I caught my bf cheating but do I still need to come clean myself?

[CarineRose]

To make long story short, I caught my boyfriend (now ex bf) cheating at a party way back towards the ending of Jan. He tried to go after me to, asking for forgiveness, how he would do anything to win me back, etc. I broke it off but for seconds was thinking of working it out. Supposedly a couple others that know him have said he changed and really regrets it and that at this moment he's not dating anyone.

 

The other issue is I'm not really innocent. Last year way back in May, I fooled around (didn't have sex but did the other things) with someone I'll never saw nor heard from again. I was drunk that one time and well he never found out. I never drank like that ever again and decided to just live with my own guilt.

 

He's still been calling me (I had a couple missed calls), asking for 2nd second. I still can't get over what I saw that day. Not sure if it's even worth confessing my own cheating of last year. My closest friends are advising me to let him continue suffer with his remorse and not mention anything about it.

 

It really sucks that he would have still cheated even if I didn't.

Edited March 24, 2016 by CarineRose

[Smoothman]

To make long story short, I caught my boyfriend (now ex bf) cheating at a party way back towards the ending of Jan. He tried to go after me to, asking for forgiveness, how he would do anything to win me back, etc. I broke it off but for seconds was thinking of working it out. Supposedly a couple others that know him have said he changed and really regrets it and that at this moment he's not dating anyone.

 

The other issue is I'm not really innocent. Last year way back in May, I fooled around (didn't have sex but did the other things) with someone I'll never saw nor heard from again. I was drunk that one time and well he never found out. I never drank like that ever again and decided to just live with my own guilt.

 

He's still been calling me (I had a couple missed calls), asking for 2nd second. I still can't get over what I saw that day. Not sure if it's even worth confessing my own cheating of last year. My closest friends are advising me to let him continue suffer with his remorse and not mention anything about it.

 

It really sucks that he would have still cheated even if I didn't.

Seems to me neither of you is mature enough or divested enough to have any sort of relationship.

 

Go find a man who can be faithful to, and who is faithful to you.

[MrMeh]

Must feel really odd to have somebody begging you for forgiveness while you pretend that you actually deserve to be in that position.

 

I guess the decision to tell him is going to be based solely on your integrity as person so I guess the probability of telling him is pretty bleak..

[Satu]

Go No Contact and concentrate on growing as a person.

[Zahara]

My closest friends are advising me to let him continue suffer with his remorse and not mention anything about it.

 

Wow.

 

10 charac.

[angelcake]

I would go my own way and start over with someone new, with a clean slate.

[Guildford]

Carine -You have two options. Do you want to continue the relationship (can't tell from your post)? If not, then just walk away without saying anything. If you do want to continue the relationship then tell him the truth about what you did, and you can forgive each other. I believe in total honesty in a relationship; I believe that honesty is more important than sexual fidelity. Also, if you confess your past mistake then you will let him know that infidelity is a door that can swing both ways.

[Methodical]

This is a case of the pot calling the kettle black. What's worse is you are 'justifying' your actions by blaming alcohol. If you can't drink responsibly, that's on you. I imagine if he ever catches wind that you cheated on him first, yet vilified him as though you're a saint, he'll react harshly. Why grind an ax when you are just as guilty, even though you weren't caught?

 

Your friend is pretty twisted knowing what you did, yet suggesting you persecute him.

Edited March 24, 2016 by Methodical

[SammySammy]

What would be the purpose of telling him at this juncture? Other than to hurt him and see him suffer also.

 

To do that wouldn't be helpful to you or him.

 

You're not together. Keep it that way and move on with your life.

[CarineRose]

I guess I won't be getting back with him anytime soon. Part of me still loves him but then I'm reminded back to when I caught them together. I really wanted to puke that day. No way I can't get over that.

 

I think if I would have found out in another way then I might have been more forgiving, confessed my cheating and work on the relationship.

[smackie9]

there is a reason why you both cheated......You both are not really suitable for each other. Love alone can't make a relationship survive, maybe when you are older you will figure this out but for now, it would be best to just move on and start fresh with someone else.

 

Sorry for your loss. Hope you find peace in your heart soon.

[ashley1992]

if I were you, I would keep silent and move on... Harder said then done.. As I'm in the same position as well. what's done is done.. When ur ready start a clean slate and a new relationship that has respect honesty and trust. All the best

[itstoni]

You're both toxic for each other.

Don't say anything and move on.