He broke up with me via SMS-text yesterday = I don't want to live anymore. HELP!

[aSadGirl]

Because then you won't see that he's out living his life and possibly entertaining other women, while you sit at home hurting. I don't get why you'd keep him on social media, to be blunt.

 

Contacting him will make it worse for you. He's been clear that he's not interested in a relationship anymore. Do you really need to hear it again? I think you don't need him to repeat it. Also, it will look like you're desperate, which is never appealing.

 

 

Yeah you are right.. i kept a guy on my instagram when he also dumped me through text unexplainably... 3months later down the road he went on vacation with another woman and my heart crushed again.. YET it felt good to get confirmation that that was what happened: he met her, and therefore dumped me.. because i could recall he was at a party where they sat next to each other eating just a week before he broke up with me on what should have been a 8th date or so...

But it was painful to wait and see what would happened and now with this lesson learned i shall probably delete this last one...

The sms that one 2 years ago wrote was also similar to this guy's and when i tried to get more clarity, asking why.. he just said "I dont want to meet a woman i dont want a relationship with, deal with it , hate me if it feels better!"

And i feel this last guy probably would feel same feelings, not wanting to REALLY explain what is wrong with me/our relationship

 

Other reasons id like to keep him otherwise on social media is cause he has the best taste in music ive ever met in a person.. so i like to "take songs he listens to into my spotify account"... also i do feel he is interesting, and i love him.. but i know it will hurt me as i see everything he posts cause its no attention on me anymore... so i know you are probably right.. i shall delete him </3

 

Well and about the contact thing... i think you might be right there too... i will look needy if i try to talk so i guess my best bet is to remove him then, trying to forget him, its going to be hard.. but i know you mean well for me in the long run... I hope its the right thing to do, but now im just feeling so blue:sick:

[aSadGirl]

No more answers? <3

[aSadGirl]

You respond to the break up text as follows: Go to FB & delete him. Go to IG & delete him. Do to every other form of social media you have & do the same. Blocking him would be better. Go to your phone & delete his contact info out of there. That is your only response.

 

As you have already determined taking your own life is not the answer. You are grieving & that hurts. It's painful. It's OK to cry & be sad. Give yourself this holiday weekend to sulk. It's a season of renewal after all. Come Monday, pick yourself up & get on with life. You may still be sad but don't wallow.

 

You asked how to prevent this from happening to you again. Here's how: you slow down.

 

If you don't want a casual hook up but rather want a commitment, do not have sex with a guy who hasn't agreed to a real relationship with you.

 

Thank you for your advice!

I find it hard to delete him still.. i saw he was out this weekend.. it hurts so much to remove him everytwhere. not having control of where he is or what he is doing anymore.. cause we live just a yard away.. so im afriad to bump into him.. and i could control it better if i have him on FB.. but i know i shouldnt let that determine where i go or not..

 

I just dont know what went wrong and dont dare to ask him. he said we dont "fit" but i didnt dare to ask why because of his covardly dump-sms.. and i dont want to let him know i wonder why (cause of my pride).. im trying to figure it out myself, how he could lose interest so suddenly but its hard because on our last day 5 days before he broke up he said "it feels special and very good with me" and really seemed happy with me, talking, laughting, kissing wholeheartedly.. and not wanting the date to end.. but a few days later he dumps me - like WTF!? How do i cope with this. what can i learn, other than that i must be more careful!?

 

I will follow your advice on taking it slower but is that the only thing ive learned? PRoblem is it feels like NO GUY would accept to be in "real relationship" before he sees the sex is working.. so iwonder.. what is a real relationship classified as anyway?

Is it when we get together on facebook.. met each others family&friends or told each other loud "that we are a couple now" ??

 

[LD1990]

You're shooting yourself in the foot here by not blocking him on your social media. That makes it so much harder on you, because you're tempted to check up on him, and then you do, and then you feel horrible all over again. Don't lie to yourself here - you're not staying friends with him to stay away from places he goes or because of his amazing music taste. You're staying friends with him because you're scared to let go. That's natural, but you're not gonna be able to move on with your life if you're constantly checking up on him.

 

Forget what he says and forget asking him why he broke up with you. Everyone has their own reasons for doing the things they do. All that matters are his actions, and those show that it's not going to work between you two. He dumped you. You had to make all the effort to see him since then. He went for a walk with you and dumped you again. He wouldn't even bother to pick up the phone and call you. These are not the actions of a man who is in love or wants a real relationship with you.

 

The main thing to learn is that you should take things slower. In your first post, it sounds like you're desperate to have exactly the type of relationship you want. That leads to you rushing into relationships even if it isn't the right guy, and guys getting scared off because you want things to happen so quickly.

[spiderowl]

By going three weeks without contacting you, he forfeited the right to have your love and attention. Self respect means that you care enough for yourself that you won't allow guys to treat you like that. As soon as a guy starts to get wishy-washy and disappear for days, that is the time to dump him. A good relationship flows naturally; both feel cared for and interested in each other; both want to see each other regularly (of course both need their own time and space at times too).

