What is so great about no contact?

[Jess28]

I feel so ugly and fat. I feel like there will never ever be a man that was like him that would ever be with me again. I'm so devasted and so lost. This is merely just the superficial part of this breakup.

[The_Dork_Lard]

Your first paragraph screams 'intense experience'. You were definitely in love, and you're definitely in the midst of love withdrawal. But that's all it is - withdrawal... you're in rehab right now. You just have to get past intense cravings.

 

I relate entirely.

 

Know that each time you feel this intense, there WILL be a period (perhaps the next day, perhaps in a few days) where you'll feel a bit more over him than you have until now. It might take you by surprise, but soon you'll wake up and feel the opposite to how you feel today. I promise. In fact, I'm willing to bet a few months from now, probably sooner, you'll see exactly how you've magnified his attributes, and think to yourself "you weren't all that at all". That's not to say he isn't attractive, but there are equally as attractive men out there that will charm you (just beware of the charm, it's a very powerful weapon, as you have found).

 

And yes, you will totally feel this way again, but maybe not for some time. I know you cannot believe that right now, but you will.

 

11 years ago I had the mother of all breakups. Every tiny physical detail of her was magnified, and bathed in golden sunlight in my mind. I was going insane. I'd have disassociative experiences where I'd not recognise roads I'd driven on hundreds of times before. Where I felt a million miles away from planet earth - totally disconnected. I cried everyday for 3 months. I had 6 weeks off work due to 'stress and depression'.

 

Now when I look at her picture, I'm like "meh, her feet are too wide, her armpits are hairy, she has a snotty, entitled facial expression".

 

Since that time, 11 years ago, I've felt that way to varying degrees about 4 women - especially 2 of them. The last of which brought me here.

 

Just look after yourself, and most importantly, give yourself time to grieve. This is a process, you're processing a situation, and you're at the start of that process.

 

If I could offer one more piece of advice, know that this process will make you more enlightened and stronger when you come out the other side. You just have to allow yourself to eventually get there.

 

p.s. he wasn't that perfect. He sounds like the kind of arse-hole I loved to hate at school - developing charm to simply pick up girls. You'll see that one day. He sounds like the male equivalent of the man-eater.

[d0nnivain]

I feel so ugly and fat. I feel like there will never ever be a man that was like him that would ever be with me again. I'm so devasted and so lost. This is merely just the superficial part of this breakup.

 

Your off your game because your relationship changed. It gave your self esteem a hard knock.

 

 

Join a gym or use your free time to exercise some other way. It will help with the feeling fat & prevent you from depressed comfort eating.

 

 

Also change your hairstyle. Sounds ridiculous but it helps.

[Jess28]

Your first paragraph screams 'intense experience'. You were definitely in love, and you're definitely in the midst of love withdrawal. But that's all it is - withdrawal... you're in rehab right now. You just have to get past intense cravings.

 

I relate entirely.

 

Know that each time you feel this intense, there WILL be a period (perhaps the next day, perhaps in a few days) where you'll feel a bit more over him than you have until now. It might take you by surprise, but soon you'll wake up and feel the opposite to how you feel today. I promise. In fact, I'm willing to bet a few months from now, probably sooner, you'll see exactly how you've magnified his attributes, and think to yourself "you weren't all that at all". That's not to say he isn't attractive, but there are equally as attractive men out there that will charm you (just beware of the charm, it's a very powerful weapon, as you have found).

 

And yes, you will totally feel this way again, but maybe not for some time. I know you cannot believe that right now, but you will.

 

11 years ago I had the mother of all breakups. Every tiny physical detail of her was magnified, and bathed in golden sunlight in my mind. I was going insane. I'd have disassociative experiences where I'd not recognise roads I'd driven on hundreds of times before. Where I felt a million miles away from planet earth - totally disconnected. I cried everyday for 3 months. I had 6 weeks off work due to 'stress and depression'.

 

Now when I look at her picture, I'm like "meh, her feet are too wide, her armpits are hairy, she has a snotty, entitled facial expression".

 

Since that time, 11 years ago, I've felt that way to varying degrees about 4 women - especially 2 of them. The last of which brought me here.

 

Just look after yourself, and most importantly, give yourself time to grieve. This is a process, you're processing a situation, and you're at the start of that process.

