So humiliated over begging texts

[stillafool]

You have to accept that it is over between you two. You haven't accepted the break up yet and that is what is keeping you stuck and not moving forward to healing. He is moving on with his life and it's time you do the same.

[Zahara]

Rachel, break-ups are incredibly painful. The confusion, hurt and anxiety is tremendous when you realize that you're losing someone you love.

 

You did what most of us probably did when we were suffering a loss. I know I did it and it was that one relationship that just made me spiral out of control.

 

If he has a caring bone in his body, he will understand your behavior and if he has ever suffered a loss in his life, he's not going to think ill of you. He's going to understand that you were hurt and afraid of letting go.

 

You need to stop beating yourself up. You're redeeming yourself by staying no contact and moving on. In time this will not even be an issue because it will be forgotten and it won't sting so much. You won't even care how he perceives you.

[ShootingStarlet]

Rachel I did the same thing plus probably worse!! It is so awful to be in that state because YOU are suffering. The best thing to do is to actually take a step back and breathe. Do yourself up nice, take some selfies, make yourself feel attractive again and then go out and just feel like you're a beautiful amazing girl and that never happened, people will start to be attracted to you if you display light and confidence. After a little time, send your ex a quick email telling him that you're sorry for how you acted, you were going through a tough time in general and you've gotten better and wish him well. It will all be fine It is for me now and I was way worse I say. Never do it again, you've learned your lesson, move on if you want him back in the future, the best thing is to say sorry for your actions , he will respect that and then nothing ! Dissapear ! Maybe 2 years from now he might send you a text asking how you are. You need to stop your suffering though, put yourself first, it's your life and you are the leading lady, never forget

[Kelsy]

Hi

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. All of us have made mistakes, that has nothing to do with your worthiness. I too have regrets. Love makes you do crazy things sometimes. You were fighting for your relationship and got a little emotional. Its not that bad. Most of us have done something similar, even your ex. But these feelings (regrets) will fade away with time. If your ex is mature enough then he should understand your behaviour. Just give it time and try to focus on yourself. Improve yourself, set some goals and you will feel better soon. People will notice a difference in you (even your ex). You can't change your past, but you can change your future!

[Rachel39]

Thank you ... I am my own worst enemy sometimes! Have a habit of self sabotage ... I have some plans in place over the next couple of months working towards my career ....and will be visiting my sister for the weekend ....but i have no enthusim for any of it

 

I know what I need to do to carry on even if there is no feeling behind any of it at the moment ...

 

I haven't been out yet so I'm nervous because I'm not sure if it will set me back ....I don't feel the need to contact him anymore!

 

im hoping that feeling like this will Deminish soon .... I'm trying to just sit with myself and feeling the pain because nothing will take away the pain other than time

[Rachel39]

Sorry I know I keep going on about texting him and feeling humiliated, I guess because I'm such a worrier too.

 

I know I shouldn't of but I counted them and Iv sent him 80 texts over 9 weeks... Iv never phoned him once but I feel so ashamed .... He's never once told me to not text him or leave him alone and has replied only a few times.

 

I am in nc 9 days and will not break it but I'm worried that Iv harassed him as that's not what I'm about I was just hurt and felt like I'd lost everything.

 

I'm such a fool

[Rachel39]

I'm really struggling with this breakup .... It's been 3 months..... When Will I stop wanting him I think of him all day and night im making myself sick..... He keeps cancelling for me to pick up my stuff

 

My sons is so sad since we split which is making me feel worse .... He doesnt know I feel this way and I'm hiding it very well but he's also affected too....

 

He was so down yesterday and said he felt sad because we had to drive to a roundabout that leads to his house.

 

It doesn't matter what I do or where I go it's always with me

 

He messaged me to cancel last week to pick up my stuff and I said it was ok can we rearrange for next week he said yes ok .... I them stupidly told him I'd passed something and he asks if I had enjoyed it .... I then sent him a message back explain I had and that was it.....

 

So today I sent him a message I knew as soon as I did it I shouldn't of, it was nothing about us or been together just a general message for something we share in common....

 

Why can't I let this man go ??

