressed. I'm over sensitive. I grew-up in a very 'gentle' home where we constantly talked so I knew where I stood.

 

Before his infidelity it was ok. I had faith that he loved me & wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionally. I knew he didn't mean to hurt me so although I would get upset & hurt it didn't break me or cause panic attacks.

 

Now I'm an insecure mess. If he slams around & snaps at me I no longer know if it's simply his nature or if he's punishing me to make me the bad guy because he's distancing himself because a woman's caught his eye.

 

For the longest time he was being cruel. Telling me that I was a burden that he felt nothing for but if I did the right things he could love me again. I tied myself in knots trying to be the 'perfect wife' to save my precious little family but nothing I did was good enough.

 

Being on trial 24/7 was exhausting. I didn't know why I was such a failure no matter how hard I tried. I crippled myself more by doing things my doctors told me not to do & then felt drowning guilt because I was in so much agony I couldn't be perky all the time.

 

THEN came d-day & I realized that she was the reason. I spied & read emails between them. He said the most terrible things about me, our children & my parents. He compared her & her kids 'life' & vitality to us & we were always lacking.

 

I hated myself, trying to be better, look better, keep my kids quiet & not fighting so we could be as good as her & her kids. He sent her beautiful flowers to "The best mother in the world!". We just couldn't compare to the 'picture perfect' that she offered.

 

The problem now is, like tonight, he walks in, slams doors. It my fault! I'd lost track of time playing with my kids & dinner wasn't ready & the children weren't bathed & ready for bed. I messed-up. Before it would of been ok. I would of grovel led, kissed & cuddled & even when he rejected me I knew that he loved me really & didn't mean to hurt me.

 

Now it's the end of the world (in my head) I have panic attacks, can't stop crying...I'm being pathetic over being told off for not being organized. I'm over reacting. But to me it's so much more than what's happened tonight! I'm so insecure. I don't know what's going on in his head. Is he thinking "She's a waste of space! I'd be better off with OW who's so perfect" I don't know.

 

I'm quiet. I'm writing here which is making it even worse! I'm snuggled with my little girl watching stories & kitties on YouTube & hes even more mad!! He's ate his food. The kids are ready for bed but doors are still slamming. I know it's over nothing but is it! Is this the final straw? Is he judging me? Oh it's a bloody nightmare & now the eyes are rolling because I'm crying...

 

If there's a way you can be away from him for at least 3-6 weeks, the cycle won't have such a hold on you and the fear will disappear.

 

He will still be him and he's not going anywhere

Don't worry about "what he might do" in regards to leaving.

 

I wish you would/could at least read The Verbally Abusive Relationship. You'll see it much more clearly and come to know that YOU aren't dependent on HIM. In fact, he's is dependent on you. You're the target for all of his undealt with emotional crapload. Without you, he's a sniper ng, whining mess who needs his Mommy.

 

As soon as you realize you are dealing with an actual adult-sized one year-old having a tantrum, the whole picture gets clearer.

 

These guys have three channels they can operate emotionally:

 

1. Charm

2. Self-pity

 

And when those two fail, 3. Rage.

 

They wear you down until you see them for exactly what they are.

 

The best thing that ever happened to me standing up to my husband was that book. It completely levelled the playing field. I couldn't look at him the same and he knew it. He was smart enough to ask why. So I told him he could read it. Holy cow, did that ever jerk things back in place. He's been attending weekly counseling since. He doesn't want to be a d-bag to me and when he read about the dependence on me bit, it sank in big-time.

 

But either way, if he reverts back to jerk mode, he can go that road alone. My kids aren't going to be modelled that. And they aren't going to see me crying on the floor over it either.

 

For the longest time I looked at him like he was someone so hurt by his childhood that he was just a big, hurt kid. Then it finally smacked into me. This was a man in his late 30s. And we have a kid that he was hurting with his bull. He's no longer "the hurt kid" because he was making another one quickly. So it was "smarten up or get out of the way." Frankly, he was so unstable at the time I figured the problem would take care of itself and he would take himself completely out of the picture. He chose not to. So far it's the right choice.

 

How old are the kids?

 

And OP, I don't know if those feelings EVER go away.

 

I feel them everyday.

[Cloudcuckoo]

My husband is very passive aggressive so I frequently get the silent treatment, leaving me wracking my brains to figure out what I've done wrong to deserve my punishment.

He can get very, very grumpy particularly when he's tired or hungry. He snaps & bangs around making me feel very anxious & stressed. I'm over sensitive. I grew-up in a very 'gentle' home where we constantly talked so I knew where I stood.

 

Before his infidelity it was ok. I had faith that he loved me & wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionally. I knew he didn't mean to hurt me so although I would get upset & hurt it didn't break me or cause panic attacks.

 

Now I'm an insecure mess. If he slams around & snaps at me I no longer know if it's simply his nature or if he's punishing me to make me the bad guy because he's distancing himself because a woman's caught his eye.

 

For the longest time he was being cruel. Telling me that I was a burden that he felt nothing for but if I did the right things he could love me again. I tied myself in knots trying to be the 'perfect wife' to save my precious little family but nothing I did was good enough.

