How long can someone play mind games!?

[Elsa204]

My ex boyfriend broke up with me for someone else. I'm still very very hurt BUT I know time heals everything and I'll just have to move forward.

 

My only issue is that he won't leave me alone. He constantly talks to me as if we are friends. Sometimes he even flirts with me. And I feel like it's all mind games and he's been doing it for months. I blocked him on everything but I see him sometimes at the dance company we both work at. He says things to me like "I'd do anything for you" like if I ask him to simply throw something away he says flirty things like that. He rubs and carresses my hands or back sometimes. Constantly reminds me that he remembers what I like and my fav things. This guy literally asked me why am I so nice to him!? I guess because I'm not upset about the breakup???? He does all this while he and his girlfriend parade themselves around on Facebook!!

 

He's been doing this for months and it's annoying. I feel like he does it on purpose. I don't think he cares about me because he broke up with me and like I said he and his gf are kinda open on Facebook. I mean I know Facebook and Social media means nothing these days. I just don't understand the point and why he's not tired of bothering me. Like the guy is like the energizer bunny he doesn't stop. I'd personally get tired of bothering someone. It's to the point now where I don't really know how to respond because he turns everything and twist my words a lot! Everything I say he twist it around!! As if I'm interested in him. I could tell the guy to **** off and he takes that the wrong way!! Is he crazy?? What's the point in harassing someone you dumped??.

[Zahara]

He plays mind games with you because YOU allow it. If you enforce boundaries and are firm in your stance, then none of this will be happening.

 

If you work together, keep your conversations work-related. When he flirts with you, firmly inform him that communication needs to be strictly professional and you will not tolerate any inappropriate contact, whether verbal or physical. If you don't enforce the boundary, then he'll do whatever he wants to because you engage and allow it. I have to think you've haven't because deep down, it does provide for a ego boost on your part.

 

You mentioned it's annoying and that you consider it harassment? How can it be when you're enabling it? If you are feeling harassed, then go to your HR department and make a complaint. That will likely put a stop to all unwanted behavior.

[TaraMaiden2]

How long can someone play mind games!?

For as long as you let them.

 

My ex boyfriend broke up with me for someone else. I'm still very very hurt BUT I know time heals everything and I'll just have to move forward.

Time heals nothing, Time does diddly-squat except pass.

YOU heal. And your time-line is up to you.

 

My only issue is that he won't leave me alone. He constantly talks to me as if we are friends. Sometimes he even flirts with me. And I feel like it's all mind games and he's been doing it for months. I blocked him on everything but I see him sometimes at the dance company we both work at. He says things to me like "I'd do anything for you" like if I ask him to simply throw something away he says flirty things like that. He rubs and carresses my hands or back sometimes. Constantly reminds me that he remembers what I like and my fav things. This guy literally asked me why am I so nice to him!? I guess because I'm not upset about the breakup???? He does all this while he and his girlfriend parade themselves around on Facebook!!

The more you behave in a way that permits him to do this, the more he will do it.

You need to tell him, loudly, in public, in no uncertain terms to back off, leave you alone, never speak to you again, and quit harassing you.

 

So far, he keeps doing it, because you let him get away with it.

That's on you.

 

He's been doing this for months and it's annoying. I feel like he does it on purpose. I don't think he cares about me because he broke up with me and like I said he and his gf are kinda open on Facebook. I mean I know Facebook and Social media means nothing these days. I just don't understand the point and why he's not tired of bothering me. Like the guy is like the energizer bunny he doesn't stop. I'd personally get tired of bothering someone. It's to the point now where I don't really know how to respond because he turns everything and twist my words a lot! Everything I say he twist it around!! As if I'm interested in him. I could tell the guy to **** off and he takes that the wrong way!! Is he crazy?? What's the point in harassing someone you dumped??.

 

He does it because he can. Because he knows it gets to you, and because he believes you're ok with it. He's a cake-eater, but you are so gullible and you leave yourself open to this 'abuse'.

 

Read the NC Guide in my signature.

I mean, really, really read it.

A Dumper cannot break No Contact without your permission.

The more he gets a response from you, the more he will keep on.

So the question is never why he does this, that or the other.

The question is why you're still putting up with it.

 

Why ARE you still putting up with it, by the way?

[Elsa204]

For as long as you let them.

 

 

Time heals nothing, Time does diddly-squat except pass.

YOU heal. And your time-line is up to you.

 

 

The more you behave in a way that permits him to do this, the more he will do it.

You need to tell him, loudly, in public, in no uncertain terms to back off, leave you alone, never speak to you again, and quit harassing you.

 

So far, he keeps doing it, because you let him get away with it.

That's on you.

 

 

 

He does it because he can. Because he knows it gets to you, and because he believes you're ok with it. He's a cake-eater, but you are so gullible and you leave yourself open to this 'abuse'.

 

Read the NC Guide in my signature.

I mean, really, really read it.

A Dumper cannot break No Contact without your permission.

The more he gets a response from you, the more he will keep on.

So the question is never why he does this, that or the other.