 

I know it hurts to be dumped. Actually, you could have dumped him sooner (as above), but I know what it is like to feel in love and to become attached to someone. You are going through a painful process of detaching now, but it will get better. Talk to friends, family, us, everyone. It all helps to ease the pain. See your doctor too and tell them how you are feeling. This guy is really not worth all this anguish. Yes, he did let you down, he proved to be flaky, but at least he was conscious that you are a great girl. He knew you deserved better than him - and you do.

 

The 'no-contact' rules seem painful but they are designed to help you. You don't have to follow them; it's entirely your choice. They remove the painful object from sight or sound and give you chance to look after yourself, to recover, and to start looking outwards again. Gradually you will start to see that this guy was not the romantic, loving guy you thought he was and you will be able to detach yourself.

[aSadGirl]

You're shooting yourself in the foot here by not blocking him on your social media. That makes it so much harder on you, because you're tempted to check up on him, and then you do, and then you feel horrible all over again. Don't lie to yourself here - you're not staying friends with him to stay away from places he goes or because of his amazing music taste. You're staying friends with him because you're scared to let go. That's natural, but you're not gonna be able to move on with your life if you're constantly checking up on him.

 

Forget what he says and forget asking him why he broke up with you. Everyone has their own reasons for doing the things they do. All that matters are his actions, and those show that it's not going to work between you two. He dumped you. You had to make all the effort to see him since then. He went for a walk with you and dumped you again. He wouldn't even bother to pick up the phone and call you. These are not the actions of a man who is in love or wants a real relationship with you.

 

The main thing to learn is that you should take things slower. In your first post, it sounds like you're desperate to have exactly the type of relationship you want. That leads to you rushing into relationships even if it isn't the right guy, and guys getting scared off because you want things to happen so quickly.

 

 

I read everything you said carefully. I think you are right... im amazed how you picked up on everything i said (like even that i love his music taste) and coming with this on-point-answer, thank you!

 

I think im going to remove him today, i cant be stuck on this for longer, its slowing my life down and im stalking him on facebook which is leaving me feeling crazy... its just im so afriad to hit the "UNFRIEND" button.. i was close today but something held me back... i really dont want to let go off him but since im noticing he isnt even trying to contact me again after his dump-text i shall try to move on.

 

Im suspecting he is a commitment-phobe by the way cause he rushed into us strongly, never had a real long relaitonship, and he seems to get scared when it got more serious.. and even though he seemed to really enjoying our last date after 3 months (2 weeks ago) and said things like it feels so good/is special blabla.. he still run away.. it doesnt make sense to me but maybe im missing some part.. yet i know it doesnt matter cause its over anyway...

 

You are so right.. he dumped me twice and couldnt even call... it sucks and i havent even done anything "wrong" he just seemed to search for a reason to let go all of a sudden..

I really miss "US" and everything we shared, my dreams of continuation are shattered and now i feel alone and dont know who to do things with.. friends/family but i wished to have him.. a real boyfriend i got so well along with, before everything bad happened. I never met some guy i clicked better with so thats why its so hard to move on </3

 

Yes, i will take things much slower. Even though that may make me into going celebate/not have sex for rest of my life.. seriously this pain/heartbreak is not worth it.. even if i can enjoy it right then and there but afterwards the cut goes much deeper when things end.. i really must wait till the guy says he loves me and want to spend his life with me (at least as a real girlfriend for everybody to see) or something.. THEN it is ok to have sex? I just wonder if i will ever get there.. i feel so stressed being 27year old, i want to be married at 30 but it feels like im long away from that now...

 

 

Please give me the last bit of courage I need to finally press delete him as friend om facebook and remove as follower on instagram. I just need that tiny last bit of encouragement to do it. It think it might be wise to try do it now, right before april.. and then dig into my studies full force.. I really must do my bachlor-thesis now or my life will go really to hell (financially)..

 

Please answer one last time dear human, i really appriciate your advice. Hugs / sadgirl

[aSadGirl]

By going three weeks without contacting you, he forfeited the right to have your love and attention. Self respect means that you care enough for yourself that you won't allow guys to treat you like that. As soon as a guy starts to get wishy-washy and disappear for days, that is the time to dump him. A good relationship flows naturally; both feel cared for and interested in each other; both want to see each other regularly (of course both need their own time and space at times too).

 

I know it hurts to be dumped. Actually, you could have dumped him sooner (as above), but I know what it is like to feel in love and to become attached to someone. You are going through a painful process of detaching now, but it will get better. Talk to friends, family, us, everyone. It all helps to ease the pain. See your doctor too and tell them how you are feeling. This guy is really not worth all this anguish. Yes, he did let you down, he proved to be flaky, but at least he was conscious that you are a great girl. He knew you deserved better than him - and you do.

 

The 'no-contact' rules seem painful but they are designed to help you. You don't have to follow them; it's entirely your choice. They remove the painful object from sight or sound and give you chance to look after yourself, to recover, and to start looking outwards again. Gradually you will start to see that this guy was not the romantic, loving guy you thought he was and you will be able to detach yourself.

 

 

Thank you so much for your great answer! I think you are right. I shouldnt let this happen in the first place! before all this everything flowed naturally really ,but then he dissapeared (perhaps commitment phobic even?) and reappeared, dissapeared etc..

