He broke up with me via SMS-text yesterday = I don't want to live anymore. HELP!

[Zahara]

We were on a date in march like I said and he kissed me a lot and said "it feels really good and special what we have" - doesnt that mean anything!?

What will warm his heart then? </3 please help, i cant move on... only want him back! ;'(

 

Re-posting my response --

 

Yes, I read that and it means absolutely nothing.

 

You broke NC and the ball started rolling. He met you. If this guy was into you, that date would have progressed to something more. You on the other hand, because you are so emotionally invested in him -- you've magnified that one date into something that means so much more. Some sign that he's emotional about you. Understand that there are people out there that can be totally into you enjoying the moment, saying the right words, kissing you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear only to move on the next day -- that's because they aren't invested in you for the long run. It was just a sweet moment.

 

I think you said you both live close by -- if he wanted you, he'd be at your doorstep. He isn't and he even mentioned in that break-up text that he thought he felt for you a certain way but he was mistaken. He even signed off as your friend.

 

When people tell you what you don't want to hear, it's best to listen. Denial isn't going to get you anywhere. Nothing will warm his heart because he does not feel the same you feel about him. And he's told you this.

 

You're trying to use the letter to grab his attention, to show him how wonderful and sweet you are -- don't. The letter reeks of desperation and your inability to let go. We've all been there and we're trying to get you to wise up.

[Zahara]

No one can help you win someone back that does not want to be with you. You have an unhealthy attachment to someone that you had a very brief encounter with and maybe it would be best for you to seek professional help. It's alarming that someone you've known for such a short period of time can cause you to self-destruct this way. What would happen if you were in legitimate, long term relationship and it came to an end? How would you cope? 60 days and you're having an extreme and continuous meltdown.

 

This isn't healthy. It would be best for you to speak to someone so that you can dig deep and figure out where these feelings of dependence and hopelessness stem from.

 

How you are feeling isn't about or because of this guy -- but something that's rooted deeper inside you rather than a 60 day encounter gone bad.

Edited June 2, 2016 by Zahara

[CarrieT]

he could´ve at least called or said we can speak on phone or so... for a closure..

You got closure. His silence is your closure.

 

ok, you might be right... but what can i do to produce the results i want then?

I don't think you can produce the results you want.

 

i dont want to move on!

That is very sad and will ultimately be detrimental to your mental health.

 

i cant picture my future withouth him and i have barely energy to move on day by day, it feels hard to breathe and im crying easily, sometimes hours every night.. and sometimes even during daytime.. i dont want it to be over!

The more you wallow in this, the worse it will become.

 

i feel like if i try to talk to him maybe he will appriciate im trying to be loyal and give us another chance..? or what else can i do to get him back?

Again, if he wanted to be with you, he would.

 

Please dont say im played and abondoned

When it seems obvious to all of us and not to you, doesn't that concern you that you can't see it?

 

my eyes bleed from reading these things... i cant accept it..

Than you are being foolish.

 

i feel so bad treated that he didnt even call to break up, or even see me since we only live a few houndred metres away.. after all the great love we had in end of last year..

I don't believe that love was reciprocated. I think you have an obsession - not love.

 

i almost want to die since i dont feel any zest for life anymore.. he felt like "my home" and now i have none..and cant imagine myself finding someone new to love..

Can you find a qualified therapist? This is beyond unhealthy.

 

i just want him back and be happy!

Than leave him alone. For the umpteenth time - if he wanted to be with you, he would pursue you.

 

dont know how to move on and dont want to ;/ please help me get him back!

Again, can you get therapy?

[aSadGirl]

Thank you for your answers but they are not what i want.. i wish i could get tips on how to get him back, not get over him/move on... i feel i cant without closure... i mean maybe he gave me the closure through his dumping-text, but for me its sort of not enough... but at the same time I dont dare to contact him.

 

NONE of us have updated our social media but it says he is "single" on facebook... I miss him so much and am crying more lately.. several times a day/night...

