FEMALE DUMPERS... Is a Physical Transformation Enough?

[leevisp]

* Short-term, whirlwind relationship. Lasted 3 months.

 

* We were crazy about each other... frequent, passionate intimacy.

 

* We were becoming good friends. Shared a dynamic, dark sense of humor.

 

* I fell too hard too fast... got crazy beta.

 

* We never fought... were always very sweet to each other.

 

* I was 65 pounds overweight, bald, and insecure about it. THIS contributed heavily to my insecurity, neediness, etc.

 

* I make great money as an entrepreneur... she was impressed by this, but was not comfortable with me always buying/offering to buy her things.

 

* I initiated contact 8 days post BU... she was kind and consoling (yuck). Went another 8 days and I broke NC... she told me this was hard for her too. Went NC for another 23 days... she ignored me. It's now 38 days NC, and 61 since I've heard a peep from her.

 

My question, especially to female dumpers, is this...

 

Over the past 3 months I have begun to transform myself. I've been sculpting my body, have lost 45 pounds (only 20 to go!), have gotten non-surgical hair restoration (cool, modern bad-boy style), and am getting dental veneers in 2 weeks.

 

I'll cut to the chase by asking this...

 

Assuming you check up on your ex bf on FB (which I'm not sure that she does, but a fella can dream) and you saw him basically transform from Jason Alexander to Brad Pitt, would that be enough to:

 

1. Make you break NC on sheer physical attraction alone?

2. Get you curious to explore the possibility of doing so?

 

In other words, how much of an impact would such a transformation have on you, if any?

 

Yeah, I'm trying to move on without her anyway. Dating other women now. Getting a lot more attention, etc. But I would really like to explore what coulda been with my ex. She's a pretty rad girl... and I'd like to think that there's another shot in there somewhere.

 

So humor me, won't you?

 

I do appreciate it.

 

 

---------------------------------

 

Cliffs:

 

* I've become FAR more physically attractive since the breakup. New body, new hair, new smile, badass new fashion sense/style, and new tattoos. I made the changes for me... I've always wanted to do this... she just provided me with the fuel to follow through.

 

* I still have some work to do to achieve my desired results.

 

* It was a short-term whirlwind romance that I am convinced ended due to my insecurities.

 

* I want to know if my physical transformation alone might be enough to inspire her to reach out, as it's visual in nature (showing I've changed, rather than simply talking about it).

 

* I've made many internal corrections post-breakup. Been reading great relationship, seduction, attraction, and personal development books. I'm becoming a far better catch all the way around. So if she DOES reach out, I am confident that I can and will rock her world like never before.

 

Thanks again!

Edited March 23, 2016 by leevisp

[HeartinPain]

3 months is not very long and she was probably feeling it out to see if the relationship was worth it in the long run. What were the reasons she told you for the breakup? You said you think it may be because of your insecurities, but was it really?

 

From a female perspective, yeah she will probably be curious about you but because it was only 3 months, she probably made up her mind that she doesn't feel any romantic feelings toward you. I think you should improve yourself for YOURSELF and move forward.

[Miss Peach]

For me, I tend to find a man more or less attractive on his personality and the way he treats me than looks alone. Men tend to grow or not grow on us over time.

 

Women need to feel attracted to a guy but I don't believe we are generally as visually oriented as men are.

 

She likely had other reasons it IMO it's not worth it unless you have take care of whatever those issues are.

[Simon Phoenix]

Not a woman but answering anyway.

 

I can't imagine losing 45 pounds in three months is very healthy. That being said, if she hooked up with you when you were overweight and bald, I'm not sure that she was too concerned with your looks in the first place.

 

That being said, if you can stay a healthier, better you, more power to you. But do it for you, not for someone else.

[Almond_Joy]

Cliffs:

 

* I've become FAR more physically attractive since the breakup. New body, new hair, new smile, badass new fashion sense/style, and new tattoos. I made the changes for me... I've always wanted to do this... she just provided me with the fuel to follow through.

 

* I still have some work to do to achieve my desired results.

 

* It was a short-term whirlwind romance that I am convinced ended due to my insecurities.

 

* I want to know if my physical transformation alone might be enough to inspire her to reach out, as it's visual in nature (showing I've changed, rather than simply talking about it).

