Best [tips] for approaching a stranger?

[ZA Dater]

And so you walk around like a whipped dog based on the inevitable negative experiences. (And probably project that image front and center.)

 

If you're having trouble getting any workable feedback, look at the simple stuff - do you dress reasonably well? Even your grubby clothes should fit you well. If you're style-challenged or in doubt, just look at some fashion store's website and buy whatever ensembles their models are wearing and wear them that way. And get good quality basic clothes - a fitted t shirt will make you look like somebody even tho it's just a t shirt, but one off the rack at Wal Mart will malke you look like a scrub. Women notice this stuff.

 

Also what kind of look do you carry around on your face? Some ppl's resting face can be dour or gruff depending on life experience or possibly what kind of work you're in, so look at yourself in the mirror and let your face go slack to what it usually is. Is that something someone wants to see? If not, practice putting a half-smile on your face. (That may sound silly, but srsly, practice it.) Women like to see an affable face for the most part. Not over-eager or goofy but good-natured. Also fix your hair if you're hair-challenged. Again, look at fashion models and pick out sth that suits you, or better yet go to a salon and ask the stylist what would look good on you.

 

Unless you're srsly deficient in a way you're not letting on here, for the most part, guys who look after those few simple things will get a few happy look-backs once in a while. You'll never get them all the time or even a lot of the time so forget that fantasy - sometime women are just busy or preoccupied regardless - but just cut the low percentage 'approaches,' fix yourself up a bit, be personable, and things will be alright.

 

btw what's an IOI lol? Incendiary explosive device? Acronyms are corny IRL so drop those too.

 

Good solid advice there. Perhaps its obvious to say but you need to actually learn when to try and when to not, even when you get happy look backs (I have never actually seen these). A person in a hurry for example is not someone you want to try small talk with.

[TooLegitToQuit]

This thread is so interesting. There are plenty of single women out there (and I'm gonna guess on this forum) who are wondering how to meet a guy. And then a few of you are saying that when a guy *does* approach you, you are unlikely to give him a chance. Are women crazy or what?

 

Sorry AMJ but until maybe we've been dating a few months I aint writing you a poem

 

Seriously ladies, if you are single and aren't overwhelmed w dates, you might want to rethink this screening mechanism of yours. Doesn't this seem nuts to you too? I mean, how ARE men supposed to meet you then?

 

It's actually not that hard. Many women *IRL* are more receptive to being cold-approached than you might believe going from the responses on this thread. Overall be comfortable in your own skin, observant, and don't crowd the woman physically or psychologically (e.g., don't badger her w too many questions). If she could be interested she'll do her part to keep the concersation going by a couple minutes in)

Jabron gave some good tips. I think what I said complements his advice.

 

I approach women a decent amount, usually it doesn't go anywhere besides a nice interaction in the moment, but sometimes it does. For example I am still really good friends w a woman whom I complimented on walking so gracefully in high heels.

Edited April 3, 2016 by TooLegitToQuit

[LookAtThisPOst]

New Member

 

Join Date: Dec 2015

Posts: 4

This thread is so interesting. There are plenty of single women out there (and I'm gonna guess on this forum) who are wondering how to meet a guy. And then a few of you are saying that when a guy *does* approach you, you are unlikely to give him a chance. Are women crazy or what?

 

Right, either these are the same women? Or not? lol The statement should be qualified with, "If he's cute, then it won't make me uncomfortable, if he isn't, OMG, get the pepper spray ready and start memorizing my women's self-defense moves!"

[AMJ]

Right, either these are the same women? Or not? lol The statement should be qualified with, "If he's cute, then it won't make me uncomfortable, if he isn't, OMG, get the pepper spray ready and start memorizing my women's self-defense moves!"

 

A guy who approaches women because they're physically attractive is saying that women who only want to be approached by physically attractive men are acting unfairly.

[LookAtThisPOst]

A guy who approaches women because they're physically attractive is saying that women who only want to be approached by physically attractive men are acting unfairly.

 

So what do men do? Not approach a woman at all? I would say the burden does fall on the man though since he does the approaching, but being faulted for approaching. Now that's unfair.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Good solid advice there. Perhaps its obvious to say but you need to actually learn when to try and when to not, even when you get happy look backs (I have never actually seen these). A person in a hurry for example is not someone you want to try small talk with.

 

I sometimes think it's regional/cultural. I live in a small town where everyone is rather cliquish, and most aren't privy to make new friends that move into the area. A fishbowl community.

