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Husband goes out after work so why does he make me feel bad when I do?

Mapper71

By Mapper71,
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Mapper71

Mapper71

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He doesn't make me feel as bad lately, but before he started his new job last November, he would get all snarky with me if I went out after work with coworkers for a few hours or if we had an after work function. One time made a HUGE deal about me going out for dinner with a friend who I hadn't seen in 6 months. I told him and he goes "Oh fine see if I care. You go have fun while I just sit here and play video games and order a pizza. No go have fun. I'll make up my own fun here." Then when she called me a little while later to make plans (we weren't going out for a week!) he comes in the room while I'm on the phone with her and goes "Oh is that my competition on the phone? Say hi to your girlfriend for me". He made me feel completely awful that I just didn't go out.

 

Now he's got his new job which he loves and says he has a life again. In the past week he has gone out 3 nights with his buddies. A week ago after work and stayed out until almost midnight. Saturday night to a concert and didn't get home until almost 2AM. Then last night he calls me as he's getting off work and says he's going to grab some drinks with his buddy from work and gets home at 9:30. He doesn't see a problem with calling me as he's on his way for drinks, but I tell him a week beforehand that I'm going out and he has a fit. NOW he tells me that I should go out and do stuff with my friends whereas before all he did was be snarky with me if I went out. All because he likes his job now and has friends there whereas before he hated his job. So when he's happy it's okay for me to go out and have fun but when he wasn't happy in his job then he got mad at me for me going out with my coworkers.

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Mapper71

Mapper71

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Nothing. And thanks for showing my old posts:p

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Liam1

Liam1

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In the past week he has gone out 3 nights with his buddies.

 

A week ago after work and stayed out until almost midnight. Saturday night to a concert and didn't get home until almost 2AM.

 

Then last night he calls me as he's getting off work and says he's going to grab some drinks with his buddy from work and gets home at 9:30.

 

He doesn't see a problem with calling me as he's on his way for drinks, but I tell him a week beforehand that I'm going out and he has a fit.

 

NOW he tells me that I should go out and do stuff with my friends whereas before all he did was be snarky with me if I went out.

 

This part worries me. Is there any way you can ensure that he IS actually where he says he is?

 

 

 

 

 

 

He doesn't make me feel as bad lately, but before he started his new job last November, he would get all snarky with me if I went out after work with coworkers for a few hours or if we had an after work function. One time made a HUGE deal about me going out for dinner with a friend who I hadn't seen in 6 months. I told him and he goes "Oh fine see if I care. You go have fun while I just sit here and play video games and order a pizza. No go have fun. I'll make up my own fun here." Then when she called me a little while later to make plans (we weren't going out for a week!) he comes in the room while I'm on the phone with her and goes "Oh is that my competition on the phone? Say hi to your girlfriend for me". He made me feel completely awful that I just didn't go out.

 

Now he's got his new job which he loves and says he has a life again. In the past week he has gone out 3 nights with his buddies. A week ago after work and stayed out until almost midnight. Saturday night to a concert and didn't get home until almost 2AM. Then last night he calls me as he's getting off work and says he's going to grab some drinks with his buddy from work and gets home at 9:30. He doesn't see a problem with calling me as he's on his way for drinks, but I tell him a week beforehand that I'm going out and he has a fit. NOW he tells me that I should go out and do stuff with my friends whereas before all he did was be snarky with me if I went out. All because he likes his job now and has friends there whereas before he hated his job. So when he's happy it's okay for me to go out and have fun but when he wasn't happy in his job then he got mad at me for me going out with my coworkers.

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Mapper71

Mapper71

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This part worries me. Is there any way you can ensure that he IS actually where he says he is?

 

Yup..I check his bank account online.

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Wookin Pa Nub

Wookin Pa Nub

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You could look at find my iPhone app to see where he is. not sure if other phones have something similar.

 

 

On the issue at hand, he's just being selfish & controlling. Stand your ground and go out with your friends. You both need to talk and agree on what is acceptable (how often, how late) for both of you.

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loveweary11

loveweary11

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These are the seeds of divorce.

 

You can't have 180 degree opposing views on a topic like this, be angry with each other, trying to one up each other.

 

Better talk this out before it grows into something you can't manage.

 

Resentment... bad news

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Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem

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You've married a self absorbed man-child. It's all about him. His being upset is just the adult equivalent of a two year olds temper tantrum that they are not the centre of your attention.

 

Like lots of man/women-children, when he's out late drinking with his friends, all is fine. He is jealous of anyone or thing that takes your attention away from him.

 

Although your previous posts are also about work, my guess is that you've seen this behaviour before relating to other matters, and have just minimized it.

 

His comment to your friend about being "your girlfriend" is childish, and screams of insecurity.

 

DO NOT get pregnant. What do you think his reaction is going to be when this little innocent human being is brought into the world and needs you?

 

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

 

Leave him and break free of the manipulative jealousy, get some counselling together or continue and keep LS posters active by writing many more "my husband gets upset and jealous when......." posts.

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BettyDraper

BettyDraper

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You've married a self absorbed man-child. It's all about him. His being upset is just the adult equivalent of a two year olds temper tantrum that they are not the centre of your attention.

 

Like lots of man/women-children, when he's out late drinking with his friends, all is fine. He is jealous of anyone or thing that takes your attention away from him.

 

Although your previous posts are also about work, my guess is that you've seen this behaviour before relating to other matters, and have just minimized it.

 

His comment to your friend about being "your girlfriend" is childish, and screams of insecurity.

 

DO NOT get pregnant. What do you think his reaction is going to be when this little innocent human being is brought into the world and needs you?

 

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

 

Leave him and break free of the manipulative jealousy, get some counselling together or continue and keep LS posters active by writing many more "my husband gets upset and jealous when......." posts.

 

This. No married couple should be joined at the hip 24/7. It's important to have separate interests and maintain a life outside of the marriage.

 

People who are insecure and selfish hypocrites are not mature enough for marriage. Why should a marriage be a dungeon?

 

My husband is very introverted. He hardly sees his friends because they live far away and they are busy with their children. By default, I am my husband's only real friend. My husband understands that I am a social person so he doesn't try to stop me from getting to know other women. He has only asked that I tell him in advance in case he has other plans for us.

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Rejected Rosebud

Rejected Rosebud

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I can't answer your question as to "why," but just go ahead and do your thing; ignore him if he gets pissy. You two don't even like each other anyway right? You might as well accept that you're going to be living separate social lives.

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mrstang69

mrstang69

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I get irritated when my wife and I have a date night and she wants to end it at 1030pm because she's "tired" or misses the kids. But any of her other friends she can stay out till 2am drinking and not even think about the kids.

Then I get maybe 2 nights off for us to do something and she would rather go out with a friend. I work 7pm -7am. I getting tired of it because I'm working 75+ hours a week,but she'll make me feel guilty telling me that she misses me and wish I was there with her. So why spend what little free time I have with friends? Makes me want to eND or marriage, I deserve to be happy.

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