[BC1980]

I'm really struggling with this breakup .... It's been 3 months..... When Will I stop wanting him I think of him all day and night im making myself sick..... He keeps cancelling for me to pick up my stuff

 

My sons is so sad since we split which is making me feel worse .... He doesnt know I feel this way and I'm hiding it very well but he's also affected too....

 

He was so down yesterday and said he felt sad because we had to drive to a roundabout that leads to his house.

 

It doesn't matter what I do or where I go it's always with me

 

He messaged me to cancel last week to pick up my stuff and I said it was ok can we rearrange for next week he said yes ok .... I them stupidly told him I'd passed something and he asks if I had enjoyed it .... I then sent him a message back explain I had and that was it.....

 

So today I sent him a message I knew as soon as I did it I shouldn't of, it was nothing about us or been together just a general message for something we share in common....

 

Why can't I let this man go ??

 

You need to get your stuff, so you will have no excuse to contact him again. Can you do without this stuff? If note, it needs to be picked up ASAP. If he tries to cancel again, tell him you cannot put if off any longer.

[Rachel39]

Yes I have a mountain bike and some personal documents also some some things from my salon.

 

I get the feeling he just wants me to disappear out of his life now. If he can't reply to a text I'm not sure how he will even meet me next Wednesday to pick up my stuff?

 

I know enough is enough now and Iv held on for far too long in hope.... I will get my things on Wednesday with him there or not I will ask him to leave a key if he says he can't make it.

 

This is when it's going to kill me the most because after that there is no hope and Iv made myself so sick over all of this for 3 whole months holding on that we could talk and work through it

 

I know he doesn't want to and I can't change his mind but I don't know how to cope with how I'm feeling day in day out

[keiji]

Rachel, I'd honestly ask someone else to pick up the stuff. Maybe then he'll be willing to comply and you'll spare yourself such an unpleasant situation. He probably doesn't want to confront you at the moment. It that stuff is the only link you have with him now, don't prolong this even a second. Close that door asap.

[Rachel39]

we have arranged it for next Wednesday but I'm sure he will cancel As he did last week ...I can ask him to leave the key so I can pick it up...if he does that way I don't have to see him.

 

I guess all I wanted was a decent conversation with him after all we have been through...and just some respect . I had been pregnant last year so felt I deserved some closure as Been adults I thought it was possible.....and for. Him to just pretend I never existed.

 

I wasn't ever really sure this is what he wanted hence I hung on after speaking to a friend of his she said he was a very complicated man and fears commitment but she had never seen him so happy before as he was with me.

 

I just always got that impression that it wasn't quiet done as I normally can walk away and heal from a breakup

 

This one has been so different and Iv really struggled with it because deep down I felt he wasn't sure but I know he doesn't want me anymore as he hasn't once reached out to me infact it's been constantly inching I have been ignored.

 

I thought I had a breakthrough with him texting me Thursday but when I replied nothing so how general mett Wednesday I haven't got a clue.

 

It's done as much as I cant accept it

[BC1980]

If someone else can pick up the stuff, I would let them do that. Or he can leave them outside and you could just come get them. That way, you won't have to see each other. I know it's sad, but honestly it's easier not to see him. I remember when I went to pick up the last thing from my ex's house. I thought I could handle seeing him, but I ended up getting very upset when I went over there. It's really not worth it.I still remember that day as being a particularly low point. There's just no need to subject yourself to that kind of sadness. I think that once you get all of your belongings back, you can start your recovery because you have no more reason to contact him. Right now, it seems as though you're in a kind of holding pattern because you still have to tie this loose end up.

[Rachel39]

I have no one to get it but I guess he can leave the key as he will be at wrk .... Just not sure how I feel about going into a house I used to stay in ....

 

I have never dealt with this before relationships previously had cheated on me so I knew I was never going back with this there was none of that just problems we were both having and not getting on at the time ......

 

I loved him but wasn't attracted to him straight away but I then fell for him so hard ...he on the other hand thought I was beautiful and said he'd waited all his life to meet someone like me..... Where did it all go so wrong.

 

Been nearly 40 I thought I'd found my happy ever after... I guess he was having doubts but failed to let me know.

