What did I do wrong?

[crystalhoon]

Hi guys,

So it's been a week since I officially accepted the breakup and in some way I feel a lot more...free. The last time we spoke, I asked him to tell me once and for all that we its over and he replied telling my to just let go. I told him I was sorry for the way I acted and to understand why I acted this way post break up and not be angry with me. He said he's not mad at me and that he knows its his fault. I then asked once and for all that there is not more hope and possibilities and he never replied so I said I'll take it as a no and to just let me know when he's back. He said he promised to let me know when he's back and I never replied after. (he moved to another country to gain experience for work and won't be back until December)

 

There are still so many things I want to say to him, but the urge to say it to him isn't as strong anymore. I think coming on here helps a lot. I think the idea of NC is really settling into me and I know I need to go NC in order to move on. I think I really needed to hear him say that it was officially over that gave me that push to move forward. Even though he's reluctant to really give me a straight answer, I think it helped a lot when he said to let go. These last couple of days, I've been working on making myself happy and thinking of things I can do to make myself okay again. Even though I dont know what the future holds, or what will happen when he does come back, I think It's easier to just move one and accept it. I really do hope this time apart will allow us both to figure out what we really want.

 

Thinking back, I felt like I acted so out of character. I kept texting him long messages, sometimes not even getting a reply, just to get some answer out of him. I think I acted this way because everything happened so suddenly. He literally left the country without any explanation and that hurt, which was why I reacted the way I did. I needed some sort of answer but each time i reached out, he always got mad at me or yelled at me for it. I felt that if he communicated with me and tell me what was up, I would've walked away, but he was never willing to communicate with me and just left. Do you guys think it was normal for me to react the way I did? Thinking back on it now, I felt like I was crazy, texting him so much for some sort of answer or explanation. Do you guys think he will remember me by how i acted when we broke up? :(

[Zahara]

Do you guys think it was normal for me to react the way I did? Thinking back on it now, I felt like I was crazy, texting him so much for some sort of answer or explanation. Do you guys think he will remember me by how i acted when we broke up? :(

 

We've all done it. The more the dumper ignores, the more the dumpee chases. It's difficult to remain calm when the person you love chooses to ignore you or evade you especially when they're checking out. The anxiety and pain can drive you absolutely crazy and cause you to react out of character. That would mean texting constantly, long drawn out messages, obsessive calling, etc.

 

You can't control how he's going to view you nor can we pin point how he sees you but speculate -- he may not even care now that he's detached and is distracted by his new life, it may cross his mind fleetingly and nothing more, or he may just have an empathetic bone in his body and understand why you did what you did -- regardless all that does not matter because in time you'll not care how he views you as you move on unless you're fearing this may be the dealbreaker that has completely changed his mind about being with you in the future.

[crystalhoon]

We've all done it. The more the dumper ignores, the more the dumpee chases. It's difficult to remain calm when the person you love chooses to ignore you or evade you especially when they're checking out. The anxiety and pain can drive you absolutely crazy and cause you to react out of character. That would mean texting constantly, long drawn out messages, obsessive calling, etc.

 

You can't control how he's going to view you nor can we pin point how he sees you but speculate -- he may not even care now that he's detached and is distracted by his new life, it may cross his mind fleetingly and nothing more, or he may just have an empathetic bone in his body and understand why you did what you did -- regardless all that does not matter because in time you'll not care how he views you as you move on unless you're fearing this may be the dealbreaker that has completely changed his mind about being with you in the future.

 

 

In one of our most intense argument, he did say we won't be the same because I kept asking him question when he said he needed space. So I now being together in the future is just out of the question now, sadly.

[Zahara]

In one of our most intense argument, he did say we won't be the same because I kept asking him question when he said he needed space. So I now being together in the future is just out of the question now, sadly.

 

Regardless, it was never going to be the same. He knew that and it had nothing to do with your anxious behavior. As I said before, he probably came to a decision of ending it with you way, way before all this happened. He had plenty of time to ruminate, process and detach from you. So no matter what you may or may not have done, it wouldn't have changed anything.

[LD1990]

In one of our most intense argument, he did say we won't be the same because I kept asking him question when he said he needed space. So I now being together in the future is just out of the question now, sadly.

