Partner slept with prostitutes. Help!

[SunnyWeather]

you just keep stinging yourself over and over and over again. are you a scorpio?

 

seriously hon, you've got to get a grip and realize it's over,

 

done,

 

over done!

 

pick yourself up and get to the work of withdrawing from this bad scene.

do you have any friends or family who can give you support? because you really need it-- and not from his mother! you also might consider getting some counseling.

 

sorry dear, I know this is hard, but at this point, you are being quite sadistic

 

{hugs}

[ashley1992]

hii SunnyWeather lol im a taurus! thanks thou and yes im going through counselling in person and also on the phone. i dont know wats wrong with me.. afta all his done im still hanging on? is this normal? i remember all the nights and days i cried, got mad, upset, crazy, confused etc but i still dont get it? anyone went through this b4? at the moment i feel like i cant find any strength!!

[CarrieT]

You own a smart phone?

 

There is a way to BLOCK numbers so you don't even see when a person is trying to reach you.

 

That is the first step towards No Contact.

 

BLOCK HIS NUMBER!

 

I'm repeating this since you obviously didn't read it the first time.

[thecharade]

You are young and inexperienced. The way we should view a betrayal like this is with anger and revulsion, but when we lack experience, wisdom, and/or self-esteem, we instead view it as rejection and we want to "fix the situation" and not be abandoned. He calls you just to be hostile and entitled because he understands that you are not angry (you answer the phone) and he has the upper hand. By him being angry at you, you feel like you are playing defense, as if you have done something wrong. That is perfect for someone abusing you, which he is. Abusers do not stop. Things will get better ONLY when you walk away.

 

I am sorry, but there are lots of red flags that indicate you never had a "heavenly" relationship. For one, he thinks he can treat you this way? Why? Also, his mother thinks you should forgive him? Uh, that calls into question his entire upbringing. Then, you have been with him for six years, living with him for three? Why so serious and all-consuming at such a young age? Too serious and dependent, too young.

 

The real problem here is that your anger = wanting to fix him or "convince him" or trust him again because you have been way too dependent on this R at such a young age. Your anger should = goodbye! No calls! No mom! No texts! You need to look at yourself. People cannot abuse you without your permission.

 

He keeps going to prostitutes because you keep talking and having sex. You teach people how to treat you. Only leaving him forever will make it stop, sorry to say.

 

Good luck to you.

[ashley1992]

hi guys.. just an update.. good news my fone is underway for the number to be changed! sad thing i know his number off by heart lol bcos its my birthday (yes he chose it) which is sad bcos i can always call on private. but im learning techniques not to do that for example call someone else. just advertised the couch, tv, bed, fridge, washing machine etc to be sold as im moving back in with my mum (dreadful in some ways) but i guess it could be exciting. an update on him, he calls yesterday and said he had a gift for me and to come outside. i went. and he had bought me a car (my dream car i guess u could say), i was a bit happy and acted excited but deep down i wasnt. eventully he seen that i wasnt happy, he said he went out and withdrew all this cash and purchased me a car and im still not happy. i said well $10,000 is nothing compared to what im feeling, the hurt, pain and emotions etc. and he said he will sign over the car to me. i said no i dont want it even thou its my favourite car. bcos as ive made up my mind were done, i dont want him telling people that i used him for money and took the car, when reality is the went to multiple brothels. so yeah thats about it. im waiting for people to come over to take the funiture etc and my number should be changed by tomoro or day after. still cannot believe all this.

[Arieswoman]

Ashley1992,

Please listen to what people are telling you on this forum.

 

This guy does not love you.

 

He does however, seem to want to control you.

 

He had sex with prostitutes and then came back and had sex with you. He put you at risk of diseases that can have severe consequences. Are those the actions of a person that loves you?

OK so you escaped infection this time - you were lucky - so be very glad that you dodged a bullet and move as far away from this sorry sack of $h!£ as you can.

 

His mother's reaction is unbelievable, it sounds like he comes from a really screwed-up family.