 

Yes i have thought about dumping him sooner but was afraid and hoped things would get better cause i missed him.. I hope you are right about me feeling better in time. Thanks so much for your support <333 really helps a lot!!! Even if this is just text, i cant tell you how thankful i am that even a stranger like you show so much humanity and heart to help me.. just a heartbroken somewhere on this planet..

 

Im trying to talk to friends and psychiatrist (which i only meet once a week though). My family doesnt know so much cause i cant speak about emotions too much with them which makes it hard on me cause i dont like to act HAPPY when im so sad (as tomorrow when im going for dinner at my mother's place with my sibling his fiancee and their kid and im not looking forward to it.. smiling when im crying inside..)

Im taking anti-anxiety pills sometimes but really not everyday even if i cry everyday but i try to let it out somethimes.. in the shower.. when in bed.. when here at computer.. in kitchen.. letting the tears fall, processing the thoughts and emotions after him.. grieving that we will never share those memories i wished for: vacations, cinema, dance, party, excersise, ultimatley get married and raise children.. im 27 and am stressed i have to start all over looking for someone new.. when i felt me and him clicked better than with anyone i met before! im afriad i wont find this connection again... and that leaves my heart feeling shattered </3

 

Yes he said im a really great girl and before too, but i dont think im too good for him, it still feels like he thinks im not good enough for him.. like he dont like some parts of me.. i dont know.. but my biggest fear is to be abondoned, perhaps cause i have Borderline, thats the diagnose i got a month ago at least.. and i think it may be right. I will start getting therapy but it will go very slow, like once a week appointments.

 

I really must start to finnish school and get my bachelor degree cause now im "behind" bacause i can never seem to start my thesis which really shall be started now or it will be too late which will give me extremely bad economy if i dont fix it NOW. so im pressured as hell, yet i feel worse than ever cause of this heartbreak - how do i go through tough studies i must finnish when im feeling like this?

 

Anyway i have applied no-contact yet i havent removed him as you know.. Please give me that last nudge into pressing that "delete as friend on facebook / unfollow on instagram" buttons.. I dont know why i think its so final, because if universe wants us to be together he will find the way back in even if he cant see me - right? I shouldnt have to compete and trying to show off status updates and stuff just for his eyes to see which will be the case if i leave him at my social media..

Im so afraid to miss him even more and "adding him right back" when i delete him though.. how can i choose this path and stick to it, knowig its truely the right thing? I dont want to regret it.. and i know you may be right i probably wont if i just forget about him "out of sight out of mind" but its easier said than done..

so please give me that last nudge and ill really try to delete him today or so.. and get back here telling the aftermath feelings and probably thank you again, you seem like such a smart human being, cant explain how much i appriciate you helping me <3

[ExpatInItaly]

I read everything you said carefully. I think you are right... im amazed how you picked up on everything i said (like even that i love his music taste) and coming with this on-point-answer, thank you!

 

I think im going to remove him today, i cant be stuck on this for longer, its slowing my life down and im stalking him on facebook which is leaving me feeling crazy... its just im so afriad to hit the "UNFRIEND" button.. i was close today but something held me back... i really dont want to let go off him but since im noticing he isnt even trying to contact me again after his dump-text i shall try to move on.

 

Im suspecting he is a commitment-phobe by the way cause he rushed into us strongly, never had a real long relaitonship, and he seems to get scared when it got more serious.. and even though he seemed to really enjoying our last date after 3 months (2 weeks ago) and said things like it feels so good/is special blabla.. he still run away.. it doesnt make sense to me but maybe im missing some part.. yet i know it doesnt matter cause its over anyway...

 

You are so right.. he dumped me twice and couldnt even call... it sucks and i havent even done anything "wrong" he just seemed to search for a reason to let go all of a sudden..

I really miss "US" and everything we shared, my dreams of continuation are shattered and now i feel alone and dont know who to do things with.. friends/family but i wished to have him.. a real boyfriend i got so well along with, before everything bad happened. I never met some guy i clicked better with so thats why its so hard to move on </3

 

Yes, i will take things much slower. Even though that may make me into going celebate/not have sex for rest of my life.. seriously this pain/heartbreak is not worth it.. even if i can enjoy it right then and there but afterwards the cut goes much deeper when things end.. i really must wait till the guy says he loves me and want to spend his life with me (at least as a real girlfriend for everybody to see) or something.. THEN it is ok to have sex? I just wonder if i will ever get there.. i feel so stressed being 27year old, i want to be married at 30 but it feels like im long away from that now...

 

Please give me the last bit of courage I need to finally press delete him as friend om facebook and remove as follower on instagram. I just need that tiny last bit of encouragement to do it. It think it might be wise to try do it now, right before april.. and then dig into my studies full force.. I really must do my bachlor-thesis now or my life will go really to hell (financially)..

 

Please answer one last time dear human, i really appriciate your advice. Hugs / sadgirl

 

Girl - get a hold of yourself! (And I say that in the kindest way possible) You're only 27. Realistically, you have time. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Seriously, it's keeping you stuck. Putting some arbitrary timeline on your life isn't helping. Things don't usually happen according to plan, and that's okay too. I have a few years on you and I am not married. Does that mean there's something wrong with me? That it will never happen for me? Of course not! So, enough with the pity party, my friend.

