jamie353352 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Guys is it normal behavior for you to get territorial on a woman who is not your girlfriend? FwB is a messy situation as it is because there's the risk of catching feelings. So why do guys tend to pretend they don't care and then get jealous of the idea the girl might get with someone else? Is it something normal? Link to post Share on other sites
Smoothman Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Guys is it normal behavior for you to get territorial on a woman who is not your girlfriend? FwB is a messy situation as it is because there's the risk of catching feelings. So why do guys tend to pretend they don't care and then get jealous of the idea the girl might get with someone else? Is it something normal? They pretend to keep the sex coming. If they said: "I'm developing feelings for you" they fear you would say "oh, well, no more sex for you than!" It's not hard to figure out. FWB is rarely exactly that...even more so than a FB...you are, after all, friends, so you already have some respect, mutual interests..etc You LIKE each other...add sex to that, and 99% of the time someone's gonna get hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I my opinion and it's probaby an oversimplification but it is because we men have far more fragile egos than we ever care to admit. We also remain a very territorial lot It is all well and good to have an FWB situation for many men until of all things...They start developing feelings. When we do, then in many instances it is beyond our conception why our FWB partner would not just be satisfied with one of us. Our egos simply get in the way. We tend to think that no other male is as witty, physically appealing or wonderful than we are, so when a female starts liking someone else it kind of shatters that whole thing and we resort to the only thing we know to do really well...and that is lash out. I'm in my fifties now but I used to be young in the Seventies and Eighties and not much has changed in that regard and we won't admit it. lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamie353352 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Lol so hes acting that way just to keep me around? Hes so confusing one day he tells me he loves me the next he says we are friends and treats me extra cold ... But God forbid if I mention another man around him. He gets extremely pissed off. Link to post Share on other sites
angelcake Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 He doesn't want to commit but he still feels like that (insert name for female part) is his! It's as simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamie353352 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Yes lol just as I see his [insert name for male parts] as mine but I want to have cake and eat it too but he doesn't see me blowing up a storm cuz he mentions girls in my face. He doesn't really do that ever maybe cuz he knows it doesn't bother me. Me on the other hand am a bitch. I always compare him and attack his ego to remind him of what we are ... At least that's how I like to play my part because I'm an emotional mess deep inside and there's no way I'm going to open myself up to any man again ... Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Guys is it normal behavior for you to get territorial on a woman who is not your girlfriend? FwB is a messy situation as it is because there's the risk of catching feelings. So why do guys tend to pretend they don't care and then get jealous of the idea the girl might get with someone else? Is it something normal? If the friendship is real, feelings are already involved, and inevitably one is going to become more invested in the relationship and get jealous or hurt. Personally, I think having a FB is more suitable for a situation where a no strings attachment is wanted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Jealousy in a FWB relationship. Hmmm. I suspect any man who gets jealous in that situation probably only has one FWB. If a man has options, he is less likely to be jealous. Or the guy is young. Maturity and experience should grant a man the ability to better cope with the reality of the situation. Or ... he wants more from the relationship. More than just FWB. In a true FWB relationship, the friendship is real. Caring about your friend goes without saying. However, when the parameters around the relationship are clear and defined, it should be easy for a man to separate the sex from his emotions. We do that naturally anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamie353352 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Yeah he says I'm the only hes been sleeping with. He told me 1st the beginning we could do whatever we wanted. He we going to look for other girls blah blah blah. He told me tat I could get how many guys I wanted. However I'm just one man type of girl :/ hes my second sexual partner. Now he just says it's only me and it's been like that for about 1o months. I know it's ****ed up on my part. He knows I have my issues and that's why I blurt out **** that I know will keep him away Link to post Share on other sites
lychee Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 They simply never work IMO ---- FWBs someone always ends up catching feelings.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamie353352 Posted March 26, 2016 Author Share Posted March 26, 2016 They simply never work IMO ---- FWBs someone always ends up catching feelings.. Yes I agree. I half expected myself to be the first to catch feelings but this guy just gives me mix signals. Last time I had to remind him of the pact we made when we first got together. I told him to not develop any feelings. Idk if he's getting feelings or not but the jealous acts do tire me out. He sometimes text me multiple time and if I don't respond he'll call me and ask why I don't answrlee. He questions what I'm do,t and who I'm with. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 Men are jealous creatures, it's that simple. Take a dog for a walk in the park and watch him cock his leg on every tree you pass. He doesn't care about that tree, but those other dogs will know it's his damn tree! If you are banging this guy, even if he doesn't want to pursue a meaningful relationship with you, he probably doesn't want to share you with another guy. Agreed, it seems to me that FWB is an arrangement seen by some men as a way to sex whilst leaving his options open to sleep with other women, but he wants the woman in the arrangement to be sleeping with him and only him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
