Curious about this sentiment . . .[there is no excuse for cheating]

[Mrs. John Adams]

An affair is a short sighted bandaid to the real and the now issues that need to be addressed in marriage. Excuses and blame for choosing to cheat is a personal choice. Character and integrity is internal, it's a core trait that you either have or don't have based only from within. No one owns your character or integrity and blaming others for one's own choices is a cop out.

 

It's ironic, but if a husband gambles, or drinks, or steals, or abusive ....anyone can clearly see that the spouse is not to blame for those choices, but for some reason infidelity is more often seen as the betrayed spouse's shortcomings.

 

Furious...this is the best explanation i have heard! Spot on!

[Liam1]

Prior to my marriage I was a playboy. Not like the magazine of the same name, I was in my 30's and had lots of excess energy and used it for playing. I was a partier, I was a regular to about half a dozen bars, one for C&W music and dancing, another where I drank, flirted and played pool, another that was one of the last discos, another where I played backgammon for money, my favorite was one that just served beer, but had a sand volleyball court outside, inside they had sturdy thick lumber unbreakable tables and benches, where patrons talked, but also played cards, rummy, chit on your neighbor, even bridge. In short I was always playing somewhere.

On nights I stayed home, the stereo was up, and the grill was hot, beer and Boones Farm in the fridge, my place was party central for a very large complex.

My sex life was fantastic.

When I met my Ex, she had just turned 18, and moved from out of state and instantly volunteered to be one of my party gals. Then she wanted more, I cut back on my GF's until it was only her, After she graduated from college I agreed to marry her. When she accepted a job out of state, I sold my race cars, she did not like it and my motorcycle. We needed the money

I became a goody two shoes, no more stopping by a bar on the way home from work, we went out about once a week for dinner. But I avoided the bars. Then we hit a snag with her co-worker OM's, I caught her cheating and walked away.

For the next three decades, I was blameless, I pointed my finger in all directions except for my self, I never looked back

That is until a couple of years ago.

Knock, knock, she was now of age and wanted to get out and do some partying, she had been waiting for three years for this time and I became Mister home body

So yes I was right to point my finger, but at the same time, I had a hand in breaking up my marriage by giving up the bar scene and trying to be a good stay at home husband

 

I agree. Sometimes a spouse can be too nice, and the other spouse walks all over them.

 

I was too nice for ten years about my wife rejecting sex.

 

Her refusal to seek counseling was stubborn and selfish.

 

When, I decided to stop being nice. All of sudden she agreed to counseling. It saved our marriage.

[wmacbride]

An affair is a short sighted bandaid to the real and the now issues that need to be addressed in marriage. Excuses and blame for choosing to cheat is a personal choice. Character and integrity is internal, it's a core trait that you either have or don't have based only from within. No one owns your character or integrity and blaming others for one's own choices is a cop out.

 

It's ironic, but if a husband gambles, or drinks, or steals, or abusive ....anyone can clearly see that the spouse is not to blame for those choices, but for some reason infidelity is more often seen as the betrayed spouse's shortcomings.

 

 

It goes round and round.

 

We are always told that there are tow sides to he health of the marriage, and if that is the case- which in most cases it is- then that also applies to the facets that make up that health.

 

What as the ws contributed to the behavior they claim is "making them cheat"?

 

My brother had an a, and one night we were talking about it. He told me he cheated because she was always too tired to do anything, they had little intimacy, she was only concerned about the kids, etc.

 

I just sort of filed that knowledge away, but didn't think much about it.

 

He and his W had divorced after the A, but she is still good friends with my family, and she and my brother are actually good friends too. After my mom passed away, they were both at my parents home for her celebration fo life, and the two fo them and me and my husband were taking, and the subject of the A came up. He repeated his reasons for cheating, and I was feeling kind of tipsy and asked him outright why he thought she was so tired all the time, why they had little intimacy, why she was so wrapped up in the kids.

 

He sort of hemmed and hawed, and she gave the answer she'd been holding on to for years.