 

Also, adhering so rigidly to this timeline of yours could very likely lead you to make poor choices. What's more important to you - being married to some guy who doesn't really love you and isn't committed to the marriage, or being with a supportive and caring man who was worth waiting for? Trust me when I say the pain of an unhappy marriage and possible divorce is much greater than the pain of this loss. i have watched friends rush into marriages that clearly weren't right, and now many of them are paying dearly for it and it's horrendous for them.

 

A good man is worth the wait. This guy wasn't it. He serves no purpose in your life now. Hvaing similar tastes in music is totally irrelevant and a poor excuse to hang on, let's be honest. You need to develop more positive self-talk and stop being so fatalistic in your opinions of yourself. Start being your own best friend and not your own worst enemy. Surround yourself with people who do love and care about you. Do things that promote self-care and love, which include deleting this man from your social media. Is he really that awesome that you need to know what he's doing? I very much doubt it.

[LD1990]

I read everything you said carefully. I think you are right... im amazed how you picked up on everything i said (like even that i love his music taste) and coming with this on-point-answer, thank you!

 

I think im going to remove him today, i cant be stuck on this for longer, its slowing my life down and im stalking him on facebook which is leaving me feeling crazy... its just im so afriad to hit the "UNFRIEND" button.. i was close today but something held me back... i really dont want to let go off him but since im noticing he isnt even trying to contact me again after his dump-text i shall try to move on.

 

Im suspecting he is a commitment-phobe by the way cause he rushed into us strongly, never had a real long relaitonship, and he seems to get scared when it got more serious.. and even though he seemed to really enjoying our last date after 3 months (2 weeks ago) and said things like it feels so good/is special blabla.. he still run away.. it doesnt make sense to me but maybe im missing some part.. yet i know it doesnt matter cause its over anyway...

 

You are so right.. he dumped me twice and couldnt even call... it sucks and i havent even done anything "wrong" he just seemed to search for a reason to let go all of a sudden..

I really miss "US" and everything we shared, my dreams of continuation are shattered and now i feel alone and dont know who to do things with.. friends/family but i wished to have him.. a real boyfriend i got so well along with, before everything bad happened. I never met some guy i clicked better with so thats why its so hard to move on </3

 

Yes, i will take things much slower. Even though that may make me into going celebate/not have sex for rest of my life.. seriously this pain/heartbreak is not worth it.. even if i can enjoy it right then and there but afterwards the cut goes much deeper when things end.. i really must wait till the guy says he loves me and want to spend his life with me (at least as a real girlfriend for everybody to see) or something.. THEN it is ok to have sex? I just wonder if i will ever get there.. i feel so stressed being 27year old, i want to be married at 30 but it feels like im long away from that now...

 

 

Please give me the last bit of courage I need to finally press delete him as friend om facebook and remove as follower on instagram. I just need that tiny last bit of encouragement to do it. It think it might be wise to try do it now, right before april.. and then dig into my studies full force.. I really must do my bachlor-thesis now or my life will go really to hell (financially)..

 

Please answer one last time dear human, i really appriciate your advice. Hugs / sadgirl

 

Delete him, block him, do whatever you need to do to make sure that you can't see his updates. It does suck that this happened, it always sucks when someone doesn't return our feelings. But take it as a blessing in disguise that this happened now. He's clearly not right for you. Isn't it better that you found this out now than in a couple years?

 

Like every other part of the NC process, removing him from all your social media is gonna feel weird and scary at first. But then, day by day, it's gonna start feeling normal. Just let go. Don't place so much importance on this. He's already gone from your life, these are just apps and websites. He's gone, now you need to remove all traces of him so you don't keep getting hurt when you should be healing.

 

Try to just live a positive life, the one you want, without putting so much pressure on yourself about the life you "should have." Who cares if you get married by 30? Life would be ridiculously boring if we could plan it out to the last detail. Work on yourself, work on building the life you want, and everything else will fall into place. When in doubt, just enjoy the ride.

 

And have a nice dinner with your family too! If you're sad, talk to them. That's what family is there for. I hate talking about feelings too, but I sure as hell got over that when I was going through my breakup. Trust me, it helps.

[aSadGirl]

Great answer

 

Thank you so much for your text! Ok you are right.. i do got a bit time left... actually up to almost 13 years before its too late to get kids but i wish to be married before but that i also have time for yes..

True, i hope you will get what you want (if thats marriage) you seem very smart indeed so i dont doubt you will.

 

Yeah.. i shall be more careful with my choices, not settling as soon as someone sweep me off my feet,although that only happened every about 2 years like 5 times barely in my life yet.. it takes long time for me to recover after I dated someone for a couple months.. it takes 1-3 years... but perhaps will go faster now as i feel i shall try to be moe positive, before this last relationship I lived at home with my mother and we quarelled every day which drained my energy completely, also it felt like i wasnt allowed to get any boyfriend anyway so i hided every one from her for the most part.. perhaps cause it never got so serious anyway.

The last one i met was the most serious one so at least i have "succeded" in that way to get to that point (heck, he even told me in firtst month his partents were eager to meet me..but it didnt fold out cause i thought it was a bit too early - how i regret it now! Thinking: if they'd met me i couldve proved to them "im deserving of the position as a girlfriend for him". Ive even dreamed while i slept like 5 times about him and once about eating dinner with his family! I thought that would happen but how i was wrong...)