 

If I could offer one more piece of advice, know that this process will make you more enlightened and stronger when you come out the other side. You just have to allow yourself to eventually get there.

 

p.s. he wasn't that perfect. He sounds like the kind of arse-hole I loved to hate at school - developing charm to simply pick up girls. You'll see that one day. He sounds like the male equivalent of the man-eater.

 

Wow thank you for writing this... Helping me a lot. What you said is exactly how I feel. Every tiny tiny detail of him is magnified in my mind! I want to be at peace with this because it's killing me. I too had to leave work. My anxiety and depression so bad. I went back to work and then lost my job because my performance was just awful. I don't even blame then for firing me. I actually feel like I cannot work right now. Since absolutely everything reminds me of him I jetted to Europe to be with my father. I can say it lessoned my anxiety because it's a completely different scenery. But I still suffer inside a lot. I'm going back home in a couple weeks and that's freaking me out a lot. I sort of want to burn every single item in my place. When I even see my couch I think to all the memories associated with that. I can picture him sitting there omg I'm in tears.. The table, I seem to be able to recall every damn meal we ate there together... It's just all too much. Its too much to process. What is that about??

 

I have another question. I don't know what's hurting me more. Talking to him or not talking to him. A lot of times when I chat with him it brings a calmness to me. A lot of time I feel at first ok this feels ok. We can be friends. I can still have him in my life. Just differently. We were together since I was 15 years old. So he has been my everything for majority of my life. So with that knowledge of the age I got with him, do you think it's harmful for me to talk to him?

[The_Dork_Lard]

When I even see my couch I think to all the memories associated with that. I can picture him sitting there omg I'm in tears.. The table, I seem to be able to recall every damn meal we ate there together... It's just all too much. Its too much to process. What is that about??

As I said, it's pretty much a drug withdrawal - the drugs being the hormones and chemicals which give you intense feelings of pleasure when you're in love. In the way alcohol triggers certain endorphins, so do romantic and sexual partners. Remove alcohol, or the partner, and the brain perceives it to be the withdrawal of something that it was tricked into thinking it needed. I believe this particular aspect of breaking up can be thought of in this way. Of course, there's plenty of other things, broken dreams, self worth, etc etc, and that's a different story, and can be understood by thinking about different aspects of one's psychological apparatus. But the couch, the table, the painfully vivid details? I think that's your brain's way of sensitising you so you go out and get what it 'needs'. If you were going thirsty, I mean really thirsty, you'd start to think about nothing but water. You'd smell water in the walls. Your brain would make sure you're so tuned in that you absolutely find water. Your relationship with water would suddenly become a lot more serious. Does this make sense? I feel this is a simple way of thinking of it. As with all junkies, enough cold turkey, and they overcome their addiction, because unlike water, the physical body doesn't need drugs. It doesn't need booze, heroin, or lovers... not physically anyway. Spiritually, maybe, but not physically. But if it needs them spiritually, this raises a deeper and obvious question: why? The pain and process of breakups helps you... no, FORCES you to answer this question.

 

I remember times of excruciating vivid detail, but the other day, 11 years on, I realised I can't remember what her bathroom looked like. I can't really picture her anymore. I forget what car she changed her old one for. I only remember about 10 moments from our 1 year relationship, and they're almost in shades of grey.

 

I have another question. I don't know what's hurting me more. Talking to him or not talking to him. A lot of times when I chat with him it brings a calmness to me. A lot of time I feel at first ok this feels ok. We can be friends. I can still have him in my life. Just differently. We were together since I was 15 years old. So he has been my everything for majority of my life. So with that knowledge of the age I got with him, do you think it's harmful for me to talk to him?

Refresh yourself with the elements of grief. One of them is bargaining. "If I could just do this, then I might get this". That's what I see here. I believe it would be EXTREMELY harmful to talk to him right now. Just ride it out and wait for the anger. Then ride that all the way to acceptance. I think the time to talk to them is right when you can accept that not only that they're with somebody else, but that you can be happy for them, and feel no pain physically seeing them kiss. Until that time, don't contact them. (by that point you won't care enough to want to see him anyway).

 

This is about you now. Have a love affair with yourself. Get strong. Be an individual. If you do this, at some point, a great man will recognise it, and you can fall in love again. But until then, the BEST thing you can do is work towards accepting this relationship is over. I know that is a panic inducing thought, I know it feels impossible to let go, but try loosening your grip finger by finger. Trust me, in time you'll wonder why you ever felt this way.