faithfully Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 They simply never work IMO ---- FWBs someone always ends up catching feelings.. ^^^^^ this I agree with. Nope they never work and I'm a living proof Stay away Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Guys is it normal behavior for you to get territorial on a woman who is not your girlfriend? FwB is a messy situation as it is because there's the risk of catching feelings. So why do guys tend to pretend they don't care and then get jealous of the idea the girl might get with someone else? Is it something normal? umm women do it too. It's called emotions. People are rarely brought up separating sex from love or feelings. One night stands and pick ups might occur but with sustained sexual contact with one person feelings of whatever strength usually do develop. Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 You have unfortunately created a difficult situation for yourself, and the only way to solve it is by doing what you think is right and detaching from his manipulations. If you want a real relationship, you tell him. If he agrees, you try it out. If he does not agree and instead likes things as they are now, then you KNOW he is trying to control what you do in your life even though he has no right! Not good or healthy behavior. And not good of you to stay around a guy messing with your head like this. If you do not want a real relationship, you tell him. If he agrees, then you tell him to stop keeping tabs on you OR you learn to truly not care about his intrusive questions. Detach. If he cannot stick to his better behavior and it still annoys you, then end the fwb. People do not always behave well or respect us. They frequently say one thing and do another--like saying they don't want us but then acting jealous--and instead of seeing that as manipulative, we not-super-healthy types say, "Oh, I am winning him/her over!" No, if you allow this mixed message behavior, then you are allowing someone to play with your mind and send you confusing signals. Do NOT allow that. It is not a compliment if it continues, it is actually an insult. Trying to control someone is not loving them; only loving them is loving them. Please do not confuse the two or you will be hurt. He either admits to wanting a real R and caring about you or you need to step emotionally back from this guy because he is messing with your head for his own selfish ego boost. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamie353352 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Share Posted March 28, 2016 You have unfortunately created a difficult situation for yourself, and the only way to solve it is by doing what you think is right and detaching from his manipulations. If you want a real relationship, you tell him. If he agrees, you try it out. If he does not agree and instead likes things as they are now, then you KNOW he is trying to control what you do in your life even though he has no right! Not good or healthy behavior. And not good of you to stay around a guy messing with your head like this. If you do not want a real relationship, you tell him. If he agrees, then you tell him to stop keeping tabs on you OR you learn to truly not care about his intrusive questions. Detach. If he cannot stick to his better behavior and it still annoys you, then end the fwb. People do not always behave well or respect us. They frequently say one thing and do another--like saying they don't want us but then acting jealous--and instead of seeing that as manipulative, we not-super-healthy types say, "Oh, I am winning him/her over!" No, if you allow this mixed message behavior, then you are allowing someone to play with your mind and send you confusing signals. Do NOT allow that. It is not a compliment if it continues, it is actually an insult. Trying to control someone is not loving them; only loving them is loving them. Please do not confuse the two or you will be hurt. He either admits to wanting a real R and caring about you or you need to step emotionally back from this guy because he is messing with your head for his own selfish ego boost. thanks for the advise! You are definately right about how easy it is to blur some lines and get manipulated. My ex (first bf) was a manipulator who abused me mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually. So I know how easy it is to slide into a delusion they create for you. Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 I want others to learn from my mistakes. To some of us, mixed signals feel normal. (I blame my narcissistic mother for that.) But no, mixed signals should send us running for the exit! You either love us and care about us in an open, fair, and respectful manner or not at all! We are not toys! We do not accept crumbs! Real love never give crumbs because it never wants to inflict pain! It is never a compliment to get 15% of someone's time or attention or passion . . . not when it comes to love--that is always an insult and usually about controlling someone and keeping them around instead of cherishing them. Ugh. Best wishes! Don't settle! Control is not love. Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 A good test is to look at his actions. How much of his free time, energy, attention, and passion for life go toward you? (Words don't count, only time and energy count.) Real love looks and feels like we are important. Controllers and abusers give nothing but cheap, plastic words and a penny of their time. But they expect the world in return! Just . . . no. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 Men are jealous creatures, it's that simple. Take a dog for a walk in the park and watch him cock his leg on every tree you pass. He doesn't care about that tree, but those other dogs will know it's his damn tree! If you are banging this guy, even if he doesn't want to pursue a meaningful relationship with you, he probably doesn't want to share you with another guy. In my opinion, it is in poor taste to even bring up other men when you are with someone you are sleeping with. I know when I was a single guy, I might mess around with different girls, but I wouldn't mention other women when I was with them. No one wants to hear about the other man/woman. This post is on the money. It's a territory/dominance thing. Agreed, it seems to me that FWB is an arrangement seen by some men as a way to sex whilst leaving his options open to sleep with other women, but he wants the woman in the arrangement to be sleeping with him and only him. True. And women want the guy with social proof/options, but then try to take away those same options. It's contradictory, and neurotic. It is what it is I think the OP and her 'friend' are probably both as bad as each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamie353352 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Share Posted March 28, 2016 This post is on the money. It's a territory/dominance thing. True. And women want the guy with social proof/options, but then try to take away those same options. It's contradictory, and neurotic. It is what it is I think the OP and her 'friend' are probably both as bad as each other. YES!!1 LOL we are both equally bad in this regard XD We both have our issues. I'm not asking for a relationship because I don't want one. I am happy with our arrangement because I have the freedom I didnt have with an abusive ex. I dont doubt that he is as confused as I am! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 Maybe it's time to readdress "boundaries" and "expectations" to clarify where you both stand. it's possible by keeping your private life separate from this arrangement will help things go smoother. No more pillow talk, just keep it simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamie353352 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Share Posted March 28, 2016 Yeah ... that would be a good idea :/ we have been pretty much breaking thoae boudaries from day one. cuddling, pillow talking, him meeting my friends and family. He's told me a lot of personal stuff from his family situation to their history. I know all his friends by name only and his entire work schedule. I even know his social security number. It is really our fault for being in this limbo. I have tried plenty of times to cut things off with him but we end up bacnk in bed :/ a few days later Link to post Share on other sites
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