 

There are certain populated areas of the country where everyone waves and says hi to strangers while people like me are pleasantly shocked when people, male female, make eye contact and smile...while others in other areas avert their eyes, look straight ahead or even down at their smart phones.

[TooLegitToQuit]

A guy who approaches women because they're physically attractive is saying that women who only want to be approached by physically attractive men are acting unfairly.

 

I definitely don't think that "women owe it to mankind" to give men they aren't attracted to a chance. You should decide whom to date for YOUR sake, just as we men do for ourselves. You don't owe it to anyine to be fair in your selection process, whatever that means.

 

I AM saying this: If your strategy for meeting men is only to talk to guys in bars--unless they are super-hot or they write you a great poem, then that's gonna make dating tough for you.

 

The guy who asked you how you like the new shrimp fried rice in your basket at Trader Joe's might be worth at least a conversation with, especially if you think he is good-looking. Is it really serving you to shut him down, just because he's approaching you not at a bar.

Edited April 3, 2016 by TooLegitToQuit

[BlametheIrish]

I personally have NEVER guven my number out at a bar. I just assume the guy hitting on me there is just looking to get laid. I may be wrong but I'd rather err on the side of caution. Now humour goes a long way with hitting on me. If you can make me laugh, you've got a much better chance of getting my number. I'm no Jessica Alba but I get hit on all the time and the guys who comment on my looks from the get go don't have a chance in hell at getting my number.

 

So lets say a guy comes up to me at Home Depot or Menards in the garden section asking about a particular plant in my cart. Oh he'll get an earful as I'm an avid gardener. Thats the type of friendly conversation that could lead up to getting my nunber.

 

Or maybe he cracks a joke about how they should sell craft beer there because thst looks like quite the workload..something to that effect wpuld also be a great way to approach someone like myself.

 

Walking up to me and immediately commenting on my physical attributes will get you shot down asap.

 

But like many have said it's really a numbers game. Many women hate being hit on at the grocery store where I don't mind that one bit. Some women love a comment about their physical attributes, and wold welcome thst as a conversation starter.

 

But I'd bet money that most women love a funny guy with a great sense of humor. That approach is golden in my book.

[ZA Dater]

 

But I'd bet money that most women love a funny guy with a great sense of humor. That approach is golden in my book.

 

 

I have been told much the same thing more than once.

[AMJ]

 

The guy who asked you how you like the new shrimp fried rice in your basket at Trader Joe's might be worth at least a conversation with, especially if you think he is good-looking. Is it really serving you to shut him down, just because he's approaching you not at a bar.

 

The poem story was meant to give OP ideas, be creative, original, and not to simply say "Hey, what's up" to random pretty ladies. Use your strengths, whatever they are. For the record, if and when attractive men do approach me in a non-sleazy way, I generally do give them the time of day.

 

Who gets shut down= anyone who's drunk, anyone who looks at my boobs while talking to me, anyone who seems sleazy/creepy/scary for some other reason, and usually guys who just say "Hey, what's up".

[TooLegitToQuit]

Who gets shut down= anyone who's drunk, anyone who looks at my boobs while talking to me, anyone who seems sleazy/creepy/scary for some other reason, and usually guys who just say "Hey, what's up".

 

Yeah I know what you mean. It weirds me out when women stare at my.....chest hair. My eyes are up here ladies, up heeeeere...

Edited April 3, 2016 by TooLegitToQuit

[jen1447]

Who gets shut down= anyone who's drunk, anyone who looks at my boobs while talking to me, anyone who seems sleazy/creepy/scary for some other reason, and usually guys who just say "Hey, what's up".

 

Also anyone who randomly inserts themselves in a situation that it should be obvious has NOTHING to do with them. Grrr ....those shoot downs tend to be brutal.

[Imported]

Who gets shut down= anyone who's drunk, anyone who looks at my boobs while talking to me, anyone who seems sleazy/creepy/scary for some other reason, and usually guys who just say "Hey, what's up".

 

If they are wearing like a form fitting sweater and obviously what they are hiding underneath must be amazing!!@!!$!........I can't help it!!! Bikini top, low cut top, butt ass naked, not saying I won't look, but I have an easier time. Doesn't get my thoughts going as much. Fortunately, I almost never get shut down for doing this. I just laugh and apologize and it's good. I don't think any girl has ever gotten perturbed at me for checking out their boobs. They just laugh at me lol. Honestly if some chick wants to get all insulted over it, she's not someone I want to be around anyway. I don't lear BTW, pretty sure I just have an appreciative smile on my face.