 

Being on trial 24/7 was exhausting. I didn't know why I was such a failure no matter how hard I tried. I crippled myself more by doing things my doctors told me not to do & then felt drowning guilt because I was in so much agony I couldn't be perky all the time.

 

THEN came d-day & I realized that she was the reason. I spied & read emails between them. He said the most terrible things about me, our children & my parents. He compared her & her kids 'life' & vitality to us & we were always lacking.

 

I hated myself, trying to be better, look better, keep my kids quiet & not fighting so we could be as good as her & her kids. He sent her beautiful flowers to "The best mother in the world!". We just couldn't compare to the 'picture perfect' that she offered.

 

The problem now is, like tonight, he walks in, slams doors. It my fault! I'd lost track of time playing with my kids & dinner wasn't ready & the children weren't bathed & ready for bed. I messed-up. Before it would of been ok. I would of grovel led, kissed & cuddled & even when he rejected me I knew that he loved me really & didn't mean to hurt me.

 

Now it's the end of the world (in my head) I have panic attacks, can't stop crying...I'm being pathetic over being told off for not being organized. I'm over reacting. But to me it's so much more than what's happened tonight! I'm so insecure. I don't know what's going on in his head. Is he thinking "She's a waste of space! I'd be better off with OW who's so perfect" I don't know.

 

I'm quiet. I'm writing here which is making it even worse! I'm snuggled with my little girl watching stories & kitties on YouTube & hes even more mad!! He's ate his food. The kids are ready for bed but doors are still slamming. I know it's over nothing but is it! Is this the final straw? Is he judging me? Oh it's a bloody nightmare & now the eyes are rolling because I'm crying...

 

Oh shattered, I'm so sorry.....

 

Your husband is behaving like a two year old....

 

Aren't you working toward coming back home?

 

Come home now, bring the little ones and come and stay with me on the coast! I'll look after you all!....

 

OP, be confident that if your husband can't step up to work on your marriage, you can make it on your own......

[heartwhole]

Stress shows us the chinks in the armor of our coping skills. Have you struggled with self-esteem at other difficult times in your life? How did you cope?

 

Your husband's actions have caused you to question your self-esteem, but I don't believe the key to remembering what makes you MISS AWESOME lies with him. It lies with you. You are in the best shape of your life. You are confident and successful. That's who you are, regardless of your husband's actions (which have to do with him, not with you).

[waterwoman]

"He can get very, very grumpy particularly when he's tired or hungry. He snaps & bangs around making me feel very anxious & stressed. I'm over sensitive. I grew-up in a very 'gentle' home where we constantly talked so I knew where I stood."

 

Wow! Shatteredlady - that is exactly our dynamic. Or it was. I lived in a home where grumpiness and being snappy was rare. We were kind to each other. I used to be on tenterhooks around him. I still cringe when H shouts or grumps about. In H's world it's hard to talk about stuff so PA behaviour was his only outlet in the home. Out of the home he spends a lot of time with fellow football fans so lets out a lot of stress shouting at the telly and cheering (well this season he has been cheering - not usually so much )

 

BUT..... I have learned to tune all the PA sulking and because it no longer makes me tense, H is less tense so isn't so PA. Kids and I tend to laugh him out of it more and he can laugh at himself.

[sandylee1]

AK

 

You are much too kind and tolerant for your own good. How dare he criticise your children like that to the OW. It's dispicable behaviour from him. You just seem to be on tenterhooks around him.... my God how downright awful.

 

You deserve love and respect .... he stepped out of the marriage and you are the one walking on eggshells. It's just wrong.... so very very wrong. I wonder if he has any idea what he's put you through and continues to put you through.

 

Your post was so sad. Let me tell you that you're worth so much more than what you're getting. You have such a kind heart and yet your husband who should be eternally grateful that you didn't leave him and fly back home... especially after the second dday makes you feel like this.

 

It's soul destroying. That's the destructive nature of affairs and I hope anyone participating in one can see the damage they cause.

[sandylee1]

OP

 

Do things you like... some of those should be without your husband ...pamper yourself with a spa weekend. Treat yourself to a classy photoshoot .... when you look hot to trot.. you'll be confident.

 

It comes from within. Just stand tall and you'll be okay.

[ShatteredLady]

I'm sorry guys. Last night was just crappy, on top of a lot of poo & I'm finding it hard to get a grip sometimes.

 

66Charger you made me laugh. 'FEAR ME!!' Hahaha!

 

I am coming home. We are coming home. I've got to clear & stage the house & it's incredibly daunting & painful.

 

OP I'm sorry for having a breakdown in the middle of your thread.

[merrmeade]

I'm in the best shape of my life, and I'm probably more secure and confident in my job than I've ever been in my life. But I don't feel confident or secure when I'm around my husband.

 

I can go to the extreme of not caring what he thinks because I'm mad or upset with him, but if I'm not feeling that way, I'm usually preoccupied with wondering if I'm good enough, pretty enough, fun enough, not annoying him, making him happy. I don't know how to find the balance of caring what he thinks/wanting to make him happy because he's my husband but at the same time not worrying to the extreme, I guess.

