UPDATE on 7 Year Relationship Break Up [wanting to regain the 'spark']

[LD1990]

I wouldn't. I think it's going to hurt you more than you might realize now, it's going to be weird for you, him, and probably her, and I don't see the point. Sure, you were great friends before, but that time is over.

[lana-banana]

Hey guys

 

My ex is wanting to meet up in a few month for a drink etc..., it's thrown me a bit. She has a boyfriend (most of you will already know from my breakup question).

 

But this has really thrown me a bit. She says he is "ok" with me and her having a drink, but she wants him to come a long as well? It's not a situation that I would personally find awkward now after everything has settled down..., and she says he is alright with it, but surely he must be loathing the idea of it?

 

Opinions?

 

Honestly? It sounds like she wants to introduce you so he feels more at ease and you understand it's really and truly over. This is her (clumsy and ill-advised) attempt to make you accept the new status quo as her friend, not boyfriend, and for her new man to realize you're fully a part of her past. I give her minor props for trying to be transparent but unless you feel 100% over her this will probably hurt a lot. I'd politely decline.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would strongly advise you against meeting her, with or without her current boyfriend.

 

You might think you'd be cool with it, but I can practically guarantee it's going to be awkward and hurt you in the end, knowing she's not yours anymore. Especially if she wants to bring her boyfriend along. You will have to see them being cute together, maybe kissing each other, and going home together. if you think it won't hurt like hell, you're fooling yourself. Not enough time has passed since you broke up (nor will it have in a couple months) and until very recently, you were trying to find ways to get her back. This is going to set you back in a big way.

 

Frankly, I don't see the point in this meeting. Tell her thanks but no thanks.

[RocketQueen]

I couldn't think of anything worse than sitting with my Ex and his new partner. I am in no way over him, so am probably coming from a different viewpoint but I know that even if I WAS over him, then it would probably mean I had no desire to see him anyway.

 

We were friends for 6 years before being together and together for 5. I think a LOT of years would have to pass before I would be OK with meeting up.

 

I would be wary for the time being and maybe pass on it.

 

Take care x

[Steven1]

The otherside is I'll be going with a friend from work (male) as we were going for a night out, this was something that sort of came up just because of that, and she happens to be going to 2 of the same night clubs that we were going to (it will be a bank holiday weekend), so chances are I would run into her anyway unless I completely avoided the whole town lol.

 

I think I've come to a level of acceptance over it that we won't get back together, and I have some future plans in the pipeline that are focusing on myself and just me a lone, new job etc for next year, traveling more. I think if I see her and see that she's happy etc, then I'll be happy for her and I'll be able to let that part of my life be as it is and not have look back or worry about it

[Steven1]

She texted me a few days ago saying that she needs me to understand that nothing happened with anyone else while we were together and that it was only after we ended did anything happen, as I told her when we broke up that I had doubts that absolutely NOTHING had gone on with someone else, it might not have been physical but I think there had been something. She did apologize for what she did and how she went about things etc, and I think the message she was trying to get across was that she was only going to take her boyfriend with her because I would have a friend with me, she still at times sounds as though she is in two minds, she says she's happy etc, but I don't think her boyfriend is happy that we still speak, and I understand that, so I think her asking if her boyfriend can come a long is just for his peace of mind.., and she did ask if she could bring him rather than say she was I guess.

[privategal]

She texted me a few days ago saying that she needs me to understand that nothing happened with anyone else while we were together and that it was only after we ended did anything happen, as I told her when we broke up that I had doubts that absolutely NOTHING had gone on with someone else, it might not have been physical but I think there had been something. She did apologize for what she did and how she went about things etc, and I think the message she was trying to get across was that she was only going to take her boyfriend with her because I would have a friend with me, she still at times sounds as though she is in two minds, she says she's happy etc, but I don't think her boyfriend is happy that we still speak, and I understand that, so I think her asking if her boyfriend can come a long is just for his peace of mind.., and she did ask if she could bring him rather than say she was I guess.

 

Listen, youve gotten more closure than so many people ever get. Its cool I guess that she wants some sort of meeting for peace, closure, whatever...but who knows if her BF saw a text and said for her to stop speaking with you and she pushed and insisted its over romantically and he wanted to meet you to see for himself etc?

But either way you know..you really suffered and were hurt alot and Im glad you are in a better place but I think it will take WAY longer to be able to be friends.

