So humiliated over begging texts

[Rachel39]

Weather

 

This site has helped me out so much just keep posting on here I too feel like it's my therapy ...... The only good things it that we are all in it together but we all think our pains is worse than everyone else's. And know one understands our pain.

 

Been left this way when you have children is heartbreaking and we feel we will never meet anyone again.

 

We will even though we don't want to at this time .... You fear everything who would want us a single parent.... It's so hard to find someone ect.

 

I know it would not bother me in the slightest if I dated a man who was a single parent and in fact I would see that as strength and would admire you for it.

 

Have faith in that you will come out of this a better place and she may realise just what she lost in you .

 

That's what helps me because I'm a good person, loyal , caring , thoughtful ect it's about time we know our worth

[Broken_Hearted1]

Oh broken hearted

 

I'm right with you on this one you will have read everything then.... My story is pretty similar he'd wanted me for over 2 years.... Couldn't believe we where together and wished we had met 10 years ago! I was his dream girl!! Yes that's what he said.

 

If I wasn't tell you all things that happened along the relationship people would wonder why I was actually with him because like you he took me places but then ignored me whilst there with him it was odd he did this several times ..... Weddings. His daughters confirmation I felt humiliated but put it down to his lack of experience( how great am I at making excuses up for him)

 

I too take ages to fall in love but once you have my heart it's there for keeps, how little did I know that I would be the one begging

For him back.... It's taking me a long time (4 months lol ) to reach the conclusion that I'm exhausted with fighting for someone that doesn't want me and ( apparently we where never going to work, it was bound to end at some point ) after asking me to move to Ireland with him .... I'm not at a place of realising the relationship is over ... I'm not going to lie this is so hard I wake up dnt want to be here ... Im tearful all the time ..... I feel like Iv lost the best thing ever ( it's starting to slowly fade, I will see him for what he is)

 

Someone who wants what he can't have, like the finer things in life, can't handle commitment, moody miserable, and when he's done no compromising for me or my son just total disregard. Heartless !!!' People on this site are amazing and have got me through so much .... And I'm right behind you because I am such a mess but I'm a fighter and if I can get through this anyone can xx

 

I totally get the feeling. She has been the ignoring type since the beginning of the relation. It constantly used to bug me how we were with our group of friends and everyone seemed to be having a good time with their partners while she was sitting far away from me, not even bothering to talk , only interested in the conversing with the group. I mean i told her how it bothered me but she just said thats how she is.

 

I have come to realize that we were mismatched at best. Some people just dont want to show affection and think that texting a " Good morning " everyday is a valid way of showing their undying love. Call me girly or anything, but i am a romantic and i enjoy if my girl would hug me and whisper in my ears how she loved me and showed affection once in a while if not everyday.

 

I can relate to you, how our mind tries to find excuses for us to be together. Still now I end up thinking if I hadn't told her how things bugged me or how it was not ok for couples to not meet for a whole month, perhaps she would have stayed. But thats just lying to ourselves. All we would then become was their b**h.

 

I spent the whole day yesterday , thinking about stuff. WHy? because i had contacted her the night before. I must say I felt really sick by the evening and almost threw up. My head felt dizzy and i couldn't even focus my eyes. Damn! Anyway I went outside for an hour and returned and watched movies, made me feel a little better. Today I feel emotionless, i dont know why.

 

Its sad how she was ok with breaking up but not ok with coming to spend a few hours with me. I feel like a piece of trash and yet I am the one who is the bad guy for having dumped her. Guess some people just love as long as it is convenient for them.

[Rachel39]

Oh my word she sounds the twin of my ex ...... I ended it with him but felt manipulated into it and now I'm the bad guy too..... And it's made me feel Terrible...... I wanted to be with him, wanted to spend my life with him so not only have I lost that but I'm also been blamed for the relationship not working and Iv added to that by constantly sending him messages apologising for basically been a bad girlfriend and I was far from it.