 

I trust you, its probably greater loss to have been married and gotten kids and then breakup ofcourse yes.. it wasnt just the similar taste in music that makes him feel "right" but i get your point!

Ill try to pep-talk myself, atleast when i see myself in the mirror i usually think im beautiful and any guy would be lucky to have me for my golden-heart-personality too... but it still sucks to get so rejected when he saw so many parts of me.. GOOD parts, and yet decided he didnt want me, it blows my mind.. but perhaps he is commitment-phobic, as he never had long relationship before, we both grew up without dads in picture (his father is dead and i never had contact with mine except one 1hour meeting) ok i shall not dig deep into this.. im just dwelling, trying to find excuses for him not being into me anymore..

 

Hmm I really like his posts.. probably cause i adored him so much.. but at the same time it hurts to see his personality shine through them now.. as i see he rather doingt that with those people or giving others attention etc instead of me.. likeing some girls picture etc.. even if she may already got a boyfriend.. im a bit jelous i admit i am.. but i never been controlling really...

 

The sms he wrote me after our final date 2 weeks ago before the dump sms indicated I didnt opened him up as in november-december.. he didnt talk about feelings/emotions at all.. before he could write that he really enjoyed seeing me, that i seem like a nice girl and he wants to see me again but this time he just wrote as in we were already "back in it"(relationship) with some "How was it in town?:)" text a couple hours after the walk.. it didnt feel good for me, even though he edged it out and even wrote "goodnight kiss" next day.. but then he got quieter again.. seeming like he doesnt want to spend time texting so much and not wanting to ask me out again.

I WONDER if it may got to do with the fact that his best friend added me on instagram 1 month before and then removed me THE SAME DAY me and my guy went on our walk-date? It almost felt like this friend tried to make my guy think he shouldnt be with me...

 

Nevertheless.. the last question i got is: do you think my guy ever will change his mind and try to pursue me again? Even if i do delete him now.. i just wonder if the chance will get higher or lower of that if i delete him.. i know i shall not take him back after he already dumped me twice, but i wish he would want me anyway, so i can dump him perhpas when i hopefully got a better man in my life who does SUPPORT me more..

 

This guy would never support me financiallly and i actually wish to have a bit of financial support as well, im not a golddigger but i dont like equality/individualism too much, its gotten overboard and there is very little masculine & feminine-roles nowadays.. I want to be a bit more traditional, being a bit taken care off.. at least a bit spoiled with romantic gifts / flowers and such.. sorry i might sound like i got princess-complex but i feel otherwise a guy is just a friend to me if i shall pay everything half, pursue him just as much as he is to me and such

[aSadGirl]

Great text

Thank you so much once again, i cant explain how much this texts you guys (you and others here) helps me!!! Good karma will come your way<3

 

Ok, i think i will delete him today actually, i need a fresh start (1:st april to study hard and going forward) and i cant when im having tons of "get ex together" sites up on my computer, thoughts in my head, and also compulsively looking at his facebook updates.. and not updating anythingg myself because i neither want him to see im doing fine (easing his perhaps bad conscience for dumping me) and also not wanting him to see me "dead/not moving at all" (making him think i do grieve him and feel sad which makes him think im not attractive probably)..

 

I just wonder.. do you think there is ever a chance he will come back and want me again? Like realizing he made a big mistake in ditching me? I wish for it so i may perhpas say "its too late, you had your chances and you blew it, now live with it and regret it, i knew you would" ?

 

Yeah you are right i shall be more calm and see what happens.. trying to be my best self untill then then...thank you for your positive words, ill take them to heart!

 

Yes im going to the dinner in a moment. Planning to perhaps dress all black.. we'll see.. anyway please read the previous text i sent to another responder here (right before yours) I wrote a long text there.. for instant also asking this which i ask you too, what do you think? :

 

The sms he wrote me after our final date 2 weeks ago before the dump sms indicated I didnt opened him up as in november-december.. he didnt talk about feelings/emotions at all.. before he could write that he really enjoyed seeing me, that i seem like a nice girl and he wants to see me again but this time he just wrote as in we were already "back in it"(relationship) with some "How was it in town?:)" text a couple hours after the walk.. it didnt feel good for me, even though he edged it out and even wrote "goodnight kiss" next day.. but then he got quieter again.. seeming like he doesnt want to spend time texting so much and not wanting to ask me out again.

I WONDER if it may got to do with the fact that his best friend added me on instagram 1 month before and then removed me THE SAME DAY me and my guy went on our walk-date? It almost felt like this friend tried to make my guy think he shouldnt be with me...

 

Nevertheless.. the last question i got is: do you think my guy ever will change his mind and try to pursue me again? Even if i do delete him now.. i just wonder if the chance will get higher or lower of that if i delete him?

 

Please respond <3

[lana-banana]

No. This is not a man who adored you, who found you dazzling or wanted to share a future with you. You saw each other a few times and he clearly never felt sufficiently interested enough to pursue a relationship. I can guarantee he won't care what you choose to do on Facebook because it doesn't matter to him. But it does matter tremendously to you, and it hurts, so you have everything to gain by blocking him.