Id also consider her wanting to get rid of her guilt for the way she hurt you so if she got you to agree to meet up it just shows she wasnt all that bad and makes HER feel better.

 

Just cause you are indifferent now doesnt mean its right you meet up with her and her new bf. Thats a crazy request and I also think her continuing to write you rather than leave you alone and let you heal is selfish.

Why cant she just 100% focus on him now.

Her continued explanations and apologies go on and on and its like okkaayy enough closure its done.

If you run into her by chance cool, then be polite, say hello, keep moving...but do not agree to meet.

She hurt you bad...shes sorry...you feel better...so then let it go.

Id personally have booked a guys werkend in vegas or the beach or some music festival...not the same tired clubs in your hometown where you see the ex.

 

Just tell her, "dear x, I rethought things, Ive come a long way, am able to forgive, were in different places and theres no hard feelings but right now being friends is not where I want to put my focus, Im happy for you and wish you the best and maybe in a few years our paths might cross but for now Ive grown really busy and focused on new things and want us to keep our seperate paths so I can keep moving forward and leave the past behind in a positive way.

[Steven1]

Listen, youve gotten more closure than so many people ever get. Its cool I guess that she wants some sort of meeting for peace, closure, whatever...but who knows if her BF saw a text and said for her to stop speaking with you and she pushed and insisted its over romantically and he wanted to meet you to see for himself etc?

But either way you know..you really suffered and were hurt alot and Im glad you are in a better place but I think it will take WAY longer to be able to be friends.

Id also consider her wanting to get rid of her guilt for the way she hurt you so if she got you to agree to meet up it just shows she wasnt all that bad and makes HER feel better.

 

Just cause you are indifferent now doesnt mean its right you meet up with her and her new bf. Thats a crazy request and I also think her continuing to write you rather than leave you alone and let you heal is selfish.

Why cant she just 100% focus on him now.

Her continued explanations and apologies go on and on and its like okkaayy enough closure its done.

If you run into her by chance cool, then be polite, say hello, keep moving...but do not agree to meet.

She hurt you bad...shes sorry...you feel better...so then let it go.

Id personally have booked a guys werkend in vegas or the beach or some music festival...not the same tired clubs in your hometown where you see the ex.

 

Just tell her, "dear x, I rethought things, Ive come a long way, am able to forgive, were in different places and theres no hard feelings but right now being friends is not where I want to put my focus, Im happy for you and wish you the best and maybe in a few years our paths might cross but for now Ive grown really busy and focused on new things and want us to keep our seperate paths so I can keep moving forward and leave the past behind in a positive way.

 

 

When it happened we were sort of like that, more so than me as I had told her that I wasn't going to contact her etc and would get rid of her number and so on, got her off my social media (still don't have her on it). We went a good 5 or so weeks of NC before she texted by which time I was a lot better, as I said I think I've just moved on to where I am now as I have accepted that I deserve better, and I know that now, and holding on to any pain is only holding me back when she's moved on.

 

We both had a decent talk and apologized for different things, but she said that I was still a huge part of her and always would be after what we went through and the time we had together, I think she knows that the 7 years we had will always be special from the rest as we were each others first serious relationship, and she still seen me as her closest friend. I don't think that will change from her side.

 

I told her that I didn't want to make it awkward between her and her boyfriend and for her to make sure he was fine with it, and she says he is, I have a feeling he isn't though, I think she;s expecting to see me and not feel anything, and that very well may be true, but I think she is taking her boyfriend as reassurance that we aren't together..., I do suspect though that he won't be happy, I even told her after the break up that if we were speaking and her boyfriend wasn't happy with it, she would have to make the choice of us not speaking and I would completely understand that and even gestured towards that, but she wouldn't hear of it.

[BC1980]

Hey guys

 

My ex is wanting to meet up in a few month for a drink etc..., it's thrown me a bit. She has a boyfriend (most of you will already know from my breakup question).

 

But this has really thrown me a bit. She says he is "ok" with me and her having a drink, but she wants him to come a long as well? It's not a situation that I would personally find awkward now after everything has settled down..., and she says he is alright with it, but surely he must be loathing the idea of it?

 

Opinions?