 

Each time you have these intense moments, change your perspective, and imagine you're looking down on yourself in choppy waters. Wave after wave is catching you, and the waters seem to have a current of their own, a current bigger than you. Sure you can tread water, swim a little, or just go with it. But it's ultimately bigger than you. But the current is going somewhere, broadly speaking. It's moving to the shore, and it's taking you with it.

 

Also, each wave is your brain's way of healing. Each wave is repairing you a little. That's why you're having an emotional rollercoaster. You're dealing with TONS of individual hurts, and you're processing each one, all at different times (withdrawal, self esteem, broken dreams, loneliness, etc). But there is an overall picture: you're healing. Each wave should be made up for with a period of calm respite, no matter how brief. Some of these periods you may feel you're temporarily over him, even if just for 5 minutes. Then BAM, a big wave and you've gone backwards. Then calm. Then wave, then calm, wave, calm, wave calm, wave WAVE WAVE, phew.... some calm. Then you catch that final MASSIVE WAVE OF ANGER all the way to the beach of acceptance that seemed, until that point, forever on the horizon, never to be reached by swimming. Go with the current, you'll arrive at that beach some day.

Edited April 2, 2016 by The_Dork_Lard

[Jess28]

Oh my goodness. Thank you so very much for such an awesome response. I will be rereading your message over and over again. Wow. Thank you.

[The_Dork_Lard]

Oh my goodness. Thank you so very much for such an awesome response. I will be rereading your message over and over again. Wow. Thank you.

 

You're welcome.

[Jess28]

I feel so sorry for you darling & I wish this had not happened to you, but I have to say this...

 

The man you are talking about is not a real man.

 

I know you probably weren't expecting to hear that but seriously..

 

A real man would not just "go along" with some arranged marriage sham.

 

A real man would stay with the woman he loves, you, no matter what.

 

A real man does his own thing & does not bow down to anyone.

 

This man [] does not possess the traits of a real man.

 

That's all I have to say I'm sorry.

 

I'm not sure how I missed some of these replies... I really want to thank you for this response. I needed to hear that. I'm stuck in all the positives about him. I'm stuck thinking the bad wasn't so bad. That's going to take time. I believe being with him so young, so many years, I have accepted the bad as ok. I'm not sure how I feel.

[Jess28]

From 15 years old to 28. I gave so much. So much has been taken from me. My hopes, plans, dreams for the future... Even scratch that. My daily joy. The pride I felt. The happiness, the absolute comfort and love.

 

Yea maybe I'm placing him on a pedestal, I'm not really sure. All I know is that I use to see the beauty of life even in my other struggles. I felt I could make it through. Not only make it through but I always smiled through my tears. I use to feel pleasure. Pleasure in just being alive. Pleasure in fighting back during difficulties. I had joy in my heart. He and I were far from perfect, but we loved each other. We loved each other passionately. That love lasted so many years and it still lasts today. Now look at us! -he's gotta go talk to a shrink, I spend hours upon hours searching for ways to cope because we both can't detach.-

 

Why does he call me crying? Why hasnt he left yet to be with her? prolonging the inevitable...

 

There are so many problems in his life. So many obstacles and issues he faces. And I STILL wanted to be right by his side. There's no going back. This mistake he made has sealed our fate. A complete mess he made. Destroyed my heart. (There aren't words vicious enough to describe my pain). -to be forced apart not entirely by choice but damn near completely by circumstances.

 

The details in what has happened in my life this past year and a half are just unbearable.

 

Why couldn't this man just have told me he was in love with another woman. Why did it have to be this lingering feeling of doom for him? Furthermore more importantly why did I have to witness it? Seeing the depression on him. Seeing him cry and beg for her not to go through with it. I wish I would have been ignorant of all these details.

 

it feels like crowds of people just ripping him out of my arms and into someone else's. Now There I am, standing alone. With a clear wound on my chest that's bleeding profusely. This crowd sees me, he sees me, but they don't care and he cares but not enough to fight the crowd off. So There comes a few of my friends a few family members trying to stop the bleeding, but it won't stop. I'm lifeless on the ground. Everyone is trying to work on me. I try to gather enough strength to recover. I sit up and then I see him standing with her and their newborn and then the stitches can't hold and I'm bleeding out all over again. Never able to catch a breeze of peace.

