tim_90 Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 Hi there I was speaking to this girl on a dating site and things were going ok. I then met up with someone else in real life and started dating them for a couple of weeks. This however did not last and i went back onto this dating site and started to try and re initiate a conversation with this girl. I sent her one message just saying that i was sorry and tried to start up the convo again, even giving her my number if she wanted to text me. Heard nothing from that. I then tried to send another message to her and i have had no response. I know its only online dating, but how persistent can i be with a girl on it. I just want to try and get a date with this girl so I wanted to send a message saying something like. 'Hey ....... You seem like a lovely girl and I want to take you out for a drink. Apologies it took me long to reply with the last message I have just been incredibly busy changing jobs and a few other things. I think you'd enjoy It and we'd have a laugh, or at the very least you can just have a laugh at me haha!It's always the best way to get to know someone in person and I think that life can be too short to not do the things that you want to do. Mines a Cider by the way haha' I don't know guys should I just send it? Nothing to loose right or anything else you'd say? Link to post Share on other sites
Otter2569 Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 What have you got to lose? I might send it then be done and move on. Personally I am a fan of the two strikes and you are out rule. OLD is tricky: lots of flakes, fakes and ghosting on top of the perpetual shopping. Chances are that she knows exactly whats going on being on OLD herself. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 Seldom, and I mean seldom, and this is from my own experience, will a woman contact you if you give them your number... unless she's desperate, has virtually no options, or you're a pro athlete, a guy with high social status and money. Forget writing to her. I tried that too when I was younger and very inexperienced and it backfired. The play here is to throw the line out there and if they bite, reel them in. If they don't bite, you forget them. Link to post Share on other sites
Karine26 Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 She probably realizes she was your backup plan and is over it. Good for her! Link to post Share on other sites
Empire87 Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 After you send 2 messages and get No reply, STop trying. She's not interested and she doesn't know you well enough to give you the benefit of the doubt. Always resist apologizing to someone you're trying to go out with. It instilled a sense of negativity surrounding what you represent. If you're saying sorry before you've even gone on 1 date with her then what does she have to look forward to being a positive from seeing you? The more you message and reach out, the less desireable and mysterious you become. "I'm really sorry please give me another chance to take you out, I really like you". You might as well send her your ___ in a box as eell 4 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Don't send that 3rd email. It comes off as desperate and pathetic IMO. I'm experienced in OLD and persistence has no place in your situation. It wont help and only make you look less desirable. She got your two messages and she's either just starting to date someone else (like you did), waiting to see how pathetic you will be (not attractive), might contact you after seeing that you aren't desperate or is not that attracted you (especially after disappearing on her). Sometimes you only get one chance with someone online. There are too many possible options out there to waste your time on someone that is flaky and is not showing enough interest. I've gone back and forth with a few people where it seemed the interest was there only to have them disappear. In those cases I did send a second message and that was only to give them the benefit of the doubt, but never....never a third. You never know what's going on in the lives of other people online, but one thing is for sure, if someone is interested, they will get a hold of you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Don't send that 3rd email. It comes off as desperate and pathetic IMO. I'm experienced in OLD and persistence has no place in your situation. It wont help and only make you look less desirable. She got your two messages and she's either just starting to date someone else (like you did), waiting to see how pathetic you will be (not attractive), might contact you after seeing that you aren't desperate or is not that attracted you (especially after disappearing on her). Sometimes you only get one chance with someone online. There are too many possible options out there to waste your time on someone that is flaky and is not showing enough interest. I've gone back and forth with a few people where it seemed the interest was there only to have them disappear. In those cases I did send a second message and that was only to give them the benefit of the doubt, but never....never a third. You never know what's going on in the lives of other people online, but one thing is for sure, if someone is interested, they will get a hold of you. Not only desperate, but he comes off like a player, too. People who are so aggressive early on are usually the ones to fade fast. I agree with sending out a second message but that's it. I'm not so sure of the last part you mentioned. There are women out there who might be very interested in a guy and will stop short from contacting them fearing they will look desperate. They rather play it safe than sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 She has probably moved on. I think OLD should be taken super lightly, as in invest zero before you meet. If a guy proves flaky the first time around, I don't bother. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 I then met up with someone else in real life and started dating them for a couple of weeks. This however did not last and i went back onto this dating site and started to try and re initiate a conversation with this girl. [...] I just want to try and get a date with this girl so I wanted to send a message saying something like. 'Hey ....... You seem like a lovely girl and I want to take you out for a drink. Apologies it took me long to reply with the last message I have just been incredibly busy changing jobs and a few other things. Almost seems a bit telling that you have to lie to her this early on. I think you'd enjoy It and we'd have a laugh, or at the very least you can just have a laugh at me haha! Obviously that's what you think, that's why you're sending the message. You sound desperate trying to assure her she's going to have fun. It doesn't matter what you think she should think. All that matters if she wants to or not. It sounds like you're trying to sell her a product or something. It's always the best way to get to know someone in person and I think that life can be too short to not do the things that you want to do. Mines a Cider by the way haha' First of all, she knows that talking to someone in person is the best way to get to know someone. You don't have to reassure her of that. Secondly, it's the best way to get to someone if they actually want to get to know you, which this girl doesn't seem to at the moment. You made a big, laughable, leap there to imply that she does when she hasn't responded to you. I don't know guys should I just send it? Nothing to loose right or anything else you'd say? No, not nothing to lose. Your only chance at this point is to not send anything else and just hope all her other options dry up and she comes back around to you at some point. It's happened to me a few times where I've been talking to someone, life gets in the way for a while, we stop talking for one reason or another, and they reach back out. But you completely ruin your chances of that happening if you send a desperate, needy "please, it's the best way to get to know me (even though it's obvious you don't want to)" message. Ideally, you have to make it seem as if you couldn't care less that she hasn't responded, and that she's the one trying to earn your attention, not the other way around. You've already sent her 2 unanswered messages -- this is the kind of thing women laugh at. If you message her again, you'll be totally nuking any last chance you might've had. I'd strongly advise against it. If she stops responding, your only move is to stop sending messages; your chances get exponentially worse with each successive one she doesn't respond to. Here are two examples of it working for me:http://s11.postimg.org/zc1q8nslv/retryokc.jpg Best of luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Leave out the "haha's." I'm already less attracted to you and I'm a straight male. Quick short notes with absolutely NO neediness is what will get them to contact you back. Don't try to be funny unless you really ARE funny. If the quick short note doesn't work after a couple of attempts, you missed your window. Sorry man, welcome to OLD. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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