 

So in away I have convinced him that it actually was me that was the problem and not him so why would he want to be with me.

 

Today feels strange it feels like we're still together but not talking why is that? It's been 4 months.... I know it's over maybe it's because we didn't see each other everyday

[Broken_Hearted1]

Nothing anyone says in this forum is going to help you or I, it can only subside the pain for a while. I guess all we can do is feel all these feelings and ride out the storm. Its okay to feel miserable , low on self-esteem , heck I even thought why the hell am I alive LOL. But thats just my mind playing tricks on me. If you see my threads from a few years ago you can see how I end up in these toxic relations and feel like this almost everytime.

 

I am only 22 and I feel exactly like you that I wont find anyone again ( like her or anyone for that matter ). I felt this 3 years ago, found a girl, broke up, felt it again, found this ex and now i am back at it again LOL. I am sure you have been in similar situations before and you will positively find someone once you move on from this. Just be the loving , giving woman you are and someone will surely see you for who you are. Now i wish i was your age and in your country and i could have dated you LOL, but thats just my loneliness speaking. Anyway you seem like the type who knows what a real relation is like ! God bless you

[Rachel39]

Yes lol it Iv been through this many times this is harder as I thought it was forever the others where just passing by. We had everything in common ect....

 

The difference this time is I'm really not going to put my self out there to date, no websites, dating apps, clubs, bars.

 

I have never ever felt this way because bormally is be straight back out there.

 

I'm not fit to date lol I am a mess, still in love lost over a stone in weight and now 8stone which isn't good.... My face tells the story... Pretty broken right now....

 

I need to fix myself my career, finances ect and my studies...... Looking back I had all these problems then so maybe I wasn't ready to dat when I met him....

 

Iv decided to get some therapy both from the doctors and privately too and have joined a mindful group which I'm attending on Friday eve.

 

Just concentrating on myself for the first time since I was 16 it's all new and uncomfortable.... I don't feel alone or lonely at the moment ( im sure that will come soon) im lucky to have some beautiful friends but I do want to do this on my own and not depend on others to get me through this .....

 

I want to be proud of myself what ever the outcome as I do suffer with depression have done for many years and I was just getting on my feet before this happened. I'm pushing forward ..... I can sleep ok and eat ok now my anxiety has gone I still think about him constantly hoping he will change his mind and I'm ok with that...... It's only been 4 months which is nothing in comparison to loosing your future.

Edited April 21, 2016 by Rachel39
Spelling

[Broken_Hearted1]

I am glad you are feeling a little better and taking the steps to move ahead in your life.

 

I have been feeling a big hollow inside me since the moment I woke up today. Its hard to think of her and find such a unfamiliar person. She used to be my best friend and now she is like this changed person. It hurts to know that I am alone. I am about to graduate soon and I have already started loosing so many people I was close to. I have only 2-3 friends now and I hardly chat with people now a days. I feel like I am lost and dont know what to do. I guess I am going through a quarter-life crisis. I dont know why but I feel the need to belong to someone , the feeling is always there and unless i achieve it I feel this hollow inside. I dont even know if that makes sense LOL

[Rachel39]

Yes I know exactly how that feels as I am feeling it too this morning .... I Fremont about him last night he was with another woman and wouldn't speak to me.

 

I woke up with anxiety the first time I'd say in a month and I feel honestly but flat lined today.... I think all my dreams and plans I had for the future are not worth it and will not materials now he has gone because he was the one that believes in me and I don't even believe in myself so how will I do this.

 

 

The other day was a good day today is a bad one. I too know how it feels I have a few friends and I can't keep burdening them with my problems.

 

I want my life back with him, our plans, his family I miss them all is this the depression set in.

 

I am going to go the the gym soon I need to try to get a hold over this depression.....

 

My life was pretty bad before he came along now he's gone well it's just going to go back o been the the same.