 

Take off the rose-colored glasses and see this guy for who he really is. He didn't talk to you before he left the country, and now he's trying to shift the blame onto you for asking him too many questions? He's a coward, plain and simple.

 

Of course you're going to ask a lot of questions when your boyfriend leaves the country without telling you, that's natural. The fact that he used your reaction as a reason you can't be together in the future is pathetic.

 

You got lucky here. Stay NC, heal up, and get back out there. You'll find someone who respects you enough to communicate with you.

[Zahara]

Of course you're going to ask a lot of questions when your boyfriend leaves the country without telling you, that's natural. The fact that he used your reaction as a reason you can't be together in the future is pathetic.

 

^^ This ^^

 

As LD mentioned -- you really need to start seeing him for he is because anyone that cared about you would at least have had the decency to reach closure with you before leaving.

[stillafool]

Hi guys,

So it's been a week since I officially accepted the breakup and in some way I feel a lot more...free. The last time we spoke, I asked him to tell me once and for all that we its over and he replied telling my to just let go. I told him I was sorry for the way I acted and to understand why I acted this way post break up and not be angry with me. He said he's not mad at me and that he knows its his fault. I then asked once and for all that there is not more hope and possibilities and he never replied so I said I'll take it as a no and to just let me know when he's back. He said he promised to let me know when he's back and I never replied after. (he moved to another country to gain experience for work and won't be back until December)

 

:(

 

Why did you ask him to let you know when he comes back in December when he just dumped you and told you TO LET GO? Letting go means just that "let go and move on". Don't try to keep in contact with him because he doesn't want to be in contact with you and it will keep you in pain if you do.

[crystalhoon]

Hi guys,

So RIGHT after I posted on here last week about my most recent ex, lets call him C, I started having thoughts about the future, wondering if he'll regret what he did, if we'll ever talk to again and such. Then I started thinking about my previous relationships and how none of them really did reach out...but that all changed.

 

I went into work thinking about C, as always then in walks my ex from three years ago (lets call him J). I was shocked. I never thought I would hear from him again nor see him. After the initial shock, we caught up and talked about what we have been doing these last couple of years.

We dated about two years ago for almost a year? Everything was going great during the time of our relationship. I gave my all in the relationship and was 100% commited. then out of nowhere J, blindsided me and broke up with me saying his feelings weren't the same anymore and I havent heard from him since.( that was two years ago)

I agreed to have lunch with him the next day to catch up and that's when I got answers from him after two years.

J told me how he regretted ending things with me and I asked him why he never reached out and he said it was because he heard from mutual friends that I hated him. He told me how there were many times he wanted to reach out but felt like he couldnt. Then he proceeded to tell me how I've been in the back of him mind all these years even when he got into a new relationship. He also said that I was one of the best girl he's been with and I made him who he is today and taught him how to be a better boyfriend in his relationships.

After hearing all this, I was completely shocked. First, I never thought I would ever hear form this guy again but here he was, confessing how much he regret it.

Its true when people say that when they do come back, majority of the time you don't want to be with him anymore. He asked if theres a chance for us to work again and I told him no because the connections just not there anymore and he offered friendship, which I am still hesitant about because he reminds me so so so much of C.

 

Bottom line is, if you treated someone well in a relationship and they ended it, there is always a high chance they might come back, but its not when we expect it or want at the moment in life. I remember when we broke up, I was so hurt and thought i would never get over it. I was blindsided by the whole thing and never really got much answers. I remember during that time all i wanted was for him to come back. after awhile, i just moved on.

 

After J came back, it gave me a whole new perspective on my recent breakup with C. I treated C with just as much commitment and respect as I did with J. I put in my all in the relationship, and at the end, C blindsided me the way J did. I'll admit I'm still hurt at the moment with what C did, but I know that at the end of the day, I know I did everyhting I could on my end of the relationship and I will move on.

 

I hope this helps those who's in my position feel better. I know it's hard right now. I still think about C, but after hearing from J, I know that maybe one day he will regret it, but by then it will be too late. I will admit, I still hope C will see what he lost in me but I know I did all I can for that realtionship so it will be his loss.