 

My brother is a great guy, but he is definitely type A, and works 12-14 hours a day and is away more than he's home. He'd spend weeks away at a time, come home for a day or two and be gone again. While he was home, he was on the phone or inviting his clients over . She was left alone, working a full time job, raising two kids, with him coming home late at night when she had to be up at 5:30 to drive to work.

 

That makes it hard to engage n much intimacy or fun times.

 

He really felt like he was working so much to make a good life for her and their kids, and never saw the damage it was doing, even when she asked him to try and cut back, as the money didn't matter, she anted to send time with him. . He might be a one per center, but at what price?

 

She was unhappy with him, she talked to him, he didn't really listen. He was unhappy with her, talked to her about it, saw it all as her fault, and had an affair.

 

If her behavior was at the root of him cheating, then couldn't it be said that his ignoring her and being so wrapped up in what he was doing?

 

He didn't set out to cheat, but when the opportunity came. He took it, rationalizing it by making a string of excuses. Time and distance have allowed him to see how it all fell apart.

 

As I said, round and round it goes.

[Mrs. John Adams]

The opportunity became available to me to cheat....so i took it. You see....we can dissect it every way we want to....but the truth is the truth. I made the conscience decision to have sex with another man....knowing that it broke my vow to my husband to be faithful...in sickness, in health, for richer, for poorer until death do us part. Those vows covered every possible scenario....that i might be confronted with in my marriage.

 

I can justify my choice by placing blame on my situation...or placing blame on my husband....but it still boils down to this fact.

 

I consciously made the decision to cheat because i wanted to. If I truly had not wanted to cheat..I would not have. It is that simple. There is no situation so bad...no relationship so bad...that cheating is the best and only choice we have.

 

So when we as cheaters start spewing reasons and excuses...it is because we do not want to take responsibilities for our own actions. We want to convince others that we are justified in our choice....and sometimes we want to convince ourselves because somehow it makes us seem less vile.

 

We aren't. Both people in a relationship are responsible for the state of that relationship...but they vowed to remain faithful to each other....and even though i committed adultery first....my husband is not justified in his choice to cheat either. He made the same vow i did.

 

If the marriage is dissolved....then the vow is no longer binding for either party....

 

If your partner withdraws from your relationship emotionally or physically...and you feel they have broken their vow to you...then divorce them...but don't try to justify your choice to cheat based on their shortcomings....you and you alone are still responsible for your unfaithfulness.

[Liam1]

 

 

 

So when we as cheaters start spewing reasons and excuses...it is because we do not want to take responsibilities for our own actions. We want to convince others that we are justified in our choice....and sometimes we want to convince ourselves because somehow it makes us seem less vile.

 

 

When you say we, it appears that you are speaking for EVERYONE who has had an affair.

 

I know you realize that it is not possible for one person to speak for everyone.

 

Personally, as someone who had an affair, I don't feel the way you claim "we" all feel.

 

I only speak for myself, but I unequivocally don't feel the way you just described.

 

I don't think anyone can speak of the collective "we".

 

Everyone is different.

 

Personally, my affair saved my marriage.

 

Personally, I think working through an affair is better then simply divorcing.

 

Personally, I don't think that an affair is the worst thing that can happen in a marriage.

 

I certainly don't see it as vile. But I do like that word. I think I will use it next time a terrorist targets innocent women and babies.

 

But obviously you feel differently and that's okay.

 

But please don't use the word we to mean that everyone feels as you do.

 

Because I don't. I feel my affair saved my marriage and I also feel it was without a doubt justified. My wife was stubborn and acting entitled, and the affair forced her to see what she could not see that she was doing.

[purplesorrow]

When you say we, it appears that you are speaking for EVERYONE who has had an affair.

 

I know you realize that it is not possible for one person to speak for everyone.

 

Personally, as someone who had an affair, I don't feel the way you claim "we" all feel.

 

I only speak for myself, but I unequivocally don't feel the way you just described.

