Tips when you have no-one to talk to?

[dragonfire13]

I've been finding people exhausting lately and the past couple of years after a period of depression I ended up cutting out a lot of friends/family members.

 

This was for various reasons, but the main one being I have constantly tried with people and put the effort it...yet when push come to shove, I found there was noone who really cared or showed support.

 

Since then, I've overhauled my life. I've met new people with whom I'd say I have more casual friendships with. But I see old patterns forming again: I listen, I sympathise and I'm often thanked by the acquaintance after a chat, saying they feel better.

 

And yet, I don't feel I can really talk to anyone. Perhaps because these are new friendships, or perhaps because my problems (usually family oriented) I feel are embarrassing. Not only that, but the more I get to know these people, they seem quite self absorbed and I almost feel like I'm being used.

 

Sometimes it's exhausting trying to help someone else out, especially when I have so much of my own cr@p going on. Also, sometimes they talk about their issues with their other friends…but then I’ll see facebook uploads of them hanging out. It makes it hard to trust people, especially when in the past, I've found that people have been bad mouthing me behind my back also.

 

I tried to receive counselling but after a lengthy waiting list, the counselor didn't bother to show up to my first session! Every other talking therapy provider isn't currently accepting new patients.

 

I have a blog but it's more general lifestyle topics and I try not to get too personal, in case my place of work comes across it. I exercise daily and generally I can keep myself occupied, but sometimes I just wish I had a close circle of genuine friends.

 

I just feel incredibly alone and frustrated. When I'm at my lowest point, there is literally noone who I have been able to turn to. It's been this way for a couple of years now.

[loveiswar101]

I'm sorry to hear this. I am at the very beginning of overhauling my life, it's a shambles and m 45. lol.

 

I decided to cut out the bad apples, this even includes a friend I've had for 35yrs, he never calls and when I call him he to busy to talk. It's a shame but it got to be done.

 

What I do have though is a couple of friends who I don't see very often at all but we chat on phone at least once a week. If their happen to listen let people.

 

It's tough being alone, ive been this way really for several years and counting..you get use to it. But what I have decided is to make more friends in the future.

 

With the new friends you have gained don't be to critical of them, people live different life's and are very busy these days, give your time when you can but so NO if not suits you. Don't get absorbed into the social media and what they are doing.

 

Read a lot, write on here a lot, more and more new friends so not dependent on just a few, that's my new goal.

 

Hope some of this helps.

[Heatemyheart89]

hey, I could have written this myself. I literally do not know where to turn. I think the only thing we can do it love ourselves, take care of ourselves and not think to much.

[dragonfire13]

Sorry you're going through this as well

 

I think as the above poster has suggested, we have to expect less from people and at the same time look out for number one and mirror people's effort. Or save them for a rainy day.

 

Its sad that casual friendships are more prevalant these days but, much like finding the right person romantically, you've gotta hope that genuine people who you click with are still out there.

[truthtripper]

I think it's quite common for people not have that close circle of friends they can confide in, it's just that many are not willing/embarrassed to admit it. Even amongst close friends, most of the time people still chit chat about relatively superficial topics, reserving deep discussion of personal problems for the weekly therapy session. Imo, most people have difficulties coping with others' pain because they can't cope with their own.

[Heatemyheart89]

Sorry you're going through this as well

 

I think as the above poster has suggested, we have to expect less from people and at the same time look out for number one and mirror people's effort. Or save them for a rainy day.

 

Its sad that casual friendships are more prevalant these days but, much like finding the right person romantically, you've gotta hope that genuine people who you click with are still out there.

 

Don't give up on finding that. But ultimately everyone is trying to make themselves happy. Don't give up on counselling. Where do you live?Make you number one, enjoy the casual relationships for now .

Edited March 28, 2016 by Heatemyheart89