[S_A]

Crutches and a big boot = The ladies approach YOU

 

Kid you not. When I had surgery on my ankle 1-2 years ago I was going everywhere in a huge boot (up to my knee) and two crutches. You would not believe how many ladies initiated dialogue with me. Countless. And these weren't grandmas btw that said "aww, you poor thing" (though I suppose I had a couple of those). These ladies were real freakin' hot. Sometimes it was one a day. Sometimes several a day. It did not matter where I was (market, post office, the mall). Also, these were consistent results that happened over a 3-month period. I was already taken though so I never tried to "explore" these opportunities.

 

My Theory: If a lady approaches me to talk and I turn out to be a creeper, they can bolt without me ever having a chance of catching them

 

There is also the chance that everyone was being genuine, though Even then, I guess you could consider the crutches/boot as an ice breaker.

[AMJ]

I just laugh and apologize and it's good. I don't think any girl has ever gotten perturbed at me for checking out their boobs. They just laugh at me lol. Honestly if some chick wants to get all insulted over it, she's not someone I want to be around anyway. I don't lear BTW, pretty sure I just have an appreciative smile on my face.

 

I don't get insulted. It's just an immature thing to do, in my opinion.

[LookAtThisPOst]

If they are wearing like a form fitting sweater and obviously what they are hiding underneath must be amazing!!@!!$!........I can't help it!!! Bikini top, low cut top, butt ass naked, not saying I won't look, but I have an easier time. Doesn't get my thoughts going as much. Fortunately, I almost never get shut down for doing this. I just laugh and apologize and it's good. I don't think any girl has ever gotten perturbed at me for checking out their boobs. They just laugh at me lol. Honestly if some chick wants to get all insulted over it, she's not someone I want to be around anyway. I don't lear BTW, pretty sure I just have an appreciative smile on my face.

 

It all depends on how much cleavage is actually showing.

 

Usually these women who complain about it like they have problem with it has a term called "humble bragging"

[scorpiogirl]

It all depends on how much cleavage is actually showing.

 

Usually these women who complain about it like they have problem with it has a term called "humble bragging"

 

It's a good thing you know women so well that you know what we're all thinking.

So if a woman doesn't want you leering at her chest, or commenting about cleavage, she should wear a potato sack? Or something else baggy and not flattering? How has that worked out for you so far?

 

Is it unthinkable that men can be grown up and NOT stare at a woman's chest? We don't go around staring at men's crotches despite what might be going on down there.

 

Approaching a woman out in public does not go down well by commenting on her body in any way. That's just bad manners.

 

Humour goes a long way with me too. What's wrong with complimenting a cool hairstyle or an unusual accessory? Why are breasts the go-to?

[ZA Dater]

It's a good thing you know women so well that you know what we're all thinking.

So if a woman doesn't want you leering at her chest, or commenting about cleavage, she should wear a potato sack? Or something else baggy and not flattering? How has that worked out for you so far?

 

Is it unthinkable that men can be grown up and NOT stare at a woman's chest? We don't go around staring at men's crotches despite what might be going on down there.

 

Approaching a woman out in public does not go down well by commenting on her body in any way. That's just bad manners.

 

Humour goes a long way with me too. What's wrong with complimenting a cool hairstyle or an unusual accessory? Why are breasts the go-to?

 

Leering at breasts is pretty tasteless I must say. When I talk to people in general its their face I focus on because people want to know you are giving them your full attention. Perhaps that's something also relevant here, give the person your attention.

 

I guess perhaps the secret with random conversations is to pass some off the cuff remark and see how reciprocated that is or not. Having said all of that ones chances are probably better among like minded people as there is some common interest as opposed to someone in a store.

[Imported]

Just to be clear, I don't go around eye-balling women or staring at their bodies. I was just talking about when I go up and talk with them because they seem interested in me that sometimes...yeah, I'm checking them out instead of looking deeply into the eyes and maybe sometimes I brain fart and get stuck on the boobs lol. Which is how I get caught.

 

I'll just leave this here

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYmXVG4dN14

 

That girl is pretty freaky.

[LookAtThisPOst]

It's a good thing you know women so well that you know what we're all thinking.

So if a woman doesn't want you leering at her chest, or commenting about cleavage, she should wear a potato sack? Or something else baggy and not flattering? How has that worked out for you so far?

 

Is it unthinkable that men can be grown up and NOT stare at a woman's chest? We don't go around staring at men's crotches despite what might be going on down there.

 

Approaching a woman out in public does not go down well by commenting on her body in any way. That's just bad manners.

