Inter religion marriage. Which religion our kids should follow ?

[Shahrukh89]

Hi I am Shahrukh and I am from India, me and my girl friend both follow different religions but want to get married. Ok Let me start from the starting

 

First of all our relationship is too young to decide about getting married, but still it came up while discussing different things, we took it further and discussed it completely. My girl friend was in a relationship with a guy who was of same religion and caste, but he never treated her well and then I came in we started chatting at first and then started spending whole nights over phone calls, I liked her from starting and she started liking me with time, the reason of it could be because I was super nice with her(I am nice with all the girls). Now that we are on this stage where we are discussing about getting married she asked me whether I will be able to be a part of the rituals she do occasionally? I denied because that is not allowed in my religion (for few of you I might be sounding orthodox but this varies upon beliefs) and I never wanted to give her fake hopes. I told her that I wont be able to do the rituals but I have no problem if she does it, I also told here that it is not required for her to follow my religion(at all). Then she asked me what will be the religion of our kids ? She wants that our kids should go to temple and mosque both, again I got a problem with that, I want them to stick to one religion. Just for the sake of my love I told her that if we get two kids one may follow my religion and other may follow hers. She has problem with that as well I know it doesn't works like this but I cannot see any other solution. Please help me.

[basil67]

I agree with your girlfriend. If it were me, I'd expose my children to both religions and let them choose the religion which is the right fit for them.

[TaraMaiden2]

It's good that you address this issue now, but it's difficult for a westerner to respond, because culturally, we do not share, or even understand the same customs.

 

Actually though, your GF is very wise.

 

If they follow two religions, this will broaden their minds and make them more receptive to the fact that everybody is different, everybody has different beliefs and everybody has a right to follow whichever path they choose.

 

Sooner or later, with a good broad, unprejudiced base of thinking, children will make up their own minds,

 

If your children for example, go to both the temple and the mosque, at one point or another, they will decide for themselves what they wish to do.

They may choose Islam, or they may choose Hinduism (I presume these are the two religions you are referring to....)

 

They may decide that both religions have merits, and practise both, but commit to neither.

Or they may even decide it's all questionable and not attend either a temple OR a mosque.

 

Be careful though: Islam is a more demanding and controlling religion than Hinduism. It requires a commitment from its followers and wants total concentration.

 

Your idea is very divisive. It puts the family into a situation of conflict and confrontation. Sooner or later, one of you will demand that the other "side" re-think their position.

 

In your shoes, I would not commit any children to either religion, until they are in a position to be able to logically consider and decide for themselves.

 

Children have to reach a certain age before being permitted to think in terms of politics and to vote. They have to be old and mature enough to weigh up political messages and decide where their loyalties lie.

 

I believe it should be the same in Religion.

A child should not be committed to a specific religion until it is as old as a child who is able to commit to a political party.

 

I suspect it is you who is MUslim.

Am I correct?

[Shahrukh89]

It's good that you address this issue now, but it's difficult for a westerner to respond, because culturally, we do not share, or even understand the same customs.

 

Actually though, your GF is very wise.

 

If they follow two religions, this will broaden their minds and make them more receptive to the fact that everybody is different, everybody has different beliefs and everybody has a right to follow whichever path they choose.

 

Sooner or later, with a good broad, unprejudiced base of thinking, children will make up their own minds,

 

If your children for example, go to both the temple and the mosque, at one point or another, they will decide for themselves what they wish to do.

They may choose Islam, or they may choose Hinduism (I presume these are the two religions you are referring to....)

 

They may decide that both religions have merits, and practise both, but commit to neither.

Or they may even decide it's all questionable and not attend either a temple OR a mosque.

 

Be careful though: Islam is a more demanding and controlling religion than Hinduism. It requires a commitment from its followers and wants total concentration.

 

Your idea is very divisive. It puts the family into a situation of conflict and confrontation. Sooner or later, one of you will demand that the other "side" re-think their position.

 

In your shoes, I would not commit any children to either religion, until they are in a position to be able to logically consider and decide for themselves.

 

Children have to reach a certain age before being permitted to think in terms of politics and to vote. They have to be old and mature enough to weigh up political messages and decide where their loyalties lie.

 

I believe it should be the same in Religion.

A child should not be committed to a specific religion until it is as old as a child who is able to commit to a political party.

 

I suspect it is you who is MUslim.

Am I correct?

 

Thanks for your suggestion and yes I am a Muslim and I also know that my idea is divisive, but I do not know what to do in this situation. In India it is like if the husband is Hindu the kids will be Hindu and if the Husband is muslim the kids will be muslim(that is how it happens in all the inter religion marriages) but I am not able to agree with the fact that the kids should follow both of the religion, I know I am being selfish here because as you said Islam needs a lot of self control and determination and the next generation will have more broad thinking they might choose the easy option because Hinduism doesn't bounds you to pray specific number of times in a day, and there comes my selfishness. I will never want my children to follow what I don't(I am ready for one kid to do it but both, I just cant take it). May be I am a week person. But thanks again for taking out time to write a suggestion.

[TaraMaiden2]

Thanks for your suggestion and yes I am a Muslim and I also know that my idea is divisive, but I do not know what to do in this situation. In India it is like if the husband is Hindu the kids will be Hindu and if the Husband is muslim the kids will be muslim(that is how it happens in all the inter religion marriages) but I am not able to agree with the fact that the kids should follow both of the religion, I know I am being selfish here because as you said Islam needs a lot of self control and determination and the next generation will have more broad thinking they might choose the easy option because Hinduism doesn't bounds you to pray specific number of times in a day, and there comes my selfishness. I will never want my children to follow what I don't(I am ready for one kid to do it but both, I just cant take it). May be I am a week person. But thanks again for taking out time to write a suggestion.

