Author Rachel39 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 Lol don't worry, I've had many a day like yours believe me. About 3 weeks ago I was feeling quite a bit better as I had settled into a routine, and I had a stupid dream about my ex that I was helping her study and that was it, but I was with her, when I woke up the next morning I felt horrible again and texted her. They are terrible, Iv had a few already that woke me up with his daughter running around the house with my son messing around and her laughing and giggling woke me out of my sleep and I felt terrible for a couple of days. Strange because I can never ever remember my dreams it's very rare so they do not happen that often which I'm glad about as these dreams about an ex can set you right back Link to post Share on other sites
Steven1 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I found that watching Ace Ventura and Only Fools and Horses / Two & A Half Men helped me... lol Two & A Half Men especially with Charlie Sheen. Never fails for a laugh a long the way. Surprising how much watching a series you like can take your mind off many things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drewbee30 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Oh and the fact that I feel Iv come across as stalkerish although all I have done is text I haven't phoned him or turned up at his house...it has been enough today to throw in the white flag and say I'm done 8 weeks of texting him on and off god I'm exhausted and last night I slept fine because I decided enough was enough now and I'm actually done ! It a good feeling Please dont think I'm crazy if I wake up tomorrow feeling terrible You're not! Our emotions are going to be everyone. The high of feeling your independence one day, to the swing of lonliness the next. I'm going through the second breakup of my life, and this time I'm choosing to feel all the emotions. It's a bummer of a withdrawal! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachel39 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 I feel terrible this morning really emotional...I guess this is one of the bad days? Does anyone else feel worse in the morning. I know I will not contact him today but I jut feel so sad that he's gone.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachel39 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Just giving this some thought and wanted to ask the texts that you sent to your ex, you know the ones you poor your heart out and leaves you feeling so embarrassed or the attention seeking ones. Do you still feel embarrassed about them or can you now look back and giggle over them. Reason I ask is today is the first time Iv laughed in 10 weeks. I went to see a cfroend and we are both in the same dilemma and swapping stories ect. I told her I was embarrassed that id been texting him for the last 8 weeks on and off and may have come across as stalkerish ... she said that's nothing in comparison to some of the things she had sent to hers. Mine were just feeling sorry for myself ones and telling him I missed him and feel so down and if we could meet ect ... Hers is nearly 1 year on and she told him she had a serious illness just to get him to talk to her ...now this made me feel relieved that I was no way like this but we laughed so hard over it and really cheered me up for a lol while Does any one now look back and can laugh at some of the things that have said ! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 I don't even think about that anymore. I can't even remember what was said but there are a few that I clearly remember that I sent an ex when I caught him cheating. You'll look back one day and laugh and then there will come a day when it's so long gone in the past, you won't even remember. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachel39 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Yes I'd like to think so, going through this makes me feel like I have bipolar... The highs them the lows but I seem to be more settled evening time as through the day I really struggle it's odd But today I have laughed so that's an improvement Link to post Share on other sites
Steven1 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 I wouldn't say I've had any embarrassing one's as such. I've sent her a few recently that have said I miss her and hope that she was doing well etc, then my latest one was a one to get off my chest as such saying that I would always love her as she was my first serious relationship but that the way she had broke up with me etc and then not bothered to explain herself properly had changed me and that I didn't think she fully understood what she put me through. I felt better after sending is it at least put it out there of how I felt and I was being honest that what had happened had changed me etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Yes I'd like to think so, going through this makes me feel like I have bipolar... The highs them the lows but I seem to be more settled evening time as through the day I really struggle it's odd But today I have laughed so that's an improvement That's very normal when going through a break-up. One day optimistic. One day the world is ending. Don't let the bad days make you feel like it's never going to get better. You are getting better day by day, slowly but surely. You just have to go through the process and that means having to go through those random emotions. I used to be more settled in the evening and at night I always felt at peace. The worst were my mornings. It was incredibly debilitating. He was the first thing in my mind just as my eyes would open. But then one morning I woke up, set about my day and I realized I hadn't thought about him in awhile. You'll get there too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachel39 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 (edited) I used to be more settled in the evening and at night I always felt at peace. The worst were my mornings. It was incredibly debilitating. He was the first thing in my mind just as my eyes would open. But then one morning I woke up, set about my day and I realized I hadn't thought about him in awhile. You'll