dreamingoftigers Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I fear you're a lost cause to be honest. Why would you ever want anything to do with this guy again? If I were in your shoes I'd kick him to the curb and never ever have anything to do with him again. And if you did indeed have sex with another guy then you're no better than him no matter what you tell yourself. If you were on a 'break' that doesn't matter unless you both explicitly agreed that you could sleep with other people. The fact that slept with a hooker and you slept with a guy that, I'm guessing, wasn't a hooker makes absolutely no difference no matter how much you try and tell yourself that it's different. To all the people trying to give this girl help and advice, give up. She needs to help herself but somehow I don't think she will. OP, you are as entitled as anyone to help and support through this traumatic event and kudos to you for getting away from a guy like this. The last thing you need is judgment thrown in your face. And it isn't constructive. You sure didn't force your ex to go to hookers, and you have no moral obligation to him whatsoever. Most people end up peeking in on their ex or breaking NC. You haven't broken NC, which is great. But now you know what peeking does to you too. It rips open the old wounds and creates new ones. Keep going OP. It hurts but you'll come through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashley1992 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 wow guys jeez thanks for the comments! and yes i come here as an avenue to get help as im struggling.. so no need to be judged thanks. As mentioned before i did have sex during our break which was back in 2013. It compares nothing to him and i being in a committed relationhip...and he sleeping with multiple hookers and coming back home to me.. literaly sleeping next to me! i had to move homes, loose so much money, seek counselling, it all affected me personally. i know i will be better through time. in response to GR4; it was not one hooker.. he has slept with over 5 during march that i knew of! and spent minimum $1000 for 2 hours. Its expensive.. and i dont know about the rest of the times he went. It would be nice to be helpful when someone is going through the hurt and grieve instead of putting me down. Thanks to dreamingoftigers for your support! literally made my day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashley1992 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 hi everyone... just some thoughts coming to mind.. if anyone has any advice im wondering how i can shift my mind to focusing on myself? i keep thinking about how he did all this and hes seeing other women? (so quickly after breaking up)..when im the one who is upset, angry, confused etc? thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 hi everyone... just some thoughts coming to mind.. if anyone has any advice im wondering how i can shift my mind to focusing on myself? i keep thinking about how he did all this and hes seeing other women? (so quickly after breaking up)..when im the one who is upset, angry, confused etc? thanks in advance You'd mentioned you'd got into an email account and seen that he'd been at the brothel. Considering that, you need to go full, 100% No Contact. And stick to it. Next, make a list of goals for yourself over the next few months. Things that are unrelated to men or relationships. It's cliche, but it helps to actually draw up a list of positive objectives for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashley1992 Posted April 22, 2016 Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 thanks yes im starting to focus on myself! its just so hard mentally to know someone u used to love now become a stranger!! ive started gym and trying to do the regular things i used to do! Wish meee luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 23, 2016 Share Posted April 23, 2016 thanks yes im starting to focus on myself! its just so hard mentally to know someone u used to love now become a stranger!! ive started gym and trying to do the regular things i used to do! Wish meee luck Do the Divorce Busting 180, but NOT with ANY intent to get him to return to you etc. I just found it helped me get over my husband when we separated. It isn't "instant" but it is quicker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashley1992 Posted April 24, 2016 Author Share Posted April 24, 2016 thanks dreaming of tigers! yes im trying really my best to shift my thoughts.. its hard wen we kinda know the same people and live 10 min away. just an update i herd hes "dating/having some attachment/relationship" with one of the hookers". a friend told me and i told her to not keep telling me as much as i want to know to be honest but it only hurts more. I know i said "its over" but he gave me no choice.. & he basically was showing it was over via his emotional detatchment, change of behaviour & attitude towards me such as cold and distant. anyways i cannot wait to be over this feeling its killing me Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 thanks dreaming of tigers! yes im trying really my best to shift my thoughts.. its hard wen we kinda know the same people and live 10 min away. just an update i herd hes "dating/having some attachment/relationship" with one of the hookers". a friend told me and i told her to not keep telling me as much as i want to know to be honest but it only hurts more. I know i said "its over" but he gave me no choice.. & he basically was showing it was over via his emotional detatchment, change of behaviour & attitude towards me such as cold and distant. anyways i cannot wait to be over this feeling its killing me This person isn't your friend if they're randomly feeding you bits of information they know will hurt you. Did you ask for an update, or did he/she just spit it out? If it's the latter, stay away from them for a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashley1992 Posted April 24, 2016 Author Share Posted April 24, 2016 I can't remember the exact conversation and who said what first. But yes I undastand I need to cut it out considering he's already dating someone soo soon.. Thanks guys Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 I don't think you need to worry about who will have the last laugh. 'Women for hire' in any capacity are known to be very loving and affectionate until the money runs out. He will eventually be completely broke and most likely in debt, and then his new squeeze will "unattach" faster than you can say Sucker. He is really one messed up dude, and you will someday see that this whole break up was a blessing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashley1992 Posted April 24, 2016 Author Share Posted April 24, 2016 Hi thecharade! i really wish i could say that when hes money runs out the hookers will leave etc but his extremely wealthy.. i dont think he will stop!! Anyways like u said its betterfor me and a blessing anyways.. but hard to heal my hurting heart Link to post Share on other sites
urmysong Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 I feel sorry to read this. Why do we have to feel hurt? My heartbeat stopped a moment a bit while reading this. I remember when my husband went to bar for drinking beer without telling me. I keep texting and calling him but no replies and no answers. And when he came home drunk. He just said "I went to bar, You worried too much"...sometimes I wished I don't love him so I don't have to feel this way. Now he broke up with me a month ago. I just do zumba, go to gym and have fun with our son so I cannot remember him. Trying to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 It's not real, Ashley. He is messed up (lost, needing outside approval and validation, low self-esteem) enough to believe a hooker loves HIM and not his cash, but you are wise enough to know that love and peace exist in a place much deeper than the superficial can reach. He is a mess. The future will show you that. I am SO sorry. The loss of our first love is the hardest, but it is usually necessary. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 If he is wealthy, is he by chance struggling with living up to the parents' dreams? Or spoiled beyond belief? Then his behavior would make some sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Getting over a broken heart and betrayal can be very difficult. It is so important to focus on yourself and give as little thought to the other person as possible. Avoid people or situations that remind of you of the ex for a while. Any time your mind wanders to thoughts of the ex, distract yourself straight away, do whatever it takes. No good can come from thinking about them so the less time and energy you give them the better. Try and focus on things that make you happy and keep your mind distracted. Make new goals and try new hobbies, spend time with family and friends, anything that makes you feel good, even temporarily can be useful. Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashley1992 Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 his wealthy because his parents are very rich..and he doesnt have to pay for anything.. just spends on wateva! i know hes delusional thinking a hooker is in love with him for him.. i believe she only wants his cash! im still coming into terms with wat hes done.. and i know him so very well... i rekon he thinks what he did was nothing big as he said to me i overreacted! i am enjoying going to the gym and going out to places i havnt been! looking to go overseas soon as well. i throw out all the clothes, items etc that i associated with him. and thanks scarlett.ohara! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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