He broke up with me via SMS-text yesterday = I don't want to live anymore. HELP!

[aSadGirl]

I was together with a guy nov-dec, everything went perfect, we spoke 4hours like 15 times in phone, met 3 times a week (live 1km away) and wrote text messages all day long... it was heaven on earth and i was so glad! We had the best sex and love ever. He said he had never felt this way before and wanted so much with me! I liked everything about him except he was a bit too quiet sometimes/not talking/reassuring me but we had fun anyway.

 

The last 2 dates though i felt an odd feeling that something isn't right, we didn't have sex and i even told him i dont want to "hook up casually" but rather want to know if its we (a more serious official realtionship) first.. he listened quietly not saying much.. he also said he wanted to take things slow not to regret "taking the huge leap into real committed realtionship" so he wanted to see if we could work things out like what food we eat (he is a bit unhealthier than me), how we sleep (im a night owl he morning prson) and excersice ( i said i didnt like it so much but i was slim anyway)... but then we came into discussing how to chare things and he told me he thinks payments shall be splitt 50/50 but i was raised thinking men shall be gentlemens who pay at least 60/40, example when we eat out and such.. so he got distant, cold and quiet almost a week. (He had payed pizzas and lunches out but ive cooked dinners and baked cakes and had spent more than him)

 

Nevertheless I called him up and we talked for 2hours.. i told him i can try the 50/50 thing (cause i dont care about money when love is involved even if i would think its romantic if he would pay dinners/give roses/gifts etc) but he said he got too much issues with his heavy rehab and general no job and problems with himself not feeling well or knowing what he want so he wanted to wait but told me "if we gonna go through this togehter i first want to be able to walk without crutches" so i believed him and gave him space.

 

He texted me merry x-mas, happy NYE, happy b-day... then i called him 1 month later (AFTER NO-CONTACT I DID SUCCESSFULLY) and we were happy in phone, he was on a vacation and told me he didnt mind having contact and cared about me so we could get in touch when he got home. I agreed and felt better again whily improving: woring, meeting friends, excersise and baking a lot... i felt i was becoming his dreamgirl, waking up early also and showing on social media how great of a life i have.

 

He texted me a week later back and forth ending with "maybe we can go for a walk soon" and i said "sure let me know when you dont have a cold anymore" (he was very sick).. but it went 3 weeks, then he texted me wondering what im doing.. i didnt reply, was angry for all the weeks that passed first.. then he asked 3 days later "how come i dont get a reply?" i said "Call" then he said "i was asleeep when you asked me to call but i got a lot going on and maybe its best we leave the book closed and i guess you feel the same" I tried to call but he said "Ive had a rough day so i cant speak really sorry.. text me instead, it can be short" to which i said: "Its not how you think it is! Let me explain myself, its easier in phone than text so let me know when you feel more energy. I hope you feel better and get some rest "

 

He didnt respond so 1.5 week later i text him an sms asking if he would like to join me for a walk tomorrow as it would be only sunny warm day in a long while, he was positive and i had barely time to process it untill we met for 4 hours.

We walked, laughed, talked, sat on a bench, he started touching my arm, kiss me a lot, saying "wow" after a make out session, and saying it really feels good to be with me and that its speacial... he seemed really happy and so was i! We went home hand in hand and i thought our fairytale would continue. (This was 3 months after we last saw each other before christmas when he first broke up)

 

He texted me everyday for a weekd asking how it went in town, how my day has been, "goodnightkiss", what im doing in weekend etc but he didnt ask me out, making me feel sad but i didnt show it, he also didnt comment on a cake i showed him i made and showed a pic on so i could sense something was Off... then yesterday he texted me:

 

"Hey, i want to confess that i was lost last time we saw each other and took a wrong step towards you. I gave wrong signals and for that im truely sorry. I was and am weak and kissed you cause i thought i knew what i wanted. But the truth is i had no idea! You are a really great girl but i feel now afterhand that we dont fit! I need to be single a long time now and take care of my personal problems and tasks.

 

I wanted to call and tell everything, but i dont feel well! I just want to be alone and take my walks, clear and restore myself! One day i feel super and next feels like the worlds end! I didnt want to create confusion between us! I wanted you to know this and i hope you cn forgive me and i wish you all the best! We can ofcourse be friends but i understand if you dont want to.