 

Good luck and stay strong X

[ashley1992]

Thnx arieswomen. yeah its a rollacoaster. hes mum also said "maybe my sone went bcos he was angry with u!!" Like are u srss?! theres no excuse! nxt i hear him say that since his uncle died (who he hadnt seen in over 6 years & spoke on the fone with) that he hadnt been in the right frame of mind hence did all this!!!! i said "so ur uncle died and u go and get ur d**k sucked?!!" etc and not once a few times and go to maybe more than one strip club that i know of anyways. im mentally off so bad! i havnt slept at all. im going through counselling as well

[ashley1992]

Are there any males on this forum who can explain their experiance of being in a relationship and going to a brothel? he told me that they are great to talk to, the atmosphere is nice (bcos he pays for high end brothels like $1000 for 2 hours) & nice facilities & they dont come with the dramas like i give him. ( wich were asking him about wat he did at the brothel and all the arguments that came with that) & so a hooker doesnt ask questions, just listens and acts however he likes. Does anyone have any suggestions how i can stop thinking of the imagery of wat he does with the hookers? i dont like the thought

[Poutrew]

Are there any males on this forum who can explain their experiance of being in a relationship and going to a brothel? he told me that they are great to talk to, the atmosphere is nice (bcos he pays for high end brothels like $1000 for 2 hours) & nice facilities & they dont come with the dramas like i give him. ( wich were asking him about wat he did at the brothel and all the arguments that came with that) & so a hooker doesnt ask questions, just listens and acts however he likes. Does anyone have any suggestions how i can stop thinking of the imagery of wat he does with the hookers? i dont like the thought

 

The only thing I can think of is that his dad took him to a cat house when he was young, in order to turn him into a man, and he just kept going. Now, it is like a second home to him... and I agree with the others. He Will Not Change. Ever. The whorehouse is now a part of his male identity, and to not go would be like him turning his back on his own 'family'. From the way the mother speaks, I suspect this or some variation of it, is true - no big deal, its just her son getting his rocks off, just like good ol' dad. Crazy logic, I know, but it is what it is... Also, if you did get with him and had a son, guess where 'daddy' will be taking your boy as soon as he's legal...

[dreamingoftigers]

hi guys.. just an update.. good news my fone is underway for the number to be changed! sad thing i know his number off by heart lol bcos its my birthday (yes he chose it) which is sad bcos i can always call on private. but im learning techniques not to do that for example call someone else. just advertised the couch, tv, bed, fridge, washing machine etc to be sold as im moving back in with my mum (dreadful in some ways) but i guess it could be exciting. an update on him, he calls yesterday and said he had a gift for me and to come outside. i went. and he had bought me a car (my dream car i guess u could say), i was a bit happy and acted excited but deep down i wasnt. eventully he seen that i wasnt happy, he said he went out and withdrew all this cash and purchased me a car and im still not happy. i said well $10,000 is nothing compared to what im feeling, the hurt, pain and emotions etc. and he said he will sign over the car to me. i said no i dont want it even thou its my favourite car. bcos as ive made up my mind were done, i dont want him telling people that i used him for money and took the car, when reality is the went to multiple brothels. so yeah thats about it. im waiting for people to come over to take the funiture etc and my number should be changed by tomoro or day after. still cannot believe all this.

 

I'm so glad you turned down the car.

 

That's such a classic loser move he pulled. Like men that get caught cheating buy their wives and girlfriends diamonds or whatever. They mean nothing. All it is, is a ticket they purchase to keep crapping on your self-esteem by cheating on you.

 

You are clearly much smarter and better of a person than to go along with this. High five!

 

And by the way, he keeps whining like he's the victim here. Really whining. This is something abusive guys do. They act like you are "unpleasable" or "cold" or whatever makes them say "oh she so deserves what she gets." Now yes claiming "you still aren't happy." But if you cheated with some dude on him, he would be freaking the Hell out and we all know it.

 

Abusers (I consider cheaters abusive as well) try to keep you off-kilter. You never know what is coming next. That's part of what keeps a person hooked into an abusive relationship. You keep hoping that "today will be a good day, maybe this is the day he will hand me back the self-esteem hs stole." But it doesn't work like that, even on a good day.

 

The three most common tactics abusers use to keep you off-balance are:

 

1. Charm (we see this one already with the car he tried to charm you with)

 

2. Self-pity ("oh you still aren't happy.... Boo hoo hoo")

 

And when that fails, 3. Rage: they will freak on you like there's no tomorrow.

 

Some don't get ragey' and just get ignorey instead and then pop up like irritating puppets when you finally think you are rid of them. Whatever they figure they can use to get you back in line.

 

See, none if this is about accepting responsibility for his stupid choices and behaviour, or about how you FEEL. In fact, he's acting like he's allergic to being responsible for his actions. Which aside from the cheating etc he's done is a HORRIBLE trait in a partner. So is poor financial management. Spending money on hookers is not sound investing. Not in his case.