 

I don't think anyone can speak of the collective "we".

 

Everyone is different.

 

Personally, my affair saved my marriage.

 

Personally, I think working through an affair is better then simply divorcing.

 

Personally, I don't think that an affair is the worst thing that can happen in a marriage.

 

I certainly don't see it as vile. But I do like that word. I think I will use it next time a terrorist targets innocent women and babies.

 

But obviously you feel differently and that's okay.

 

But please don't use the word we to mean that everyone feels as you do.

 

Because I don't. I feel my affair saved my marriage and I also feel it was without a doubt justified. My wife was stubborn and acting entitled, and the affair forced her to see what she could not see that she was doing.

 

Would it be a go to solution should you encounter marital problems again since you know it works?

[Mrs. John Adams]

Your affair did not save your marriage.

 

The work you and your wife have put into your marriage since your affair is what is saving your marriage.

[wmacbride]

The opportunity became available to me to cheat....so i took it. You see....we can dissect it every way we want to....but the truth is the truth. I made the conscience decision to have sex with another man....knowing that it broke my vow to my husband to be faithful...in sickness, in health, for richer, for poorer until death do us part. Those vows covered every possible scenario....that i might be confronted with in my marriage.

 

I can justify my choice by placing blame on my situation...or placing blame on my husband....but it still boils down to this fact.

 

I consciously made the decision to cheat because i wanted to. If I truly had not wanted to cheat..I would not have. It is that simple. There is no situation so bad...no relationship so bad...that cheating is the best and only choice we have.

 

So when we as cheaters start spewing reasons and excuses...it is because we do not want to take responsibilities for our own actions. We want to convince others that we are justified in our choice....and sometimes we want to convince ourselves because somehow it makes us seem less vile.

 

We aren't. Both people in a relationship are responsible for the state of that relationship...but they vowed to remain faithful to each other....and even though i committed adultery first....my husband is not justified in his choice to cheat either. He made the same vow i did.

 

If the marriage is dissolved....then the vow is no longer binding for either party....

 

If your partner withdraws from your relationship emotionally or physically...and you feel they have broken their vow to you...then divorce them...but don't try to justify your choice to cheat based on their shortcomings....you and you alone are still responsible for your unfaithfulness.

 

 

Well put.

My husband feels like you do. For a while, he felt incredibly guilty and terrible about what he had done, and I told hi that he had to let that go so we could move on.

He still feels bad about what he did- he hated who he had become-, and both feel it's a life long process to recover, for both of us.

 

The good news is that, at least for us, the further his affair is in the rear view mirror, the more fun we are having recovering from it. As he has put it, if we can get through all that heartache together, we can get through anything together.

 

He's always had issues with self esteem, and he's told me that he has learned to look at things in a different way. If I loved him enough to stay with him and fight through all that muck, then there must be something in him that makes it worthwhile.

 

He's right.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Well put.

My husband feels like you do. For a while, he felt incredibly guilty and terrible about what he had done, and I told hi that he had to let that go so we could move on.

He still feels bad about what he did- he hated who he had become-, and both feel it's a life long process to recover, for both of us.

 

The good news is that, at least for us, the further his affair is in the rear view mirror, the more fun we are having recovering from it. As he has put it, if we can get through all that heartache together, we can get through anything together.

 

He's always had issues with self esteem, and he's told me that he has learned to look at things in a different way. If I loved him enough to stay with him and fight through all that muck, then there must be something in him that makes it worthwhile.

 

He's right.

 

Oh that's beautiful mac bride!

 

We can certainly come out on the other side happy....

 

But I love what your honey said... It lifted my heart!

 

Ps... The lunch date with my honey the other day was great. You were too sweet to write to him. Thank you for caring about me. Youre a good friend.

[Liam1]

Your affair did not save your marriage.

 

The work you and your wife have put into your marriage since your affair is what is saving your marriage.

 

Well, I don't agree. So we will have to agree to disagree.

 

Without the affair my wife would not have been willing to put the work in.