 

But i will need some months to get structure with myself and my life in solitude! I will never forget our wonderful moments! You are a great girl and you will find someone good!

Big hugs. Your friend <3"

 

I cant even describe hur much this hurt me to read I've been crying my eyes out for all awake hours (more than a day no) almost non-stop. I can't understand that this is it and over now...

 

Dear people, my question to you is: shall i write him asking if he got any tips for me to change in my behaviour so i wont have to go through the same again? (Cause ive been through getting broken up over through sms before)

+ What can I write to him that would make him change his mind and saying "i've done the biggest mistake in my life for leaving you and really regret it/want you back and will show you every day that i love you!"

But i know he seems quite certain now... i just dont know what to do. I feel paralyzed, haven't even deleted him from facebook/instagram/phone yet...

 

Oh please, someone out there, i hope you can read this and give me a good answer that will help, cause i really need help right now!

 

I cant talk to my family cause they will tell me im stupid who gave him another change, almost like threw myself to the wolf, and i dont have so many friends to talk to either... im seeing a psycholog next week but its many days till then...

 

I almost dont want to live cause im 27 and i dont got time to go through this again.. it happened similary before and im so tired of it. Last time it was that that guy met another woman and got together with her - but my last guy said he didnt met anyone, just took care of himself these last months...

 

Anyway im suspecting his best firend talking him out of being with me cause he removed me from instagram same day me and this guy went for our last walk... he is 25 this year by the way and i know he got pressure to choose career and doing his rehab after surgery he is very sad over didnt went 100% well but he feels pain in his food still when he walks.

 

I remember him back in december saying he likes me more than anyone else and i mean so much to him, and we opened up to each other completly about our lives, really caring for each others hearts and IT FELT SO RIGHT <3

 

We live a few minutes away from each other so we're bound to meet someday and i have had him over on dinners/bed at my house and we have walked to parks i go to several times a week so im afraid to meet him, its goint to hurt...

 

All i wanted was to live a life with him, going on adventures he said "ofcourse we gonna do sweety<3" before his surgery in november.. now its march.. soon Easter and im just sitting at home have no energy/urge to do anything anymore.

 

I almost want to take 1000 sleeping pills and end this damn life cause i seem to never be able to get a boyfriend and therefore never probably will get married or have a happy family (dont want to only have children but rather a good husband to live with too).

 

Hope a soul out there hears me and can write something that will calm my broken heart down, thank you.

Edited March 23, 2016 by aSadGirl

[Heartbreak Hotel]

Am I right in thinking you were with this guy for a month? At the start you said Nov to Dec? Just double checking.

 

First of all, I'm going through a hideous break up and I've had some dark thoughts at times but let me tell you, thinking those things is selfish. For me if I was to throw my life away and leave my family and friends in ruins then that would make me a sh itty person. You're better than that, break ups are horrendous and time is a healer, that's exactly what I'm going through now, is it hell? Yes, does it get better? In time. There is no immediate cure.

 

In terms of what he's said, I think you have to respect his wishes, it's clear he wants to work on himself and he sounds like a guy who's struggling in life and I think he's being open with you about it. I don't know him so I can't really say whether the things he's saying are valid reasons. My ex made a load of reasons which turned out to be a load of rubbish because she's now happily involved with someone else but just from what you said he seems like a decent guy? Who's been honest with you and told you his situation.

 

Best thing you can do, seeing as you deeply care for him is support him when he needs you, if you don't want to play that role then like he said you guys don't fit right now so maybe leave him be?

 

Life is unfair sometimes, I was meant to be marrying my ex this year in August and now I'm not and I have to live with that on a daily basis but it's getting easier. For you, I know you really want to be with him but you can't force him. If I was to give any advice it would be to give him space, go no contact again, focus on you more importantly and keep busy, surround yourself with friends and try and be happy.

 

Suicide is never the answer, you're deeply upset. I considered getting anti depressants from my doctor, maybe do that and see if that helps you?

 

Take care

 

Zak.

[aSadGirl]

text.