get there too. That's me exactly Edited March 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote formatting ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 (edited) That's me exactly It'll get better, Rachel. I promise. I know it's extremely hard. There are days when I look back and get a little bit of a shiver just thinking about the pain I went through. Just awful having to live your days feeling that weight in your heart. Unfortunately, the only past it is to go through it. Just keep pushing through. Keep coming here and posting. Edited March 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote formatting ~6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachel39 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Thank you xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachel39 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Share Posted March 25, 2016 The holidays are the worst! I hate the holidays they always affect me! This time last year me and my son Was back at his home in Ireland with all his sisters and their children for 2 weeks . We had the most amazing time, how times can change just so quickly I'm on day 5 of no contact it's not killing me, but what hurts is knowing that it's all gone and Iv most him and a whole family, one that I adored! It's just so sad all of it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachel39 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Share Posted March 27, 2016 As you know I'm 10 weeks in from my relationship ending and 7 days today no contact. I feel so unwell mentally and I'm riding the roller coaster of emotions. I know I'm grieving the loss of many things, houses on the sea front we where looking to buy, marriage, moving in together ect it's all gone. I'm stuck here with all this pain whilst he will go onto have all this eventually with some one else I'm not financially in a position to have this in my own ...they where our dreams together. I can't shake them Iv never felt so calm and stable in my life and it's all gone Not only am I dealing with this but I'm at the end of a year course with loads of work than needs to be handed in and for the life of me I can't touch it... I have private courses booked in July to further my career and Have no interest in it at just wonder what's the point because nothing works out for me. My plan was after my last year to open a skin clinic I can't even have a relationship so why am I going to be able to run a business on top of this I have my son to look after and he's fine but it's also my birthday on Thursday of next week and I just feel devastated His family live near the sea and I would visit a couple of times a year for holidays with my son and decided that's where we want to settle I'm so upset that this is no more and don't know how to process it all Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 I'm really sorry you're going through this. It is SO hard when things end because it means the end of so much more than just that person. We lose our hopes and dreams and so much else. In your heart, I know you know that lots of others have been through the same thing and lots of others have been able to move on and even thrive. You will, too. It just takes time. I'm not sure why you think you won't be able to have those things with another person. If you're getting a degree, then even you alone should do really well in life and I applaud you for that. Yeah it's hard to keep plugging along right now because your emotions are all over the map, and your heart is broken. But trudge through it as best you can. You won't be sorry. Please don't let your ex define everything you are, everything you're going to be. I know it feels like your world has ended but it's only that world with him that has ended. And as much as that hurts, it doesn't mean all possibilities have disappeared. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Steven1 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 I know exactly what you are going through believe me. I went 8 weeks of NC and my ex texted me yesterday and the day before and we spoke about why we really broke up. She said she thought I was becoming more of her best friend to which she took the blame and told me that probably in the near future she will be with someone else which has hit me very hard. The main thing you have to focus on is your work and I know it's hard. I couldn't face going back to work when me and my ex broke up, there was just a day between being told and going back to work, I still haven't told anyone at work that I am not with her anymore. I like you feel the same in that I had finally come to a stable point in life where me and her had a path ahead of us together and we knew what we wanted etc. You can still move to the sea etc, maybe in a different town or area? The family living there doesn't have to change that as I'm sure they would still get on with you, it's the same as having to get on with neighbors tbh, if you don't want to be fully chat on with them just be polite, smile or say hello etc. Doesn't have to be any more than that. I think often in break ups like this where you were fully dedicated and committed to the person, it often feels that no matter how much time goes by that the feelings can randomly come rushing back to you, and that may happen, it has with me over the past few days and sadly it probably will for a while. But at least you know if you don't do your work etc it's something that you will regret in the future and you don't want that as you will only blame yourself for letting him still get to even though you were apart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachel39 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Share Posted March 27, 2016 This feels terrible worse than when I split with my sons dad of 16 years! We took this so slow because I'd been hurt so bad with my ex cheating and living a different life ect. It took six months before we dated properly ... So after two years and me living a life to suit his business and him travelling every other weekend to see his children in Ireland which was fine and having to experience one of them been rude to me and would never sit in a room with me ....he decided he's not sure if it's what he wants anymore and has no contact with me since . His other daughter was just lovely and we got on great Iv lost another family.... After attending every family wedding birthdays and events in Ireland it's all gone .. I never wanted to marry anyone and I did him which meant everything to me! Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 I can tell you that your emotions sound very normal at this point. It took me a solid year to feel normal again. Your life has done a 180, so it's going to take some time before you are righted again. It's important to get into a routine because that will give you some sense of control and normalcy. My routine was either going to work or going to the gym. On my off days, I made myself get up and go to the gym. You don't have to figure your entire life out right now, but you can take baby steps to a routine and normalcy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steven1 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 I think at times as bitter as it is, that after things like this I don't think everyone can fully move on and find the same happiness again, i think it becomes more a level of acceptance and moving on, rather than moving on and being happy. As I said my breakup is still fairly recently, but 7 years was a huge,huge part of my life and my ex will always hold a place in my heart as part of that, and I think in my own mind, although I haven't been with anyone else, I know that I will probably always compare the other people and relationships to this one and they will come up short. I think I can probably accept I will never be AS happy again, it's coming to terms with that that is the hard part. I have no doubt I will be happy again, as will you, it just takes a lot of time and effort. Sadly these things have an effect on us and nothing can change that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachel39 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Share Posted March 27, 2016 Steven I can tell you through experience you will be happy again. I guess for me been 39 next week I thought I'd found my happy ever after. it took me 5 year to get their to have it all happen again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steven1 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 I think the problem I have is that I've always been very 'sheltered' I suppose is a good a word as any. It took me a long time to come out of my comfort zone for many things. I was always very self conscious and my ex helped me overcome that. Most of the best experiences I've had have been with her, in fact the only experiences that way inclined have all been with her. If I was younger and at Uni etc I have no doubt that this would probably be easier, but I think at 24 although still young, I was at a point where I was settled and I thought that the relationship would be unbreakable after everything we had gone through and it hurts more that she seems to be this capable this quickly of moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Steven I can tell you through experience you will be happy again. I guess for me been 39 next week I thought I'd found my happy ever after. it took me 5 year to get their to have it all happen again. That might be why this breakup is harder than the breakup of your marriage. We place differing values on relationships, and maybe this one meant something different when it ended. I ended a two year relationship after college and was over it within a month or so. My last relationship was 3 years, and it took me two years to feel like I was over it. It's just different every time, and I think that difference is a direct reflection of what the relationship symbolized to you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Steven1 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Sadly that is the downfall of any relationship ending. There is just set time period of when you will feel better or if you will ever fully recover. Certainly I believe that everyone can feel better, does every move on? Not always. Said in another post someone I know came out of a relationship that lasted a few years, they have both since entered new relationships (he took about a year off from being with anyone or even going on a date or anything), in his new relationship while he is happy as it stands, he still has deep regrets about his past relationship ending and often wishes it was different. He found happiness again, but from his point of view he will never be as happy as he once was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachel39 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Share Posted March 28, 2016 I'm in no contact now but only on my 8th day 10 weeks since the relationship ended from a 2 year relationship. Within the last 8 weeks Iv literally asked him to meet me to talk, then when Iv got nothing begged him to talk to me st least through text ... To then Telling him it was all my fault and Iv changed so much ( it wasn't at all ) and I was a good girlfriend ... To telling him I'm in therapy to feeling so depressed and I don't want to get out of bed .... I am so humiliated I can't tell you this was for 8 weeks. I have never I'm my life behaved with such emotions like these, I have always just walked away I was the woman that he wAnted to date 1 year before we actually did . I normally carry myself so well and consider I know how to conduct myself but I have humiliated myself and damaged my character ... The last images he will have of me is begging and pleading and telling him my darkest thoughts through texts .. this is not the woman he met I was fun confident strong. I'm so embarrassed I don't kow how to redeem myself .... Link to post Share on other sites
Heatemyheart89 Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 'It all comes down to a choice, what would I rather stay how I am and watch the days get darker? Or forgive myself, get on with my life and not look back after' You need to forgive yourself for this you are human. Stick with no contact and take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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