My ex wants to get back together but had sex with two other guys

[kale25]

This is the first time posting on this site so I m not sure how to do this...Here s the story so bare with me.

 

I met my ex gf in college and we instantly hit it off. Almost two years in the relationship everything was going smoothly but eventually she had to leave to study abroad for two years. We talked about ldr (we had done it once for 4 months and it worked) and it seemed like the only way to go as we felt very much in love.

 

After she left we tried to keep it going but it kept getting harder. Then came the holidays. She came back home but barely saw her..she had invited some of the friends she made abroad back home and was too busy to make time for me (although she did ask me to come out with them and meet them).

 

At the end of the holidays I told her things arent working for me If she s not gonna have time for us and she said she cant balance her new life and she wants to be alone. Then she left.

 

A week after that she texted me saying she really loves me and she couldnt believe she could live without me but when I asked her whether or not she was certain about what she wanted, she told me no so I told her not to contact me again.

 

Three weeks later she texted me again saying things like she misses me and wants to come home and see me but i was purposely distant.

Eventually (3 months after the break up) she came home and told me she really loves me, wants to work on it with me etc. I asked her whether she was with anyone during the break up and she flat out denied it, but after some inquiry she admitted having slept with two guys (one time each) that are part of the group of people she hangs out with. According to her she was trying to move on but I was always on her mind and heart and she was hurt because I was so distant.

 

She asked me to move past this and let her show me how much she still loves me but it is really hard not to think about it. It is still fresh and it hurts like hell...and the fact remains that the distance is still an issue.

I dont know what to make of any of this. I still love her I know that, and thats why I didnt do anything with other girls while we were appart so I cant understand how she could love me and miss me yet have sex with two other people while telling me she loves me.

 

I know its a long post and most of you didnt read though all of it but I could use the advice.

[road]

She still has a year and a half to go before she can come back. You are right to end this relationship. LDR's are extremely hard. Then add her having sex with 2 others may be something you may not get past.

[PegNosePete]

I find this timeline difficult to believe. More than likely she had sex with the other guys (or even more that you don't know about), before the holiday during which she virtually ignored you.

 

Now she wants you back but is still "friends" with these 2 guys?

 

No way Jose. Tell her to sling her hook.

[MightyPen]

Tell her to go pound sand.

 

I know it's somewhat easy for us to say that, and it's much (much) harder for you to actually do that, but I agree with the previous poster. She almost certainly slept with these men (or others) before things came to light.

 

Even if she didn't, she's obviously not able to handle a monogamous LDR with you. You're just setting yourself up for heartache if you take her back.

 

I know it's not easy to move on, but it's necessary here.

[smackie9]

For goodness sake, you both are in college....IMO anyone going to college shouldn't be in any kind of relationship during this time in their life. You are young! Enjoy your youth and freedom while it lasts.....stop fretting over a relationship....get out there and have some fun.

 

If you enjoy chatting with her, then just be friends, but wait til you both have had some no contact time to move on from each other.

[Try]

She came back home but barely saw her..she had invited some of the friends she made abroad back home and was too busy to make time for me.

Her not seeing much of you in front of her friends, was her basically telling these friends that she is not in a committed exclusive relationship with you. BTW, were either of the 2 guys she has admitted to sleeping with part of the group that she ignored you for during her visit?

 

I told her things arent working for me If she s not gonna have time for us and she said she cant balance her new life and she wants to be alone.

I asked her whether or not she was certain about what she wanted, she told me no so I told her not to contact me again.

She does not want to commit to you, but she does want you to be there as a plan B as he parties with her new group.

 

I asked her whether she was with anyone during the break up and she flat out denied it, but after some inquiry she admitted having slept with two guys (one time each) that are part of the group of people she hangs out with.

She "flat out" lied abut having slept with "with anyone during the break up", why would you believe that she was not "flat out" lying abut having slept with with anyone prior the break up, especially when her actions during the holiday indicates otherwise?

 

For the next 1 1/2 years, these 2 guys will be part of her daily life while you will not be. Once someone crosses the line sexually with someone, that line cannot be uncrossed, and it is easier for them to do it again. It is doubtful that she will not sleep with one of them again. Do not think of getting back together with her until she moves back. You need to date others until then.

[sandylee1]

I'm suprised that she claims to love you ... but didn't make time to see you when she came home. The two don't add up. At that time YOU were not important enough in her life. A loving GF would have been desperate to spend quality time with you.... but other guys had her attention. .. so it was very easy to dismiss you and say she could not balance you and everything.

 

I don't think you have the whole truth from her and it's going to eat you up going forward. If you take her back it will ALWAYS play on your mind.

 

You are the stable boyfriend at home after she's had some fun with at least two other guys. I reckon those guys are not serious and she's regretting not having you.

[lolablue17]

Move on. This girl will cause you too much pain. Why would you let her?

[kale25]

Truth is she told me to meet up with the friends she had invited during the holidays but I said no out of pride. She had also asked me to come visit her while she was away but I didnt.

 

The possibility that she was being unfaithful before the break up is a strong one but there is no way of finding out. No girl would confess to that in a million years, especially so soon.