 

Thanks for your reply, Zak!

 

Yes, we dated almost 2 months... from early novembre to right before christmas.

 

Im sad to hear you also going through rough breakup, sending my best wishes to you.

 

You are right, it is selfish to think about suicide... i dont really want to do it... at least not yeat. maybe if i was 40 and couldnt even have kids, THEN, butits over 10 years from now... so i still might got time to get married and a good family (husband/kids)...

 

Ive cried so much last days the tears almost had stopped for now... im trying to see things clearly, trying to think about things like "is he worth all the income im losing out on by not working, all of the time i shall be spending on self improvement and studies... having fun etc instead?" im letting him ruin my life and its no good. I know im too smart, beautiful and great woman to let him get the best of me... but ive been through **** like this before and last time it took a year before i started dating again. Im going to try to move faster though this pain this time, but i still need time to process what went wrong - because he most likely wont give me the answers if i ask, right?

 

My last guy who also dumped through text also made up a load of bull****-reasons in similar fashion to this last guy and yet he got together 4 months later.

 

But if i write him now, what do you think i shall say?

Or do you think i shall just be quiet for now?

Thanks for all advice, appriciate it a lot <3

[Heartbreak Hotel]

Thanks for your reply, Zak!

 

Yes, we dated almost 2 months... from early novembre to right before christmas.

 

Im sad to hear you also going through rough breakup, sending my best wishes to you.

 

You are right, it is selfish to think about suicide... i dont really want to do it... at least not yeat. maybe if i was 40 and couldnt even have kids, THEN, butits over 10 years from now... so i still might got time to get married and a good family (husband/kids)...

 

Ive cried so much last days the tears almost had stopped for now... im trying to see things clearly, trying to think about things like "is he worth all the income im losing out on by not working, all of the time i shall be spending on self improvement and studies... having fun etc instead?" im letting him ruin my life and its no good. I know im too smart, beautiful and great woman to let him get the best of me... but ive been through **** like this before and last time it took a year before i started dating again. Im going to try to move faster though this pain this time, but i still need time to process what went wrong - because he most likely wont give me the answers if i ask, right?

 

My last guy who also dumped through text also made up a load of bull****-reasons in similar fashion to this last guy and yet he got together 4 months later.

 

But if i write him now, what do you think i shall say?

Or do you think i shall just be quiet for now?

Thanks for all advice, appriciate it a lot <3

 

Honestly if you can, keep quiet. This is your best chance to 1. Heal and 2. Maybe but only maybe he may talk to you in time. Calling, texting and writing to him pushes him away. Believe me when I say this because I've done it. There's a thread on break up page called no contact guide, I'd advise you to read that and let it sink in because if you really follow what it says you will heal so much quicker. You're only 27 I'm 26. I know some of my clients that met the love of their life at 31 and had 2 beautiful children so there's time. Don't go looking for it but keep an open mind, meaning when you go out and a guy talks to you then that's great.

 

Break ups are the worst especially when it's us that get dumped. Now is the time for you to be selfish and think about number one and that's you. KEEP BUSY.

 

Also one tip I could give you and it helped me was to do a pros and cons list..be brutally honest about the cons and focus on them and then tell yourself do I want this? And say that you can't possibly be with someone who does that. That helped me a lot but again it depends how honest you are with yourself.

 

Take care

[Toodaloo]

Its 2 month!

 

For goodness sake girl there are people here who have had 30 year marriages destroyed.

 

Pick your self up.

 

What you do is you delete him out of your life. You get up and you get going! You go out with your friends, invest in your hobbies, you look after your health and fitness, you mop up your tears, blow your nose and get on with it.

 

Yes it hurts, yes it sucks but he is not the one for you and you are being really overly dramatic about this.

 

Now come on. You have a whole life time ahead of you. Go and grasp it.

 

If he can't even stick around for a year then no he is not worth it. There is a plethora of really great guys out there. Go find one of those.

[K2z]

You are in a tailspin of your own drama and emotion. What's important is not the relationship in any way, shape, or form, but your own mental health at this juncture.

 

By all means stay quiet and disassociate yourself completely from the guy for the moment. Maybe it's not permanent-- but it must be absolute for the time being.