 

Wow. Ballsy move on her part. Likely, she feels guilt and needs to meet with you to offload the guilt. I promise it's about her feelings and not your feelings. I can't even imagine having the nerve to suggest such a thing to a guy I left for someone else. You haven't even gone through anger yet. Once you get there, you will be furious you entertained this BS. She is using you to offload her guilt, so she can go about her new life guilt free. If she is confused or guilty, she needs to deal with that on her own and not involve you. Her feelings are not your responsibility.

[BC1980]

She texted me a few days ago saying that she needs me to understand that nothing happened with anyone else while we were together and that it was only after we ended did anything happen, as I told her when we broke up that I had doubts that absolutely NOTHING had gone on with someone else, it might not have been physical but I think there had been something. She did apologize for what she did and how she went about things etc, and I think the message she was trying to get across was that she was only going to take her boyfriend with her because I would have a friend with me, she still at times sounds as though she is in two minds, she says she's happy etc, but I don't think her boyfriend is happy that we still speak, and I understand that, so I think her asking if her boyfriend can come a long is just for his peace of mind.., and she did ask if she could bring him rather than say she was I guess.

 

I wonder why she needs you to understand that nothing happened? This is such a sick cluster. She needs to leave you out of her healing process.

[Steven1]

I wonder why she needs you to understand that nothing happened? This is such a sick cluster. She needs to leave you out of her healing process.

 

 

When we had an argument after we had broke up, I told her I suspected that something had happened, and I still do, it might not of been physical but she's definitely had something as she got with him so quickly and she even said she had been speaking to him for a while. So she kept saying to me that she wanted me to understand nothing happened, I still think something did and I think she probably feels guilt over that and wants to try and keep pointing out that nothing did.

[BC1980]

When we had an argument after we had broke up, I told her I suspected that something had happened, and I still do, it might not of been physical but she's definitely had something as she got with him so quickly and she even said she had been speaking to him for a while. So she kept saying to me that she wanted me to understand nothing happened, I still think something did and I think she probably feels guilt over that and wants to try and keep pointing out that nothing did.

 

It doesn't even matter at this point, but you need to block her. I think you are kidding yourself if you think you are healed at this point. You never went NC. Are you ready to see her with this new guy?

[Steven1]

It doesn't even matter at this point, but you need to block her. I think you are kidding yourself if you think you are healed at this point. You never went NC. Are you ready to see her with this new guy?

 

 

Ah we went NC for a while, it's just that it was always infrequent. I had deleted her number off my phone but she hadn't deleted mine so I still got a text after a few weeks etc.

 

I think I probably could tbh. I think I've realized now that (after speaking to other women too) that there is still something out there for me, where as before I just didn't want to or couldn't see that far ahead. I think seeing them together would only reiterate that fact to me and that would be all I needed tbh. I think it's one of those things I won't know until it happens

[BC1980]

Ah we went NC for a while, it's just that it was always infrequent. I had deleted her number off my phone but she hadn't deleted mine so I still got a text after a few weeks etc.

 

I think I probably could tbh. I think I've realized now that (after speaking to other women too) that there is still something out there for me, where as before I just didn't want to or couldn't see that far ahead. I think seeing them together would only reiterate that fact to me and that would be all I needed tbh. I think it's one of those things I won't know until it happens

 

Well, it's up to you. Let us know how it goes, and good luck.

[Steven1]

Well, it's up to you. Let us know how it goes, and good luck.

 

 

Not until August so anything could happen between now and then....but I will keep you updated regardless aha thank you

[jonesey0]

Not until August so anything could happen between now and then....but I will keep you updated regardless aha thank you

 

Nothing that you hope for will happen between today and August.

 

Maybe she will come to her senses and call it off. That would be the only proof that you meant something to her, not to put you through that ordeal.

 

Dont do it. Walk away with your dignity. Ignore her, dont reply to her texts. She will respect you for that, if she is a real woman and not a stupid child.

 

Move on. Nothing good could come out of this to you.

[Steven1]

Hey guys, hope you are all doing well.

 

Just a quick update on this to anyone who may be wondering lol.

 

I'm with someone else now and that is going good so far, likewise the ex is still with her partner for now and is going well as far as I know. It was her birthday yesterday so I sent a happy birthday text in the morning, she got back in touch on the night time and said

 

"Thank you for the Birthday wishes, that was very kind of you and they definitely did not go unnoticed, I appreciate it, thank you"

 

We had a chat yesterday, just a quick general catch up etc. I still have some feelings of regret over what happened, but I think we are slowly getting there on being able to be friends again.