 

I hope to see you free and clear of him very very soon. He clearly lacks sense and empathy.

 

And really? He got his MOM involved to triangulate? Please. That's just pathetic. I can't imagine crapping on my husband's soul and then calling my DAD to mediate that. Oh my goodness.

[dreamingoftigers]

Are there any males on this forum who can explain their experiance of being in a relationship and going to a brothel? he told me that they are great to talk to, the atmosphere is nice (bcos he pays for high end brothels like $1000 for 2 hours) & nice facilities & they dont come with the dramas like i give him. ( wich were asking him about wat he did at the brothel and all the arguments that came with that) & so a hooker doesnt ask questions, just listens and acts however he likes. Does anyone have any suggestions how i can stop thinking of the imagery of wat he does with the hookers? i dont like the thought

 

So in other words "I don't like women that have normal interactions with me. I want a woman to fawn all over my greatness and then sex me up. None of that " feelings and life" conversation. It's like a drive thru, but for sex, because I am extremely entitled and lazy. Deal with it."

 

The further away you get from this idiot, the less the thoughts will consume you.

 

And frankly, if feeling pissed off, sad, annoyed or being "dramaed on" was a reason to cheat and/or go to brothels, then why haven't YOU gone and cheated or hit up a brothel? Clearly he's hurt you and pissed you off with his stupid drama, so get a free pass, right?

 

Because you know that's bullshyte.

He has no excuse other than "I wanted to."

 

Everything else is just whining. My six year-old has more sense than this.

[ashley1992]

thanks guys, u guys are amazing support. i hope one day he will realise. but i doubt it.

[dreamingoftigers]

thanks guys, u guys are amazing support. i hope one day he will realise. but i doubt it.

 

Maybe he will, one day. After he torches a few otherwise decent relationships and has to eat a nasty divorce where he loses assets. Oh yeah, and his MOM stops enabling him.

 

But don't wait for your hair to turn grey waiting for it. Get out now. Especially since this guy is such a dim bulb that he thinks he can buy his way out of it. You aren't a hooker, it doesn't work that way.

 

I'm sorry he's such a dork. Don't think that reflects on you in any way. That's TOTALLY on him.

[ashley1992]

his the worst thing u can call someone in this world! when u have a perfect partner who caters to you, a lovely home, great family life, happiness, money etc then why stuff it up for?! i hope he enjoys the sex with the hookers and catches some disease as much as it sounds bad! i didnt deserve any of this ! thanks guys u guys rock !

[Space Ritual]

Are there any males on this forum who can explain their experiance of being in a relationship and going to a brothel? he told me that they are great to talk to, the atmosphere is nice (bcos he pays for high end brothels like $1000 for 2 hours) & nice facilities & they dont come with the dramas like i give him. ( wich were asking him about wat he did at the brothel and all the arguments that came with that) & so a hooker doesnt ask questions, just listens and acts however he likes. Does anyone have any suggestions how i can stop thinking of the imagery of wat he does with the hookers? i dont like the thought

 

no that's a bell you can't unring.

 

By staying out of contact and the gift of time will those mind movies recede

 

The kind of guy you are dealing with here is basically a sex addict. It is much easier for him to simply pay for it at a moment's notice without all the hassle of trying to pry it out of you or someone else. And of course you must assume that you were not his only relationship this whole 6 years apart form the hookers. I would bet he had plenty of other girlfriends unbeknownst to you.

 

If he was going to attempt to buy you off with a car I submit to you that in his eyes you are no different from the hookers he was banging. To him, everyone has a price. He is still under the assumption that you do have a price, and in some ways you do by continuing to throw common sense out the window and staying in communication with him.

 

Even though he pulls this, and will continue to, at the end of the day, you will still cave because you see some good in him even though he has exposed you to any untold amount of disease. And those diseases may show up years into the future. You just don't know because STD's have a way of showing up when you least expect them.

 

If that in and of itself is not reason to case all contact, I don't know what is.

[ashley1992]

thanks for the advice. I cannot wait for time to heal this, I am facing all these problems head on unlike him! sorry i forgot to mention that yesterday he said he 'didnt have sex' he does other sexual stuff.. if you know wat i mean. regardless he has a naked girl infront of him and then chooses to tell me he loves me? i feel so stupid now. however by tomoro my fone number will be changed and alot of the items in my house are sold! then moving in back with my family.