 

Here's a tip for dating: never give more than you get. The right man won't make you do all or even most of the work. He'll engage you steadily. He'll show you every day he wants to be with you. If you treat him well and respect him in kind, you'll be on your way to something healthy and happy.

[ExpatInItaly]

No. This is not a man who adored you, who found you dazzling or wanted to share a future with you. You saw each other a few times and he clearly never felt sufficiently interested enough to pursue a relationship. I can guarantee he won't care what you choose to do on Facebook because it doesn't matter to him. But it does matter tremendously to you, and it hurts, so you have everything to gain by blocking him.

 

Here's a tip for dating: never give more than you get. The right man won't make you do all or even most of the work. He'll engage you steadily. He'll show you every day he wants to be with you. If you treat him well and respect him in kind, you'll be on your way to something healthy and happy.

 

Solid advice here.

 

OP, this guy is already moving on. Don't spend more precious emotional energy wondering whether he might come back. Start to change your thoughts to how you can care for yourself now. You are worth it. He isn't.

[LD1990]

Thank you so much once again, i cant explain how much this texts you guys (you and others here) helps me!!! Good karma will come your way<3

 

Ok, i think i will delete him today actually, i need a fresh start (1:st april to study hard and going forward) and i cant when im having tons of "get ex together" sites up on my computer, thoughts in my head, and also compulsively looking at his facebook updates.. and not updating anythingg myself because i neither want him to see im doing fine (easing his perhaps bad conscience for dumping me) and also not wanting him to see me "dead/not moving at all" (making him think i do grieve him and feel sad which makes him think im not attractive probably)..

 

I just wonder.. do you think there is ever a chance he will come back and want me again? Like realizing he made a big mistake in ditching me? I wish for it so i may perhpas say "its too late, you had your chances and you blew it, now live with it and regret it, i knew you would" ?

 

Yeah you are right i shall be more calm and see what happens.. trying to be my best self untill then then...thank you for your positive words, ill take them to heart!

 

Yes im going to the dinner in a moment. Planning to perhaps dress all black.. we'll see.. anyway please read the previous text i sent to another responder here (right before yours) I wrote a long text there.. for instant also asking this which i ask you too, what do you think? :

 

The sms he wrote me after our final date 2 weeks ago before the dump sms indicated I didnt opened him up as in november-december.. he didnt talk about feelings/emotions at all.. before he could write that he really enjoyed seeing me, that i seem like a nice girl and he wants to see me again but this time he just wrote as in we were already "back in it"(relationship) with some "How was it in town?:)" text a couple hours after the walk.. it didnt feel good for me, even though he edged it out and even wrote "goodnight kiss" next day.. but then he got quieter again.. seeming like he doesnt want to spend time texting so much and not wanting to ask me out again.

I WONDER if it may got to do with the fact that his best friend added me on instagram 1 month before and then removed me THE SAME DAY me and my guy went on our walk-date? It almost felt like this friend tried to make my guy think he shouldnt be with me...

 

Nevertheless.. the last question i got is: do you think my guy ever will change his mind and try to pursue me again? Even if i do delete him now.. i just wonder if the chance will get higher or lower of that if i delete him?

 

Please respond <3

 

This really isn't something that requires thought or planning. You find anywhere he could contact you and you block him. Saying you're planning to do it is just an excuse to draw it out even longer.

 

No one here can read this guy's mind to determine why he dumped you or whether he'll change his mind in the future, but it's a pointless exercise anyway. He dumped you and you need to move on with your life. Focus on positive things you can do to improve your situation.

[aSadGirl]

No. This is not a man who adored you, who found you dazzling or wanted to share a future with you. You saw each other a few times and he clearly never felt sufficiently interested enough to pursue a relationship. I can guarantee he won't care what you choose to do on Facebook because it doesn't matter to him. But it does matter tremendously to you, and it hurts, so you have everything to gain by blocking him.

 

Here's a tip for dating: never give more than you get. The right man won't make you do all or even most of the work. He'll engage you steadily. He'll show you every day he wants to be with you. If you treat him well and respect him in kind, you'll be on your way to something healthy and happy.

 

 

We saw each other about 15 times but yeah.. I dont understand how his - what seemed strong - feelings could fizzle out so suddenly/easily why can you guarantee he dont care what i do?

 

I did unfriend him on facebook/unfollow him on instagram 1 day ago. Dont know if i shall even block him AND his damn bestfriend (who unfollowed me on instagram the same day we met last time again)?

 

Ok but it feels hard to get a man to choose me, it feels like men see other ladies and get interested in them too.. how can i get one to only want to be with me?

 

I feel depressed today after removing him anyway.. now i cant see what he is doing which is a relief but still feels sad to me cutting the ties off.. i feel like such a fool, thought we had something strong.. we spoke on phone like 4hours x 20 times.. wrote long great beautiful texts to each other, and saw each other three times a week.. he said his parents want to meet me and we seemed to get along so well.. dont know why he wanted to close me off :(it sucks.. im afriad to put my heart out there again. Ill try to not invest in someone more than he in me.. but the lines are blurry when feelings gets involved..