 

I don't know if a scenario like mine is common or not. I thought normally when people break up its because one or both feel their time together has run its course. To end this way, I just don't understand. To know without a shadow of a doubt that had it not been for other people and his own catastrophic mistake we would be together. We had FINALLY gotten to a place of complete maturity in our relationship. We had finally figured out our differences. We almost had it all. Together. My faith sadly I admit has been altered. Or maybe I'm just angry with God right now. Very angry.

 

I think a lot about that reply from the man who spoke about waves. Waves then calm, big wave then calm. I think about that a lot. For whatever reason sometimes, a lot of times, that single post brings me comfort in the midst of a panic or anxiety attack. -thank you.

 

I wish there was more I could think or do to ease the unrest I constantly feel. I wish I could be with the man I love. Ultimately since I know this is final, I wish for acceptance. I'd give anything, any amount of money absolutely anything to change this situation. I want to cope. But I've barely let go.

[Buddhist]

It's too soon for acceptance. Grief does not happen linearly or on a time line. It took me 4yrs to grieve my last loss. He also went and had a child with another woman. It doesn't have to take that long for you and I don't think it will either because you are feeling the feelings. I shut down and just pretended it made no difference to my life, but eventually I had to face the pain and grieve too.

 

He's being dishonest with you though. He made the choice to leave, but he's trying to cling to you at the same time. It's not about him being unable to control himself, he's trying to wash his hands of responsibility. Don't let his dishonesty about that give you hope that love still lives there and keep you deep in the pain of it. He's just trying to deflect blame from himself so he doesn't have to face his own conflict and own his actions.

 

At 28 you are at the perfect time for a new start. Dating in your 30's is wonderful, finding a mature partner is something to look forward to. I know everyone thinks the 20's are their prime but that's a false premise. In our 20's we create relationships based on need and lies, we hurt ourselves and we face our own shadows. In our 30's we've had enough of such things and start looking for relationships based on something real. I know you're not ready to even contemplate this right now, but think of it as something that will be there for you when you recover.

 

You won't die from this, you will live. And one day the pain will be gone and you'll feel a sense of freedom and anticipation for the rest of your life. One day someone will come along that will make you look back on this and ask yourself....what the hell was I thinking?

[Satu]

He didn't 'make a mistake.'

 

He did something because he wanted to do it.

 

He thought about it and decided to do it.

 

He chose it.

 

 

Take care.

Edited April 8, 2016 by Satu

[Jess28]

He didn't 'make a mistake.'

 

He did something because he wanted to do it.

 

He thought about it and decided to do it.

 

He chose it.

 

 

Take care.

 

The mistake I'm talking about was him believing she was on birth control and him being irresponsible and not using protection.

 

But what you say relates to his decision. So you're right regardless. -thank you for the support.

[propagandalf]

I know how you feel - laying there with a gaping wound in your chest, bleeding out. It's the only description that comes close. I can't really give you any advice because I can't cope, either. The pain will lessen in intensity over time, though.

 

I don't know if this means anything to you, but it's something I'm always wanting to hear, which is that the way you feel is completely legitimate and not something you're choosing to feel. The thoughts you're having are unavoidable.

[Jess28]

It's too soon for acceptance. Grief does not happen linearly or on a time line. It took me 4yrs to grieve my last loss. He also went and had a child with another woman. It doesn't have to take that long for you and I don't think it will either because you are feeling the feelings. I shut down and just pretended it made no difference to my life, but eventually I had to face the pain and grieve too.

 

 

Thank you for your response and support. This site is full of just amazing, kind, helpful people. It's almost shocking. Shocking because I've lost so much faith in people in general.

 

I get so lost in thoughts about him. I regret so much. I beat myself up so bad for so many of my own mistakes. -like if I just would have handled this situation properly than this wouldn't have happened and then that wouldn't have happened and we would probably still be together. Just a mess.

[Jess28]

I know how you feel - laying there with a gaping wound in your chest, bleeding out. It's the only description that comes close. I can't really give you any advice because I can't cope, either. The pain will lessen in intensity over time, though.

 

I don't know if this means anything to you, but it's something I'm always wanting to hear, which is that the way you feel is completely legitimate and not something you're choosing to feel. The thoughts you're having are unavoidable.