[dreamingoftigers]

thanks for the advice. I cannot wait for time to heal this, I am facing all these problems head on unlike him! sorry i forgot to mention that yesterday he said he 'didnt have sex' he does other sexual stuff.. if you know wat i mean. regardless he has a naked girl infront of him and then chooses to tell me he loves me? i feel so stupid now. however by tomoro my fone number will be changed and alot of the items in my house are sold! then moving in back with my family.

 

If you were actually stupid, you'd take the car and say "oh oh oh he must love me so much To get me a car and his Mommy told me he " wouldn't do it again." He must be so sorry and guilty and sad and in love with me. All those other girls "meant nothing" and "he finally told me the truth."

 

Then we would collectively have to smack you.

 

No half-decent gf expects her bf to be shagging hookers, unless she's been exposed to that crapola before with another idiot.

 

Generally nice people assume they'll get nice and respectful treatment back when they put it out there.

 

And smart people don't fall for crappy guilt-trips and cars.

 

My father is a real jackass. He's tried to purchase my silence and compliance for years. Nada. He abused the Hell out of me growing up and wails about how nothing is "ever good enough" for me. Well, being told that "all of the awful things I did to you 'never happened' if you take this money or this item" is really not going to work. I'm not stupid. I know what happened. I was there and he's an idiot. Let other people test drive the "dream car" I want the Real Life. I know pretty much that if my mother dies first, he will remarry some blind girl within a year or two who thinks getting spoiled means "she's so special to him" and then he'll be a fricking abusive / cheating nightmare to her. Good luck to them.

[dreamingoftigers]

thanks for the advice. I cannot wait for time to heal this, I am facing all these problems head on unlike him! sorry i forgot to mention that yesterday he said he 'didnt have sex' he does other sexual stuff.. if you know wat i mean. regardless he has a naked girl infront of him and then chooses to tell me he loves me? i feel so stupid now. however by tomoro my fone number will be changed and alot of the items in my house are sold! then moving in back with my family.

 

I just reread this and caught this.

 

So he's asking you to believe he went to brothels to NOT have sex? Or he means he's doing other sexual stuff but not intercourse?

 

I think if I were you I would have laughed in his face. But I'm pretty jaded.

 

If he's claiming "oh there's no sex, we just talk about the weather" he wouldn't need to go to a BROTHEL.

 

And if he's claiming that it was "sex" but not "SEX" then who really cares? Any sexual contact is totally NOT OKAY to everyone that has more than two neurons that fire.

 

Man, sounds like he's running out of lame crap to say to try to justify this. :lmao:

 

He was SUPPOSED to be committed to YOU. That means going nowhere near a brothel. Not paying in the thousands for whatever the Hell he claims went on in there.

 

I am so glad you found out just how much of an idiot he is before you had a kid or got an STD or whatever.

 

I can't say this enough:

WHAT AN IDIOT!

 

I know living with family isn't the most fun thing in the world but I would seriously worry about his stupidity somehow infecting my brain if I had to live with this joker and hear any more stupid guilt-trips or attempts to justify his rampant cheating.

 

I actually feel relief for you getting out of there, cutting him off and going back home. I get this must be so painful, and feel like such a waste, but you are miles ahead of where you could be if you stayed with this nit-wit.

[ashley1992]

Hi guys update

 

Got a new numba and moving in with family. Still quiet upset at how this person has changed. I would have never imagined how this ended. he still has my sisters numba, knows my family house and also my work location and email. I wonder if he will still try? However i feel as though he likes this new life he has chosen which is to visit mulitple brothels. Again im asking if there are any males on this forum who can share their experiance and can help me understand this situation better.. Thanks

[dreamingoftigers]

Hi guys update

 

Got a new numba and moving in with family. Still quiet upset at how this person has changed. I would have never imagined how this ended. he still has my sisters numba, knows my family house and also my work location and email. I wonder if he will still try? However i feel as though he likes this new life he has chosen which is to visit mulitple brothels. Again im asking if there are any males on this forum who can share their experiance and can help me understand this situation better.. Thanks

 

So glad you are getting out of there.

 

High five!

[Trishern]

Sounds like the whole family is a mess. For a mother to think this behaviour is ok, shows what moral he was raised with TBH.

 

 

Be glad you don't have kids, as they'd have half his DNA, which is pretty toxic.

 

 

 

 

Ask your family members to block his number as well. personally I would tell him to never contact you or any member of your family, otherwise you will file a claim for harassment.

