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A guy invites you to his house for dinner and to hang out. What does this mean?

1Jessie86

By 1Jessie86
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1Jessie86 Established Member

1Jessie86

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After the first date or on a second date if a guy asks you to go to his place for dinner should you assume that he's expecting sex?

 

I'm open with my relationship goals with the guys that I date and they know that hooking up isn't one of them. What should I do? Should I cancel this date?

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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I'd be skeptical sorry hun, I'd just arrange a date in a place where you feel safe and there are no expectations

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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

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Queue the wah wah pedal,....

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xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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I really really hate guys who pull this stunt. Most girls think its romantic the guy's cooking them dinner but in essence its really just lazy dating.

 

Dont put yourself in a situation where sex is going to happen if you dont want to have sex.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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C'mon, you know exactly what it means...

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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It doesn't have to mean sex lol. Is he that kind of creeper guy that'd try to lure you in under false pretenses, or do you not know him well enough yet to judge?

 

Either way the sex is actually up to both of you - if he says he wants to make you dinner and just hang out, you're perfectly entitled to take him at face value and do just that and only that. Sex isn't implicit in going on a date, at someone's house or not.

 

(And if you're afraid he might rape you or sth you shouldn't be going out w/him at all. But plenty of guys actually mean what they say, and you're not secretly giving the "let's bash" code by accepting.)

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smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

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It's funny but I've actually done that and after cooking and pouring the wine, we've have a great time and then it's her that's been expecting me to take her to bed... and that was never on my mind. I guess I'm a man of my word and don't like playing coy games. Plus sometimes I like to take my time and get to know someone, especially if I feel there could be something more there than just a quick bit of fun.

 

 

As Jen says, whatever his reasons, it's still up to both of you if sex happens. You are not expected to give a guy sex just because you've dated a few times anymore than he's expected to deliver the sex if you expect it. If you trust him and like him, then do what you feel is right for you. If you have concerns (which you clearly do) then avoid it and suggest somewhere else. You shouldn't feel pressured at anytime. That's a bad sign.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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After the first date or on a second date if a guy asks you to go to his place for dinner should you assume that he's expecting sex?

 

I'm open with my relationship goals with the guys that I date and they know that hooking up isn't one of them.

 

 

What should I do? Should I cancel this date?

 

No you don't have to cancel.

 

Either go and set boundaries (no sex if he attempts), or simply tell him you would prefer to go out.

 

That is what I would do anyway.

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LoveRefreshed Established Member

LoveRefreshed

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I had a first date with a girl. I cooked her dinner in my home. Eight years later, we're still good friends and I didn't try to sleep with her that night.

 

I've gone out with girls 'for a drink' and took them home that night.

 

You really need to play it by ear and take each situation as a unique situation because everyone is different. Also, just because you have dinner at his house doesn't make you magically unable to say "Nah bro, I don't want to have sex with you tonight"... of course, all men are sexual predators....

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SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

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If I'm going to cook dinner anyway, then I don't see the harm in inviting her over to share a meal. Cooking together can be a fun and relaxed way to get to know each other. It's how I first bonded with a special young lady from my past.

 

After a few dates, I discovered she liked to cook. We decided to challenge each other, with each of us preparing a part of a meal. She came over, we cooked, talked, laughed ... and ate. I don't remember if we had sex afterwards, but I remember that evening. It was relaxed and pleasant. The beginning of a beautiful relationship.

 

I don't know about you all, but, for me, sex never happens unless we both agree to it. It doesn't matter where we are. If one of us doesn't want sex ... no sex! It's that simple.

 

Don't assume. Sometimes the invitation is simply an attempt to get to know you.

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salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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My girlfriend came over last night, we had homemade pizza and salad and drank wine, listened to Coltrane and Thelonious... and didn't have sex!

 

What does this mean? Is she just in for food and jazz? Should I worry about being taken advantage of? Is she evil?

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SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

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My girlfriend came over last night, we had homemade pizza and salad and drank wine, listened to Coltrane and Thelonious... and didn't have sex!

 

What does this mean? Is she just in for food and jazz? Should I worry about being taken advantage of? Is she evil?

 

See, this is what I'm talking about.

 

Homemade pizza, wine, John Coltrane, Thelonious Monk, me and my girl. What could be better than that?

 

Some of us make this dating thing too hard ....

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
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My girlfriend came over last night, we had homemade pizza and salad and drank wine, listened to Coltrane and Thelonious... and didn't have sex!

 

What does this mean? Is she just in for food and jazz? Should I worry about being taken advantage of? Is she evil?

 

To be fair, I think OP's suspicion is based on the prevalence of that belief or urban legend, not some personal man-bias.

 

Also you must be lying about the pizza - we all know that never happens! ;)

introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
My girlfriend came over last night, we had homemade pizza and salad and drank wine, listened to Coltrane and Thelonious... and didn't have sex!

 

What does this mean? Is she just in for food and jazz? Should I worry about being taken advantage of? Is she evil?

 

Thread from Sal's gf:

 

I think my bf might be gay. I went to his house for jazz and chill and all we did was eat pizza!!

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

JK Sal. I just couldn't resist. :bunny:

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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If u are not comfortable about it, then decline and suggest doing something else. I totally get that if you really don't know the guy well enough, so why should you put yourself in a possible compromising situation. If he makes a fuss or doesn't accept going out then you know what his motive was.

MightyPen Established Member

MightyPen

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I thought women liked it when men offered to make dinner. To me, it shows some thoughtfulness (assuming he's not ordering pizza or something). A lot of guys are too lazy to make a real meal for themselves, much less someone else.

 

But if OP doesn't feel comfortable, I would find a way to communicate that to him in a non-accusatory way.

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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Also you must be lying about the pizza - we all know that never happens! ;)

 

My gf is so well conditioned... she gets moist when the oven timer chimes :bunny:

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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I thought women liked it when men offered to make dinner. To me, it shows some thoughtfulness (assuming he's not ordering pizza or something). A lot of guys are too lazy to make a real meal for themselves, much less someone else.

 

But if OP doesn't feel comfortable, I would find a way to communicate that to him in a non-accusatory way.

 

 

We do! However, inviting a woman over for dinner for second date is questionable as to his motives .... but nevertheless, as I said earlier, if she likes him she should accept, and simply assert her boundaries ... which means saying no should he attempt to have sex with her.

 

He may not!

 

Or saying YES if she wants too! :)

clia Established Member

clia

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I thought women liked it when men offered to make dinner. To me, it shows some thoughtfulness (assuming he's not ordering pizza or something). A lot of guys are too lazy to make a real meal for themselves, much less someone else.

 

But if OP doesn't feel comfortable, I would find a way to communicate that to him in a non-accusatory way.

 

I never liked it on early dates and unless you can cook like my grandma or are a great chef, I'd almost always rather eat out on dates. Staying in and cooking dinner is an established couple activity.

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1Jessie86 Established Member

1Jessie86

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Very helpful everyone. Thank you.

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