[aSadGirl]

This really isn't something that requires thought or planning. You find anywhere he could contact you and you block him. Saying you're planning to do it is just an excuse to draw it out even longer.

 

No one here can read this guy's mind to determine why he dumped you or whether he'll change his mind in the future, but it's a pointless exercise anyway. He dumped you and you need to move on with your life. Focus on positive things you can do to improve your situation.

 

I unfriended him on facebook/unfollowed him on instagram 1 day ago. Dont know if i shall even block him AND his damn bestfriend (who unfollowed me on instagram the same day we met last time again so it feels like he got something against me and they can spy on me though that friend)?

 

Why do i even have to BLOCK you think?

 

Ok its just hard to take in. im so sad he left me and it feels like im always end up in this situation (with about 3-5 other guys too).. dont know why but im afriad it will happen again i know you cant help me but im just saying this cause im so sad.. but trying to be positive and do other things in live to feel better but its hard..

[d0nnivain]

I unfriended him on facebook/unfollowed him on instagram 1 day ago.

 

Why do i even have to BLOCK you think?

 

 

As I understand the difference, unfriending him you can still see his OL activity, like if he posts on a mutual friend's page. If you Block him, nothing about him pops up on your page. I blocked a former friend so I see nothing about or from her, even though we probably have about 60 mutual friends. Occasionally I'll see a picture of her but nothing that she says or does; she also can't see me. It was so freeing not to have her in my face.

[aSadGirl]

As I understand the difference, unfriending him you can still see his OL activity, like if he posts on a mutual friend's page. If you Block him, nothing about him pops up on your page. I blocked a former friend so I see nothing about or from her, even though we probably have about 60 mutual friends. Occasionally I'll see a picture of her but nothing that she says or does; she also can't see me. It was so freeing not to have her in my face.

 

 

OL activity? I can see just his profile pic.. not much more.. a bit of timeline but not regular posts..

i think though maybe i shall block him AND his bestfriend (Who unfollowed me on instagram same day as me and my ex's last date/walk), because otherwise they will see what im up to.. and i dont know if i want to give him that insight into my life.. as though if im happy he will have less bad conscience for dumping me cause im doing fine... and if im sad he will think "haha she really loves and mourns me"

or if i let him see me happy will he perhaps with a higher chance change his mind and want me back?!?

what do you think?

[LD1990]

OL activity? I can see just his profile pic.. not much more.. a bit of timeline but not regular posts..

i think though maybe i shall block him AND his bestfriend (Who unfollowed me on instagram same day as me and my ex's last date/walk), because otherwise they will see what im up to.. and i dont know if i want to give him that insight into my life.. as though if im happy he will have less bad conscience for dumping me cause im doing fine... and if im sad he will think "haha she really loves and mourns me"

or if i let him see me happy will he perhaps with a higher chance change his mind and want me back?!?

what do you think?

 

aSadGirl, I'm gonna tell you this as a guy. If a guy has feelings for you, and you ask him to call, he'll call. If he doesn't want anything to do with you, and you ask him to call, he'll make excuses like "I'm tired let's just text." This guy simply wasn't into you the way you were into him, his actions show that. There's nothing you can do to make him want you back, that ship has sailed and it's time to move on. What you need to do is ask yourself why you'd even be willing to settle for a guy that treats you like you barely matter, just so you can be in a relationship.

[Tressugar]

My guess is too much, too soon. Next time ease into a dating relationship. Almost two months, you guys should be just getting into the exclusive talk and possible if you want to become sexual with the other person.

 

By taking your time with a new person may prevent heartbreaking disasters. By taking your time you can approach the person from an emotional distance and better judge if this person is long term partnership material.

[d0nnivain]

as though if im happy he will have less bad conscience for dumping me cause im doing fine... and if im sad he will think "haha she really loves and mourns me"

or if i let him see me happy will he perhaps with a higher chance change his mind and want me back?!?

what do you think?

 

 

I think he doesn't think about you as much as you think about him. If he sees that you are sad he won't care. If he sees that you are happy he might feel relief, as you said "he will have less bad conscience for dumping [you]". I think it's highly improbable that he will see your OL activity & want to come back.

 

 

At this point you have to start taking the actions that are best for you with absolutely no regard or thought for him. That part of your life is over.

[aSadGirl]

aSadGirl, I'm gonna tell you this as a guy. If a guy has feelings for you, and you ask him to call, he'll call. If he doesn't want anything to do with you, and you ask him to call, he'll make excuses like "I'm tired let's just text." This guy simply wasn't into you the way you were into him, his actions show that. There's nothing you can do to make him want you back, that ship has sailed and it's time to move on. What you need to do is ask yourself why you'd even be willing to settle for a guy that treats you like you barely matter, just so you can be in a relationship.

 

I know you are right.. it just hurts so much. I wish i knew what i could do better to not getting into this situation.. except for taking things even slower..

 

(we had sex on our about 7~ date...)

 

Can i ask him why he doesnt think we are a good fit??? I really want to know.. but he is conflict-scared so i dont think he will answer me truthfully or will he? I just want to know what i could have done better/change so next one wont leave me like this because it has happend several times and it hurts like hell </3

[ExpatInItaly]

I know you are right.. it just hurts so much. I wish i knew what i could do better to not getting into this situation.. except for taking things even slower..