[Broken_Hearted1]

I have finally started studying but its still hard because her thoughts pop up every now and then and I feel depressed. It will be tough but I have to keep pushing forward. I plan to buy all the books by next week and get ready for the exam. I urge you to start too Rachel! One step at a time.

 

I am feeling emotionless again today. I guess the hardest times are when I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning. She is all I can think of. Its been two weeks now and not once has she tried to initiate contact. It feels bad to know that our relation was so disposable. I might have said I would break up with her a million times but I never did break up but this last time she just gave up on me and I had no other option. Maybe I am the bad guy , maybe I wont get another girl again but I will not stop living.

[Rachel39]

Oh I'm having a bad day too .... I'm struggling to not contact him. Why would I want to tell him this ?

 

Basically I just want to tell him that I have no intentions on dating anyone and want to concentrate on my career and studies and hope at some point we can try again when we are both Sorted in the future!

 

Why oh why would I want to do this !!! I'm feeling so weak I'm so scared he will meet someone else!

 

Yes I really need to study I have 3 assignments that need to be in over the next couple of weeks and 3 exams and 8 practical exams that need to be completed within the next 2 months.... I haven't even started!

 

I'm the same I wake up he just with me all day it's embarrassing it's been nearly 4 months !!!

 

I do have an interview on Tuesday for a part time job ? And I am going to the gym today with my son!

 

I know how it feels to think you ment noth Hong to them I gave him 2 years of my life and he's never once reached out to me it's always been me and I know he never thinks about me he was always great at just cutting things off

Edited April 23, 2016 by Rachel39
Adding

[Zahara]

Why would I want to tell him this ?

 

Basically I just want to tell him that I have no intentions on dating anyone and want to concentrate on my career and studies and hope at some point we can try again when we are both Sorted in the future!

 

I hope you haven't broken NC.

 

Doing something like this makes you unattractive to him. It comes off needy, desperate and weak. And since he is already emotionally detached from you, it'll be an annoyance to him. Reverse roles -- imagine yourself being done with someone -- emotionally done and wanting to move on but they keep messaging you with emotional messages -- how would you perceive them? At first you'd probably feel some empathy but after awhile it's going to grate on you because they refuse to get the message. It starts to be a bother.

 

Reality - he will meet someone. He will want to meet someone. He may meet someone. There is no controlling that fact. Your intended message to him -- you don't even know what you're having for lunch tomorrow, yet you believe after sorting yourself in the future you'd want to work it our with him? You may be in such a different headspace that you may want to move on, you may meet someone too, you may decide after some level of indifference that you deserve better, you may even find him to be yucky!

 

Stay NC. Contacting him with any sort of message at this point is futile -- it won't be in your favor.

Edited April 23, 2016 by Zahara

[Rachel39]

Thank you Zahra I haven't as much as my heart wants to my mind is fighting .... I have been struggling with it all day ...I do not want to appear weak anymore!

 

So I won't be messaging him just have to get through this weekend and it's beginning of a new week

[BC1980]

Thank you Zahra I haven't as much as my heart wants to my mind is fighting .... I have been struggling with it all day ...I do not want to appear weak anymore!

 

So I won't be messaging him just have to get through this weekend and it's beginning of a new week

 

Contact is such a bad idea. I didn't got NC for 8 months after my breakup. Crazy huh? I learned the hard way. He was already dating another woman while we were still in contact, but I didn't find out until over a year later. I know it feels awful, like you have nowhere to go. I had to pick myself up and force myself to move forward. I had to force myself to make decisions that didn't include him, and that was really hard. I had to start planning my future without him. You don't want to go forward, but there is no option to go backwards. There is simply no option to contact him, which is going backwards. One thing I couldn't do was stay stagnant.

 

When you want to contact him, go to this link, and read some posts. That should keep you busy for awhile! It should also help you with your sanity and self-esteem.

 

Boundaried Breakups

[Rachel39]

Thank you bc

 

Everything you say rings true especially with the struggles of moving forward and making descision Without them.

