um, SPYING and STRANGE BEHAVIOURS, WHAT IS THE DEAL???????

[nicki]

You are getting some great advice here. Sure wish I could go back in time and hear this about my ex-husband.

 

This is EXACTLY how he treated me.

 

Long story short, he will get worse. CONTROL is the name of the game for him. My ex also "pushed" me but never hit me. These kind of abusers are good at going right up to the line and then backing off....you will come to think that you are nuts...that he is a great guy, that you are a b*tch....and of course, you are not one -- you are just on to him!

 

Please consider getting away from him now before your self-esteem is so low that you can't...and it does get that way...believe me...

[nicki]

oh, i wanted to add...

 

A counselor once told me that an abuser can't get better on his own because he can't see what he is doing...they MUST have counseling to change...and he must know that you won't tolerate anything that resembles abuse...the best way to show that is to break contact with him when he is trying to control you...leave him...see how motivated he is to work on things...words are cheap to guys like this...only believe his actions...

 

I wish that I had called my ex on his behavior right from the beginning. But he was so great most of the time, that i explained away his "bad" behavior as temporary, not the "real" him.

 

He later told me that he would always push as far as i would let him...and that he wished that i had not let him get away with it...he also said that i had great control in the relationship...he was always afraid i would leave him....and i eventually really did. (if you do the "fake" leave without leaving, he will know he's got you! so really leave)

 

so, if he is motivated to go get counseling NOW, then great...there may be hope....

 

otherwise, i see a lot of pain in you future if you stay with him...there will be cycles where he is wonderful and then BAM! he will treat you like ****....that's what makes you think you are crazy, like you don't know what reality is....

 

Of course, i am coming at this at this from my own perspective, so please take whatever you can from it...i don't know your situation, but it sounds alarmingly familiar....