 

I was doing all the work. She still refused counseling, until the affair.

 

I am sorry you don't agree, but you are entitled to your opinion. Everyone has an opinion. That does not mean one is more or less right. It's just their opinion.

[Gloria25]

It goes round and round.

 

We are always told that there are tow sides to he health of the marriage, and if that is the case- which in most cases it is- then that also applies to the facets that make up that health.

 

What as the ws contributed to the behavior they claim is "making them cheat"?

 

My brother had an a, and one night we were talking about it. He told me he cheated because she was always too tired to do anything, they had little intimacy, she was only concerned about the kids, etc.

 

I just sort of filed that knowledge away, but didn't think much about it.

 

He and his W had divorced after the A, but she is still good friends with my family, and she and my brother are actually good friends too. After my mom passed away, they were both at my parents home for her celebration fo life, and the two fo them and me and my husband were taking, and the subject of the A came up. He repeated his reasons for cheating, and I was feeling kind of tipsy and asked him outright why he thought she was so tired all the time, why they had little intimacy, why she was so wrapped up in the kids.

 

He sort of hemmed and hawed, and she gave the answer she'd been holding on to for years.

 

My brother is a great guy, but he is definitely type A, and works 12-14 hours a day and is away more than he's home. He'd spend weeks away at a time, come home for a day or two and be gone again. While he was home, he was on the phone or inviting his clients over . She was left alone, working a full time job, raising two kids, with him coming home late at night when she had to be up at 5:30 to drive to work.

 

That makes it hard to engage n much intimacy or fun times.

 

He really felt like he was working so much to make a good life for her and their kids, and never saw the damage it was doing, even when she asked him to try and cut back, as the money didn't matter, she anted to send time with him. . He might be a one per center, but at what price?

 

She was unhappy with him, she talked to him, he didn't really listen. He was unhappy with her, talked to her about it, saw it all as her fault, and had an affair.

 

If her behavior was at the root of him cheating, then couldn't it be said that his ignoring her and being so wrapped up in what he was doing?

 

He didn't set out to cheat, but when the opportunity came. He took it, rationalizing it by making a string of excuses. Time and distance have allowed him to see how it all fell apart.

 

As I said, round and round it goes.

 

Question....

 

If he was working hard, then why was she out there working? Cuz now a days women are being told that they have no value if they aren't pulling a pay check?

 

So, if she wanted to work and ended up too tired for this/that, then how is it his fault?

 

Thing is, "someone's" gotta stay home to make the "house" a "home". No one, man or woman can juggle a marriage, full time job and kids on their own.

 

Call it old fashioned or not, but back in the day women stayed home and the "man" worked hard so she could maintain the home and when he comes home, she's dolled up, rested, ready for sex and something's good on the kitchen table. We don't have that now a days. People are hiring maids and/or dumping off their kids in daycare, public schools, nannies, relatives and sex with hubby isn't a "priority". Also, families eat out too much and we have obesity cuz of that.

 

Tell me what is more fulfilling? Paying for cooked food or the time, love, and consideration in making a meal to "feed" those who you love/care for?

 

Yes, some couples have Mr. Moms, but eventually biology kicks in and women don't respect and/or get horny for a guy eho plays that role...

 

Also, why can't women ever be at fault and/or share the blame? In this case, 'he abandoned her cuz he's working his butt off'? Really? Yes, there are case of guys who just expect to work all the time and not interact with the home, but if I'm reading this correctly, he "is" available, but cuz she wants (not needs) to go work, she's too tired to deal with him after kids and chores.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Well, I don't agree. So we will have to agree to disagree.

 

Without the affair my wife would not have been willing to put the work in.

 

I was doing all the work. She still refused counseling, until the affair.

 

I am sorry you don't agree, but you are entitled to your opinion. Everyone has an opinion. That does not mean one is more or less right. It's just their opinion.