 

Ive tried to speak to a psycholog but she sent me to a curator which is even worse.. i dont got money to swich to a private so i pay 200$/ year to go to psychologs one time a week at most (its how it works in my country or else it cost 100$/ hour) but now on summer they went on vacation... anyway what im trying to say is that im WITHOUT HELP and feel like i dont want to live anymore still... cant plan a suicide but im thinking a lot "its better if i left so i could stop suffering this heartbreak"...

 

Me and him spoke of so many things we wanted to do in the summer before which now will never happen probably... like traveling, picknick, tent in a forest, go on a boat, celebrate his birthday /e in a limousine, and play golf etc.. i wish i could do it with him.. dont want to do it alone and i cant do it with some friend etc.. its not the same... ;(

 

Ive been on like 15 diffrent dates with diffrent guys since he broke up and i feel 0 for them and dont even want to speak or see them anymore after that one date (where i usually get compliments like im beautiful and things like that but then im never interested in them, just want my ex back! HE FELT LIKE HOME!)

 

Can someone give me tips on how to get him back? How do i raise my self-esteem and confidence enough to "win him back"? Otherwise give tips on painless suicides please. Thank you

[sooshi]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much.

 

I think many of us can understand the feeling of someone feeling like home to us. We understand what heartbreak can cause us, emotionally, physically, and mentally. That's probably why most of us came here in the first place--because, we too, are hurting.

 

I really feel for you. Your attachment to him isn't really about him--it is about you putting your entire world into him. I get it. I've been there, and I lost myself and forgot myself. I can see that you are losing and forgetting yourself too.

 

If a therapist is too expensive right now, then please contact a crisis hotline. You will not be judged for what you're thinking and feeling.

 

I'm sorry that I can't give you tips to "win" him back. There are no tips because they don't exist. He has made his choice, and it is a choice that while it hurts, you must respect. Work on your self-compassion and self-worth for YOU. It's YOU who is your home. It's YOU who is worth living for. It's YOU who you really want.

 

But you've forgotten. Emotional pain has a hold on us like that sometimes.

 

You're not ready to date. You need to focus on yourself. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's what you need to internalize.

 

Please, focus on yourself. Drink more water. Spend more time out in the sun. Connect with nature. Do something kind for you. Do something you love. Repeat.

 

Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. You are worthy.

[Lorenza]

Ok, some tough love here - sounds like you thrive in misery and drama. People have their whole lives shatter when marriages and partnerships of 20+ years fall apart and they still have the dignity to walk away without turning into a complete and utter mess.

 

You dated a guy for 2 months and had some...walks with him ever since? There's no one on the whole planet Earth who's as special and magical as this loser? Seriously, how did he even made you feel AT HOME? You know how it looks like when a guy makes you feel at home? It's when he loves you dearly, wants to share his everyday life with you, lives with you, cooks for you, gives you caugh medicine when you're sick and DOESN'T REQUIRE YOU WINNING HIM BACK. He's already there. And he won YOU. Guys do the winning in this world, ok? Girls taking that role are called phycho stalkers. DON'T be that person, why in the whole world would you???

 

I'm 27 too and just broke up with someone. It's OK and it DOESNT define you. And believe me, you don't want to die for a casual date who won't care at all if youre dead or alive. Now go buy yourself a dress, start a bakery blog and upload pics of your cakes, sign up for your conditory class - just do you. There's no way in the whole world to "win" someone over by being an emotional wreck who can't find happiness withing, let go, think clear.

 

And pleeeeaaase, go to cognitive therapy.

[Charlie99909]

My ex also broke up with me via text. Telling me that she needed someone who was more involved in the church, not to say I was a bad guy, it was just what she needs in her life.

 

People who can't face you to tell you the truth are never worth it. I broke up with two women in person, despite knowing it was a terrible thing to do. They both cried, it was uncomfortable, but I did it face to face. I'm sorry.