Is there something going on or am I just being paranoid?

[HopefulRomantic75]

I don't know what do. My wife and I are supposed to be celebrating our 4th anniversary next month and we are about to take a "trial" seperation beginning in two months. My wife tells me she needs to know if she can "do it on here own" for a while. I understood that she was a free-spirited and very independent woman before we were married. I actually love that about her, but I really am at a loss for words with this.

 

She told me her issue is that she's never been "on her own" and that she went from her parents' home to mine. She tells me she still loves me, but that she "needs space" to figure things out. She wants to try a trial seperation so she can work things out. I can understand that and am willing to go through that to save this marriage.

 

There is something that is bugging me though. All this started when her best friend came to visit a few months ago. Ever since then she's been a bit distant with me. She's constantly on the phone with her friends and some family. I know she needs their support right now, but I have an odd feeling sometimes when she goes into the bedroom to talk on the phone. There's instances in particular where she's talking to one of her male cousins all night long. He used to call her at all hours of the night and she'd go talk to him in private. Another thing that bugged me was that one of her passwords was "(her cousin's nickname) & (her nickname)". To me that seemed odd. Almost like something a person would do with their significant other's nickname.

 

I don't know. Maybe I'm just scared. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. I really love her and she says she loves me, but is there something I'm missing here. I just need some insight. Maybe hearing some of your respones will help me understand and cope with this better.

[westernxer]

Is this best friend a guy?

 

And who is this male cousin?

[Jlmic1]

Yeah something smells fishy.

 

If she wanted to know what it was like to "be on her own" she should have tried that lifesytle out PRIOR to getting married.

 

I don't mean to be harsh, but IMO, I think the only thing she wants to try out is another man.

 

The thing with her "cousin" is odd to say the least. Is it possible that this guy really isnt her cousin at all?

[Humbledog]

Trial separation.... So this to me means, she thinks she might prefer to be single, but after trying it out, she will let you know for sure. HMMM....

[d.rocks]

I hate to say this, but from experience, if you suspect, you can pretty much guarntee that she's got something else going on in her head. The trial separation for her is freedom to "explore her feelings".

 

I'm going through the same thing right now...but I'm 20 years in.

 

Hope things work out

 

Dennis

[HopefulRomantic75]

The best friend is female...she was her maid of honor and has known her for a very long time. The cousin she says she is talking to does in fact exist, but I've been wondering if it's really him she's talking to.

[Marshbear]

You do not get married and then want to be on your own. If this is the case then you stay single. Either she is having second thoughts as to her love for you or she is interested in someone else. I would suggest marriage counseling for both of you. 4 years is not a long time to be wanting to have a separation.

[FolderWife]

Are you certain he's her cousin? Maybe he's a boyfriend, and she's calling him her "cousin" so you won't have a problem with her hanging out with him.

 

And you're right...it may not be her cousin that she's hanging out with and talking to on the phone.

[dgiirl]

ugh, that doesnt sound right Besides everyone's advice here, I'll be the logical one and advise you to keep an eye on the bank accounts. If she intends to separate from you in two months, then keep a close eye on things. Not saying she WILL do anything, but it's better to be safe then sorry, you know?

[westernxer]

Her cousin who just happened to appear in her life... more like her "cousin."