 

Al that being said, she seemed genuine when she told me she loved me, what she went through and her reasons for doing all that and I dont see what she really has to gain from pursuing an ldr relationship if she wants to see other people.

[lolablue17]

I didnt say she is a cheater, or a liar. In fact she seems very mentaly healthy. She is young and wants to live exiting life, but she also has feelings for you but you'll be LDR for the next future.

 

So next time she will tell you that "she was lonley and drunk and it just happened", or after a fight in which you will say that LDR is hard for you, she will say "I was sure you're gonna break up with me anyway, so i felt bad and **** this guy". Or she will learn the lesson and just wont tell you at all.

 

She wants to have fun + having you, while she tries other ****s from time to time. Is that the life you're hoping for?

[Standard-Fare]

She had also asked me to come visit her while she was away but I didnt.

 

Why didn't you? I'm sure there were financial and logistical challenges but to me a young couple that's in love is going to make this a priority. So I'm curious why that didn't happen.

 

I'm also wondering - if you DID get back together with her, how often would you be able to see each other during the remaining time when she's abroad?

 

Frankly I can see no chance of your relationship surviving another year and a half long distance unless you could create definite plans for seeing each other in person at somewhat regular intervals. (Like, every 2-3 months at least.)

[stillafool]

For goodness sake, you both are in college....IMO anyone going to college shouldn't be in any kind of relationship during this time in their life. You are young! Enjoy your youth and freedom while it lasts.....stop fretting over a relationship....get out there and have some fun.

 

If you enjoy chatting with her, then just be friends, but wait til you both have had some no contact time to move on from each other.

 

I completely agree with this. Kids in college should be free to date whomever they want to because you are only young once.

 

OP, your ex gf obviously has a higher sex drive than you and that's why she didn't hold back sex from those guys. I think you need to put her behind you and enjoy your college years without a gf.

[PaperCrane]

Don't do it, don't. I've been there and done that and it's not a happy place to be.

 

She had her chance when she missed you, when she came back, but she chose not to. She chose other mens temporary company over you. You don't need that kind of malarkey in your life.

[sandylee1]

Truth is she told me to meet up with the friends she had invited during the holidays but I said no out of pride. She had also asked me to come visit her while she was away but I didnt.

 

The possibility that she was being unfaithful before the break up is a strong one but there is no way of finding out. No girl would confess to that in a million years, especially so soon.

 

Al that being said, she seemed genuine when she told me she loved me, what she went through and her reasons for doing all that and I dont see what she really has to gain from pursuing an ldr relationship if she wants to see other people.

 

But did she make any/enough time to see you one on one when she came home? Or was it only in the group setting?

 

I also don't understand why pride stopped you from meeting her friends. Is it because you felt she was spending a lot of time with them and you wanted alone time with her? Was it a bit of jealousy perhaps?

 

She might have been telling them all about you... but got disappointed when you refused to socialise with them.

[Try]

Truth is she told me to meet up with the friends she had invited during the holidays but I said no out of pride.

You are just making excuses for her. I have a young family member in a LDR with a girlfriend that is going to an out of state college. I can tell you that when she comes to visit, she spends every minute with him, because she wants to. She would never think to bring her friends from school home with her that would take away from her spending time with him. BTW, his girlfriend is drop dead gorgeous and has plenty of friends and options, but she puts him first. LDR cannot work if both do not put spending as much time as possible with each other as a priority. Clearly she did not have you as her priority.

[Darren Steez]

Truth is she told me to meet up with the friends she had invited during the holidays but I said no out of pride. She had also asked me to come visit her while she was away but I didnt.

 

The possibility that she was being unfaithful before the break up is a strong one but there is no way of finding out. No girl would confess to that in a million years, especially so soon.

 

Al that being said, she seemed genuine when she told me she loved me, what she went through and her reasons for doing all that and I dont see what she really has to gain from pursuing an ldr relationship if she wants to see other people.

 

How old are you?

 

So she invited some people down and was suddenly too busy for you ..

Translation: She met some other guys and was too busy ignoring you.

 

She slept with two guys while you were on break to get over you (lol)

Translation: Relieved to break up, slept with one guy but I was so in love with you that I thought I'd sleep with another guy. Was probably sleeping or at least interested in hooking up with one of the guys while we were still together...but it's ok because when I was sleeping with them I was only thinking about you.

 

 

Dude, have some self respect and let this girl go. She went away, met people, brought them back but was too busy trying to get with these guys she didn't even make time for you.

 

It's called respect. And she has none for you. It's easy to say I love you and it's human nature for our egos to go awww she loves me so I have to take her back, but she loved you and still slept with these guys. Trust me, you take her back after she lied about what she did, still went ahead and slept with these other guys, she will absolutely do it again because her respect for you is nil.

 

Walk away man.

[Chi townD]

I agree. Her coming back, you would want to spend some alone time with the person you've been missing the most. Not inviting you to spend time with her AND her new friend as if you were just another friend tagging along.

 

You go on a break and she sleeps with two other guy not even 90 days after the break. No mourning the loss of you or the relationship.

 

Plus, she's probably still hanging out with those two guys she slept with. Plus, she's got more time to do there and you have absolutely NO REASON to trust her.

 

Dude, it's best that you move on, sorry to tell you that.