 

* I've made many internal corrections post-breakup. Been reading great relationship, seduction, attraction, and personal development books. I'm becoming a far better catch all the way around. So if she DOES reach out, I am confident that I can and will rock her world like never before.

 

Thanks again!

 

I don't know man.

 

I was with a physical trainer for 10 months. It was a whirlwind 10 months, I fell hard. When he said he didn't want to be with me anymore I would have moved heaven and earth for his approval.

 

I think when you fall hard for someone it's hard to say, when you change, how much you're changing for them or for yourself...even if the changes are things you said you've always wanted.

 

This woman sounds a lot like that ex of mine. And the one thing that seemed to put him off the most was that I gave two s***s about what he thought of me when he didn't care at all. The fact that another person could have that much influence over how I acted and felt disgusted him.

 

If this woman's still willing to talk to you then she's probably not disgusted, but I think that mentality would be something to consider.

 

What I quoted of you above would be a good conversation starter with her if you reach back out. Confidence is always hot. Tell her you look and feel better that you ever have, and you've been able to meet some wonderful women, but you really just want to be with her again.

 

If you can handle her treating this as a short term thing then you can probably have another fun season. But if she's told you before that she's not interested in anything long term and you want a long term relationship with her, leave her alone. A few months is nowhere near enough time for a person to switch from wanting something serious to wanting a relationship, if they ever make that switch at all. That kind of transition takes at least a couple years.

[Tressugar]

Do you have any before and after pics?

[fawnlawn]

I suppose it depends on the girl. Physical appearance definitely helps when improved, and it sounds like you've done a lot of work. But also take consideration into interests, attention, and attitude.

 

It doesn't sound like you were unkind so kindness, check.

 

Attention, seems like you gave her a lot of attention but she was uncomfortable with gifts. So ample attention, check. But dial back the spending. If you ask her out again, don't take her to like McDonalds, but take her somewhere on the cheaper side or even a buffet.

 

Do you guys share a lot of interests or do you each kinda do your own thing? (I just skimmed cause I don't have my glasses on.) If you have too many similar interests, think of some new things you want to try and decide on a cheap one - ask her if she'd like to try with you. If you could share more interests, think back on some of hers and maybe if you can get her on a date talk !ore about them.

 

Personally I think you're doing everything right and going above and beyond by changing your looks. You sound like a seriously amazing guy so I hope things work out for you.

[m007]

It seems like you did a lot of hard work On yourself. Great for you!

 

But with women (I am one and do not want to speak for all of us) confidence and attitude is what counts. If you got her bald and overweight your change does not mean much for her. For me it would have opposite effect. You might have been clingy or needy as you said and that freaked her out. So doors probably closed with this one.

 

But...your new looks should give you more confidence next time. And once you realize your looks matter with the ladies it will not matter.

[oldshirt]

I'm all about self improvement and people working on becoming the best they can be. but like the other posters, I have my doubts on this particular chick.

 

 

she had the whirlwind, passionate romance with an overweight bald, insecure dude. I'm not sure she's into buff, tattoo'd, confident dudes with new hair.

 

 

But I guarantee you there are a lot of other chicks who are.

 

 

If you are getting attention and opportunities with other chicks, then there you go - knock yourself out and reap the reward of your efforts.

 

 

She didn't dump you because you were fat, bald and needy. She was screwing you when you were those things. She dumped you because she didn't want to go out with you anymore. That's on her. It's her prerogative. Just walk away and go on about your business.

 

 

Your transformation is actually quite remarkable. There will be lots of other chicks that will be into you. Put your time and energies there.

[RocketQueen]

Physical transformation would not win me back. If I was with someone BEFORE their transformation I don't see how it would matter...BUT with physical transformation there is usually a confidence boost which can have a knock on effect in many areas of your life. If your appearance affected you in a negative way and this has helped you feel better then I suspect your shift in attitude would be more appealing than the fact that you have changed the way you look.

 

Well done on the changes you've made by the way.

[JuanDelToro]

A dramatic physical change from an ex would affect most people but only the shallow ones would want to get back purely for that reason.

 

Been there done that. After my breakup, i went from being an ogre to a lean mean machine and although i know for a fact that my ex-fiance was spewing hard about that, she never tried to get back. At the end of the day it doesn`t matter, it`s not about them, it`s about you becoming the best you can be, for yourself.