 

(we had sex on our about 7~ date...)

 

Can i ask him why he doesnt think we are a good fit??? I really want to know.. but he is conflict-scared so i dont think he will answer me truthfully or will he? I just want to know what i could have done better/change so next one wont leave me like this because it has happend several times and it hurts like hell </3

 

No, you shouldn't ask but I have a feeling you probably will.

 

I doubt he will be 100% honest with you, as it's an awkward question and I'm sure he doesn't want to hurt you.

 

Also, you are giving yourself a reason to contact him again which will delay your healing.

 

A better bet is to contact a counselor, who can go over your relationship history and perform an emotional evaluation of you. They are professionally trained to identify patterns of behaviour and work with you in modifying it to achieve greater happiness. A former fling cannot do that for you.

 

I will say that you come across as very insecure and anxious in your posts, which is very likely reflected in your real-life relationships. We're not even always conscious of the messages we're sending others. These guys could be picking on that, sensing that you're getting very attached very quickly. Most people, men and women, shy away from that. Or, it could be that the men you're dating aren't really looking for anything serious and so they bail when it starts to get more involved. Where do you generally meet men, and what age range do they tend to be?

[lana-banana]

I know you are right.. it just hurts so much. I wish i knew what i could do better to not getting into this situation.. except for taking things even slower..

 

(we had sex on our about 7~ date...)

 

While taking it slow is rarely a bad idea, the right guy won't care if you have sex on the first date or the fortieth. If he really wants to be with you, he'll be with you, "rules" be damned.

 

Can i ask him why he doesnt think we are a good fit??? I really want to know.. but he is conflict-scared so i dont think he will answer me truthfully or will he? I just want to know what i could have done better/change so next one wont leave me like this because it has happend several times and it hurts like hell </3

 

You're right: he's probably not going to tell you the truth. All that matters is he doesn't want to be with you. I second ExpatInItaly's suggestion to see a counselor to assess your emotional state. There may be something you're doing that isn't working for you, or it could simply be a reality of dating. When I was dating I had several guys in a row break it off, and while I felt a bit down for a while, that was just the luck of the draw. These things happen.

 

Based on this thread I do think you'd be well-served to spend some time reflecting inwards on who you are, what your fears are, and how you cope with intense feelings (both positive and negative). Don't worry too much about finding the "right" answer, because there isn't one. Just be honest about who you are.

[aSadGirl]

No, you shouldn't ask but I have a feeling you probably will.

 

I doubt he will be 100% honest with you, as it's an awkward question and I'm sure he doesn't want to hurt you.

 

Also, you are giving yourself a reason to contact him again which will delay your healing.

 

A better bet is to contact a counselor, who can go over your relationship history and perform an emotional evaluation of you. They are professionally trained to identify patterns of behaviour and work with you in modifying it to achieve greater happiness. A former fling cannot do that for you.

 

I will say that you come across as very insecure and anxious in your posts, which is very likely reflected in your real-life relationships. We're not even always conscious of the messages we're sending others. These guys could be picking on that, sensing that you're getting very attached very quickly. Most people, men and women, shy away from that. Or, it could be that the men you're dating aren't really looking for anything serious and so they bail when it starts to get more involved. Where do you generally meet men, and what age range do they tend to be?

 

Why shouldnt I ask?whats the harm of explaining how i feel and ask him about why he ended it..?

He already hurt me like hell..it hurts more when i dont know why this happened than knowing why so i can perhaps CHANGE myself for better so that i wont go through this again! Thats what im most Afraid of because this happened in a similar fashion 2 years ago (that guy dumped me on same day our 8th date were supposed to happen and he didnt say why but later on i understood it was cause he met someone else he is still together with till this day)

 

Concelor.. is that same as psychiatric-therapist? Im going to one now to sort out my borderline disorder.. she also doesnt think i shall write him asking why he dumped me.. im so sad just that it feels like this pattern will continue so im afriad to date again </3 I tried going on a few dates but im dumping them instantly.. cause i know if i wont they will further down the road!

Every guy loves me at first... but then a few weeks later and their interest dissapears

 

Well that im comming across as insecure and anxious in my posts isnt so strange is it when loveof you life dumped you.. and also it has happened before which makes me terrified for my now on future.. like: will this happen again and again till im too old to get kids/family/happy marriage? Im 27 and feel so stressed cause of it to be on square one... or even worse. before all my dating experience i had a positive outlook, now im scared of being "left" again..

 

Im not so attached, actually i try to be cooler than the guy for starters but as im getting to like him something switch and im comin on... i think they want serious but apperently not with me..

The guy ive spoke about in my post will get 25 years old this year.. and the guy that dumped me in similar fashion 1.5years ago was 33.. they are from diffrent backgrounds and all..

the similarities lies in that i get love from them in the beginning but then they seem to want out

 

I dont know what im doing wrong but am SO CLOSE to send this recent guy a text asking why he doesnt think we fit... i really want to know! even if it hurts.. but i know he is so conflict-afraid so i dont think he will be so honest ;/ im not sure.. otherwise he have always been good at explaining his feelings honestly to me, before..