345263 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 So I met my girlfriend while i was living in Europe (i'm from Canada) during an exchange. I'm back home now so we're trying long distance. Back when we were both together in Europe, she took a trip with her friend (f) while i went back home for christmas. She said that their other friend(m) met up with them for a few nights on their trip because he was also travelling. I didn't think much of it at the time. Now two months after that trip was over and we were already trying long distance she told me she had a 'secret' to tell me. The while they met up with their friend(m) they tried weed for the first time and they all went back to the guy's hotel room (1 bed) for the night. And that she was thinking that they were going to have a three way that night. I flipped out when she told me this and things haven't been the same since because i am constantly paranoid that she isn't telling me the whole story from that night. When we talk on skype she looks visibly nervous and possibly guilty. Especially if the conversation starts to head towards her trip or her friend(m). I don't know if it is my own insecurities that are convincing me there is more she's not telling me and I simply refuse to believe her, or if she told me a partial truth to gauge my reaction and determine if she could tell me what really happened. I didn't handle the information well when she told me. And I have talked (argued) with her about this for like a month now. I don't know what i should do. I've already bought flights and hotel to see her in a month from now. Please any advice would help me. Never used forums before, so i cross posted this in LDR forum also. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 What's the point of this LDR in the first place? Do you have a future planned or just struggling to disconnect? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 345263 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 I posted this out of desperation. But we were already past the breaking point. Today I told her i want to break up. Maybe i just needed to vent to someone. I think that i never once believed her story. She claimed that she didn't mention it before because she thought it was unimportant and didn't give it thought. So why tell me about it a month after? Why even remember that at all? It didn't make sense then and it doesn't make sense now. I've come to the conclusion that she told me that partial truth to gauge my reaction. Well it was enough to end the relationship. Even if she did tell me the whole truth the relationship is completely doomed. Even if we were together tomorrow, I feel the relationship has changed too much and can't recover. Absolutely we're struggling to disconnect, or maybe just i am. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 SO they had really a threesome ? or just they stayed togeteher ? You have a relationship that is long distance that have not been finalized yet .so up to now vows are not really established. Would you feel different if she told you same day ? My opinion in all cases is that this girl is a good girl and honest , she could have screwed and hide the truth , how would you know ? Being nervous is a positive point too , she is feeling guilty . Read well my friend ,because sometimes our pride makes us blind . Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 You need to cut contact with her OP. 4-5 weeks and you'll feel better. You know this isn't going anywhere. Something we all go through. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 This is why LDR's 99.9% of the time don't work out. When you lack the physical aspect, then it lacks that intimate bond needed to sustain a relationship. We are only human, so temptation is very strong, especially if you are young. LDRs might be exciting at first, but it gets real lonely when you don't have someone cuddling you, kissing you, etc. This relationship is done. I think she wants to move on, but was afraid to say anything, which is normal....Emilia is right, this is something we all go through. Best of luck. Hope you find peace and happiness Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 That she even thought about a three way ( cheating on you) is reason enough to end it IMO. I'm sure you can get a a more compatible girl in Canada. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 (edited) The while they met up with their friend(m) they tried weed for the first time and they all went back to the guy's hotel room (1 bed) for the night. And that she was thinking that they were going to have a three way that night. She made the decision to go back to the guys hotel room with her friend "thinking that they were going to have a three way that night". Thus if it did not happen, it was not because she was unwilling for it to happen (with them all in the same bed, and everyone willing, it probably did). What more do you need to know? Edited March 24, 2016 by Try 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 OP, As I have stated before, Long Distance Relationships require an extreme amount of trust and maturity under the best of circumstances to actually work. Some people are able to carry them off with little problem. Those people are in the minority. So just take it for what it was. Which sadly was not much on the part of your now ex girlfriend. Please cut off all communication with her and date someone local. You are not the first line this has happened to and you won't be the last. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 345263 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 I told her i wanted to break up with her and immediately regretted it. We talked about it and we're still together. But I don't know for how long. The story isn't quite as simple as I made it sound. I only mentioned the part that was bothering me so maybe i'll just give the whole story now. The night before she left for her trip we kissed for the first time. And that was her first kiss ever. She left for her trip a virgin. And when we were both back in Europe after winter break, she was still a virgin. From what she told me it sounded more like the thought of sex triggered her to have a panic attack. She said she was shaking and scared that night, which also might be totally true because it was her first experience being high. So naturally telling me these things made me question her (impaired) judgment and hurt the trust i had for her. She still completely insists that nothing happened that night or any other and she's saying I should see a psychologist because of my 'trust issues'. But I can't shake the feeling that she was probing for what my reaction would be and decided not to tell me the truth (oral sex maybe?). To be honest I could forgive her for one night at the very beginning because it was before we were even really officially a couple. But I want the whole truth so I can make a real decision and I can't stand the thought of being lied to. I've accused her and talked to her about all of this multiple times and she never waivers that nothing happened and she is innocent (obviously that last part isn't completely true because she still went to the guys room with the threesome in mind). I don't know what to say to her anymore. EVERYTHING she says to me and I only hear lies. Is it worth trying to fix? Is it my own trust issues that are blinding me? Did she **** up and I should dump her? Will she ever tell me the whole truth (if there is a whole truth), and if so, how can I make her tell me? It's easy to say 'just dump her dude, not worth' but I still feel love for her and miss her all the time. She says she loves me too. I want there to be another solution to our problem. For anyone reading this: If your girlfriend starts probing for your reaction about cheating. Play it cool. You may never know the whole truth otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 What's the point of this LDR? It's not going anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 345263 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Share Posted March 25, 2016 Because I still have feelings for her and want to see her again next month. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 But this isn't going anywhere. LDRs work only when you have a resolution in sight like you will be near each other in a year's time. They don't work forever. Why drag it on and get in deeper, especially in situations like this? You are postponing the inevitable. A girl that goes back to hotel rooms for threesomes doesn't have a hard time of finding someone new. I'd get out. I don't like her psychologist comment, that might be the start of something insidious. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 Be very wary when your GF/BF starts telling you to see a psychiatrist for trust or jealousy issues. It's often done to deflect attention from the actual issue. Very often cheaters are experts and making you think you're going crazy when you suspect something has happened. You both sound young ... being as it was her first kiss ever... so like the poster above... I question the point or the sustainability of a LDR. Unless you'll be together soon.... you are loosing the physical closeness in a relationship. I'm further suprised that a virgin would even mention or joke about a threesome in that way. There's no trust...you think she's lying... what's the point of the whole relationship. There's gotta be lots of girls you can meet in your area. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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