Throwing in the towel

[Scott0310]

So I have officially thrown in the towel. My wife separated from me Christmas of 2013 and up until last weekend, I had been working my ass off to try and not so much fix what went wrong, but rather understand and attempt to show progress that history wouldn’t repeat itself. Well she’s not having any of that. For the majority of this time, I had hopes things would work out. There were ups and downs for sure, we’d argue pretty bad, not talk for a few days, and then all of a sudden we’d be ok and laughing together. There were even a few times she held my hand, and even kissed me an on occasion, even as recently as last month. All the while, making me believe that there was hope, a chance things would work.

 

 

To give you an understanding, I was a pretty terrible husband, not on purpose, I just sucked at it. I thought I was being loving and thoughtful, only to find out I was messing up. But in my defense, there were many times I would do things for her which would go unnoticed by her. Communication was a huge thing, I liked to talk about our issues, and she’d rather bottle it up and not say a thing. I’ve always cared for her, loved her and cherished her, I just sucked at showing that. For example, I don’t do cards, I just can’t for no reason at all. She loves them, and would always feel down when I never got her one.

Anyway, lots of back story short, we’re done. I’m in the military, something which she is not new too, and she’s not your typical military wife, she’s actually been 100% trust worthy whenever I’ve had to leave. Only woman I’ve ever been able to feel that way for. Military life had nothing to do with our issues in regards to my job. But having said all that, we’re both from California, and I’m stationed in the UK. She’s lived with me these past two and a half’ish years while we have been separated and trust me, this hasn’t been easy for me. I’ve decided I can’t fight for her anymore, I’m done trying. I’ve done the 180, which backfired. I’ve read some of the popular books on here, which backfired. I’ve done all the stuff one is supposed to, but to no avail (none of that means it’s a guarantee I know).

 

 

 

She told me she doesn’t want to be married and I said fine. This means she has to go back home; problem is both our kids would have to go with her. My job would not allow me to keep both my kids here. What I mean by that is my hours. I can easily work a 12+ hour day, who would watch my kids, how would they get to school? As it stands right now, it’s often I might go all week long without really seeing my kids. This means I have to sit here for the remaining two years without my kids, occasional visit sure, but still; two years.

 

 

I know have to somehow figure out divorce proceedings in the three week time frame in which I’ll be home this summer. Taking the kids to see their grandparents has turned into everyone staying back in CA while I return to the UK, alone. I know CA has a six month physical separation requirement before filing for divorce, but how can I ensure I control the procedures as time goes? I cant trust her to actually file for anything which means I have to do it. I’m trying to get as much done as I can now so I don’t have to waste time when we get home.

 

 

We just passed our 11th Anniversary, I noticed but I don’t know if she did. **** my life.

[mikeylo]

Youve got to move on. You will be fine. Start going NC. That's the best way to move forward and get over the hurt. The more in contact you are, more difficult it will be for you. Kids thing is going to be heartbreaking though.