 

Your affair may have indeed frightened your wife into change. Affairs change many marriages.....in my case I say my marriage is good IN SPITE of my affair. My marriage has changed because of my affair. In many ways our marriage is better than ever....but in other ways we have lost things we can never recapture. But yes...my affair changed my marriage...but it did not save it.

 

But your statement that your affair saved your marriage...is not a true statement.Your affair saved nothing. The affair caused change. Now...maybe those changes improved some areas of your marriage...but the affair did not save your marriage.

 

If i have heart attack....and then i change my diet and I exercise more....the heart attack did not save my life. It was the changes that transpired BECAUSE of the heart attack that saved my life. If i had not had the heart attack...I may not have changed my eating habits. But the heart attack scared me because i realized that i was close to death. Your wife was not willing to make any changes (supplying you with sex)until you had an affair and you scared her....so she agreed to therapy.

 

 

You are right...we are all entitled to our opinion. I have thirty years of reconciliation under my belt....and i work at it every day...and i have to admit...I have never encountered a wayward in reconciliation who makes the statements you make.

 

Sometimes you truly take my breath away....

[Mrs. John Adams]

I want to add something about my post....an affair is intentional. We choose to participate...a heart attack is an act of nature....we would not choose to have a heart attack.

 

I don't want anyone to misinterpret my words and think that i do not understand the difference.

[minimariah]

wmacbride - did your brother date his AP after the divorce?

 

Call it old fashioned or not, but back in the day women stayed home and the "man" worked hard so she could maintain the home and when he comes home, she's dolled up, rested, ready for sex and something's good on the kitchen table.

 

raising little children, running after them (and let me tell you... little kids are FULL of energy), cooking, keeping the house clean, running errands = WORKING HARD. after a day like that - and every SAHM knows this - you'll be dead tired. you don't have 10 minutes for yourself, let alone the time to doll up and be ready for sex.

[Gloria25]

wmacbride - did your brother date his AP after the divorce?

 

 

 

raising little children, running after them (and let me tell you... little kids are FULL of energy), cooking, keeping the house clean, running errands = WORKING HARD. after a day like that - and every SAHM knows this - you'll be dead tired. you don't have 10 minutes for yourself, let alone the time to doll up and be ready for sex.

 

Then why get married? Go get a shoe and live in it with all the kids in the world.

 

Thank God that I'm not a man....cuz I'd be pretty much a sperm donor, wallet and babysitter cuz why should I get any attention after I've given my wife everything she's ever wanted (the fancy wedding, house, kids, financial and emotional support)?

[purplesorrow]

Then why get married? Go get a shoe and live in it with all the kids in the world.

 

Thank God that I'm not a man....cuz I'd be pretty much a sperm donor, wallet and babysitter cuz why should I get any attention after I've given my wife everything she's ever wanted (the fancy wedding, house, kids, financial and emotional support)?

 

A marriage is a partnership. He should be just as eager to be there for his wife. Both my husband and I worked. We took care of the home and kid. Had I quit my job, where would I be now that we're divorced?

[Gloria25]

A marriage is a partnership. He should be just as eager to be there for his wife. Both my husband and I worked. We took care of the home and kid. Had I quit my job, where would I be now that we're divorced?

 

And that's another sad thing about the times we live in...

 

What comes first? The job or divorce?

 

I have a gf who says she "has" to work, but at the same time she married a guy with child support baggage, who lacked ambition, yet loves to spend....

 

If you feel you "have" to work just in case you're gonna get divorced and/or he can't provide for the family, then why not find a better guy where you don't feel you gotta be "on guard" for divorce-day and/or who actually takes pride in being a "man"? Why bother getting married in the first place?

 

Yes women can work, but IMO, it shouldn't be "expected". I mean what if you have a difficult pregnancy where bed rest is ordered by the doctor? And I just finished posting about "dual income" couples who end up more as "partners, roommates" rather than "lovers".

 

So, just wondering....maybe if the wife didn't have the "job", she'd have time and energy for the marriage and family and wouldn't end up divorced. Well, I guess she cheated on him with the job and the job is the OM/OW. So now that they're divorced, she can devote all the time in the world to her OM (the job).

