He broke up with me via SMS-text yesterday = I don't want to live anymore. HELP!

[basil67]

so he wanted to see if we could work things out like what food we eat (he is a bit unhealthier than me), how we sleep (im a night owl he morning prson) and excersice ( i said i didnt like it so much but i was slim anyway)... but then we came into discussing how to chare things and he told me he thinks payments shall be splitt 50/50 but i was raised thinking men shall be gentlemens who pay at least 60/40, example when we eat out and such.. so he got distant, cold and quiet almost a week. (He had payed pizzas and lunches out but ive cooked dinners and baked cakes and had spent more than him)

 

aSadGirl, you keep talking about wanting to know why he ended it. This bit above is why he ended it. Perhaps you're in denial - but it's perfectly obvious that he found your differences too much to bother with.

 

Most of all though, it was your attitude to money that drove him away. He wants a woman who's an equal partner financially and you've made it clear that you will not come to the party. Do you expect him to stick around when he's found that your values were incompatible?

[aSadGirl]

aSadGirl, you keep talking about wanting to know why he ended it. This bit above is why he ended it. Perhaps you're in denial - but it's perfectly obvious that he found your differences too much to bother with.

 

Most of all though, it was your attitude to money that drove him away. He wants a woman who's an equal partner financially and you've made it clear that you will not come to the party. Do you expect him to stick around when he's found that your values were incompatible?

 

 

But I told him almost right away that i was OK with sharing 50/50 on all costs!!! But i also remember him saying "yes but it wasnt like that from beginning.." as if its not good enough to change it now..the mindset i mean (otherwise i acutally paid like double what he paid totoally).

 

I mean that was back in december.. but we met on a flirty fun walk-date in march... and it was wonderful and he kissed me a lot.. and said "it feels really good and special with you" (me).. i dont understand what didnt masch now... i even paid for the bus-trip and sandwitch i gave him (to show him im ok to pay for him too..)

 

but it wasnt enough and now im hurting like hell. Been crying 1-2 hours now.. because i was out yesterday with some friend but i saw/met no guy and i feel im in wrong place with wrong people in my life yet barely have energy to try to change it because all feels so meaningless without him... i really wanted to live with him, share everything... not be alone single and sad/depressed...

 

Last night I dreamt about him sitting infront of me and his friend asking why i never replied to his last text and i said: "dont you think i wanted? I´ve written probably 10 diffrent texts but havent sent anyone of them because ive felt so hurt and angry... and didnt want to give any egoboost you dont deserve... " in my dream when i said these words his face softened from closed-off to warm/kinder.. as if he realized something and told me he is angry at his friend (perhaps cause i suspect he tried to push him into not being with me..) I dont know but i woke up cold-sweating from this dream with my heart and thoughts racing... its awful... i dont know how to keep on and not write him anything... im THIS CLOSE again! Help me please

[aSadGirl]

A huge no to ever asking both of these questions, particularly the first one as "make our relationship blossom" sounds more like whimsical fairy tale language than how anyone would actually talk. Compromise and learning how to handle problems with your partner is one thing. But those questions both just sound needy and way too eager to please. You're a person, not some robot girlfriend he programs with the features he wants.

 

You're really over analyzing every little thing that happened between you, him, and his best friend. There's a more simple solution - he's just not that into you, as the saying goes. Not the best feeling in the world, I know, but it also comes with the territory. Not everyone you meet or date is going to be compatible with you, in fact the vast majority won't. He found out after some time together that he wasn't into you. It's tough when you feel otherwise, but you have to accept it. Trust me, these difficulties will make it that much sweeter when you find someone you really connect with, and who really connects with you.

 

You are right.. i feel stupid for even suggestingthis to you guys.. the questions.. my psychiatrist said im trying to be "right" but pushing away myself to please him and its no good... maybe im doing this cause i want him to like me, so im ready to sacrifise it all just for his love.. but i know its not working that way..

 

But we were soooooo compatible in beginning! everything jsut floated like on a bed of roses and somehow it was enough for him to want to meet again 3 months after our pause and even kiss me alot and saying it feels very good and special with me - how about that?? I dont get it.. i mean if we werent compatible then why did he even go that far...? i know he said he was lost/confused but i just dont understand...