The question is why you're still putting up with it.

 

Why ARE you still putting up with it, by the way?

 

Hey thanks for your advice. I did tell him several times in a very nasty way that I don't want him to talk to me. When he does things like I mention I usually don't respond at all. I usually just ignore him. Someone told me that it's because I say it in a nasty way.... But that doesn't make sense. Maybe I should've given full detail but I didn't want it to be too long. I have told him several times I don't want to talk to him SEVERAL!! The only thing I haven't done is make a scene in public like maybe I should've when he carressed my shoulder.

[Elsa204]

He plays mind games with you because YOU allow it. If you enforce boundaries and are firm in your stance, then none of this will be happening.

 

If you work together, keep your conversations work-related. When he flirts with you, firmly inform him that communication needs to be strictly professional and you will not tolerate any inappropriate contact, whether verbal or physical. If you don't enforce the boundary, then he'll do whatever he wants to because you engage and allow it. I have to think you've haven't because deep down, it does provide for a ego boost on your part.

 

You mentioned it's annoying and that you consider it harassment? How can it be when you're enabling it? If you are feeling harassed, then go to your HR department and make a complaint. That will likely put a stop to all unwanted behavior.

 

Yes I find it annoying because I have asked him to stop before. He is known for stalking his exes honestly and that's the weirdest thing to me. I just don't want to make the post too long lol. But I've been through telling him to stop and everything. He just doesn't listen to me. His last ex had to get a restraining order

[Zahara]

Yes I find it annoying because I have asked him to stop before. He is known for stalking his exes honestly and that's the weirdest thing to me. I just don't want to make the post too long lol. But I've been through telling him to stop and everything. He just doesn't listen to me. His last ex had to get a restraining order

 

He gets off on your reactions, whether nasty or nice. The more he sees you affected, the more he will push. He loves the fact that he gets all these women tied in a knot.

 

So, you head to your HR department and file a complaint informing them of his inappropriate verbal and physical contact and if you have to go as far as filing a restraining order, then do it.

[Elsa204]

He gets off on your reactions, whether nasty or nice. The more he sees you affected, the more he will push. He loves the fact that he gets all these women tied in a knot.

 

So, you head to your HR department and file a complaint informing them of his inappropriate verbal and physical contact and if you have to go as far as filing a restraining order, then do it.

 

I have another question for you. The other day he asked me why am I not bitter towards him and I said "I mean you aren't really relevant to my life, why would you affect my mood ?" Was that wrong ??

[Zahara]

I have another question for you. The other day he asked me why am I not bitter towards him and I said "I mean you aren't really relevant to my life, why would you affect my mood ?" Was that wrong ??

 

What's wrong is you engaging with him. Answering his questions? Why? There was nothing wrong with what you said but to him, any response feeds his ego. He still knows you are affected.

 

I think in some way you like the attention. It feeds your ego.

[Elsa204]

What's wrong is you engaging with him. Answering his questions? Why? There was nothing wrong with what you said but to him, any response feeds his ego. He still knows you are affected.

 

I think in some way you like the attention. It feeds your ego.

 

No I don't like attention at all. Just idk what to say . If I say nothing he laughs at me

[TaraMaiden2]

What's wrong is you engaging with him. Answering his questions? Why? There was nothing wrong with what you said but to him, any response feeds his ego. He still knows you are affected.

 

I think in some way you like the attention. It feeds your ego.

 

Yes.

This is your 'payoff'.

 

That's why you still engage. Because in some relatively unconscious way you think "I still have what it takes for him to sustain a level of interest in me".

Own your part.

 

You need to quit.

Blank him, totally ignore him. The moment he approaches you, walk away.

Do not make eye contact, be 'deaf' to his words, as if he were simply an annoying mosquito, or background sound.

Act as if he were completely inaudible and invisible.

 

Only then, will you begin to make any progress.

 

Whyile you play into his provocations, this will run, and run, and run.

[Zahara]

No I don't like attention at all. Just idk what to say . If I say nothing he laughs at me

 

So, what good does it do saying something to him? Let him laugh. You just walk away. The thing with you is that, he pokes, you react, he pokes, you react. He loves a reaction. You're predictable.

 

If you really want this to stop, go to HR and make a complaint. You don't want to do this because you would hate for him to think ill of you.

[TaraMaiden2]

He laughs now, because when you ignore him, you're inconsistent. he knows you not replying is just silly, because the next time, you WILL interact with him.

 

So he just thinks what you're doing is plain daft.

 

That's why he laughs. Because he knows you can't keep up the silent treatment, and he finds it funny you're so weak.

 

The more you totally blank him off - the more he sees you won't react, respond, reply or even take any notice, laughing in response will soon wear off.

 

Your absolute guaranteed success will be to be firm, resolved and consistent.

Be silent, and ignore his presence. As I said, act as if he wasn't there, and be totally silent. Don't make eye contact, at all.

If you ever waver, once, and give him the satisfaction of prompting a response from you - this will continue for as long as you give in.

 

So?

Don't give in.