Edited March 30, 2016 by Gloria25

[66Charger]

There are no excuses for infidelity but if a behaviour exist, you shouldnt be surprised it happened .

 

Example.

 

1) A Long long sexless marriage (nonmedical)

 

2) if You cheated.

[minimariah]

Thank God that I'm not a man....cuz I'd be pretty much a sperm donor, wallet and babysitter cuz why should I get any attention after I've given my wife everything she's ever wanted (the fancy wedding, house, kids, financial and emotional support)?

 

if the W works - she makes her own money so her husband didn't really give her sh*t. THEY created it TOGETHER.

 

emotional support? the dude was never home. and did you ignore the part about the W wanting to solve their problems and speaking up and him not responding to it or...? she tried to fix the situation and he coped with an A.

 

men aren't victims. you don't need to kiss a man's a** just because he's a man. or because he has a JOB & the point of marriage is not to treat a man like a God while you slave away because you're too afraid to speak up because... oh, no! you'll get divorced. big deal.

 

women SHOULD work - a man who doesn't support you being SAFE & financially stable is a man who doesn't care about you... at all.

 

and even if the wife was a SAHM - the husband was RARELY home. so her work wasn't really a problem at all. you're going after the wife while completely ignoring that the husband was absent a lot + he was even absent when he was home.

 

in your eyes - the woman is ALWAYS the one to blame. no matter what!

Edited March 30, 2016 by minimariah

[purplesorrow]

And that's another sad thing about the times we live in...

 

What comes first? The job or divorce?

 

I have a gf who says she "has" to work, but at the same time she married a guy with child support baggage, who lacked ambition, yet loves to spend....

 

If you feel you "have" to work just in case you're gonna get divorced and/or he can't provide for the family, then why not find a better guy where you don't feel you gotta be "on guard" for divorce-day and/or who actually takes pride in being a "man"? Why bother getting married in the first place?

 

Yes women can work, but IMO, it shouldn't be "expected". I mean what if you have a difficult pregnancy where bed rest is ordered by the doctor? And I just finished posting about "dual income" couples who end up more as "partners, roommates" rather than "lovers".

 

So, just wondering....maybe if the wife didn't have the "job", she'd have time and energy for the marriage and family and wouldn't end up divorced. Well, I guess she cheated on him with the job and the job is the OM/OW. So now that they're divorced, she can devote all the time in the world to her OM (the job).

 

This is beyond ridiculous. I work because I want to. I had my career before I married. He liked that I worked, he wanted the big wedding. He wanted children. I took care of my husband. Guess what, his ow worked too. His cheating had nothing to do with our marriage. Do you not read about all the sahm that take care of everything and him and still get cheated on? If you think that a woman not working is the solution, why haven't you quit your job?

[KarenBlackwell]

Most people here seem to think that the reason these people are cheating is all sexual. That bothers me a bit. The person saying something like oh the only way to cure a bad relationship is with someone's genitals. Not all sexy time is the same. It's also emotional. If it were easy no one would be in a bad relationship and no one would be cruel. When one partner is domineering and controls everything it can get scary. How do you tell that person who has three children and no job and no friends to just leave you'll manage. Cheating isn't the answer but sometimes these people find someone who not only is there for them but of tens sees the abuse that no one else seems to notice. If that person can help that other person get out then good for them.

[Lady2163]

An affair is a short sighted bandaid to the real and the now issues that need to be addressed in marriage. Excuses and blame for choosing to cheat is a personal choice. Character and integrity is internal, it's a core trait that you either have or don't have based only from within. No one owns your character or integrity and blaming others for one's own choices is a cop out.

 

It's ironic, but if a husband gambles, or drinks, or steals, or abusive ....anyone can clearly see that the spouse is not to blame for those choices, but for some reason infidelity is more often seen as the betrayed spouse's shortcomings.

