Suicide attempt [of betrayed spouse]

[privategal]

Id imagine, if it were me...and I made the cuts in my wrists and saw the blood streaming, Id think I did it right.

How can a person know who has never attempted suicide before that the cuts wrrent deep enough.

She not only got cheated on and emotionally abandoned (her husband went golfing on her last day in town when she traveled thousands of miles to see him)

And she got blamed and criticized and vullianized for everything else but NOW she's criticized that her suicide attempt wasnt good enough?

I think it was real. I dont buy it was manipulation. I think her H and AP are just horrendous humans for a LIFE is at stake here when the alternative was as simple as "I want a divorce"

Im so upset ANY one on these threads could insinuate this was an act or manipulation.

The husband likely downplayed details of her medical condition to prove to the op he shouldnt feel guilty, she lived, she faked it, shes crazy...I worked in the hispital...these days they send you home bleeding, in pain, not healed because its an insurance game and theres also more sick people than beds.

People wait in ER for 16 hours for an available room. It wasnt manipulation...she was in PAIN and hit ROCK BOTTOM.

So so so heartbroken for his wife.

The guilt should overwhelm both op and her H.

[underpants]

Marie,

 

I think it is perfectly cool for you to be his friend through this, if you can stomach it. Perhaps as you have stated, just as a distant support until things are settled. Consider, they may never be, given the years. That fact does not bode well.

 

I read that he approached therapy as a way for them to divorce amicably.

 

As you have mentioned, you two have cooled the romantic aspect of your relationship. I agree, and given her behavior she may always blame you. Still, she has (if true, and you should look into this, beyond his words) abandoned him for years and had affair(s) on his dime.

 

I don't understand how a person can treat another so terribly then when the victim say okay I'm done, then act shocked at some perceived injustice. Well, unless they are 3 years old.

 

She may be facing her own demons, but as you state has a history of this sort of thing. That is unfortunate, but not your fault. She does need help, and not a false sense of 'hey it worked' sort of help. That is not on you, but her soon to be ex and doctors, and probably her fleeing away.

 

There are some sites to help men trying to leave cluster B disordered women. Perhaps suggest he get help on how to remove himself from that relationship. Google it.

 

I do agree that if he wants out, he will get out. After 3 years of abandonment he should have found a way out, but some people stay trapped until they don't. If her manipulation works, he will stay.

 

You can't save everyone.

 

I would not be part of this, but it smacks of a long standing super dysfunctional relationship that needs to end for both parties.

 

I wish you peace.

[underpants]

I was writing about the past. I would NEVER hurt myself now with my children. After my brothers death I know the destruction, the PERMANENT destruction that suicide does to everyone in a family.

 

Cutting enough to need 'a few stitches' is no small thing! I wanted people to understand the agony & strength & despair that it takes to hurt yourself & stop belittling what that poor woman has been through.

 

All good now. Just wanted to twist the guilt knife. How is this not manipulation?

[Doublegold]

I went to a friends families Easter party on Saturday. I haven't seen them for a few years. They all told me how much they missed me, how much FUN I am, what a laugh, what a PERFECT little family I have. How WONDERFUL my husband is.

 

I take some major medications for my health. Every month I know when I've passed the point & no longer have enough to sleep forever just to make this pain stop.

 

 

I kept the party smile plastered on my face until we left their road & cried all the way home.

 

[

 

You wrote you were writing about the past. The above was Easter weekend (four days ago) and the Med counting is current.

 

Crying all the way home in a car with your children and counting meds to know when you can sleep forever is not a healthy place to be. For you OR your family. I hope you can get some help because I don't feel this forum is a) healthy for you and b) a good substitue for the mental health care you need.

 

Take Care.

[yodelwithyu]

There are many many ways make a suicide attempt look real without putting yourself in actually danger. For example, you can take a couple of pills but make it look like you have taken the whole lot. Unfortunately, I have seen this first hand, and other manipulations like it from my dad's third wife and some clients.

 

If anyone has self harmed, specifically cut, before, then ONLY they know how hard it is to actually cut deep enough to need even one stitch. To take that much pain and the risk for an act doesn't sit well with me. Even if it was just act of manipulation on the part of the W, which I highly doubt, she was still in enough pain to cut deep enough to need stitches, even just a few. It is more likely that even if it comes across in the form of manipulation, it is desperation. There is a difference.