 

Humour goes a long way with me too. What's wrong with complimenting a cool hairstyle or an unusual accessory? Why are breasts the go-to?

 

I don't "stare", I just glimpse. Kind of like looking at the son, you get a quick glance, and then look away.

 

Anyway, getting back on the topic, I talked with a woman about this stranger approach. She said women know you're approaching them BECAUSE of their physical appearance, not much else...that's why they are a bit put off by it.

 

 

They know that you're thinking, "She's cute, so I'll go talk to her."

[HillValley]

I don't "stare", I just glimpse. Kind of like looking at the son, you get a quick glance, and then look away.

 

Let's be real.

 

If a guy is a the girl's type(checking all the right boxes). She will be more forgiving of a guy being more physically interested than a random guy she's being talked to buy isn't sure of her interest level.

 

Anyway, getting back on the topic, I talked with a woman about this stranger approach. She said women know you're approaching them BECAUSE of their physical appearance, not much else...that's why they are a bit put off by it.

 

 

They know that you're thinking, "She's cute, so I'll go talk to her."

 

Rejection is the key to both men and women.

 

Women hate rejecting guys and men hate rejection. That's why online dating is so popular and why so many people get frustrated. It should give you more than physical appearance to make a decision on yet people still get passed over.

 

The intangibles of attraction will never make sense, but I think talking in person gives a better chance of getting a genuine reaction instead of assumptions based on text. Of course he's talking to you cause he thinks you're cute.

[darkbloom]

Get a dog.

 

The women will approach you.

[HillValley]

I personally have NEVER guven my number out at a bar. I just assume the guy hitting on me there is just looking to get laid. I may be wrong but I'd rather err on the side of caution. Now humour goes a long way with hitting on me. If you can make me laugh, you've got a much better chance of getting my number. I'm no Jessica Alba but I get hit on all the time and the guys who comment on my looks from the get go don't have a chance in hell at getting my number.

 

So lets say a guy comes up to me at Home Depot or Menards in the garden section asking about a particular plant in my cart. Oh he'll get an earful as I'm an avid gardener. Thats the type of friendly conversation that could lead up to getting my nunber.

 

Or maybe he cracks a joke about how they should sell craft beer there because thst looks like quite the workload..something to that effect wpuld also be a great way to approach someone like myself.

 

 

This is interesting to me, cause her example is being picked up at some place she already feels comfortable.

 

The few times i remember being hit on was when I was hanging with my cousin and a woman walked past me to say hello. I wasn't interested and also I wasn't comfortable in the location, a hookah bar.

 

Location is probably key. Someplace where the person is naturally standing still for a long period of time vs moving around/running errands.

 

Hitting on someone in line at a grocery store or something is probably a bad idea cause the person is trying to move on but can't and can't physically move away from you without it being awkward.

[Imported]

Think I'll try this app out on my phone

 

https://www.happn.com/en/#app-concept

 

Walking down the street, at a café, at work, at a party…

Discover the people you’ve crossed paths with, the people you like, the people you'd like to find again.

 

Every time you cross paths with another happn member in real life, their profile shows up on your timeline!

 

You can check out their profile at any time and see the time and place of your last encounter.

You happen to find someone you like?

Like them secretly with the Heart button: they won't find out... unless the interest is mutual!

And if you wish to be noticed, charm them to send them a notification.

 

 

So basically, anytime someone with the app is within 275 yards of you (GPS), they show up on your phone/app. If you them, they won't know unless they also you. So not like if you them and they don't you they'll even know, unless you "charm" them. I guess it's like Tinder, but more about meeting people that you see throughout your day to day activities.

 

Hopefully it catches on here. I think it's already been released for a while in Europe, so maybe some Euro's can give some insight on this. Really depends on other people also having the app and luckily I am currently living in a large city, so chances are good.

[ZA Dater]

Think I'll try this app out on my phone

 

https://www.happn.com/en/#app-concept

 

 

 

So basically, anytime someone with the app is within 275 yards of you (GPS), they show up on your phone/app. If you them, they won't know unless they also you. So not like if you them and they don't you they'll even know, unless you "charm" them. I guess it's like Tinder, but more about meeting people that you see throughout your day to day activities.

 

Hopefully it catches on here. I think it's already been released for a while in Europe, so maybe some Euro's can give some insight on this. Really depends on other people also having the app and luckily I am currently living in a large city, so chances are good.

 

Probably the question needs to be asked, if dating is so simple and so many of who lack success are "wrong" then why would there even be a need for apps like this...