 

In the cases where one spouse denies the other spouse sex, what does that say about character? As always, assuming there are no health issues. Denying sex is neglectful. It is harmful. It is a stimulus.

 

I was in a relationship with an addict for over a year. It is not my fault that he drank. However, it is my "fault" that he drank even more when he was with me than he ever did during the rest of his life. No, not because sex and a relationship with me is that awful, but because I ENABLED him to do so. Night after night I'd get out of bed and go get him at the bar, even when hours earlier he promised he has a ride home. He knew he could keep drinking instead of getting a ride with someone else, because I'd come get him.

 

When he drank threw his monthly military pension, he knew he could count on me for a few bucks. So, he started buying other drunks drinks and being Mr. Big Spender. He could always come to me with some sob story about how so-and-so needed some money for this emergency, could I loan him (the boyfriend) some money until payday?

 

Once I stopped picking him up at 200 AM, once I stopped being the bank, we began having even worse problems. Pretty soon he cheated. Then he broke up with me (man, was that a blessing). But, you know, oddly enough no more 200 AM nights. He was out the door by 900 PM and several people complained to me that he was no longer loaning money or buying his "friends" rounds.

 

So while I didn't make him an addict, I helped him revel in his alcoholism. I was working, going to school and had an internship. I didn't care what he did many nights as I had work to do. But I also had to be awake at 600 AM and eventually making eggs and toast at 200 AM got to be a little much.

 

Alcoholism and gambling are addictions and there is a different brain chemistry involved. Unless the cheater is also a sex addict, I think it is a stretch to view those behaviors on the same level as cheating. Their different negative character attributes.

 

While I was a victim of the alcoholic, I was responsible for allowing it to go on as long as it did. So, yes, some of that is my "fault". I'd like to blame someone for the low self esteem I had then, but it was just a perfect storm of low self esteem and being naive and trusting. I just didn't have the time to do the manipulation and sadistic things he did.

[wmacbride]

wmacbride - did your brother date his AP after the divorce?

 

 

 

raising little children, running after them (and let me tell you... little kids are FULL of energy), cooking, keeping the house clean, running errands = WORKING HARD. after a day like that - and every SAHM knows this - you'll be dead tired. you don't have 10 minutes for yourself, let alone the time to doll up and be ready for sex.

 

true enough.

Yes, he did marry his ap, but it didn't last. She is the same personality type as he is, and they turned ut to not be comparable over the long term.

 

In the end, it was good that my ex- sister in law worked outside the home. After she and my brother divorced, she wad able to support herself. My brother bought a house for her and also paid for her to go back to school, if she had wanted to. He also paid generous child support and spousal support. When the period of spousal support ended, she was able to support herself.

I find it interesting that they are able to be good friends, but it took a long time to get to that place. They've been divorced almost 20 years now.

[wmacbride]

This is beyond ridiculous. I work because I want to. I had my career before I married. He liked that I worked, he wanted the big wedding. He wanted children. I took care of my husband. Guess what, his ow worked too. His cheating had nothing to do with our marriage. Do you not read about all the sahm that take care of everything and him and still get cheated on? If you think that a woman not working is the solution, why haven't you quit your job?

 

Working gives a woman choices in her life that she might not otherwise have.

 

While I certainly feel that being a SAHM is a great choice, and I did it myself for many years, a woman who can support herself really is in a better position and has more choices.

 

In the past, when a man was abusive, was a serial cheater, etc., many women felt they had no choice but to stay. Many had no job training or formalized skills to fall back on, and were afraid that if they left, they woudn't be able to support themselves or their children. Many felt trapped.

[wmacbride]

This is beyond ridiculous. I work because I want to. I had my career before I married. He liked that I worked, he wanted the big wedding. He wanted children. I took care of my husband. Guess what, his ow worked too. His cheating had nothing to do with our marriage. Do you not read about all the sahm that take care of everything and him and still get cheated on? If you think that a woman not working is the solution, why haven't you quit your job?

 

I was a SAHM when y husband cheated. Didn't make an ounce of difference.