 

The worst of it all is knowing he doesn't even give me a second thought and knowing the man he is he truly won't I feel like i have lost everything whilst he has lost nothing

 

How bad is that, after 2 years I ment nothing

[Rachel39]

I could really do with some help with been emotionally and mentally strong with this break up. I believe I have really put myself down throughout all of this...

 

Feeling like I'm not good enough to be with him or questioning myself..

 

If I'd of just held my head up and walked away from day 1 I wouldn't be feeling like this I'm fed up of my self now and my thoughts....and feeling like this.

 

Waking up everyday been so down over him! Like he has that much importance in my life that it's effected me in such away that I wake up and think I'm here again.

 

My question is how do I become emotionally strong ? Where do I start and how do I balance my moods I'm up and down and I prolly appear to be some what unhinged at the moment.

 

I'm hardly having any sort of conversation with my parents because I'm just in a world of my own so I want to snap out of it now.

 

I'm lovable, honest, reliable, loyal , intelligent and attractive for my age so why do I loose myself in a relationship is it because I'm not strong emotionally and mentally ?

[TimmyC]

I'm sorry your going through such a difficult time dear. There are alot of wonderful people on this forum that have good advice. I know how you feel.

 

What you must learn is that you deserve better. When I first got on this forum I was a wreck, I was emotionally drained and life to me without her was a chore that I didn't want, but as time progresses I'm slowly feeling better.

 

You will to, from what your describing he seems like he has personal issues that he is struggling with and that he is taking them out on you. You did nothing wrong. See one thing I learned is that your "first" reaction is usually the best reaction.

 

Don't be hard on yourself for breaking up with him at first. It means at some point in time you recognized a red flag and do what you thought was the right thing to do.

 

And don't be embarrassed about sending texts. I agree with everyone that NC is the way to go. Take comfort in knowing you did everything you could to try to get him back. He will be missing out on an amazing person. Move forward and be happy for yourself and for your son. Your son has an amazing mother, just remember that.

[Rachel39]

Thank you

 

I honestly feel absolutely terrible and have done for the last 3 months I can't understand how someone can be so ignorant and not reply to a text I'm not asking for him back just if he will be there when I pick up my stuff.

 

I'm at the point now where I'm thinking my things can wait I'm in no rush for them and maybe I need to block him for my own sanity untill I can get over this and move forward.

 

I honestly know I didint deserve any of this and he has turned this completely around and played on it for something so trivial and he had done far worse to me asking if we will move back to his home town infron of my son.

 

He knew exactly what I went through with my ex of 16 years

can I have some advise please should I just block him now and then arrange to get my stuff in a couple of months? Or when I feel I'm over it all

[BC1980]

can I have some advise please should I just block him now and then arrange to get my stuff in a couple of months? Or when I feel I'm over it all

 

I wouldn't advise that course of action. The last thing you need to do is block him now but make plans to open up old wounds in few months. Bad idea. If you try to wait until you are over it, he will probably have gotten rid of it by that point. He also may not even answer you at that point in time. It took me 2 years to mostly get over my ex, and, even at that point, I certainly wouldn't have felt comfortable contacting him to get personal items. Number one, he probably would have thrown the stuff out. Number two, I don't want to see him again.

 

If you really want this stuff, I think you need to make a plan to get it Wednesday or write it off as a loss. Either way, this needs to be over and settled by Wednesday. That way, you will be able to go NC on Wednesday, and there won't be any other reason to contact him. No loose threads. So I think you need to decide if this is stuff you are willing to part with for the greater good, or do you really want/need this stuff back?

 

If you want the stuff, you need to find a way to make him as compliant as possible with getting it on Wednesday. Tell him to leave it outside, an you will pick it up. Tell him Wednesday is the only day you can do this. Be firm. If he really refuses to give it back, that is a sh*t move, but you will have to just chalk it up to a loss and move on.