 

Im so afriad ill never meet someone to connect better with, ive never had such great connection as with him.. it was magical all the way untill things ended and he got closed off...twice.

 

Im hurting like hell. Been crying 1-2 hours now.. i was out yesterday with some friend but i saw/met no interesting guy at all (and havent even other times ive been out after me and him) and i feel im in wrong place with wrong people in my life yet barely have energy to try to change it because all feels so meaningless without him... i really wanted to live with him, share everything... not be alone single and sad/depressed...

 

Last night I dreamt about him sitting infront of me and his friend asking why i never replied to his last text and i said: "dont you think i wanted? I´ve written probably 10 diffrent texts but havent sent anyone of them because ive felt so hurt and angry... and didnt want to give any egoboost you dont deserve... " in my dream when i said these words his face softened from closed-off to warm/kinder.. as if he realized something and told me he is angry at his friend (perhaps cause i suspect he tried to push him into not being with me..) I dont know but i woke up cold-sweating from this dream with my heart and thoughts racing... its awful... i dont know how to keep on and not write him anything... im THIS CLOSE again! Help me please <3

[aSadGirl]

OP, I can only give you the same advice as before:

 

Let this guy go.

 

His is not coming back. You are not going to marry him and have his children, and no amount of pleading on your part will change that. You very much need to a reality check, here.

 

He has now told you several times he doesn't want a relationship with you. You are refusing to listen and sabotaging your own happiness.

 

Print out your latest post and bring it to your next therapy appointment, if you are still attending. This man is not responsible for your happiness. You are. And you are doing an awful lot to make yourself miserable, though I know you don't see it that way right now.

 

Thanks for your imput and even though you might be right i almost want to shut my eyes when i read what you are saying cause it hurts so much...

 

Im about to switch therapist cause the last one couldnt help me so im meeting a new one tomorrow..

 

I know i have to fix my happiness myself but i find it difficult when i feel so rejected and like im not good enough for him.. and no one.. like all men reject me anyway at some point or another.. dont know where i go wrong </3

 

Im hurting like hell. Been crying 2 hours now.. i was out yesterday with some friend but i saw/met no interesting guy at all (and havent even other times ive been out/trying to date or party after me and him) and i feel im in wrong place with wrong people in my life yet barely have energy to try to change it because all feels so meaningless without him... i really wanted to live with him, share everything... not be alone single and sad/depressed...

 

Last night I dreamt about him sitting infront of me and his friend asking why i never replied to his last text and i said: "dont you think i wanted? I´ve written probably 10 diffrent texts but havent sent anyone of them because ive felt so hurt and angry... and didnt want to give any egoboost you dont deserve... " in my dream when i said these words his face softened from closed-off to warm/kinder.. as if he realized something and told me he is angry at his friend (perhaps cause i suspect he tried to push him into not being with me..) I dont know but i woke up cold-sweating from this dream with my heart and thoughts racing... its awful... i dont know how to keep on and not write him anything... im THIS CLOSE again! Dont you think i should write him and just tell him how I feel and ask him what i did to make him feel we dont fit..?

[CarrieT]

Dont you think i should write him and just tell him how I feel and ask him what i did to make him feel we dont fit..?

No.

 

Absolutely not.

 

It will not serve anything.

 

Good heavens, girl! The relationship was TWO MONTHS - not a lifetime...

 

The 50/50 thing was an excuse, not a reason and digging for a reason won't get you anything. You can't force someone to care about you and if he did, he would still be in your life.

[sooshi]

Sweetie, I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now.

 

The truth is, and I only say it because I think you need to hear it, is that I don't think you're in a position to be in a stable relationship right now.

 

Right now, you need to focus on loving yourself and figuring out about what you really want in a relationship. Figure out what your priorities are. What you would like to have in a partner.

 

It's always a big red flag for me when someone comes out of a really short relationship (like a one or two-month one) and is so desperate for reconciliation. It's really not the relationship itself; it's your feelings of rejection and feeling unimportant that have suddenly come to the surface in full tide. Please don't ask him for tips on how to change your behaviour or about what he realized made you guys not fit. I understand that you're in a lot of pain and that it might be pushing your sense of self-worth way down.