 

Why's it gotta be so exhaustingly difficult? I mean there are people going through things so much worse. I almost feel pathetic. Like really? Your thoughts are consumed just about all day with someone who left you when you said you would stay? I don't know. It makes me angry that my life is so consumed with this heartbreak. I'm angry I don't have the same joy and happiness I had not long ago. I'm angry that you can trust and invest so much in someone and they can leave in a blink of an eye. How?

 

I've never been more confused in my life.

[LoverWithoutALover]

I'm sorry to hear you are in so much pain Jess. Believe me, I split from the love of my life 2.5 weeks ago. Within this time, I fell into depression (that was already there but it got real) I fought suicide, I cried, I mourned. My heart physically hurt and we weren't together anywhere near as long as you and your partner so I have no words to even try and comprehend your pain. What I have learned through the dark alleys of pain, heartbreak and grief are that it gets better. Somehow someway someday. And although it doesn't lessen my pain, I try to take comfort in that eventually I will heal, but he won't because he can't face his own issue head on, so he will still be an *insert relevant expletive here* because that's who he is, I on the other hand suppose I have some kind of hope for the days to get better. I can't imagine my life without him, I can't imagine marrying someone else but I also can't imagine living a life of pain forever so something must get better.

Hang in there, try to be busy enough to keep you going but not too busy that you aren't healing. It is a journey of growth and healing. Time is our greatest healer, the only problem here is that time actually takes time. Xxx

[keiji]

Why's it gotta be so exhaustingly difficult? I mean there are people going through things so much worse. I almost feel pathetic. Like really? Your thoughts are consumed just about all day with someone who left you when you said you would stay? I don't know. It makes me angry that my life is so consumed with this heartbreak. I'm angry I don't have the same joy and happiness I had not long ago. I'm angry that you can trust and invest so much in someone and they can leave in a blink of an eye. How?

 

I've never been more confused in my life.

 

Thinking about other people going through so much worse won't help. Your pain is real. Maybe you're not starving to death, maybe you haven't lost your house to a terrible earthquake, but you're suffering too. Around the time I saw my ex-girlfriend for the last time, my cousin suffered a very serious stroke (she's only 39). When I had the strength to visit her in a special center for people with brain damage, victims of accidents, etc, it was a real shock: wheelchairs everywhere, young people unable to move or speak, little kids on crutches... It was horrible. I went out for a cigarette and some fresh air and I remember thinking: "How can you be so stupid for spending 24 hours a day thinking about her?". Sadly, those thoughts won't linger. You're aching, and it's nothing compared to someone losing the ability to move, but your pain is there and is very real. Don't punish your self about it.

 

I'm afraid we can only provide support through cliches (I keep telling myself cliches all the time), but cliches exist for a reason: they hide undeniable truths most of the time. Try to move the focus from him to yourself. Try to be aware of the beautiful things that surround you. I'm sure there are plenty and in time you'll be able to appreciate them. It takes effort, specially when nothing except "the one that's no longer there" motivates you. Gather some strenght.

 

And above all, try to let go of resentment. I firmly believe that's the most harmful thing you can do to yourself. Only you are suffering the side effects of hate.

 

That knot in your stomach won't disappear in just a few days or weeks. It will disappear one day and reappear three days later. Enjoy the good moments to the fullest and accept the reality of sadness. Our body can only take so much suffering, so it will recede. I guess it can all be summarized as: be patient. A couple of weeks ago I said here that I was happier than I had been in a long time. A few days later I was missing my ex like crazy again, but I didn't make a big deal about it. I stayed home, didn't force myself to go for drinks with my friends or do anything particularly exciting, and the sadness was attenuated again.

 

Keep going. You'll make it. We'll all make it!!

 

Hugs from Barcelona.

[Amy4663]

I am so sorry to see that you are going through this and I can only imagine the pain you must feel. You mentioned that you are angry with God right now, and that is ok- He can handle it. But remember to keep talking to God and praying and comfort will come.

 

You also mentioned that your ex is going to a counselor. Have you considered to the same, just to have someone to vent to who can provide guidance? There are usually free counselors at local churches and community centers. It may help.

 

Please know that I am praying for you and know that with each passing day the darkness will begin to seem less overwhelming and you will find hope.

