Trying to deal with a sexless relationship

[Dolfin80]

Best contraception is to have a baby. The baby does this to ensure its survival. Its evolution. Can u just imagine if a women had a sex drive whilst needing to look after a baby? Baby would be neglected.

[Grey Cloud]

Let me try and tell you how she may be feeling... based on my own experience.

 

 

Having a 6 month old baby IS exhausting. It's a 24/7 job and the times when the baby is sleeping ... you just want to rest.... that's how I felt. I don't know if your baby sleeps through the night yet ....but sleep depravation also leaves new mothers drained ... waking up in the night to feed.

 

When I would complain about being so tired.. my husband said ...'but the baby sleeps a lot during the day...when she sleeps you should sleep'. That used to really tick me off. I told him.. when the baby had a nap.... I needed to clean up.... do laundry...do ironing etc.

 

Your GF has a baby and 2 other kids. So I guess she also helps with their homework , sorts out school uniforms and any other needs they have.

 

While you go to work ... The kids are at school.. the time flies by... and being home with the baby .... you feel constantly busy .... feeding /sterilising bottles/ changing diapers...... if they are weaning...on semi solids then feeding is a job in itself...... yet by school pick up time.. you also don't feel like you've accomplished anything in the house at all.

 

By the time the kids get back from school ...it can be a little chaotic... afterschool snacks .....kids arguing about nothing and honestly .... as a mother in that situation you don't feel like you have a minute to yourself.....when the kids are all sleeping...you just want to relax and aren't necessarily in the mood.

 

On one hand you're happy with your baby ... yet it can also feel like you've lost your freedom too.....with this little person who depends on you for absolutely everything. Especially where she has the 8 and 9 year old who are semi independent... then you're back to square 1 with a baby ...guessing what every cry is about...and knowing that you can't just jump in the car to pop to the shop....because you have to pack the baby bag.. topping up diapers/wipes /food /spare clothes.

 

So perhaps you can get an idea of how it is for her ..... having said that, I understand what you're saying too.

 

 

I'll suggest a few things based on what would have would have made me more responsive:

 

1) Being able to have time away from the baby now and again (at least monthly) ....like for a spa day/massages

 

2) Having a babysitter. .... so just the two of you can go out on date nights..again monthly would be good

 

3) Taking one day on the weekend ....where you get up in the middle of the night with the baby.... then letting her have a lie in.... While you deal with breakfast for the kids.

 

Sometimes just rub her back to relax her.. but without the immediate expectation of sex......that will come along.

 

If she's relaxed and can feel destressed, then there is more desire to be intimate. She'll also appreciate that you are thinking about HER.

 

Kids take a lot of time and the key is maintaining your emotional /physical connection as a couple....Whilst balancing being parents.

 

This post also describes my experience with young children. I was so exhausted and my H just never understood and thought he was doing his bit by being the breadwinner and going out and working. He didn't help out much with the kids or around the house. In fact he would hang out with his friends on the weekend like nothing had changed. I felt like I had lost my identity. I didn't quite realise it at the time but I resented the crap out of him. The last thing I wanted to do was have sex with him. And when we did I just couldn't get into it which he hated more than anything. It just about destroyed our relationship. It is only now that the kids are a bit older and more self sufficient, the fact I am getting a full nights sleep every night and have more of a work/life balance that our sex life has improved and got back on track and I initiate etc which never used I happen in the past. If my husband had taken the advice of the 3 suggestions Sandy Lee has posted it would have gone a long way to helping the situation. That would have seemed like bliss for me at the time but I felt like I never got any rest/respite (even though my husband would get defensive and claim he was "helping").