 

You've expressed suicidal desires. I've been there too. Take that seriously, and have a chat with a doctor ASAP. Doctors tend to call this "acute reaction to stress," which I think is pretty accurate. Together, decide with your doctor if a short term medical solution such as Xanax might be prudent. He/she won't give a suicidally inclined person anything close to a lethal dose, but he will provide a few pills to stop your emotions from spinning out of control. Xanax was instrumental in helping me avoid the worst of the stress.

 

Counseling is another very good idea. Set up a few sessions. Communicate, set your short-term goals very very low, and give yourself some space to breathe.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks for your reply, Zak!

 

Yes, we dated almost 2 months... from early novembre to right before christmas.

 

Im sad to hear you also going through rough breakup, sending my best wishes to you.

 

You are right, it is selfish to think about suicide... i dont really want to do it... at least not yeat. maybe if i was 40 and couldnt even have kids, THEN, butits over 10 years from now... so i still might got time to get married and a good family (husband/kids)...

 

Ive cried so much last days the tears almost had stopped for now... im trying to see things clearly, trying to think about things like "is he worth all the income im losing out on by not working, all of the time i shall be spending on self improvement and studies... having fun etc instead?" im letting him ruin my life and its no good. I know im too smart, beautiful and great woman to let him get the best of me... but ive been through **** like this before and last time it took a year before i started dating again. Im going to try to move faster though this pain this time, but i still need time to process what went wrong - because he most likely wont give me the answers if i ask, right?

 

My last guy who also dumped through text also made up a load of bull****-reasons in similar fashion to this last guy and yet he got together 4 months later.

 

But if i write him now, what do you think i shall say?

Or do you think i shall just be quiet for now?

Thanks for all advice, appriciate it a lot <3

 

Don't write to him at all right now. You're too emotionally distraught and you need time to detach and heal.

 

You can't make someone come back and love you if they don't want to. It sucks, we've all been there. But we simply cannot force someone to have a change or heart if they're just not in it.

 

I think he probably sensed you were a lot more attached and invested than he was. It was only two months but your level of distress would leave the casual observer thinking you two had been together a long time. You need to examine where those feelings are coming from and tackle that instead. You are putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself without having a solid foundation to build on. You don't really even know this guy, let alone have any idea if he'd have been a decent husband and father. And you're only 27. You do have time, so quit telling yourself that you don't.

 

Speak to a counselor who can help guide you through this healing process. Research Love Addiction and Insecure Attachment. You will probably identify with a lot of what you read on the topic. And this in turn will help you approach future relationships in a healthier way. You're currently measuring your self-worth based on his opinion of you, which is very unhealthy for you. Take care of yourself and get yourself well again, then consider dating.

[Elwood]

I'm going through a break up right now. I've been very depressed and at times had some very dark thoughts. I try and talk to whoever will listen. I see a therapist. Kind of sucks to pay someone to listen to me but it helps a little. There is no easy way through it just have to go day by day. I'm sorry you are experiencing this.

[elaine567]

The last 2 dates though i felt an odd feeling that something isn't right, we didn't have sex and i even told him i dont want to "hook up casually" but rather want to know if its we (a more serious official relationship) first.. he listened quietly not saying much.. he also said he wanted to take things slow not to regret "taking the huge leap into real committed relationship" so he wanted to see if we could work things out...

 

^^^ this was the real end.

YOU told him you didn't want to hook up casually you wanted a real relationship and he was thus not interested any more.

The rest is just YOU squirming about trying to make something out of nothing.

He told you repeatedly both actively and passively he didn't want anything serious with you, but YOU were not listening.

If you do not want to repeat this mistake listen to what men say and watch their actions, DO NOT make up love stories in your head and fit the man into it.

[aSadGirl]

text

 

 

Your response is the best! I think you are pretty darn right... ive also thought about that quiet is my best shot just like you said, to heal faster (cause i havent humiliated myself by showing him i care so much) and 2. he might doubt his decision once he notice im not giving a respone but rather perhaps show fun pictures at social media etc..? Shall i also delete him from facebook and unfollow on instagram??