[Sara16]

I know how you feel...your going through a simular thing to me but I've only been split with my ex for 5 weeks but every single day I have text him telling him how much I love and miss him and what he's losing and asking him back and I get the odd message saying sorry I can't do it. He also says I'm hot headed and that's why he won't come back. He says I have ago at him for being boring and not taking me out and not doing things with the boys. Hes right I do but I'm frustrated because he wont talk to me. He will text back now and again but if I call him he won't pick up. He still says he doesn't know what he wants wants but he's hurt me so much but yet I want him back. Last night I got drunk and sent him a text saying I'm better off without him I can do better he's boring and a wasteman. But there was no reply and I'm regretting it now and if there was a chance of ever getting back I feel it's gone now. I'm going no contact I have to give up I'm texting him bout 10 times a day it's not right. But I don't have closure he won't meet me he won't answer his calls. And before we split he would never talk to me he would just play on his phone or ignore me when I was trying to talk to him which made me so angry and it's pretty much the same now. After 3 years I thought we could work it out and it would mean something to him but he doesn't care.

[Zahara]

I honestly feel absolutely terrible and have done for the last 3 months I can't understand how someone can be so ignorant and not reply to a text I'm not asking for him back just if he will be there when I pick up my stuff.

 

It's because he doesn't want to deal with your emotions. He knows you're still affected and he doesn't want to have to get into it with you so the best thing to do is ignore.

 

I think you're using "stuff" as an excuse to keep the door open. You'll live without your stuff. It isn't worth the anxiety and anguish it's causing you.

 

I'm at the point now where I'm thinking my things can wait I'm in no rush for them and maybe I need to block him for my own sanity untill I can get over this and move forward.

 

Nope. It's either now or never. If you don't get your things by Wed, call it a loss and block him and move on. There's going to come a time when you fool yourself into believing that you've moved forward only to go falling down another hole.

 

He knew exactly what I went through with my ex of 16 years can I have some advise please should I just block him now and then arrange to get my stuff in a couple of months? Or when I feel I'm over it all

 

Again. No. You either get your stuff on Wed and if that does not happen, you let your stuff go, block and move on. People often use stuff as an excuse to make contact. This guy is someone you want to move on from and never look back.

[TimmyC]

Thank you

 

I honestly feel absolutely terrible and have done for the last 3 months I can't understand how someone can be so ignorant and not reply to a text I'm not asking for him back just if he will be there when I pick up my stuff.

 

I'm at the point now where I'm thinking my things can wait I'm in no rush for them and maybe I need to block him for my own sanity untill I can get over this and move forward.

 

I honestly know I didint deserve any of this and he has turned this completely around and played on it for something so trivial and he had done far worse to me asking if we will move back to his home town infron of my son.

 

He knew exactly what I went through with my ex of 16 years

can I have some advise please should I just block him now and then arrange to get my stuff in a couple of months? Or when I feel I'm over it all

 

He may be holding onto your items as a way to control you. I GUARANTEE if you tell him your going to get law enforcement involved that will shape him up quick. If it goes longer than a week it can be considered stolen property.

 

My advice would be to go NC completely, but if you really really need your things back speak with the police to see if they can help.

 

I unfortunately had to purchase what I left at my ex's I was kind and mailed her things back but never got my things in return. Stay strong in the meantime. Everything will be OK.

[Rachel39]

I went to his to pick up my stuff ..... And we had a talk ..... I ended up asking if we could try and work through things to which he kept declining and stating it was bound to end at some point we are not right for each other and he doesn't want a relationship he doesn't have time or can cope with one in his life.

 

I asked why he asked me to move to Ireland just after Xmas he said to see what yould say who does that and messes with someone's life and heart... He then went on to state he is in a different frame of mind now and that's all done.

 

He told me I shouldn't be holding back and to meet someone if the opportunity came along. I could tell there were no feelings at all towards me.

 

I can't tell you how painful that is after two years to know I ment nothing.

 

I kept asking for a cuddle to which he did and then we have exchanged a few text today as I needed to pick the rest of it up but asked if wouldn't be there.

 

I them stupidly asked if we were OK to texts each other and he said he had no problem with that.

 

I'm a mess how am I ever going to get through this or over it it's been 3 months and I'm no better off ....

 

I still want him even after last night... I couldn't sleep and I'm full of anxiety Iv lost all interest in my work and college and just think what's the point.