 

You'll get through this. I promise. Focus on yourself. Live a life that you're happy with, and you will find someone who will commit to you and who won't look for little excuses to not be with you. Then, sex will be way better than you had with this guy. And it will be real love, too.

 

You'll stand tall again. I know this for sure. Completely.

 

Don't try to change yourself in order to please him. Know what your values are and live by them. You are worthy of love.

[Survivor12]

Sooshi is right. The angst you are feeling isn't about him at all. It's about your own expectations being grounded in your own reality. The real answers you are looking for, he can't answer--only you can. By working with your therapist, you can eventually come to understand why you have the tendency to become attached so quickly and deeply & why dealing with rejection is so terribly painful.

 

Once you understand more about yourself, you will have the ability to deal with your emotions & find the kind of relationship you want and deserve. Until then, I would encourage you to take a break from dating & focus on learning to love yourself.

 

I wish you the best.

[Blanco]

To me, the source of your angst is that you've created a completely arbitrary self-imposed deadline for when you want to be married. What's significant about the age of 30 other than it's a nice, round number? Nothing.

 

I understand that as a woman, you only have a finite amount of time when it comes to starting and building a family. To me, though, that should be motivation to move past this guy, who obviously does not want a relationship with you. You might feel at 27 that getting married by 30 is a long-shot, so why waste precious time fretting over a two-month relationship?

 

You're totally projecting your desire to be married by a certain age onto this guy. You don't even really know him, but you know the only thing that matters as it relates to you: He doesn't want a relationship with you.

 

Don't invest all your energy into trying to make something fit that just isn't right. I'm a few years older than you and I'm surrounded by women who did that and they're now dealing with the fallout, whether it be raising a child as a single mother or being stuck in a crappy relationship/marriage that's destined for failure.

[aSadGirl]

No.

 

Absolutely not.

 

It will not serve anything.

 

Good heavens, girl! The relationship was TWO MONTHS - not a lifetime...

 

The 50/50 thing was an excuse, not a reason and digging for a reason won't get you anything. You can't force someone to care about you and if he did, he would still be in your life.

 

 

Thank you for your imput, i think you might be right... even if its hard to admit that. but right now im crying all night again... so i wrote this (Sorry my english is bad cause i translated it from my language into english), what do you think?

 

 

"Hello, I respect your desire like you notice even though your sms was like a knife in my heart. Sorry if I somehow hurt / made you angry by my interaction ... Has many guesses of why you broke it of... maybe i shouldnt had said "it feels right" at the last meeting ..

I should also say that I'm sure you know what you do when you said your friend ate too much food all weekends from you instead suggested of saying "he may bring food forhimrself" ..

And I should have explained that I value freedom and goal-reaching much for both of us, and thus do not want you to feel chained or hindered by me but rather I wanted the contrary, that you get your space and power to implement the goals.

I was ok with less affirmation, but had also wanted to have a bit like that, otherwise it would not feel like a true warm relationship ..

I was ok with sharing equal of money, and tried to show that I can also pay you through the bus trip and sandwitch i payed at least even if it hardly count I was really ok with it .. but I did not recognize your style without less-affirmation really which was very different from the past because it hurt me when you said in December that you did not want to make myself accustomed to hearing "sweetie" and stuff.

 

After the last date, I guess that you felt uncomfortable by how I sent pictures and text from my everyday life, you may have felt was too much, then maybe I gave a "needy" aura when I said I also wanted to go out with your mother´s dog and combined with the fact I was a bit stiff (which was based by that I felt insecure / insecure after 3 months 'break') and I took one day for me to answer your "what are you doing? :)" message on where Saturday when your friend was sleeping over .. because it feels like it was after that everything really went downhill ... The reason that I did not answer that night was because I looked through an instagram-app that you best friend stopped following me on instagram the same day you and I took the walk, in addition, I found you on the a dating-app when I would delete my account ... Those things made me cautious but maybe they made you suspicious that I was with some other guy cause i took so long to answer, so I should really saluted your friend instead and tried to respond instantly to your message so you both would like me.