 

I have done no-contact with him like 23dec-31st january except for "thanking briefly" when he said merry x-mas, happy NYE and happy b-day to me..

so i know it might work, although it was actually me who called him 1st february, he said he didnt mind having contact and still cared about me but i guess not

Thank you for the advice, ill try to find that thread! if you cant post a link? Im new here

 

You got clients you help from breakups and youre only 26? Well done to come that far in life then!

Thanks for the pros cons list, im working on it right now although it feels really silly to write it somehow im finding one pro and one cons for every thing.. for example "he was the best at explaining his feelings, never met a guy before like that which made me develop in that area too" but at the same time "he was too sensitive/emotional in his attachemnt-style to intimacy which almost turned me off at times" so i havent found the cons outweight the pros yet... but keep working on it..

Once again thank you and please answer once more<3

[aSadGirl]

text

I know you have many good points in your text and im thankful and appriciate your words!

 

But its so har do just remove him out of my life i havent defrended him from facebook or instagram yet... its such a hard thing to do.. cause im still thinking if i shall answer his "breaking-up text" first..? I think you dont want me to, but im just trying to do what maximizes the chance for him to come back.. really wish he would...

[aSadGirl]

text.

 

I think you are right in what you see... but you mean i shall be quiet for now? Shall i also delete him from facebook instagram etc?

 

Yeah.. i have suicidal thoughts but they are not so bad now 3 days later.. it was worst from the beginning.. the first day was a living hell of neverending tears.. but i feel a bit better today altough its more of a "numb dead feeling"..... i managed to go to town and do a bit shopping and ben&jerrys icecream buying...

 

You are right with that acute stress response.. i actually went getting "oxascand / sobril" which i think is similar to xanax today.. but will only take it when i feel really bad again not coping to breath.. (sort of like panic attacks)

 

Yes im getting counseling next week 1 session at least.. will see how it goes. Thank you, and please answer again <3

[aSadGirl]

breakup too.

 

My thoughts go out warmly to you. We are in the same boat and it sucks so bad. I think you are very good to taking these stepping stones to get well better faster.

 

I wonder why did your ex break up with you? I feel i havent got closure.. he just told me "we dont fit" but not WHY and it kills me

 

Hope you will be better soon. Hugs

[aSadGirl]

text.

 

 

I guess you might have a point here.. good input! I need to consider this for real! Thank you.. im just so sad it feels nobody i date want a real realtionship with me ;( it makes me question whats wrong with me ... damnit

[ExpatInItaly]

I know you have many good points in your text and im thankful and appriciate your words!

 

But its so har do just remove him out of my life i havent defrended him from facebook or instagram yet... its such a hard thing to do.. cause im still thinking if i shall answer his "breaking-up text" first..? I think you dont want me to, but im just trying to do what maximizes the chance for him to come back.. really wish he would...

 

This is what you need to question: why do you want this guy to come back? He wasn't committed in that way you're looking for. I speak from experience when I say that it is far better to have these people out of your life than to be stuck in a futile cycle of push-pull. In the end, it only prolongs the pain.

 

He isn't a good candidate for a boyfriend.

 

You need to be focusing more on yourself and why you measure your self-worth by what some random, 2-month boyfriend thinks. That is the bigger issue to resolve. When you do address it, you will find you are more at peace with yourself and in relationships. Right now, you're too dependent (emotionally) on someone to validate you. You would be wiser to start looking internally for validation, rather than seeking it externally.

Edited March 25, 2016 by ExpatInItaly

[d0nnivain]

But its so har do just remove him out of my life i havent defrended him from facebook or instagram yet... its such a hard thing to do.. cause im still thinking if i shall answer his "breaking-up text" first..? I think you dont want me to, but im just trying to do what maximizes the chance for him to come back.. really wish he would...

 

You respond to the break up text as follows: Go to FB & delete him. Go to IG & delete him. Do to every other form of social media you have & do the same. Blocking him would be better. Go to your phone & delete his contact info out of there. That is your only response.

 

As you have already determined taking your own life is not the answer. You are grieving & that hurts. It's painful. It's OK to cry & be sad. Give yourself this holiday weekend to sulk. It's a season of renewal after all. Come Monday, pick yourself up & get on with life. You may still be sad but don't wallow.

