We are NOT a couple,he asked me to find a job in his country

[le_20]

We are in long distance, not official yet.met each other in real life but he moved back to his country permanently.

 

In December,we once talked about going for a trip and he suggested we meet each other in Feb and see how it turns out.since his schedule wasn’t finalized yet, we couldn’t buy air ticket.

 

He was still sweet and talked naughty stuff in Dec but started pulling away around Christmas.then, he went to Guam with his parents, relatives and also business partners.

 

He said he had a bit fever around Christmas and had things to deal with before he was away as he will spend 2 months in Guam.

 

After arriving in Guam, our messages decreased even more! After 4days arriving in Guam, he still hadn’t replied to my message, so I reached out to him and he said his fever hadn’t recovered, felt bad and was resting most of the time.

 

I didn’t run around like crazy woman but wished him to get well soon in funny manner, he laughed and replied that I’m still funny as always.

But these 2 weeks( start from a week before Christmas till now) , he was acting weird. Especially after arriving in Guam, he didn’t initiate message as he used to be. Even when he read my message, most of the time he didn’t reply. ( not sure if it’s because his fever or he has guests around… He has house in Guam and he invited his parents and business partners to stay at his place)

 

I played it cool but since I need to apply for visa(all those documents need time) if we still go for trip in Feb, I have to know if he still interested in me and if he is still wanting me to meet him. Should I ask him directly or just wait for him to talk about our trip?

 

Last time he talked about the trip is one week before Christmas.

[ExpatInItaly]

Just ask him directly if he still wants to make this trip, as you must start gathering documentation to apply for the visa in time. There's no point waiting for him to bring it up because this process (visa application) is time sensitive.

 

If he's moved permanently back to his country, what do you envision the future of your relationship to be?

[le_20]

Just ask him directly if he still wants to make this trip, as you must start gathering documentation to apply for the visa in time. There's no point waiting for him to bring it up because this process (visa application) is time sensitive.

 

If he's moved permanently back to his country, what do you envision the future of your relationship to be?

 

We did talk about ending the long distance and live together. Since I still have a year to complete my studies, lots of possibilities,we are still talking about it. Plus, we want to know how it goes between us during the trip(to continue and commit to each other or not) ,if we decided to be official after the trip, then we will start working on the future.

[d0nnivain]

The change in communication may be a function of his new situation. He may not have a routine yet.

 

 

Do ask about the plans, especially before you actually pay any non-refundable money.

 

 

Once you are able to relocate do not go from LDR to living together. Get separate apartments & date conventionally for a while.

[le_20]

Just ask him directly if he still wants to make this trip, as you must start gathering documentation to apply for the visa in time. There's no point waiting for him to bring it up because this process (visa application) is time sensitive.

 

If he's moved permanently back to his country, what do you envision the future of your relationship to be?

 

The change in communication may be a function of his new situation. He may not have a routine yet.

 

 

Do ask about the plans, especially before you actually pay any non-refundable money.

 

 

Once you are able to relocate do not go from LDR to living together. Get separate apartments & date conventionally for a while.

Asked him last night by saying he must be happy there, let me know his plan so I know if I have to gather document.

The message being read but no reply so far.

[d0nnivain]

Asked him last night by saying he must be happy there, let me know his plan so I know if I have to gather document.

The message being read but no reply so far.

 

 

Ugh. Texting does not fix relationship problems. It is a lousy way to communicate when it's important. If you can't call or talk in person regarding something this serious, then there is little hope.

[ExpatInItaly]

Ugh. Texting does not fix relationship problems. It is a lousy way to communicate when it's important. If you can't call or talk in person regarding something this serious, then there is little hope.

 

I agree.

 

It is going to be very difficult to maintain any sort of relationship that way.

[le_20]

Ugh. Texting does not fix relationship problems. It is a lousy way to communicate when it's important. If you can't call or talk in person regarding something this serious, then there is little hope.

 

I agree.

 

It is going to be very difficult to maintain any sort of relationship that way.

 

Thanks for being here for me.

He is good in texting and doesn't like chatting(I have weird feeling with skyping as well) , so texting works well for us so far(more than a year). We sometimes can text continuously for an hour.

Really thanks for encouraging me to ask him. I'm not sure if his Feb schedule hasn't finalized yet or he is reconsidering us.now I'll continue to focus on my own stuff and won't send him another message if he doesn't reply.

[le_20]

Update:

 

Although he did go to social media, still no reply so far.

It's really weird and strange as this doesn't look like his behavior. Never happened before!!!