 

 

Mrs T

[ashley1992]

hi guys

 

in the progress of moving in with family. its going ok. i still very much miss my apartment/home. i feel so angry at times and have broken down as well. its still so fresh and i feel like im loosing my mind. i know that in due time i will be normal and 'me' again, its just at this present time im in shock, anger, confused and hurt state of mind. i know for a fact hes doing fine and still visiting brothels. i rekon hes going to get his mind of things from wat we went thru.. which was all his fault. i still cannot believe this happened to me... i feel as thou hes an addict now combined with alcohol and gambling issues

[ashley1992]

hi guys..

 

update.. all of my belongings are now either gone or moved into the family house! i feel a bit better.. but seeing the whole house empty was crushing.. after 2 weeks of no contact.. i contacted him today... i had changed my number but i remember his.. and my heart was beating out of my chest to call.. the call lasted 20 seconds.. and all i said was.. 'hi its ash... u need to disconnect the internet service... as its in ur name.. ok thanks bye.. ' omg! i was soo nervous.. anyways.. im still heart broken but i finding it more as a blessing that i got out of this crazy relationship!

 

thnx again xx

[dreamingoftigers]

hi guys..

 

update.. all of my belongings are now either gone or moved into the family house! i feel a bit better.. but seeing the whole house empty was crushing.. after 2 weeks of no contact.. i contacted him today... i had changed my number but i remember his.. and my heart was beating out of my chest to call.. the call lasted 20 seconds.. and all i said was.. 'hi its ash... u need to disconnect the internet service... as its in ur name.. ok thanks bye.. ' omg! i was soo nervous.. anyways.. im still heart broken but i finding it more as a blessing that i got out of this crazy relationship!

 

thnx again xx

 

Very glad you made it out instead of trading your soul and morals for a car from a jackass!

[Clockwork]

Hi Guys,

 

Im new to this forum and needed some help. Ive been with my partner for 6 years and lived together for 3 years. There had been no signs of any problems, no dramas or arguments at all. I felt like the happiest girl in the world.

 

One night he woke me up at 2am and confessed that 2 nights ago, he went to a brothel with his younger brother and 2 cousins. He insisted he didnt do anything there and was talking to the hooker about how he wanted to propose to me. mind you, he went into a private room for 30 mins and paid $1000 for himself and the boys. Instantly, i told him to leave the house and go to sleep at his parents. I was in shock. The next couple of days we fought like WW3. He swore nothing happened.

 

Anyways, a couple of days later he called me and said that he went to a strip club but the girls were not performing so he played poker and left the venue. Still in shock, this was another hit.

 

Moving on, a couple of days later (still fighting) i went to another state (melbourne) for 2 nights to get some space. After i come back he comes over and we have sex. then we are still arguing and he consistently told me 'nothing happened'. I felt sick to my stomach. At this point i had told my family and his family knew about the arguments..

 

After i come back from melbourne, he went to fiji for 1 week (to get some air). We are still arguing at this point. So now it was the day of our 6 year anniversary. As im on the computer i decide to check his bank statement which he had given me the password before. I looked at to my shock he had gone to another brothel (which he didnt tell me about) as i clicked the link it took me to the page. And what i saw, made me vomit. I coudnt believe all within 2 weeks this guy who i love and woke up next to was doing this. So i texted him and said 'wat the hell is this?' he said 'nothing' and switched his fone off.

 

Finally the next day he calls.. i said 'i know wat u did, tell me the full truth', and i asked him all the questions like.. 'did the hooker suck ur d**k?, 'were u naked'... etc... and he said yes to all.. and what kills me is that he went just days before WE HAD SEX! i couldnt believe this guy who is respectful, honest, a family man, genuine etc had been doing this..

 

Im still in shock, going through counselling and all. He has left and lives with his parents now. He doesnt even seem to care that im hurt, angry, upset etc. How could he do this to me? he doesnt seem guilty at all.. i dont understand wat has happened... it all changed within 30min time frame.. and before he left to go to the first place he said 'i love you and see u soon'...

 

hes tried to call and text.. and ive told him im in shock and my life has turned upside down... but i feel as though he doesnt even care.. someone who was potentially going to propose anytime soon as his cousin told me he had gone to get the ring..

 

 

any thoughts and comments will help

 

thank you

 

I will say this to all ladies. When a man pays for a private room and it is upwards of $1000 he is doing it for a reason. He is having sex or at least getting a blow job at the bare minimum.

 

 

My advice to you...............you haven't walked down the aisle with him so you can still change this permanently and leave him and be unscathed by it. No kids with him, nothing. Please do this. I can't begin to tell you how often I've seen girls that just have no clue about how a guy is before it is too late.