[Jess28]

I'm sorry to hear you are in so much pain Jess. Believe me, I split from the love of my life 2.5 weeks ago. Within this time, I fell into depression (that was already there but it got real) I fought suicide, I cried, I mourned. My heart physically hurt and we weren't together anywhere near as long as you and your partner so I have no words to even try and comprehend your pain. What I have learned through the dark alleys of pain, heartbreak and grief are that it gets better. Somehow someway someday. And although it doesn't lessen my pain, I try to take comfort in that eventually I will heal, but he won't because he can't face his own issue head on, so he will still be an *insert relevant expletive here* because that's who he is, I on the other hand suppose I have some kind of hope for the days to get better. I can't imagine my life without him, I can't imagine marrying someone else but I also can't imagine living a life of pain forever so something must get better.

Hang in there, try to be busy enough to keep you going but not too busy that you aren't healing. It is a journey of growth and healing. Time is our greatest healer, the only problem here is that time actually takes time. Xxx

 

 

Thank you for your response. -I don't know why, but to hear someone else say "I can't imagine not marrying them"... It's like how i feel. I'm trying to believe this is my reality but so many times throughout the day I'm like just in disbelief and shock. He couldn't have ended our time together any worse. I mean.. A baby on the way and then u actually tell me you're going to marry her because of the child. Furthermore I had terminated a pregnancy for "us" because of multiple reasons but it's like a total heart wrenching /gut punch like I've never experienced. And because she said no to him begging not to do this... Because she decided to go through with it- ultimately they will be married? He's going to marry her? Leave me after all this time to "save face"? How could I ever cope.

[Jess28]

I've been doing better. (I think)... But out of no where just now, I have become overwhelmed, a massive flood of thoughts on how it's possible I could meet someone and go through this all over again. What if I find someone I like and fall for just to be broken up with? What if I don't find someone in the timeframe to have a family? What if I just can't connect or have those deep feelings for another man again? On one hand the thought of being with any man right now makes me sick. Literally I cringe, but on the other the thought of not having someone I adore either I feel just as sick about. I could throw up. I'm overwhelmed.

[Jess28]

Why... A sick constant, irritating, debilitating question that just swirls in my head along with 12 years worth of memories. It's like I remember every single conversation. Every single moment shared. Why.

 

It's been 2 months since he technically left me. We still spoke regularly this whole time. Today, was a bad bad day for me. I became overwhelmingly depressed. Like out of no where, heartbreak hit me all over again. I thought I was doing better. I flooded his phone with calls and texts. Crying. Sobbing. Begging. Reasoning why he and I could make it through this ordeal. I got so low today that I wanted to die. I told him that. He was "enraged". After that he stopped responding. I apologized. Told him I just had a meltdown. He didn't respond. In he back of my mind I hope he continues to ignore me completely. -I'm just unable to let go. It has to be him to cut off all contact. Ignore me. I can't do it.

 

Regret and guilt kill me. I did so much wrong in the relationship. If I would have done this or not been so immature sometimes, or hurtful sometimes... I think I didn't appreciate what I had enough... I think I tried but maybe I didn't. Maybe it wasn't until he left me that I appreciated what I had? Or am I just hating myself because I can't seem to hate him. Even with all the lies and hurt he's caused me. I don't hate him. I hate me. Why do I hate me so much. I feel no one will ever compare. No one understands how I feel.

 

I booked an appointment with a phycologist. I'm a total mess again. Just want to close my eyes and not wake up. That to me sounds better than anything.

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain though happy to hear you've reached out and made an appt to go talk to someone.

 

Call a friend or post here and vent it out if you want to call/text your ex.

[Zahara]

Regret and guilt kill me. I did so much wrong in the relationship. If I would have done this or not been so immature sometimes, or hurtful sometimes... I think I didn't appreciate what I had enough... I think I tried but maybe I didn't. Maybe it wasn't until he left me that I appreciated what I had? Or am I just hating myself because I can't seem to hate him. Even with all the lies and hurt he's caused me. I don't hate him. I hate me. Why do I hate me so much. I feel no one will ever compare. No one understands how I feel.

 

OP, in your other threads you mention that he left you because he was with another woman while on a break with you and she got pregnant. The he decided to be with her. Why are you blaming yourself for the demise of this relationship?