According to my experience, no matter what kind of decision he made and how hard the situation is, he will always tell me directly and also give me his reasons.

[justanickname]

I can see you feel annoyed (I would as well, if I were you) to recognize he was online but kinda ignore you.

However in the other hand, I see you sent the message for 3 days? (since the 7th?) Maybe give him a bit few days, a week for example. If no reply and you are still wonder/concern, give him the last shot. And then I suggest NC if still nothing from him.

 

Anyway, good luck!

[Sweeetie]

I don't think you should send him another message. If he doesn't reply to you at all, leave it, but he should really show respect and atleast tell you if he's having second thoughts than leave you hanging. Especially when it involves you knowing whether or not you need to go through the visa application and that you need to book flights early before it gets expensive etc.

[losangelena]

Asked him last night by saying he must be happy there, let me know his plan so I know if I have to gather document.

The message being read but no reply so far.

 

This still sounds like a very indirect way to ask him what you need to know. You inquiring whether or not he still wants to go on vacation is not nagging—you need to know whether or not it's happening so you can make necessary arrangements. If I were you, I would ask again, but be as direct as possible. Don't say, "Let me know your plans," say, "Do you still want to go on vacation?" Don't give him any wiggle room—it's just causing you more anxiety.

[ExpatInItaly]

This still sounds like a very indirect way to ask him what you need to know. You inquiring whether or not he still wants to go on vacation is not nagging—you need to know whether or not it's happening so you can make necessary arrangements. If I were you, I would ask again, but be as direct as possible. Don't say, "Let me know your plans," say, "Do you still want to go on vacation?" Don't give him any wiggle room—it's just causing you more anxiety.

 

Spot-on advice.

 

OP, do as losangelena suggests. You're not being a nag because you need to know what the heck is going on. This is not an unreasonable or annoying question.

[le_20]

This still sounds like a very indirect way to ask him what you need to know. You inquiring whether or not he still wants to go on vacation is not nagging—you need to know whether or not it's happening so you can make necessary arrangements. If I were you, I would ask again, but be as direct as possible. Don't say, "Let me know your plans," say, "Do you still want to go on vacation?" Don't give him any wiggle room—it's just causing you more anxiety.

 

i asked that because our plan was if he couldnt extend his stay in Guam and need to go back to his country,then i'll fly to his country which doesnt need visa.

maybe....i should ask him "will we meet in Feb? "

any comment?

[ExpatInItaly]

i asked that because our plan was if he couldnt extend his stay in Guam and need to go back to his country,then i'll fly to his country which doesnt need visa.

maybe....i should ask him "will we meet in Feb? "

any comment?

 

Of course.

 

I wouldn't wait any longer to ask, only because I've been through the visa process a few times and know it can take a bit of time to secure one. If he waffles or doesn't respond promptly, I'd consider the trip off.

[le_20]

Of course.

 

I wouldn't wait any longer to ask, only because I've been through the visa process a few times and know it can take a bit of time to secure one. If he waffles or doesn't respond promptly, I'd consider the trip off.

 

Update:

I didnt ask him and just gave him space. Its been 2 weeks since i received his last message and its been 8 days since i asked him about our Feb trip plan.No reply so far.

 

recently,he started liking my social media posts.

although i feel maybe he changed his mind or something is happening but i have no idea.

 

Now i no longer care about the trip. I checked on articles on websites,some suggest to leave him alone until he comes back(or he may not come back),some suggest ask him whats happening ONCE.

 

since im not sure whats the problem is(maybe related to me maybe not)Im thinking of asking him something like "I'm missing the conversation we've had. Whats happening over there in your world?"

 

your thought?

Edited January 16, 2016 by le_20

[TMichaels]

For whatever reason this guy thinks it's okay to ignore you and leave you hanging, then worm his way back into your good graces by doing something as juvenile as liking your social media posts.

 

I wouldn't ask him a thing. In fact, I'd cease all contact and block him.

 

It's been said over and over on this forum as well as in real life: "Actions speak louder than words." You deserve more respect than this guy has shown you. There are more and better fish in the sea than he.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[ExpatInItaly]

For whatever reason this guy thinks it's okay to ignore you and leave you hanging, then worm his way back into your good graces by doing something as juvenile as liking your social media posts.

 

I wouldn't ask him a thing. In fact, I'd cease all contact and block him.