 

You asked how to prevent this from happening to you again. Here's how: you slow down.

 

If you don't want a casual hook up but rather want a commitment, do not have sex with a guy who hasn't agreed to a real relationship with you. By having sex 1st your behavior says casual is OK. When you thereafter change your mind, these guys who only want NSA sex back off & dump you by text. If you hang back up front before jumping into sex you may prevent this.

 

In addition slowing down the sex should also curb your feelings. You knew this guy & dated him for ONE MONTH . . . a mere 30 days yet you claim it was "perfect" that you had the "best sex" and the best "love" ever. Stop lying to yourself. Nothing is perfect & you can't develop sustainable feelings like that so fast. Thinking you fall in love at the drop of a hate is what gets you into these messes to begin with.

 

It's artificial but next relationship I want you to do a few things to slow yourself down:

 

1. limit all phone calls to less than 30 minutes and no more than 2-3 per week

 

2. do not have "conversations via text"; keep the exchanges to 3-4 messages not all day long. Do anything else during the day to distract yourself -- work, study, exercise, chat with your friends but do not jump every few minutes to have these all day text session with a new guy

 

3. no sex for the 1st 6 weeks or 12 dates whichever is longer and even then not until you have verbally confirmed that you are in an exclusive committed monogamous relationship

 

4. No more than 2 dates per week for the 1st month

 

5. Do not add the new person to your social media for at least the 1st month

 

6. absolutely no discussions of love or the future for 90 days after you start having sex

 

If you can get a better handle on yourself & stop confusing lust, infatuation & hormones for love you can sustain a healthier relationship over time.

[aSadGirl]

This is what you need to question: why do you want this guy to come back? He wasn't committed in that way you're looking for. I speak from experience when I say that it is far better to have these people out of your life than to be stuck in a futile cycle of push-pull. In the end, it only prolongs the pain.

 

He isn't a good candidate for a boyfriend.

 

You need to be focusing more on yourself and why you measure your self-worth by what some random, 2-month boyfriend thinks. That is the bigger issue to resolve. When you do address it, you will find you are more at peace with yourself and in relationships. Right now, you're too dependent (emotionally) on someone to validate you. You would be wiser to start looking internally for validation, rather than seeking it externally.

 

Yeah i think you got many points.. its true its no good when its so much push-pull.. i realized he did this by first time it broke up: he got quiet almost a week till I called him! and even then it was a miracle we spoke for 2 hours about our relationship/the problems etc..

 

then he did a 'hudini dissapearing act' again now but he at least told me he didnt think we fit.. although i cant understand why because on the date he said its so special what we have, that it feels really good, he let our noses meet very intimately and he kissed me passionately, saying "wow" even... he looked like a happy boy with glittering in this eyes and didnt want the date to end so he almost missed an appointment... the sms has been not so very warm afterwards but i figured they were OK and would get better in time, and that we just had to meet more..

 

Thank you for your other advice about self worth and to seek validation internally instead, ill reflect and think about that.

 

But for now... you think I shall remove him as friend from facebook/instagram? Im still thinking that maybe if i write him a text where im trying to speak about things then maybe it will sort its way out.. but i know its no way street cause if he really wanted to talk things through, he would, before making up his mind like that dam this hurts..

[aSadGirl]

Advice

 

Thank you dear for your great advice!

 

But why shall i delete him everywhere? Or even block him? It hurts so bad.. i dont want to shut him so out of my life completely (((((( why is it my best respone? perhaps its cause he didnt leave room for us to speak or for me to explain/question things, he seems to just want to leave, and i get that.. but i wish i could change his mind/heart, making him want me back is there really no way??

 

Yes im trying to "wallowing" now this easter-weekend, eating unhumanly amount of Ben&Jerrys.. but i also went to gym and for long walks..

 

What does "NSA sex" stand for?

I think your advice on how to behave to get a comitted relationship sounds good, ill try to follow your advice if i ever find someone to date again..

why shall i though limit contact? when i had 4 hours of calls with this last guy it felt like we really connected and got close.. maybe too much/too soon then you mean?

 

Yeah i shall wait to have sex longer, i think i waited only about 3 weeks/6 dates this time around...