[Jess28]

I want you to know that you have broken me. You literally ripped my heart out of my chest. I'm completely lost without you. You were my everything. I did all I could. I supported you for years. I loved you when you were unlovable. I tried so hard to make things better. You never tried like I did. You were so lazy. Selfish. But I'm still lost. Because you were so good in many other ways. But I'm also confused because maybe you weren't good. Maybe you were just a shell and I pretending you were someone else all these years. How could you leave me after everything we go through together? How could you leave me when I know how much you love me? All to save face? To make your parents happy? To make yourself feel less of a ****up? You only care about your image. You have no rea back bone. How could I love someone like you? Why do I love someone like you? Is it because you are so unattainable? Do I even really love you? Am I just in love with your potential that you haven't lived up to? Is it that I'm just in love with all your gifts and qualities but you never live up to them. Am I just angry because I'm a control freak? Is it because I can't control the situation that I want you back so bad? You took everything from me. I use to have ambition. But maybe because we got together when I was only 15. I lived for you. All I ever wanted was a family. All I ever wanted. And u turned around and gave it to another woman while we were still together?? I'm lost out here. I feel complete and utter emptiness. Nothing means anything to me. Flowers are ugly. Everything is ugly. I wish the sun would never come out. You've made me wish I'd close my eyes and not wake up. This is 90% my fault. I made you my everything. The rest is yours. You were 11 years older than me. You knew how old I was. Even though I was so mature, didn't look my age, had already been through a ridiculous amount of stuff by 15, you still knew how young I was. You should have handled me with the utmost care. You did for awhile. You didn't many times. But to end things this way. To abandon me like this. I've dealt with so much in my life. So much and you know it all. To do this to me... After I did everything I could for you. Sometimes you were trying and I wasn't. I don't know. I can't comprehend any of this. How many more months or years will you take away from me? How much more time will u take from me? How long will it take for my brain to stop wanting you and stop hurting over you? Or, will I just never recover... I don't know if I have the willpower or energy to get over this blow to my life. Yet, another one. U were the sun. U were the flowers. U were the beauty I had. But maybe it's my fault. I can't seem to hate you. I only want to love you. Be loved by you. So I hate me. I hate me instead.

[SammySammy]

I want you to know that you have broken me. You literally ripped my heart out of my chest. I'm completely lost without you. You were my everything. I did all I could. I supported you for years. I loved you when you were unlovable. I tried so hard to make things better. You never tried like I did. You were so lazy. Selfish. But I'm still lost. Because you were so good in many other ways. But I'm also confused because maybe you weren't good. Maybe you were just a shell and I pretending you were someone else all these years. How could you leave me after everything we go through together? How could you leave me when I know how much you love me? All to save face? To make your parents happy? To make yourself feel less of a ****up? You only care about your image. You have no rea back bone. How could I love someone like you? Why do I love someone like you? Is it because you are so unattainable? Do I even really love you? Am I just in love with your potential that you haven't lived up to? Is it that I'm just in love with all your gifts and qualities but you never live up to them. Am I just angry because I'm a control freak? Is it because I can't control the situation that I want you back so bad? You took everything from me. I use to have ambition. But maybe because we got together when I was only 15. I lived for you. All I ever wanted was a family. All I ever wanted. And u turned around and gave it to another woman while we were still together?? I'm lost out here. I feel complete and utter emptiness. Nothing means anything to me. Flowers are ugly. Everything is ugly. I wish the sun would never come out. You've made me wish I'd close my eyes and not wake up. This is 90% my fault. I made you my everything. The rest is yours. You were 11 years older than me. You knew how old I was. Even though I was so mature, didn't look my age, had already been through a ridiculous amount of stuff by 15, you still knew how young I was. You should have handled me with the utmost care. You did for awhile. You didn't many times. But to end things this way. To abandon me like this. I've dealt with so much in my life. So much and you know it all. To do this to me... After I did everything I could for you. Sometimes you were trying and I wasn't. I don't know. I can't comprehend any of this. How many more months or years will you take away from me? How much more time will u take from me? How long will it take for my brain to stop wanting you and stop hurting over you? Or, will I just never recover... I don't know if I have the willpower or energy to get over this blow to my life. Yet, another one. U were the sun. U were the flowers. U were the beauty I had. But maybe it's my fault. I can't seem to hate you. I only want to love you. Be loved by you. So I hate me. I hate me instead.

 

So many lessons to be learned here.

 

Which no contact will allow you to do. Reflect. Grieve. Critique. Heal. Grow. Come out the other side wiser and stronger.