[cocorico]

Omg suicide attempts are serious and not a manipulation it takes something very traumatic to send a person down that rabbit hole. Personally I am offended by all the OW who use this against the BS. Until you have been in a position that terrifying, probably should just keep it to yourself because it is very non empathetic and callous and I think that is worse than the suicide attempt imo *smh*

 

I really don't understand. When a BS posts on Infidelity (with the exception of obvious trolls), people take them at their word. They don't try to minimise their pain, or make out that someone else in the scenario had more pain, this derailing the thread into being about the other person and their "more significant pain". No - they accept that the person posting is the person requiring support, and they meet them there. Whether or not they accept their version as the blind truth - for the purposes of providing support, we take posts at face value, and provide support to the person posting. As we agree to do when we sign up here, and accept the T&Cs.

 

None of us knows, objectively, whether the BS in this story was being manipulative or not. None of us knows whether the OP is providing an accurate, or a filtered, account of the R. All we know is what we're told, as with any other thread. Why don't we respond on the same basis - accepting the account given as if it were true, and providing the support she sought, respectfully? She is the OP here, not the BS. If the BS posted, we could support the BS there. This thread was not posted by the OP to seek support by proxy for the BS, it was because the OP wanted support herself.

 

OP, I hope you're doing OK and that this unfortunate situation resolves itself quickly. Please take care.

[wmacbride]

There are many many ways make a suicide attempt look real without putting yourself in actually danger. For example, you can take a couple of pills but make it look like you have taken the whole lot. Unfortunately, I have seen this first hand, and other manipulations like it from my dad's third wife and some clients.

 

If anyone has self harmed, specifically cut, before, then ONLY they know how hard it is to actually cut deep enough to need even one stitch. To take that much pain and the risk for an act doesn't sit well with me. Even if it was just act of manipulation on the part of the W, which I highly doubt, she was still in enough pain to cut deep enough to need stitches, even just a few. It is more likely that even if it comes across in the form of manipulation, it is desperation. There is a difference.

 

i might buy manipulation if it was someone taking three or four pills of something like tylenol, then calling for help and putting on a huge drama filled show.

 

those in the mental health care field are very good at weeding out attention seeking attempts like this. someone who had done that would have been discharged to community based mental health care.

 

The state of mind a person has to be in to cut deeply enough to require hospitalization and subsequent care is not just attention seeking. It hurts to cut yourself like that. If she was admitted afterwards, then the health care professionals, who are the only ones in this situation ( besides the person who self harmed) to be able to determine her intent, felt that there was far more to it than an attempt to seek attention.

[wmacbride]

I really don't understand. When a BS posts on Infidelity (with the exception of obvious trolls), people take them at their word. They don't try to minimise their pain, or make out that someone else in the scenario had more pain, this derailing the thread into being about the other person and their "more significant pain". No - they accept that the person posting is the person requiring support, and they meet them there. Whether or not they accept their version as the blind truth - for the purposes of providing support, we take posts at face value, and provide support to the person posting. As we agree to do when we sign up here, and accept the T&Cs.

 

None of us knows, objectively, whether the BS in this story was being manipulative or not. None of us knows whether the OP is providing an accurate, or a filtered, account of the R. All we know is what we're told, as with any other thread. Why don't we respond on the same basis - accepting the account given as if it were true, and providing the support she sought, respectfully? She is the OP here, not the BS. If the BS posted, we could support the BS there. This thread was not posted by the OP to seek support by proxy for the BS, it was because the OP wanted support herself.

 

OP, I hope you're doing OK and that this unfortunate situation resolves itself quickly. Please take care.

 

 

As per the community guidelines, those who don't agree with the how bs is being painted here are providing support. They are pointing out to the op that the story being to to her by the ws may be just that, a story, crafted to garner her sympathy and pity.

 

If this is the case, then she is being manipulated, and that is what most are pointing out to her.

[loveisanaction]

I cringed every time i read the OP's post about her affair partner's wife. To sleep with another woman's husband is one thing, to want him to leave her for you is another but to talk about with absolutely not respect is just on another level altogether.

 

Geez! The woman tried to kill herself. That in itself is a scream for help.

 

You said that you cannot not force another person to love you. That is true...but by staying in the affair and not letting your married man work on his marriage seems like you are forcing him to love you.

 

He loves his wife, as he should. Leave him be so that he can take care of her.

[yodelwithyu]

i might buy manipulation if it was someone taking three or four pills of something like tylenol, then calling for help and putting on a huge drama filled show.

