I lost the one and my life

[TimmyC]

Hello everyone, thank you for takeing the time to read this it's the only hope I have left.

 

A year ago, I met this beautiful woman during my time as a hotel receptionist. She had come to Washington from school but was down on her luck a bit. I was able to help her with a place to stay for a week using my employee hotel voucher and from there we gained a romantic relationship.

 

She was the sweetest woman I had ever been with and the relationship was perfect...until I began getting busy with work. During this time she informed me after 5 months of being together her "eyes started wondering" twords another guy. I was devistated and we split up for 5 months. I ended up hearing through a coworker that happend to be her best friend... That she missed me. There were periods of time that she would message me on Facebook and call me out of the clear blue. So I agreed to call her back and we reconciled.

 

This is where things got bizzare, infact a bit unbelievable. So getting back together the first month was amazing, it was as if we had never been apart. I began to fall deeper for her. I rememberd the first time that we were together that me being to busy destroyed things so I made SURE, I spoke to her more often. Then that's when she began to act strange. She would only call once a day even sometimes once every few days and the conversations were short. I assumed she was busy with school at first but then I had to talk to her about it. She got upset so I backed down and tried to ignore it as much as I could. Again it got to the point that I felt our relationship was in jeopardy because of before and she then got upset again yelling at me of course. At this point I learned to be dishonest if she did something that upset me, fearing her angry outbursts and she caught onto this and I earned the nickname of "bull sh*ter.

 

Plugging on because I loved her so much and didn't want to leave I left it until another issue came up that I couldn't ignore. She started comming back from work really late like 2am in the morning and sometimes when she thought I was sleep she would leave. And then I figured out she was staying with her friend. I chalked that off and things were going okay for a bit. We got engaged and I bought her a ring. I couldn't afford a fancy diamond ring so I bought what I could which was a Stirling silver blue topaz ring. It cost me $300. And she got very upset and said it wasn't a diamond ring. I was in tears because I tried to buy her the best with what I had. Eventually I agreed to make it an anniversary ring and would save for the diamond ring she wanted. I then made a joke asking about when she would put on Facebook our exciting announcement seeing as I already had. She beat around the Bush and did not want to make it public. I drilled more into it and mentioned I would just share it and tag her if she was shy, I just needed her to add me on Facebook. For some reason she did not want to add me. To this day it still puzzles me as to why. I had her Fb password and didn't think she would cheat. Infact I saw no evidence of it on her Facebook.

 

Eventually I couldn't hold it in and I told her I felt like she was hiding something. She flipped out on me. She accused me of sleeping with my friend, she told me I was an idiot and that I was crazy basically screaming this at the top of her lungs. And she told me I needed to speak to someone because perhaps I didn't get enough hugs as a child and that's the reason I was clingy. She then went on about the engagement saying she felt like I had the "let's get married or not be together" mentality. I was crying on the phone I felt so low as a individual. After I was able to stop sobbing I asked if she wanted to call things quits. And she told me she was not going to be the one to carry that burdon that I needed to be a man and break up with her. I cried so so hard to the point I told her I couldn't I love her too much, and she was unemotional about it all. She said that she was done and that I need to be a man. I finally told her I love her enough to want to see her happy and if breaking up would then I would agree. And I lost it I was sobbing harder then I ever could remember in my life. She then said there were just too many differences that she could not overlook. Eventually the conversation ended and I offered to send her key back and she of course told me not to bother but I did anyway along with a shirt she gave me.

 

Now I feel lost, I don't know who I am anymore. I spend all of my time at work and in bed. I hear her voice and all of the hurtful words she said. I feel like its my fault and that I am crazy Yesterday I wrote everyone goodbye letters and took a bunch of pills but I threw all of them up and ended up with a headache. Now I keep staring at me safe and am mustering up the courage to use my . 45, a failsafe method but painful. I came here because you guys are my last hope, please help me. What do I do, what did I do to deserve any of this. I just want to smile again, and be able to eat without throwing up or thinking about her.

Edited March 24, 2016 by TimmyC
Grammar

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I want you to listen very carefully. You are going through an extremely stressful and devastating moment in your life right now, but I promise you it is only temporary! I understand it feels unbearable right now but you have to hang in there and be strong.

 

You aren't just dealing with the grief of the breakup, you are also dealing with emotions of someone who has been in an abusive relationship. From what you have described, she continually torn you down, making you feel worthless and helpless without her. What you are feeling is completely understandable.

 

Unfortunately you have idealized her into the perfect woman, but trust me she isn't! She is a manipulative bully. Someone who values and loves you would never treat you this way. You may not be able to see that right now, but it is true.

 

You can't allow this to ruin your life. You need to speak to a professional to get some support to help you get through this difficult time. Call your doctor or perhaps a counselor. Also, reach out to family and friends, you need people around you that will love and comfort you. Being alone is a bad idea right now. Get all the support you can.

 

You did nothing to deserve this. You just picked the wrong person to become involved with. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with kindness and respect.

 

You have to draw on all your inner strength and fight these feelings. Your life is worth so much more than this toxic relationship. You are important, your life has meaning and a purpose. Please talk to people close to you for support. You really need them right now.

[Satu]

1. There is no such thing as 'the one.'

 

2. She isn't worthy of your love.

 

 

You need to go through a process of recovery from the abuse that this person put you through.

 

Drink some water.

Eat something.

Take a walk.

Take a bath.

Get some rest.

 

Call your doctor.

 

You'll be OK, but you need some help to get you started on your recovery.

 

 

Take care.