Maybe I should've even suggested you can taste the cake (since we live so close I could come over with two pieces).

I maybe shouldnt have called your bromance for romantic, it was said in jest/funny manner, but I understand if it was too much for you when I sent the picture of the cake and the recipe, when you didnt even asked for it .. rather you perhaps saw it as a further proof that I need too much reassurment/praise. You seemed rather find it strange that I baked cake and worked out the same day, as if one should exclude the other .. while my intention was just to try to get better at baking, also hope you´d like as i´d also proved that I´m not ALWAYS eating healthy as you thought before, but that I am also loving life´s pleasures and so on...

 

Anyway, I am grateful for the good times we shared and I have no regrets despite the pain of breakup ...

I loved being with you and really miss our intimate moments as well as in text phone at the dinner table, the sofa or the bed ... you healed my "unloved parts" and I felt whole after we joined together for you accepted me and showed me love in a way I never felt before, which I´m deeply moved and appreciative of.

Being with you was the most beautiful experience I've had on all levels; physically, mentally, spiritually ... It felt like we had so much that bound us together and I really thought we were soulmates like you yourself sortof suggested once.

It felt always as if we accepted and felt strongly about each other as we were, which was redemptive.

So I deeply regret that I even put a single glance at my old crush from the past who showed up at work one day i told you about which I know you got out of balance / wounded for.

And I am sorry that I was not clear how I felt about the economy in a relationshop; I think it is nice if a man pay for bills while on dates and courting with some flowers and chocolates sometimes, but otherwise I would gladly pay half and offer you just as much.

 

All the times we laughed and flirted on the phone are memories I value highly. I was so happy with you and wish it could continue indefinitely with smiles instead of tears now. I do not want to sit here and cry but the fact is that after active days I shred tears almost every night because our beautiful relationship we had is gone. I've dreamed about you often in different scenarios, all of which have been where you are angry / closed-off, and I'm sad / frustrated ... I really wish we could talk and fix things right between us so we would just be happy together again.

 

I would really like to know in what ways you feel we don´t fit? Or if it was just a white lie you told instead of some truth that you perhaps found a new girl or so?

 

I'm sorry to hear you feel bad and have days that feel like a downfall .. I feel the same way about my days but that's only because it's over between us, otherwise I'm happy. And although I think it is cowardly to dump through sms after all we had, instead of at least call, I understand you and still admire your strength that you so frankly explained a little about how you feel so the message got through clearly that you dont want me anymore like there is no more chance although it hurts.

 

What I see that I need to find forgiveness within myself to you about is how you say things like: "It feels great, and special what we have" and you kissed me a lot.... just to a few days later turn around and end it all totally. . I had abit ot the same feeling in December, and I realize that I may not behaved perfectly either, but it did still hurt you gave us up so suddenly without trying (by talking to me anyway before such defninitive ending).

 

I can not be friends with you because I wanted us to be together on a romantic scale, as best friends, partners in crime, lovers to share joy and sorrow etc .. Because I do not want to be platonic friends on Facebook while you start moving on and post pictures of someone-else, so I unfriended you there, although I miss you... because I have too much self-respect to accept the crumbs when I know that I deserve the whole bread!

 

Oh handsome guy ... I hope you are happy with what you're doing instead of being with me because I want to, even though you crushed my heart, that you are happy because I know that you have a good soul deep down that wants good. I know the music you produce is to get others to enjoy it, and that's why you want the songs to sound perfect, so that people get music-ear-orgasms and admire you as the king you are!

I´m sending you all my warmest positive energy in order to cope with the music and everything else! Hereby I let you go and wish you well."

 

how about that?

[Blanco]

That letter is longer than anything I've ever written to a girlfriend, and I have definitely penned my share of long, drawn out letters.

 

I couldn't read the whole thing because my eyes kept glazing over, but a few things:

 

1) You start out the letter with a lie. If you actually respected his decision, you wouldn't be writing him and you wouldn't be trying to influence him to change his decision.