 

I'd text him about everything and his opinion.... I looked up to him am admired him so much.

 

I will have a read of the link now xx

[Zahara]

Thank you Zahra I haven't as much as my heart wants to my mind is fighting .... I have been struggling with it all day ...I do not want to appear weak anymore!

 

So I won't be messaging him just have to get through this weekend and it's beginning of a new week

 

I remember hearing from the grapevine that my ex was dating someone new and it was days after we ended and he was taking her to a concert. I called him and begged and begged. I still remember saying, "Please don't go with her, please come and be with me. Take me." And he just said he had to go and hung up. Yuck, yuck, yuck. That evening I was bouncing off the walls knowing he was with her.

 

So, I know your struggle. I caved so many times -- and the hurt was worse than what I was feeling before I broke NC.

 

Keep yourself distracted. Be around people. When you want to call him -- call your family or friends. Go out and get fresh air. Being outside made me feel better. Spend the time with your kids. The week will be here before you know it.

[Weathersf1]

Rachel - this is for you. From Daredevil, the NETFLIX series

 

" They say the past is etched in stone, but it isn't. It's smoke trapped in a closed room, swirling, changing, buffeted by the passing of years and wishful thinking. But even though our perception of it changes, one thing remains constant: the past can never be completely erased, it lingers like the scent of burning wood. "

 

Last night, while having a drink, I wrote an email on my phone to my ex. Like you 4 months since BU and NC. Apology, guilt and regret were the primary contents of my message but for some reason even in my heightened alcoholic state, I didn't send it. Saved it as a draft.

 

Woke up this morning read it and asked myself again if should I send it. I really want to but I don't see it changing anything in the long run. My logical brain will not let me hit the "send" button and I can't figure out know why.

 

I take it as a sign of progress. Yesterday evening, me and my daughter went to a sushi restaurant she used to love. I missed her so much. But I wasn't the one that ended it. I wasn't the one that detached myself.

 

I know and believe even if she comes back, it'll never be the same. And if it can't be the same then whats the point. You don't fight battles you can't win.

 

And the only way you win Rachel is by letting it go. You know deep down inside thats the truth, you know you are a fighter and you will get through this.

 

Find and use that strength and this will all seem like a bad dream not long from now. Thats what Im working on as well.

[Rachel39]

Thanks .... I haven't sent anything I have just nearly completed an assignment instead that Iv been putting off.

 

Is it quiet normal for it to all to feel surreal... I guess eventually it will become normal to me.

 

Your brave visiting places your ex loved it can't be easy I guess it will desensitise you and eventually you want give her a second thought.

 

How is your daughter coping? I know my son was upset he won't talk to me about it so I haven't mentioned it again. I don't think I could date anyone now or bring someone else into his life for the fear of them leaving again, it's unfair to be putting him through it

[A11A]

Am struggling with not contact my ex as well at the moment. No contact is so difficult. A quote thats been helping me a lot during my own emotional roller coaster is a Dr Seuss quote:

 

"Be who you are and say what you mean, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

 

Hope it strikes a cord with you like it has with me. It reminds me to stay strong and that my true friends would never make or treat me the way I feel at the moment. I try to remember that whenever i think of contacting my ex. Though it's still quite a roller coaster haha.

Edited April 23, 2016 by Meph

[Rachel39]

Meph thank you for the quote and you seem to be keeping strong! Oh this is a roller coaster ride.... From wanting to contact him earlier to actually disliking him as a person right now.

 

I'm riding it out but I'm ready to get off this ride soon, I no longer want his presence in my thoughts I'm exhausted!

 

I guess that's a good sign!

[A11A]

Meph thank you for the quote and you seem to be keeping strong! Oh this is a roller coaster ride.... From wanting to contact him earlier to actually disliking him as a person right now.

 

I'm riding it out but I'm ready to get off this ride soon, I no longer want his presence in my thoughts I'm exhausted!

 

I guess that's a good sign!