 

The bottom line here is that, unless you are completely open, prepared and willing for your wife to be who she wants to be, and not concede to your requirements and demands, then you should not even think about marrying outside of your religion.

Marrying a non-Muslim who will not be willing to convert to Islam, is just asking for trouble.

[Doop]

If all the religion really succeeds in doing is dividing you from your fellow man, or from someone you love, why have the religion at all? Seriously, what does it really do for you?

[mrldii]

No offense, OP, but you must not be as dedicated/indoctrinated into your own religion as you profess, if you *allowed* yourself to fall in love with someone who doesn't share your faith.

 

If her religion's good enough to produce something worthy of your (with your religious upbringing's) love, it's good enough for your children to be exposed to, too.

 

I agree with your girlfriend: you expose your child/ren to both the religions of their parents equally and when the time comes, they will decide which - if either - they prefer.

 

 

Best of luck to you...

[TaraMaiden2]

If all the religion really succeeds in doing is dividing you from your fellow man, or from someone you love, why have the religion at all? Seriously, what does it really do for you?

 

Reminds me of the quotation:

 

"If anything in your religion encourages you to 'hate' - you really need to change religion."

[ZHguy]

You have to be really dedicated to your religion for it to make sense. In Islam, women can't marry non-Muslims because of the age old fear that the more dominant man will push his religion onto the child, whereas men can marry anybody of the Abrahamic faith (Christians and Jews)

 

Since you clearly sound like a devout member of your religion, then I think it would be wise to let go of any long-term possibilities in your relationship, because firstly, they would come in conflict with your values, which are more important than a woman. Women and friends come and go, but you stay true to who you are. More so, your relationship is prone to further conflict because of your strong religious differences, which already undermine the strength and stability of your relationship: make sure you marry into a seemingly long-lasting and strong marriage.

Edited March 27, 2016 by ZHguy

[Els]

Honestly, you won't enjoy hearing this but the religion you bring your kids up in will not necessarily be the religion your kids grow up to embrace. Your children will turn into adults, and if they have a mind of their own, they will eventually decide for themselves which religion (if any) they desire to follow, regardless of what you bring them up as. As they should. So really it's a bit of a moot point.

Edited March 27, 2016 by Elswyth

[TaraMaiden2]

Honestly, you won't enjoy hearing this but the religion you bring your kids up in will not necessarily be the religion your kids grow up to embrace. Your children will turn into adults, and if they have a mind of their own, they will eventually decide for themselves which religion (if any) they desire to follow, regardless of what you bring them up as. As they should. So really it's a bit of a moot point.

 

Let's not forget some proponents of some religions educate, others programme.

 

That's all I'll say.

[Arieswoman]

Shahrukh89,

What country do you both live in now?

 

The reason I ask because Islam is not a very forgiving religion. The punishment for apostasy under Islamic Sharia Law is death. The idea that you expose your children to both religions and let them choose later may not work.

 

Have you thought about which marriage ceremony you will have? Or will you have two, or a civil service?

 

A girl I knew married a Hindu. They had a church wedding here and then went to India for a Hindu wedding.

 

You will find that when/if you have children the Iman will be pushing her very hard to bring them up as Muslims and for her to convert.

 

And I'm sure you've heard of "honour killings"?

 

Please tread very carefully.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Arieswoman

[ZHguy]

Shahrukh89,

What country do you both live in now?

 

The reason I ask because Islam is not a very forgiving religion. The punishment for apostasy under Islamic Sharia Law is death. The idea that you expose your children to both religions and let them choose later may not work.

 

Have you thought about which marriage ceremony you will have? Or will you have two, or a civil service?

 

A girl I knew married a Hindu. They had a church wedding here and then went to India for a Hindu wedding.

 

You will find that when/if you have children the Iman will be pushing her very hard to bring them up as Muslims and for her to convert.

 

And I'm sure you've heard of "honour killings"?

 

Please tread very carefully.

 

Oh no I wouldn't say so at all. I think India's known for having its interfaith culture, especially considering that many famous Indians are Muslims with Hindu wives who let their children choose. Honour killings are too rare of a minority, and the punishment for apostasy is not at all death. He may alienate certain members of his family, but whatever best for him in the end, he should go ahead with.

[ffw]

Inter-religious marriages are not easy especillay in countries where customs, traditions and religion are very important. It seems like not only your relationship is young, but you guys are young too. You are going through honeymoon period with butteerflies in your stomach. You have to think through logically also. Besides some good points shared by LS friends, I could like to ask you a couple of questions:

 

1) What you guys will do if your parents doesn't approve?

2) How are you planning to get married: Muslim or Hindu tradition? or both?

 

When it comes to children, I agree with your gf you have to be open minded and let your children explore them. Maybe they will adopt christanity who knows. Your idea of one kid following your's and another one following her is bad idea. The best example I can give you is the actor that starts with your own name (I have some knowledge of Bollywood;)) Look it up. Also, remember Islam and Hinduism contradcits strongly in terms of worshipping. So, you have to be really open minded and not let you or your parents force your religion on her and vice-versa.

 

Just because you are born in a religion, custome and tradition doesn't make it right.

[William]

As the OP hasn't been back, we'll close this one up. OP can request the thread reopened via alert on this post ~Thank you