 

those in the mental health care field are very good at weeding out attention seeking attempts like this. someone who had done that would have been discharged to community based mental health care.

 

The state of mind a person has to be in to cut deeply enough to require hospitalization and subsequent care is not just attention seeking. It hurts to cut yourself like that. If she was admitted afterwards, then the health care professionals, who are the only ones in this situation ( besides the person who self harmed) to be able to determine her intent, felt that there was far more to it than an attempt to seek attention.

 

So much yes.

[ShatteredLady]

I think that sharing life's experiences & feelings/realizations is sometimes of more value than just stating your opinion of a stranger.

 

Sometimes people come here for help. This OP clearly needed help with empathy & understanding. Isn't that why so very many members have picked-up on her view of the suicide attempt & the bs in general? It will potentially HELP her. I think her MM is manipulating her.

 

To be held in hospital & to require stitches to your wrist you REALLY have to cut. It HURTS.

 

I found myself naturally sharing my story because...lets be honest...of course I triggered! AND I wanted to explain what it actually takes to cut yourself. As others have said, it's nothing like taking a couple of Tylenol.

 

I started my post by explaining how a woman can go out, fake it & seem 'happy' but not be. I then went on to say I now have children & that has changed my fight to live. This bs doesn't have young children to my knowledge.

 

If what I'm doing here on these forums is "manipulation" please stop reading my posts, it's your eyes NOT my intent. There was a time that certain members comments made me cry & stop posting. I've since got stronger with the help & support of MANY members here.

 

OP, hopefully one day you will realize why you received these responses. It will truly help you. I hope you take the time to read some of the other threads in this forum & the infidelity one. It was a real education for me.

 

I've experienced suicide. Please believe me, you don't want to live your life feeling complicit in this. I've seen people I love (& not so much!) damaged for life.

Edited April 2, 2016 by ShatteredLady

[underpants]

Please believe me, you don't want to live your life feeling complicit in this. I've seen people I love (& not so much!) damaged for life.

 

Hey, just 'popping in'.

 

Marie, you are not complicit in this woman's reaction.

 

You dated, as known to you a separated man, who's wife abandoned him for over a year, had an affair and only saw value in him when he moved on.

 

Per your words you are leaving him to deal with this. How he does so will let you know if you should invest further with him. That is really all you can do.

 

I wish you, the mm and his estranged wife the best outcome for all.

 

Shattered, I wish that for you as well. Nobody likes to see someone manipulated or hurt.

[ShatteredLady]

10 characters

Edited April 3, 2016 by ShatteredLady

[ladydesigner]

Hey, just 'popping in'.

 

Marie, you are not complicit in this woman's reaction.

 

You dated, as known to you a separated man, who's wife abandoned him for over a year, had an affair and only saw value in him when he moved on.

 

Per your words you are leaving him to deal with this. How he does so will let you know if you should invest further with him. That is really all you can do.

 

I wish you, the mm and his estranged wife the best outcome for all.

 

Shattered, I wish that for you as well. Nobody likes to see someone manipulated or hurt.

 

Yes both are complicit both the MM and the OW. Both play a role in this woman's reaction to her life. Sorry not buying it!

[William]

As the OP hasn't been back, we'll close this one up. OP can request the thread reopened via alert on this post ~Thank you

[TheSwanGirl]

And how would YOU feel if YOUR husband did that to you?? That man is worthless. You may love him, but he doesn't love you. If you get together, he will end up doing the same thing to you. Why would you think that with you would be any different? Stay out of this. You will be hurt, but you will overcome it faster.

[cocorico]

I cringed every time i read the OP's post about her affair partner's wife. To sleep with another woman's husband is one thing, to want him to leave her for you is another but to talk about with absolutely not respect is just on another level altogether.

 

Geez! The woman tried to kill herself. That in itself is a scream for help.

 

*Allegedly* tried to kill herself.

 

You said that you cannot not force another person to love you. That is true...but by staying in the affair and not letting your married man work on his marriage seems like you are forcing him to love you.

 

If you read the thread, you will see that the OP is not "staying in the A" - she has backed off and left him to resolve his vestigial M issues. She supported him platonically *as a friend* through the trauma of his estranged wifee's "suicide attempt".

 

He loves his wife, as he should. Leave him be so that he can take care of her.

 

He clearly does not love her "as he should" - unless you consider their R to be the kind of M you've always aspired to, it's pretty clear they've both checked out a long time ago.