Golfguy80 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 So I've read a lot of stuff on this but thought I would post my story to see what everyone thought. I met my ex at 18. Got married at 23. Divorced at 31. She cheated on me a countless number of times and I always took her back ( heck, I was in love still) My thought had always been " This girl is everything to me. Why leave her to teach her a lesson only to have her learn that lesson and be better with the next guy?" In my head I thought that made logical sense at the time. After and during the divorce I was dating a few girls but always stayed in contact with my ex. Most weekends we would still hang out and hookup. We would talk about working things out but neither would commit. This went on for about 3+ years. About 8 months ago she started acting weird and I started hearing rumors she was seen out with another guy. Hurt, but I too was out dating so who was I to judge? She then stated that she has been acting weird because she started dating someone serious. I, being the one who felt with hurt of being on the other side , said I wished her well and best of luck. She would continue to send me random texts of how she was making a mistake, still loved me and missed me all the time. I'll Admit, I caved a number of times and we hooked up for about 4 more months. In Jan 2016 I finally said she had to pick. She just would lead on with "idk". So I would say we needed to be done. My heart still with her, but time to move on. I continued to get those same type texts as before. For the next couple months I would Say " him or I ?" . Finally I snapped after trying a number of times and continuous emotional torture that I allowed myself to go through by saying goodbye to her only to get the beg not to go, I still love you, I miss you, we were ment to be and I'm sorry I'm Not in the right place right now... Blah blah blah... So I cut ties and ended it for good. Used the block + no contact rule. Once I decided to do that a few months ago, I went through the whole phase of checking her FB only to have noticed that she had pics of her and her new BF. Something she had always told me was new and nothing she expected to last. Like an idiot, I checked his profile too. What do I see? They've been together for the past 2 years! Hurt? Yes I was. But fueled the fire to end things. Over the course of the last two months I looked back at all the pain and hurt that girl put on my and thought to myself " She can't keep getting away with it." I still would get the random messages from her, but few and far between due to blocking things. Drunk one night last week and still feeling frustrated that she was attempting to reach out to me and mess with my head, I decided to message her BF on FB. I noticed recently that he had posted suggestions of marriage with her. Mad at her and trying to do what I thought was best for man kind I said " If you want the real story behind her, let me know". He responded that he questioned my motives. Said I was either a nice guy who saw a guy getting screwed over, or someone trying to drive a wedge between two people. I responded saying I was sorry and drunk and it wouldn't happen again..... Sooo... Here is where I stand. I don't want her back. Taking the break made me accept and realize how bad she is. I feel like I owe a " do good" to this dude to let him know about things.... Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 This is not just about getting even. this is about doing the right thing you have to let him know..! This woman played games with peoples lives like it's for free. Now you think he could've went to her and said who the f**k is this guy. She could be a plain damage control. This guy is skeptical of your ex because he was willing to listen to you in the first time. Don't even think twice about it do it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Golfguy80 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Share Posted March 27, 2016 This is not just about getting even. this is about doing the right thing you have to let him know..! This woman played games with peoples lives like it's for free. Now you think he could've went to her and said who the f**k is this guy. She could be a plain damage control. This guy is skeptical of your ex because he was willing to listen to you in the first time. Don't even think twice about it do it. He is... This girl is something else man. Everything is "idk" with her when you ask. She's been cut throat by cheating with my friends and coworkers. This dude seems like he really likes her. Has posts all about it. He's 40 and she's 35. There are also posts about how he thought they were going to hangout for x event and I'm just like " Dang! That's the weekend her and I went to x place ". Still torn. I don't want drama but on the same token if I was older and wiser like I am now, I would have had zero tolerance.... Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 You offered to tell him and he doesn't want to know..if it were any normal dude the natural response is what happened, but he doesn't want to know so let him be. He's 40 and most probably a nice guy like you. She'll reveal her true self sooner or later because that's in her nature. It's whether he has the guts to do anything about it once he finds out. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 What this woman does to other people is truly awful and this guy should know about it before he gets married to her. Try sending one more message to him but, this time, explain that you're not drunk and you want him to know the truth about her before he walks down the aisle. What he chooses to do with that info is his choice but he can't say he wasn't warned. Because this woman will continue to cheat on him. She's really a piece of work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 You offered to tell him and he doesn't want to know..if it were any normal dude the natural response is what happened, but he doesn't want to know so let him be. That's not actually true, he responded promptly to the first message but the OP basically then said "I'm drunk, forget it." He probably now thinks the OP was just out to cause trouble as he was drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 I don't kiss and tell. Definitely wouldn't do it because I was hurt or jealous. Wouldn't use being drunk or trying to help the next man as an excuse. That's not manly to me. Seems weak, lame and pathetic. Move on with your life. You're not responsible for the choices others make. Or the consequences of those choices. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 I don't kiss and tell. Definitely wouldn't do it because I was hurt or jealous. Wouldn't use being drunk or trying to help the next man as an excuse. That's not manly to me. Seems weak, lame and pathetic. Move on with your life. You're not responsible for the choices others make. Or the consequences of those choices. I agree, the OP is not coming from a position of strength here, he is not squeaky clean in all of this, he chose to hook up with her knowing she was seeing this guy "seriously". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 You can do the right thing - tell her bf and also that she's cheated on you many times, so that he knows what he's dealing with - AND still enjoy it. It is human nature, Just don't relish it too much or too long, as you - like most of us - aspire to be better than vengeful. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Save yourself, cut all ties with her, she's a liar and a serial cheater and nothing good can come from having her in your life. Who needs her kind of drama, seriously, walk away, change your number and move if you have to but do whatever it takes to get her permanently out of life. End this codependency crap because your going to miss Ms Right when she comes into your life because your too caught up in your past, she won't even know your available. Don't settle for the new guys leftovers, you've been there done that. He knows she's a cheater, he was banging her when she was still married to you. Run, don't look back. Bad people don't like it when you leave them behind and move on, they will do everything they can to hold on to you. In your ex's case she uses sex to do this. This girl can never have just one man in her life, she needs validation from lots of men. SHE IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE, you can't be friends. Stop having sex with her because with her history there is a very real chance your going to catch something nasty from her. Didn't you loose enough in the divorce, run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Cut the ties and say goodbye. Her boyfriend probably knows that she has been around and his so blinded by love that he doesn't see the whole picture. Some things in this world are meant to be left behind. Thats including LOVE!! Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 I say mind your own business, he is a grown man I'm sure he can handle his choices he makes, including dating your ex. The only thing you are getting out of this is revenge on your ex, not saving some dude you don't really know all that well. I can see if you two were seeing each other again and you found out she was seeing someone at the same time, then it would make sense because you are directly involved. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 What this woman does to other people is truly awful and this guy should know about it before he gets married to her. Try sending one more message to him but, this time, explain that you're not drunk and you want him to know the truth about her before he walks down the aisle. What he chooses to do with that info is his choice but he can't say he wasn't warned. Because this woman will continue to cheat on him. She's really a piece of work. This. I would also add that we teach people how to treat us. The OP has allowed his ex wife to get away with cheating and playing with his emotions for too long. A huge part of love is respect and the OP's ex never loved him since she has never showed respect to her marriage vows. Sleeping with an ex spouse repeatedly only prolongs the grief and suffering that comes with divorce. After the last message is sent, the OP needs to go no contact and block his ex on all social media. Only then will the true healing begin. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 I wonder if he knows why her marriage to you ended. There's no doubt she'll cheat on him again. Save him the agony. A simple. ... Our marriage ended due to her continuous infidelity and she has been unfaithful to you too. I was unaware that you have been together for 2 years' Do you have any evidence ... like messages that are explicit? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Golfguy80 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Share Posted March 28, 2016 Yeah... If I needed to provide evidence I could. Pics, texts, receipts, dates and such... It just seems like a never ending string with this one. She found a way to reach out to me again today wishing me a happy Easter. Still torn. When she cheated on me with people I know ( some of which I called good friends and coworkers) none of them had the balls to say anything to me. When confronted, all I ever got from any of them was they were sorry, it was all her, wasn't their place to say, blah blah blah..... One hand says to do the right thing and give the guy the facts and let him decide.... The other says to just remain no responsive in hopes it all goes away. The good news is that I started seeing someone and it's going well so maybe this will all blow over...... Still feel in a damned if you do damned if you don't place... I don't tell and I have guilt that I didn't do right by someone who has done me no wrong. On the other hand, do I really want to deal with the backlash of all this??? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 Yeah... If I needed to provide evidence I could. Pics, texts, receipts, dates and such... It just seems like a never ending string with this one. She found a way to reach out to me again today wishing me a happy Easter. Still torn. When she cheated on me with people I know ( some of which I called good friends and coworkers) none of them had the balls to say anything to me. When confronted, all I ever got from any of them was they were sorry, it was all her, wasn't their place to say, blah blah blah..... One hand says to do the right thing and give the guy the facts and let him decide.... The other says to just remain no responsive in hopes it all goes away. The good news is that I started seeing someone and it's going well so maybe this will all blow over...... Still feel in a damned if you do damned if you don't place... I don't tell and I have guilt that I didn't do right by someone who has done me no wrong. On the other hand, do I really want to deal with the backlash of all this??? There is nothing to be damned about. The right thing to do for this man is to tell him the truth. The right thing for you to do for yourself is to tell this man for it will get back to your exWW and then you will have NC with her for the rest of your life. It is win, win. For him and you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 Still torn. When she cheated on me with people I know ( some of which I called good friends and coworkers) none of them had the balls to say anything to me. When confronted, all I ever got from any of them was they were sorry, it was all her, wasn't their place to say, blah blah blah..... How devastating that your friends and coworkers obliged her instead of going to you to say she was propositioning them. It's no wonder they didn't say anything because they were just as guilty. Wow don't people have any moral values anymore??? I don't know how you make it through the day. Haven't you had enough? exposing her isn't going to give you any relief. Cut her off, go no contact/block/delete, stop following what she is doing, free yourself and find peace. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingDeadGrl Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 I am always on the "tell them" boat. Don't you wish someone had told you when she was doing it to you? Your "good friends" and coworkers even? What backlash are you worried about? You tell him and give him any proof he wants then you make sure she is blocked, deleted, gone for good. She will just find someone else to cheat on him with, if she hasn't already. All I can think when I think about cheaters is that they may transmit an STI to their unsuspecting partner. Even if she convinces him otherwise, at least you are giving him the knowledge to decide for himself if he wants to continue. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 No doubt she'll be angry about it ...but that's to be expected.... she's a cheater through and through. Whatever you do ... Block her out of your life...you don't have kids with her... so you really don't have to ever see her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Golfguy80 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 Decided to let him know if he was curious about gaps in their relationship that I could help fill him in the best I could. That I didn't want any drama, just to do the right thing and what I would want to know if roles were reversed. I'll leave it up to him to decide. I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for the advice. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 Decided to let him know if he was curious about gaps in their relationship that I could help fill him in the best I could. That I didn't want any drama, just to do the right thing and what I would want to know if roles were reversed. I'll leave it up to him to decide. I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for the advice. I now it was tough for you to do, but you did the right thing. If somebody had told me my fiance was cheating on me instead of having to walk in on it, I'd had made much better decisions. This guy may thank you for the info in the future. I would have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Golfguy80 Posted March 31, 2016 Author Share Posted March 31, 2016 So we texted back and forth for about 6 hours. He was very thankful for everything. He said his exwife did the same thing to him. I'll admit, at times I lost site of his emotions and feelings while we were talking and felt bad about it. Neither of us intentionally did anything in the past or present to purposely hurt each other. He is a bartender and said that I was always welcome in his place and he would introduce me to his friends if I ever came out. He seems like a really nice guy and I feel bad for what he's about to go through. Who knows what will come of him and her.... At the end of the day I felt like I would have been a hypocrite if I didn't say anything. After all, I called out all those that knew of the stupid stuff my ex did while we were together and said nothing. I wasn't going to be that same guy... For those pondering the same thing: You won't feel any better saying something to them. You'll actually just feel sorry for them because you two went through it. Currently I feel bad because I probably put two people through a ton of heartache. Weird feeling seeing as one I don't know and one put it on themselves. I also fear any backlash that still may come. That being said, sometimes doing what you think is the right thing doesn't always come with positive feelings. Had I said nothing though, I feared the guilt and karma would come back to bite me. I asked him at the end if I did the right thing and he said " You did what you thought was right and I appreciate that." I told him that if he felt that way to pay it forward in the future. I'll keep you all posted... Thanks for those who chimed in. Big help!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 You both shouldn't be dating people imo you're both cheaters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Golfguy80 Posted March 31, 2016 Author Share Posted March 31, 2016 You both shouldn't be dating people imo you're both cheaters. I'm missing something. How did I get labeled as a cheater here? Link to post Share on other sites
Brutum Fulmen Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Don't ****ing tell... if you do you're a moron. Just let it be, but don't you dare get into a relationship with your ex wife. Link to post Share on other sites
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