 

 

Appearences can be decieving. i'm doing much better than i was last week at least. Largely thanks to my best friends. Tomorrow might be better or worse. But i'm still on the roller coaster and I want to get off as well at this point as i'm exhausted too haha. Heartbreak is really fecking ****.

Edited April 23, 2016 by Meph

[Weathersf1]

Thanks .... I haven't sent anything I have just nearly completed an assignment instead that Iv been putting off.

 

Is it quiet normal for it to all to feel surreal... I guess eventually it will become normal to me.

 

Your brave visiting places your ex loved it can't be easy I guess it will desensitise you and eventually you want give her a second thought.

 

How is your daughter coping? I know my son was upset he won't talk to me about it so I haven't mentioned it again. I don't think I could date anyone now or bring someone else into his life for the fear of them leaving again, it's unfair to be putting him through it

 

Thanks for asking. My daughter has also been challenged by her departure. They were very close and she looked at her as her mom. 2 weeks ago, when my ex showed up out of the blue to give my little girl a birthday present while I was out of town, she was really excited.

 

Monday night my daughter asked me when will she see my ex again. I told her, papa and her not together so you won't be seeing her and the tears started rolling out of her eyes. She tells me "but she was here visiting and got me a gift".

 

I didn't know what to say, I just held her and told her I love her and I will always be there for her. I am infuriated that she decided to drop in without first clearing it with me. My daughter has abandonment issues and she is well aware of that. Yet she disregarded the potential emotional damage she could be causing by coming in to a child's life that she's no longer going to be a part of.

 

That is either ignorance, stupidity and simply selfishness where what you want come above the well being of a child. Thats not to be taken lightly.

[Rachel39]

My son was the same he was very upset and had tears in his eyes! It sounds as though she is extremely selfish and was wanting to look like a good person when in fact as just shown her for what she is!

 

Anyone who had anything about them would understand that you can not just walk in and out of a child's life!

[Rachel39]

I'm really struggling Today with my thoughts..... I feel tearful and sick..... I'm trying to fight them but they are strong.... I kept thinking I'm nothing without him..... I'm a nobody...... And I have no life.

 

I have a job interview this afternoon for parting work and I'm just not feeling it... I will go if nothing else it's practice.

 

I'm so behind with this break up infact 4 months and I'm actually only 10days of no contact.

 

I'm struggling with my future without him, I don't want to be without him and I know I am it hurts and scares me. I know all our plans have gone but they are still within me.

 

I think about him from the moment I wake up untill I go to sleep will this go away it's been 4 months

[Souldier1234]

I'm really struggling Today with my thoughts..... I feel tearful and sick..... I'm trying to fight them but they are strong.... I kept thinking I'm nothing without him..... I'm a nobody...... And I have no life.

 

I have a job interview this afternoon for parting work and I'm just not feeling it... I will go if nothing else it's practice.

 

I'm so behind with this break up infact 4 months and I'm actually only 10days of no contact.

 

I'm struggling with my future without him, I don't want to be without him and I know I am it hurts and scares me. I know all our plans have gone but they are still within me.

 

I think about him from the moment I wake up untill I go to sleep will this go away it's been 4 months

 

First things first. Please stop judging yourself. You both made mistakes in the relationship. You will find peace if you stop judging yourself first and then stop judging others. Your mind keeps taking you back into your past and is trying to solve things. Don't let your thoughts determine who you are. Don't get suck in a past you cannot change. Only try remember who you were before this relationship and take that feeling and be one with it in the present. Right now!

 

Focus on the questions of what was my goal or dreams before all this mess? What did I want out of life? Why was I full of love before this relationship and not now? Sometime through bad times, we forget to love ourselves. We forget how strong we are. You were strong and focused and determined before you met this man. Find salvation in the present. You are alive, you have beautiful kids. you can walk, jump, find a job, travel, make money to spoil yourself or you can help others who are less fortunate. You have so much going for you. Don't forget how beautiful you are. It's the beauty and the light that is in you that made you happy and happiness always attracts happiness.