 

So how do I gain my confidence back when I'm with him?

 

He does what he can to help, but obviously I don't fully trust it yet because we haven't fully rebuilt a general trust again. Any advice would be amazing.

I'm very sorry that you were cheated on by your husband only two years into your marriage. Infidelity is an awful and undeserved life blow and no two people need the same things to recover. Not sure I agree totally with 66 charger that you'll be divorcing your husband before summer's over because if how to feel more confident is your main concern, I think you haven't even begun to understand what's happened to you or even what all you are feeling. Keep posting here, read books on infidelity, and consider seeing a therapist.

 

I read the first post in each of your threads from 2014 and skimmed the forums you've posted in but didn't learn much about your situation. That is because you did not reveal many details about your situation and often your thread starter consisted of two sentences — one, the general topicand then the question, "What is your experience?" There's nothing wrong with that and you probably did get a range of opinions straight to the subject, but when it comes to infidelity you must share more of yourself here to get help. It won't be easy, but worse is pretending that a bomb didn't just blow up your marriage - and yourself.

 

For example, people explain what happened (e.g., what kind of affair, with whom, how long) and how they found out, how how their spouses reacted at first and whether they disclosed everything. Are you talking? Does he show remorse?

 

I'm in a lightening storm and will stop here. Please keep posting.

[merrmeade]

To finish:

I do agree that these stories are relevant - Re. passive-aggressive partners with entitlement issues who cheat on and intimidate their spouses (of which I'm one). I think maybe we got a bit side-tracked and at the same time ahead of ourselves - and probably you.

 

I know you're not new to LS and don't want to tell you what your goals are. But I do think you'll get better feedback if you provide more background, assessment of the status quo in your marriage, more about your current emotional state. You'll get information you can research further, opinions to consider - some subtle and gentle, others blunt and critical (which you can always ignore) - along with lots of heartfelt sympathy and understanding.

Edited March 24, 2016 by merrmeade

[Neil711]

My husband is very passive aggressive so I frequently get the silent treatment, leaving me wracking my brains to figure out what I've done wrong to deserve my punishment.

He can get very, very grumpy particularly when he's tired or hungry. He snaps & bangs around making me feel very anxious & stressed. I'm over sensitive. I grew-up in a very 'gentle' home where we constantly talked so I knew where I stood.

 

Before his infidelity it was ok. I had faith that he loved me & wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionally. I knew he didn't mean to hurt me so although I would get upset & hurt it didn't break me or cause panic attacks.

 

Now I'm an insecure mess. If he slams around & snaps at me I no longer know if it's simply his nature or if he's punishing me to make me the bad guy because he's distancing himself because a woman's caught his eye.

 

For the longest time he was being cruel. Telling me that I was a burden that he felt nothing for but if I did the right things he could love me again. I tied myself in knots trying to be the 'perfect wife' to save my precious little family but nothing I did was good enough.

 

Being on trial 24/7 was exhausting. I didn't know why I was such a failure no matter how hard I tried. I crippled myself more by doing things my doctors told me not to do & then felt drowning guilt because I was in so much agony I couldn't be perky all the time.

 

THEN came d-day & I realized that she was the reason. I spied & read emails between them. He said the most terrible things about me, our children & my parents. He compared her & her kids 'life' & vitality to us & we were always lacking.

 

I hated myself, trying to be better, look better, keep my kids quiet & not fighting so we could be as good as her & her kids. He sent her beautiful flowers to "The best mother in the world!". We just couldn't compare to the 'picture perfect' that she offered.

 

The problem now is, like tonight, he walks in, slams doors. It my fault! I'd lost track of time playing with my kids & dinner wasn't ready & the children weren't bathed & ready for bed. I messed-up. Before it would of been ok. I would of grovel led, kissed & cuddled & even when he rejected me I knew that he loved me really & didn't mean to hurt me.

 

Now it's the end of the world (in my head) I have panic attacks, can't stop crying...I'm being pathetic over being told off for not being organized. I'm over reacting. But to me it's so much more than what's happened tonight! I'm so insecure. I don't know what's going on in his head. Is he thinking "She's a waste of space! I'd be better off with OW who's so perfect" I don't know.

 

I'm quiet. I'm writing here which is making it even worse! I'm snuggled with my little girl watching stories & kitties on YouTube & hes even more mad!! He's ate his food. The kids are ready for bed but doors are still slamming. I know it's over nothing but is it! Is this the final straw? Is he judging me? Oh it's a bloody nightmare & now the eyes are rolling because I'm crying...

 

You deserve better than that, and your children should not grow up thinking that is how a husband treats his wife.

[jnel921]

The confidence should have been there when you decided to stay in the M after discovering his A. The M should have been worked on and if you still weren't happy with his behavior you would have the confidence and most of all strength to leave.

 

The only confidence I see is your WH acting like a jerk because he knows you won't leave recognizing your weakness.

 

Dont expect any improvements if this is the way you are living.