 

2) You might think you'll touch a chord with him by telling him all the ways he made you "whole" or whatever, but that stuff is going to fall onto deaf ears. You're allowed to feel that way, but those comments won't have any impact on him. Trust me.

 

3) You say you want to know ways in how you don't fit, but didn't he already tell you that? The whole thing about paying equally, the exercise, healthy eating thing; all that? So it sounds like he already gave you plenty of reasons why you don't fit. You just aren't accepting them.

[Blanco]

In short, don't send him a letter of any length. If the above was just meant to be a goodbye letter, you don't need to send it, because he's already gone. Two months NC, remember? At this point, sending him a goodbye letter would be like me calling a stranger on the phone and telling them that we won't be talking again.

 

Do not send him a letter, and absolutely do not send him the letter you posted. He'll think you're insane to be sending something like that. You two were together for 60 days! And it's been over, if I'm understanding correctly, more than twice as long.

[ExpatInItaly]

No. Just don't.

[CarrieT]

No way do you send that letter....

[Zahara]

Please don't send that letter.

[Blanco]

And now we await the, "Well, I sent the letter," post.

[privategal]

Stop communicating with him pleassseee.

[aSadGirl]

No. Just don't.

Why not?

 

Stop communicating with him pleassseee.

 

Im not communicating with him. I havent replied to his "Dump-sms"... at least yet...

 

Please don't send that letter.

I appriciate all your guys imput, but why not?

[Zahara]

When someone isn't emotionally invested in you, something like this is a huge turn off. It's long winded and sappy. This was a 60 day relationship - Nov to Dec. It's June now and you're still going on about it and at this point, he's moved on with his life and doesn't care.

 

Sending this will only make you look dysfunctional. He's going to be freaked out by your inability to let go.

 

You think the romantic and sweet declarations will warm his heart? No, it won't.

[CarrieT]

Why not?

 

I appriciate all your guys imput, but why not?

Because the letter is a pathetic and desperate plea for attention from someone who doesn't care.

 

As Zahara said, it will only make you look more dysfunctional, weak, and undesirable.

 

He will tell his friends that he is being stalked by a psycho who can't let go.

 

It will not produce the results you want and could - very probably - cause bigger heartache.

[sooshi]

aSadGirl,

 

I feel for you, and I am so sorry for the pain you're going through. Your thought process is familiar, because I have experienced it before.

 

Over ten years ago, I was rejected by a guy I barely knew and wasn't even really attracted to (although I'm sure I thought so at the time). We had only talked for like a month--so even briefer than the relationship you're speaking of. Fueled by the pain of rejection, insecurity, and no coping skills, I wrote to him several letters, the longest being FORTY-TWO pages long. Handwritten. I also excessively e-mailed someone we both knew for several months (maybe even longer than a year) to unleash my thoughts and feelings. This was also to someone I barely knew.

 

Goodness me! I look back at that time of my life, and I feel rather embarrassed. But that's where I was at. I barely think of this person anymore, and when I do, it's mostly in relation to my poor coping skills back then. I'm not saying that I cope excessively well these days, either, but it's certainly a far cry from back then. I recently had a broken engagement to someone I have loved deeply for over six years, and while it really hurt for a few days, and while it still hurts--but so much more tolerably!--I am doing all right, and am focusing on healing and my own life.

 

I'm writing this to let you know that even though you struggle deeply with fears, insecurities, and feelings of self-worth, and with self-esteem, that you can grow. Even though I'm embarrassed when I look back ten years ago, it's a good point of reference to compare to. I am doing so much better now. I'm glad you're working with a therapist, as that can be very helpful, and it certainly helped me. Sometimes our fears and insecurities do all of the talking, and if a therapist is a good match for us, they can help us in ways we don't' know how to help ourselves right now.

 

I used to be very clingy, desperate, and all of that too. Now I am much more emotionally mature and secure within myself. It has taken a lot of pain and life experiences though. These forums have helped me a lot too, and the directness and honesty and "waking up" sentiments expressed by several members in my recent thread about my broken engagement have helped me see so clearly. The truth hurts, but illusion is more painful (even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment.)

