I bought a flight to Europe and we can't stop arguing

[lovesickgirl]

I met what I believe to be the man of my dreams unfortunately I live in America and he lives in England. We met at a bar, he was here in town for a month on business and we fell head over heels for each other. We spent every day together before he left back home. Once he left he admitted his love for me and told me he wanted to get an American visa to be with me cause he believed he too had found the girl of his dreams. We agreed to a LDR. It's been 8 weeks now and the last 2 weeks haven't been the same. He can be kind of dickish at times and I can't tell if it's his true colors or he doesn't realize he's doing it. I told him I need reassurance and extra attention while we figure our lives out. He would tell me the most thoughtful things, things no man has ever said to me before about my mind and body but the honeymoon phase is wearing off and we are bickering over dumb things more and more. Today I bought a $1600 flight to England to see him! He is buying our vacation home, transportation, food and touring. He seemed excited but not in the way that I've have seen him earlier on. He was getting ready to sleep and I told him good night, miss you, sleep well and all he could say was "peace out" ...my mind is spinning?! This is so unlike him! I called him out on it and felt kind of offended, he told me I had no humor and I took things to seriously and I haven't been acting like the strong independent woman I usually am. I told him I wanted some space the next few days and have been crying the last few hours. Has anyone else experienced this before? I assume the bickering comes from not being around physically to kiss or cuddle. I really believe he's my other half but why does it feel so off all sudden?

[CarrieT]

You are basing a relationship on a month's worth of limerence (google it), which is NEVER sustainable.

 

After some time apart, the magic has worn off.

[lovesickgirl]

I have to disagree with your theory of limerence. We are not obsessed with one another and do talk deeply about who we are as individuals, what we're looking for long term and what we want in life in the long run. We share a lot of the same life beliefs which I have never really connected to someone on all levels even the dark parts of my life. There's something there between us just something has been off the last 2 weeks.

[SunnyWeather]

maybe he was tired and just needed a little space?

 

being in different time zones calls for some sensitivity to each being in a different head space

[basil67]

He can be kind of dickish at times and I can't tell if it's his true colors or he doesn't realize he's doing it.

 

You realise that this is one and the same? People who act like dickheads never know that they are doing it. This IS who he is.

 

When you're in the beginning stages of a relationship, you are not only both wearing rose coloured glasses, but you're also on your very best behaviour. But this wears off as the infatuation dies down. He's now relaxing and starting to be his regular self.

 

You speak of bickering over dumb things more and more, but you also talk of deep compatibility. Thing is though, if you are truly compatible, you shouldn't be bickering.

 

For what it's worth, I don't believe that people argue over dumb things. Why bother arguing over something which is insignificant? If an issues is important enough to argue over, then they are obviously bones of contention which need to be addressed.

 

Other than the 'peace out' comment, what things are you arguing over? Can you give examples?

[lovesickgirl]

You realise that this is one and the same? People who act like dickheads never know that they are doing it. This IS who he is.

 

When you're in the beginning stages of a relationship, you are not only both wearing rose coloured glasses, but you're also on your very best behaviour. But this wears off as the infatuation dies down. He's now relaxing and starting to be his regular self.

 

You speak of bickering over dumb things more and more, but you also talk of deep compatibility. Thing is though, if you are truly compatible, you shouldn't be bickering.

 

For what it's worth, I don't believe that people argue over dumb things. Why bother arguing over something which is insignificant? If an issues is important enough to argue over, then they are obviously bones of contention which need to be addressed.

 

Other than the 'peace out' comment, what things are you arguing over? Can you give examples?

 

Well 3 weeks ago he became very ill and was irritated from being sick which I understood and everything nice and positive thing I had to say he had some sarcastic comment to follow. I called him out for it and he agreed he wasn't feeling himself and apologized and would be nicer while he recovered. A week later I got the flu! But when I needed some love and positive conversation he was still kind of sarcastic and not being himself, telling me I was being more mean than usual. During the time we were wearing our rose colored glasses (he's 30 I'm 28) he gave me a lot of reassurance that everything is fine and the fact we're not in person can be straining at times but he knows he doesn't want anyone else. The last few days he's just been kind of meh, hard to talk to, when I ask what's wrong and he's not being himself he barks back at me claiming its in my head and I'm over thinking things and everything is fine.

 

I guess I was hoping to share my extreme excitement for my flight purchase and I didn't get the reaction I am used to...

[BlueIris]

... he was still kind of sarcastic and not being himself, ....

 

He is being himself.

He's terrific sometimes and not nice sometimes.

That's who he is.

[d0nnivain]

You have a couple of options:

 

1. Find out what kind of a financial hit you will take if you cancel. See if it's worth losing that

 

2. Go & hope for the best (bad idea)

 

3. Go but understand you may be on a holiday alone where you are responsible for paying for everything accommodations, food etc. for yourself when he goes MIA

[lovesickgirl]

I have to admit you guys can be some really downers on here.

Any who, we talked and everything is fine, he apologized, I apologized, were fine at the moment.

[kidm]

I have to admit you guys can be some really downers on here.

Any who, we talked and everything is fine, he apologized, I apologized, were fine at the moment.

 

People come on here and really want "yes" people to tell them everything is great and they shouldn't worry. Unfortunately most of the time, people who post here do have reasons to be concerned and your case is no different. I bet this is not the first time he's apologized for his hot/cold d**k behavior and it won't be the last. Isn't this the honeymoon phase when he should be smitten with you and excited to see you again? From what you've described, you two seem to be fundamentally incompatible- doesn't sound like he is meeting all your needs on a consistent basis but if you're willing to play this rollercoaster game where you overlook the things that you don't like, then that's your prerogative. You're right that long distance can make things stressful so it may be compounding the situation as well. Have fun on your trip and hopefully everything goes well.

[elaine567]

He can be kind of dickish at times and I can't tell if it's his true colors or he doesn't realize he's doing it.?

 

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.” Maya Angelou

[ExpatInItaly]

I have to admit you guys can be some really downers on here.

Any who, we talked and everything is fine, he apologized, I apologized, were fine at the moment.

 

This was all based on your description of him, you understand.

 

People here are generally speaking from experience. Is some being filtered through a negative view? Perhaps. But you'd be wise to heed it too. What you described didn't sound so great. Just proceed with caution.

Edited March 24, 2016 by ExpatInItaly

[DontBreakEven]

Curious how the trip went.

 

I am in a similar situation. My LDR partner is quite dickish at times, and very loving at other times. We have bickered A LOT about this. And it's hard for me, because I don't know if it's the long distance that is compounding the issue, or if we are truly this incompatible. My partner is planning on moving to my area to be with me in a month, and frankly, I'm nervous. I'm scared there will still be dickish behavior, and I will have to end it after she has already quit her job and made the move.

[BeholdtheMan]

OP thirsty for that foreign

[yololin]

I think hearing that your SO has bought a ticket to see you is quite gratifying. In a way, he's won. I think the fantasy is becoming reality for him. Organising things isn't very romantic and can be quite troublesome. Money is being spent and logistics thought through.