smile95 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 From another post, but just to let you all know.... After reading and coming here, I finally believe I deserve better...not just saying it. I am excited to do things for me and move on. I did all I could. I did MORE than I should have and I got walked all over. I have accepted that it is over and when he calls me after he realizes that I am gone, he can call me and I can IGNORE HIM instead of him ignoring me. If he never calls, I will live. One day he will realize that I was doing a lot and accpeting a lot. Oh well. I did all I could. He never changed and when he did it was very short lived. Just until he knew he had me again. More than likely he will call me one day and I am finally seeing him for who he is and that is not someone I want in my life, let alone someone that I "love" Thanks to all who have helped me,I could not have come to this conclusion w/out you! Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Beth, As I said on the other thread, I really am proud of the breakthrough you seem to be having. I just want to caution you that there may still be some tough days ahead. There is no cookie-cutter process for grieving a relationship once it's over. You will have great days like this, and then something..perhaps some memory or familiar place...will trigger feelings of loss again. But it's your ability to work through the pain (without calling that man) that will keep you on your path of healing. We're here for you! Jen Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 thanks jen I realize that I will still have ups and downs, but this is my first "up" so it is quite exciting! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Oh I'm SO glad for you!!! It's the best thing in the world, isn't it - feeling strong. Actually, I had posted something yesterday - it was titled "message to Beth" and I had to post it on the forum 'cause they wouldn't let me PM yet. It was about me thinking of somehow becoming stronger. Miss-gonewest had replied to that one... And today morning that post is gone!! I wonder why they deleted it!! Was it because I mentioned your name in the title, or was it because of something else?! Anyway...so yesterday night I had decided to try and be stronger - try and develop a "I don't give a damn" attitude. I don't know if it's going to help so soon - it will take time. Today I have found myself crying a bit, feeling sad and wronged again, wondering again...but I'm still hoping that one day I'll have cried all I could and then think of him no more. Hey - I am sooooo glad you've made up your mind that he doesn't deserve you!! I have, too - I know he definitely does not deserve me. Some people just don't deserve having good people in their lives. You know why? Because I think in some way, we are "saved" of the injustice of being with a crappy person. Because that's not how things are meant to be - it's not fair if the good person has to keep on suffering and be treated badly by someone who cannot return the good to you. Those who are selfish, manipulative and insincere, deserve being with someone like them - or worse!! Of course, I'd always want to know how exactly is his karma meted out to him - not being mean here, just want to regain some belief in the thought that "what goes around, comes around". Till then, I'm going to try to do all the things that I should be, and could be doing. Although what jen_jen has said about getting relapses is true, but I'm hoping that one day, I'll be strong enough....I will overcome, and I will WIN. Meanwhile - 3 cheers for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 oh darn...I am not sure why they deleted your post? weird? You want to know what made this huge turn around??? Well, at least for the time being? Miss gone_west has been posting to us both and recommended an online book called liftedhearts.com. I cannot tell you how much it helped me. I hate to read and read the whole thing today. It was wonderful. Everything I felt and everything we both right is addressed. You may want to look into that. I have read so many books and they help for a minute and then I am back to my ways.....this was different. Something "clicked". I am not sure if I have just had enough of being miserable? Or I was ready to do something about this misery, but today was a turning point for me. I hope that you are feeling a little better today. I hope that I feel as good as I did on Wed!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 I've read a lot of books too - to try and find some meaning, some solution to all this - and you're right, it helps for a bit but then my mind wanders back to square one... Although I do think that there are "bits and pieces" of wisdom and suggestions that I've taken from each book - they've kind of helped, albeit in pieces. Yeah - Miss-Gonewest has been incredibly helpful! I did read her posting about buying the "Lifted hearts" online book - it was $50, but it's worked for her and you, and so I am definitely going to give it a try!! Actually I had built up some determination yesterday - which I explained in my post that got deleted - and I'm hoping that this book will take me further. Also, you could read Too-risky's postings - they've made me feel more determined!! I'll read the book and tell you how I fared! And yes - I wish every day is better and better for you!! Link to post Share on other sites
dawn duval Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 congrats Beth!! we must be on the same breakup cycle because I've been feeling a lot better today too! Link to post Share on other sites
samski3409 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 nice to hear beth!! from reading your post you are totally right...you did everything you could to try and make it work with him,you gave of yourself and loved him the best way you could.in the end you can put this behind you with no regrets knowing that you did all you could and he's the one that didn't put the effort into it. just know that there will be someone in your future that appreciates all those things and would jump at the chance to do the same things for you. good luck the rest of the way and take care of yourself!! Link to post Share on other sites
beejsea2 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Glad to hear that you're doing better. When I came on LS eight months ago I never thought I'd get to the point where I'm at today. Just remember time does heal all wounds. I was in therapy and it was a roller coaster ride with the ups and downs. Today I can happily say that I've moved on and each and you will too! Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by This_Too_Shall_Pass Some people just don't deserve having good people in their lives. You know why? Because I think in some way, we are "saved" of the injustice of being with a crappy person. Because that's not how things are meant to be - it's not fair if the good person has to keep on suffering and be treated badly by someone who cannot return the good to you. Those who are selfish, manipulative and insincere, deserve being with someone like them - or worse!! Hear. Hear. I totally agree. Usually people who use you don't get it until it's to late. They think that they can crap all over you and you will always be there. They are selfish pigs ( this includes women also, for my case ) who couldn't tell a good thing if it sat on their face. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
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