 

It's been a long, hard, bump ride, but it's been so worthwhile. I hope your therapist is a good match for you, and that down the road, you'll look back and realize how much you've grown since May 2016.

Edited May 31, 2016 by sooshi

[aSadGirl]

When someone isn't emotionally invested in you, something like this is a huge turn off. It's long winded and sappy. This was a 60 day relationship - Nov to Dec. It's June now and you're still going on about it and at this point, he's moved on with his life and doesn't care.

 

Sending this will only make you look dysfunctional. He's going to be freaked out by your inability to let go.

 

You think the romantic and sweet declarations will warm his heart? No, it won't.

 

 

But we met again in MARCH! and felt like we wanted to rekindle our relationship... Have you read where i explain how that date went ? We took a walk to a park in the sun.. laughed flirted talked and he kissed me a lot + said "it feels really good and special" (what we have).. so basiclaly its been 2 months since he said this and we had this lovely date..

What will warm his heart then?

[aSadGirl]

Because the letter is a pathetic and desperate plea for attention from someone who doesn't care.

 

As Zahara said, it will only make you look more dysfunctional, weak, and undesirable.

 

He will tell his friends that he is being stalked by a psycho who can't let go.

 

It will not produce the results you want and could - very probably - cause bigger heartache.

 

 

Ok I understand and see your point...

but it was 2 months since the breakup happend.. so not so long..?

anyway what is the way to produce the reasults i want then? If i just wnt it back to being loving as before.. im crying so much lately, dont know what to do... ;/

[CarrieT]

So you had this one date in March (because you broke the No Contact rule!) and are now back in the same place you were when the relationship ended.

 

Look, if he wanted to be with you, he would be the one writing YOU letters and chasing you... The fact that you haven't heard from him speaks volumes. You were played with and abandoned. Have some self respect and move on.

[Zahara]

But we met again in MARCH! and felt like we wanted to rekindle our relationship... Have you read where i explain how that date went ? We took a walk to a park in the sun.. laughed flirted talked and he kissed me a lot + said "it feels really good and special" (what we have).. so basiclaly its been 2 months since he said this and we had this lovely date..

What will warm his heart then?

 

Yes, I read that and it means absolutely nothing.

 

You broke NC and the ball started rolling. He met you. If this guy was into you, that date would have progressed to something more. You on the other hand, because you are so emotionally invested in him -- you've magnified that one date into something that means so much more. Some sign that he's emotional about you. Understand that there are people out there that can be totally into you enjoying the moment, saying the right words, kissing you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear only to move on the next day -- that's because they aren't invested in you for the long run. It was just a sweet moment.

 

I think you said you both live close by -- if he wanted you, he'd be at your doorstep. He isn't and he even mentioned in that break-up text that he thought he felt for you a certain way but he was mistaken. He even signed off as your friend.

 

When people tell you what you don't want to hear, it's best to listen. Denial isn't going to get you anywhere. Nothing will warm his heart because he does not feel the same you feel about him. And he's told you this.

 

You're trying to use the letter to grab his attention, to show him how wonderful and sweet you are -- don't. The letter reeks of desperation and your inability to let go. We've all been there and we're trying to get you to wise up.

[aSadGirl]

That letter is longer than anything I've ever written to a girlfriend, and I have definitely penned my share of long, drawn out letters.

 

I couldn't read the whole thing because my eyes kept glazing over, but a few things:

 

1) You start out the letter with a lie. If you actually respected his decision, you wouldn't be writing him and you wouldn't be trying to influence him to change his decision.

 

2) You might think you'll touch a chord with him by telling him all the ways he made you "whole" or whatever, but that stuff is going to fall onto deaf ears. You're allowed to feel that way, but those comments won't have any impact on him. Trust me.

 

3) You say you want to know ways in how you don't fit, but didn't he already tell you that? The whole thing about paying equally, the exercise, healthy eating thing; all that? So it sounds like he already gave you plenty of reasons why you don't fit. You just aren't accepting them.

 

Thank you for reading anyway though and your 1,2,3 points...