 

It's been said over and over on this forum as well as in real life: "Actions speak louder than words." You deserve more respect than this guy has shown you. There are more and better fish in the sea than he.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

Exactly. OP, he doesn't respect you. This is going to be too much hassle and his interest level just isn't there.

[justwhoiam]

We are in long distance, not official yet.

What does that mean? Can you explain? What's the deal between you two?

 

In December,we once talked about going for a trip and he suggested we meet each other in Feb and see how it turns out.

How should it turn out? Does he need to try out the product?

 

Should I ask him directly or just wait for him to talk about our trip?

I would just forget it. It looks like it's just you making any effort (messages, trying to reach out to him, pushing for a trip together...). Leave him alone and see what happens. He didn't show too much interest in you. Why should you push things that hard with him? Give him time to understand if he has any interest in you, not to mention any feelings. In the meantime, don't engage in any sexual conversation/activity with him, if you don't want to provide him with free entertainment that he'd have to pay for. I guess you're looking for something else.

[le_20]

am really really angry...............allow me to vent.

 

 

he was the one who chased after me,really attached to me,long distance for 5 months,then closed the long distance when i moved to the Taiwan for my master course program.we were both foreigner in Taiwan.

 

After 2 dates,he said he wasnt over his ex and his ex contacted him few months ago,saying she missed him.(His ex was a cheater and gold digger)

He had been struggling between us for few months and i didnt know all these stuff until he made choice and chose his ex.

 

Yet his ex cheated again,used his credit card without telling him and was a gold digger....after 2 months they broke up.He dumped her.

 

We started dating after that, went really great and had chemistry but after 2 months,he went back to his country.He bought me air ticket and helped me with visa application.I visited him 2 months after he moved back.

 

When i visited him,he took me to his best friend's family thanksgiving lunch but by the end of the visit,he told me that its hard to maintain long distance relationship,as i have lots of things to complete in taiwan and he wont go back to taiwan.

 

I went NC,he panicked,reached out to me and rethought our relationship.He suggested to buy me ticket and visit him in Dec but i was busy with studies,plan changed to Feb spring holiday.

 

He then went to Guam with his mum in Jan,contact decreased to zero,he stopped texting me, only replied when i messaged him.

At first i thought maybe he just wanted to have his own space and enjoyed his vacation with his mum.

But when i mentioned about our trip,he didnt reply for 2 weeks,i asked him whats happening but he replied me in funny and light way(although i was sure something was wrong)

 

my spring holiday will start after 2 weeks ,can you believe that?

Just after 2 days he asked me when do i prefer to visit him as he wanted to buy me airticket, he sent me message saying that he is not interested anymore,there is no one else, he just doesnt want me to visit him while his thinking changed!!!

 

i replied "i see,hope you have happier life there,bye bye"

 

he replied "keep in touch!!! "

 

Im so angry and hurt,why do you bother to keep in touch!!???

[elaine567]

he sent me message saying that he is not interested anymore,there is no one else, he just doesnt want me to visit him while his thinking changed!!!

 

i replied "i see,hope you have happier life there,bye bye"

 

he replied "keep in touch!!! "

 

Im so angry and hurt,why do you bother to keep in touch!!???

 

He doesn't really mean it, it is is just something people say.

It is sugar coating, or indeed sarcasm in reply to your own barbed comment...

[le_20]

He doesn't really mean it, it is is just something people say.

It is sugar coating, or indeed sarcasm in reply to your own barbed comment...

 

but he is still liking my social media posts!

and he also mentioned that he looks forward to my career as time passes.

[elaine567]

but he is still liking my social media posts!

and he also mentioned that he looks forward to my career as time passes.

 

OK, so he has moved on. Being the dumper, he is not emotionally invested, so he can now treat you like a friend.

He made the decision to dump you, he is clear in his mind, he is not grieving or blindsided like you are. Any grieving he did do, he probably got out of the way, before he told you he was breaking up with you.

[le_20]

but he is still liking my social media posts!

and he also mentioned that he looks forward to my career as time passes.

 

Update,hard to believe....this morning,he sent me message saying that he believe that i will go to his country one day.

 

my school did tell me that i have chance to go to his country for internship,he knew this last year. Since he was the one said he no longer interest,then why care?!

[Toodaloo]

but he is still liking my social media posts!

and he also mentioned that he looks forward to my career as time passes.

 

So remove him from social media!

 

This guy isn't worth the bother. Just move on from him and block, delete etc.

 

He is only doing it because he wants to be the "good guy" and be "friends" and be seen as nice.

 

Sod it! You don't need that. Just move on and forget him.