 

We are all looking for love, but we must remember that love is all around us. We don't need somebody to love us if we can love ourselves. We need to appreciate ourselves. Our lives are far more important then our exes. Fight the addiction of wanting validation and love from another person. You have all the love you have been looking for, inside you! In your journey through life, you will find a deserving soul mate who will appreciate the love you have for yourself, that lives inside you. How can we give love when we don't have love for ourselves, crying in the present over what happened in the past. All you have is now. Live now. Find yourself now. Find love within yourself now. In the present. Forget the past, plan you future now as you are. Don't let fear or hurt rule your life. You are far more intelligent and stronger than you realize. Lets all wake up and take control.

[keiji]

I'm really struggling Today with my thoughts..... I feel tearful and sick..... I'm trying to fight them but they are strong.... I kept thinking I'm nothing without him..... I'm a nobody...... And I have no life.

 

I have a job interview this afternoon for parting work and I'm just not feeling it... I will go if nothing else it's practice.

 

I'm so behind with this break up infact 4 months and I'm actually only 10days of no contact.

 

I'm struggling with my future without him, I don't want to be without him and I know I am it hurts and scares me. I know all our plans have gone but they are still within me.

 

I think about him from the moment I wake up untill I go to sleep will this go away it's been 4 months

 

It's only been 10 days of NC. I understand that all of us want to be over our exes at the snap of a finger, but unfortunately it's not how it works. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I seem to remember you once said you're a beautiful woman. Right? And reading your messages it's obvious that you're a loving and caring person. You need to repeat this to yourself more often, i think, until the idea sinks in. Your outer and inner beauty isn't something that your ex has to validate. Learn to love yourself if you haven't done it in the past. I don't have many confidence problems, to be honest, but I'm learning to give myself more value than my ex-g seemed willing to do (due to her own insecurities, for sure).

 

There has to be something you find exciting. Maybe you're not in the mood to look for it right now, but in a few days or weeks you'll feel stronger. Make plans. Buy something nice –a dress, a watch, whatever. Meet friends or relatives if possible. Dress up (you'll get flattering remarks on the street, I'm sure). It sounds silly and cliched, but I'm finding a lot of pleasure in the little things. A beer by the sea works wonders. There's a house with a beautiful backyard in my tenement that's been vacant for a week and I'll probably get it. I've always wanted to get up in the morning and have a coffee in my own backyard. Will it bring my ex back? No, and it's not like I'd want her anyway. But I will leave the old memories in my current flat and create new ones. I'm going through my big record collection; what a pleasure. Introduce some changes. I took up painting again (she didn't like me to paint; it's a long story of trauma on her end). I'm meeting with friends every day. I started running (not as regularly as I'd like to, Ok). Do I feel like an ice-cream? I have one. A paella on the beach? Good plan. As agent Cooper said, "Every day, once a day, give yourself a present".

 

You have to start forcing positivity into your life. Whatever it takes. You're your own savior.

[Rachel39]

Thanks you, I am trying I go to the gym nearly everday! I weight train! I work for myself allthough business isn't very good, I'm back at college finish in July and also looking for a part time job!

 

I also. Have my son who is 13 and plenty of beautiful loving friends. It runs deeper with me I think that's why Iv booked some therapy. My sons dad was mentally abusive for around 10 years.

 

He told me just before he left after having an affair...that I would never move on with my life, il be used and abused like the sl** I am and I will never amount to anything! It's always stuck with me and it's 5 years later.

 

I met my recent ex where I could finally let go of all my fears and not have to worry and finally thought I'd found my husband and some one who I would spend the rest of my life with.

 

Iv never wanted to marry anyone before....

 

It's just s massive loss for me in everyway ... I know I will get through this ... I have so much self doubt and fear that im everything my sons dad said I was going to be

 

I never ever cheated on him he was just a very manipulating mentally abusive person!