[K2z]

NSA means no strings attached.

 

It's the hardest thing right now to conceive of why you need total separation, and the easiest thing to rationalize keeping contact with him. I think whether you believe it or not, your heart has a secret agenda of winning him back and that's why you need to declare total and utter independence for a substantial chunk of time. 3-6 months is pretty good.

[lychee]

No guy/person is worth you taking your life for.

permanent solution to a temporary problem.

A very foolish temporary problem.

Life is precious, this man doesn't deserve the air you breathe.

 

I would advise you to seek help, therapy, a friend..anyone that can physically help you.

 

Take care OP

[aSadGirl]

NSA means no strings attached.

 

It's the hardest thing right now to conceive of why you need total separation, and the easiest thing to rationalize keeping contact with him. I think whether you believe it or not, your heart has a secret agenda of winning him back and that's why you need to declare total and utter independence for a substantial chunk of time. 3-6 months is pretty good.

 

I see.. problem is we already had 3 months of idependence and it didnt help.. so it feels it wont this time around either.. im not sure though if i shall write him a letter or try to let it go

NOW.. i loved what we had but i feel its complicated now.. a lot of trust is destroyed and since he doesnt even seem to work things out anymore - what good is to for me to hold on and try to make him change his mind?

 

Im pendling between deciding to send him the letter and not give a fu-k... i dont know whats best for me.. im so angry so it doesnt feel good to make him get an egoboost but at the same time i want to be genuine.. making him feel like im not only a good woman but he is letting go of someone amazing so he might regret it and turn around.. but perhaps the best way to show him is through silence? I have no idea..

 

Feel sick to my stomach im letting this eating away my life.. have just excersised and layed around at home depressed thinking of him this week.. while he was out partying last night and put on pictures of a dinner after the party for 2.. i hope its his friend and not a girl he invited over.. damnit =(

[aSadGirl]

No guy/person is worth you taking your life for.

permanent solution to a temporary problem.

A very foolish temporary problem.

Life is precious, this man doesn't deserve the air you breathe.

 

I would advise you to seek help, therapy, a friend..anyone that can physically help you.

 

Take care OP

 

Thank you dear. I hope you are right. but at times it feels horrible, im sick to my stomach when irealise how he threw everything we had away like it was garbage.. when it seemed to be so much love and things going for us..

 

He was out partying last night and i just depressed at home crying when i saw him put up pics on a dinner he did for 2 after the party night.. is he seeing someone else? my thoughts go..

 

You dont think i shall try to get CLOSURE and contact him, asking what specificlly he think is wrong???

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you dear. I hope you are right. but at times it feels horrible, im sick to my stomach when irealise how he threw everything we had away like it was garbage.. when it seemed to be so much love and things going for us..

 

He was out partying last night and i just depressed at home crying when i saw him put up pics on a dinner he did for 2 after the party night.. is he seeing someone else? my thoughts go..

 

You dont think i shall try to get CLOSURE and contact him, asking what specificlly he think is wrong???

 

Good heavens, no!

 

You got very attached very quickly. That's not to say this is all your fault, not at all. But pace yourself next time. Block him on all social media.

 

And do not contact him. Under any circumstances. It won't help in this case whatsoever.

[aSadGirl]

Good heavens, no!

 

You got very attached very quickly. That's not to say this is all your fault, not at all. But pace yourself next time. Block him on all social media.

 

And do not contact him. Under any circumstances. It won't help in this case whatsoever.

 

Thank you i will try to pace and be much more careful with next one, not invest too much and try to set up more bounderies...

 

Bur why should i block him and not contact him? Why wont it help me? Please explain <3

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you i will try to pace and be much more careful with next one, not invest too much and try to set up more bounderies...

 

Bur why should i block him and not contact him? Why wont it help me? Please explain <3

 

Because then you won't see that he's out living his life and possibly entertaining other women, while you sit at home hurting. I don't get why you'd keep him on social media, to be blunt.

 

Contacting him will make it worse for you. He's been clear that he's not interested in a relationship anymore. Do you really need to hear it again? I think you don't need him to repeat it. Also, it will look like you're desperate, which is never appealing.