 

I'd been through a terrible relationship before I met him and took it so slow I was in no place to be a Guinea pig to test a relationship out on. He seems to be having a great life been single ( just what he wanted) meanwhile I can Bearley make it through the day.

 

He blames me for the failure of our relationship I Sensed it which makes me feel terrible but deep down he didn't really want it.

 

I am 39 and he is 41 nearly I feel degraded that I'm feeling like this... I'm not strong mentally and I'm up and down

[stillafool]

(((HUGS)))) You'll be okay you just have to accept that it's over and move on. Why didn't you get all of your things when you were there? You need to be done with this so you can move on because it's clear he has.

[Rachel39]

I couldn't fit it all in my car but have been today to get the rest of it.... I'm just really not in a good place and don't know how to take myself out of it now.he planned a life with me that never changed for me and know he said it's done I have to just move on I'm struggling ...

[Rachel39]

I'm not sure if it's because I was pregnant to him last year that's making it all worse for me as he told me if I didn't have a termination he would leave me.

 

So I went through with it and it destroyed me and now I have to live with that and the fact that he left in the end

 

I just feel terrible !

[BC1980]

I went to his to pick up my stuff ..... And we had a talk ..... I ended up asking if we could try and work through things to which he kept declining and stating it was bound to end at some point we are not right for each other and he doesn't want a relationship he doesn't have time or can cope with one in his life.

 

I asked why he asked me to move to Ireland just after Xmas he said to see what yould say who does that and messes with someone's life and heart... He then went on to state he is in a different frame of mind now and that's all done.

 

He told me I shouldn't be holding back and to meet someone if the opportunity came along. I could tell there were no feelings at all towards me.

 

I can't tell you how painful that is after two years to know I ment nothing.

 

I kept asking for a cuddle to which he did and then we have exchanged a few text today as I needed to pick the rest of it up but asked if wouldn't be there.

 

I them stupidly asked if we were OK to texts each other and he said he had no problem with that.

 

I'm a mess how am I ever going to get through this or over it it's been 3 months and I'm no better off ....

 

I still want him even after last night... I couldn't sleep and I'm full of anxiety Iv lost all interest in my work and college and just think what's the point.

 

I'd been through a terrible relationship before I met him and took it so slow I was in no place to be a Guinea pig to test a relationship out on. He seems to be having a great life been single ( just what he wanted) meanwhile I can Bearley make it through the day.

 

He blames me for the failure of our relationship I Sensed it which makes me feel terrible but deep down he didn't really want it.

 

I am 39 and he is 41 nearly I feel degraded that I'm feeling like this... I'm not strong mentally and I'm up and down

 

You pretty much summed up how it went when I went to get the last bit of things from my ex. I could tell it was just no big deal for him and that he had lost most of his feelings. There I was trying not to cry, and he was walking around like it was no big deal. It's really hard to see and experience that. I think it's one thing to know that your ex has likely lost feelings and is ambivalent towards you, but it's something entirely different when you are around him and experience what that feels like. When you see it with your own eyes, it's just very painful and surreal. I know it's difficult to accept because not long ago, you had a very different idea in your head. You thought he felt the same way as you, and, while he likely lost feelings over time or maybe never felt as strongly as you, you were forced to do a complete 180.

 

You mentioned that you asked him why he wanted you to move to Ireland, and he said that he was in a different frame of mind at that point. I would not go too deeply down the road of asking those types of questions. It will always be something like this: Why, on this day, did you say this? One year ago, you said you wanted to be together for ever. Last week, you said you loved me. Last Christmas, you said you wanted to move to Ireland. And so on and so forth. I went through the same thing, so I understand. The reality is that people's feelings do change. I know that is not easy to digest or accept, but people's feelings do change over time. That is just a fact of life. People can vow to love each other in sickness and in health, but the reality is that no one knows how they will feel 10 years down the road.

 

I think it would be beneficial to begin to accept that life is constantly changing, and people are constantly changing with it. There are no constants except death. The problem is that at our very core, we desperately want stability. Most of us fear abandonment on some level. Those are hard things to grapple with, and breakups make these ideas real to us. We have to live out the fact that our lives can change instantly. We have to deal with loss. Hard stuff, but you will make it.