 

1. You may be right about that.. but he wasnt exactly respecting me? Because if he did, he could´ve at least called or said we can speak on phone or so... for a closure.. but i guess the dumper dont have an urge for that, rather just want to get away as fast as possible

 

2. What do you think would get heard off for him if i said instead then? I want him back </3

 

3. He told me in december but not now when we went on another date in march! This last time everything seemed good, but i sort of regret we didnt touch on those topics.. even though i already back then told him im ok in paying half... but he knew i had started excersising a lot at least.. and also baking (to show i can develop and not always eating that healthy he thinks + perhaps be more attractive cause i make desserts?..)

In march he kissedme a lot and said "it feels really good and special what we have" - there´s no way to see past that???

 

 

In short, don't send him a letter of any length. If the above was just meant to be a goodbye letter, you don't need to send it, because he's already gone. Two months NC, remember? At this point, sending him a goodbye letter would be like me calling a stranger on the phone and telling them that we won't be talking again.

 

Do not send him a letter, and absolutely do not send him the letter you posted. He'll think you're insane to be sending something like that. You two were together for 60 days! And it's been over, if I'm understanding correctly, more than twice as long.

 

but i miss him and want him back badly... what can i do to get him back if not this letter? im sad most of time or at least during nights, crying.. cant function properly or move on.. i dont want to. it feels like we just misunderstood each other and have love somewhere under the layers but i dont know how to reach him..

since we only live a yard away i could techincally just hang out of where he lives and "catch him" when he enters or leaves his home.. im afraid he would think of it as "starlking" though, even if im just at a café 5 metres from the door to his appartment..? i dont know what else to think off.. he hasnt updated ANY social media either so im suspecting he might be sad too ? otherwise he updated a lot, but not since the breakups..

 

 

And now we await the, "Well, I sent the letter," post.

Maybe not that letter.. but i dont know how to go on without closure or trying to reconcile/get back together, but i dont know how ;/

 

 

When someone isn't emotionally invested in you, something like this is a huge turn off. It's long winded and sappy. This was a 60 day relationship - Nov to Dec. It's June now and you're still going on about it and at this point, he's moved on with his life and doesn't care.

 

Sending this will only make you look dysfunctional. He's going to be freaked out by your inability to let go.

 

You think the romantic and sweet declarations will warm his heart? No, it won't.

We were on a date in march like I said and he kissed me a lot and said "it feels really good and special what we have" - doesnt that mean anything!?

What will warm his heart then? </3 please help, i cant move on... only want him back! ;'(

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because the letter is a pathetic and desperate plea for attention from someone who doesn't care.

 

As Zahara said, it will only make you look more dysfunctional, weak, and undesirable.

 

He will tell his friends that he is being stalked by a psycho who can't let go.

 

It will not produce the results you want and could - very probably - cause bigger heartache.

 

ok, you might be right... but what can i do to produce the results i want then? I wish he would love me again and want to be with me forever... i dont want to move on! i cant picture my future withouth him and i have barely energy to move on day by day, it feels hard to breathe and im crying easily, sometimes hours every night.. and sometimes even during daytime.. i dont want it to be over! i feel like if i try to talk to him maybe he will appriciate im trying to be loyal and give us another chance..? or what else can i do to get him back?

 

 

So you had this one date in March (because you broke the No Contact rule!) and are now back in the same place you were when the relationship ended.

 

Look, if he wanted to be with you, he would be the one writing YOU letters and chasing you... The fact that you haven't heard from him speaks volumes. You were played with and abandoned. Have some self respect and move on.

 

You mean the fact i havent heart of him since the breakup in march? because before that he did write me ocassionally.. even flirted and suggested to go for a walk.. which we had in march correctly..

 

Please dont say im played and abondoned, my eyes bleed from reading these things... i cant accept it.. i feel so bad treated that he didnt even call to break up, or even see me since we only live a few houndred metres away.. after all the great love we had in end of last year..

i almost want to die since i dont feel any zest for life anymore.. he felt like "my home" and now i have none..and cant imagine myself finding someone new to love.. he was my soulmate as he himself proclaimed in december. before it ended.. i just want him back and be happy! dont know how to move on and dont want to ;/ please help me get him back!